P H O E N I X

It's every kid's dream to find a present at their doorstep. For me, it just so happened to be a new model of a Mazda which I would have been delighted to see, had I not been sorely reminded that my license was suspended. After that, I felt incredibly depressed looking at the vehicle parked on the curb that I knew I wouldn't be able to ride anytime soon.

"Maybe Santa came early this year." Kat said, running her hand across the glossy paint in awe.

I crossed past her and into the interior of the car where I found an envelope along with the keys in the glove compartment. I opened the envelope and the birthday card inside, recognising who the messy scrawl belonged to.

"Nope, just dad." I informed whilst getting out at the same time, Kat on my tail.

"Dad? Does it say anything else?" I handed the card to her even though I knew she would be disappointed. She never showed it as expected, instead handing it back wordlessly and heading for the garage.

"Kat--"

"Don't say it."

I tossed her an air pump for her bike tyres. "I wasn't going to."

Once we'd gotten our bikes sorted in relative silence, we set off for school. Ever since my license was suspended, cycling was my go to mode of transport and since my mom left before us to drop Ethan to soccer practice, it meant that Kat also had to bear the consequences of my actions. Normally she'd complain about the predicament she'd been forced into but today she was unusually quiet and it didn't take a genius to figure out why.

Our father was always a sore subject to be brought up. After the divorce, he always did try to visit and call but as the years went by, we began to get more distant. It was strange at first, walking through a house that he was no longer in but soon we got used to it. Today was just a unexpected surprise.

When we arrived at school I was still in the middle of securing my bike as Kat shouldered her bag. "I'm sure he'll call." I said in a low voice just as she was about to walk away.

She stopped mid-step and looked over her shoulder. "What makes you think I care?"

"I think you care more than you let on." I tweaked her shoulder strap so it lay flat.

"Why are you defending him?" She accused.

"I'm not." I frowned, rethinking what I'd said. "Just give him some time."

Her next words were so icy that they even made me feel cold. "He could be dead for all I care."

"You don't mean that." I called after her but she was already off on her own accord. I spotted Jay in her path, he stopped to say hi to her, which she ignored, before making his way over to where I was.

"Is she okay?" He asked, both of us watching her back retreat into the crowd.

"No." I said. He waited for more and I sighed. "It's our dad."

"Aah." He nodded sympathetically, already knowing the whole situation within our family just as I knew with his, and fished around his pocket for something. "Maybe this will cheer her up."

He opened his palm to reveal three colourfully printed tickets. "The circus? We haven't been there since we were ten years old."

"Exactly." He smiled. "I thought it'd be nice to go out and do something fun. Elsa wasn't interested and. . . Chloe had something else on so Kat could come along instead."

I looked up at the mention of Chloe's name to see Jay's pensive expression. "Yeah, I think she'll like that."

"Great. I'll borrow my uncle's car and pick you up at seven."

"Sounds good." I said just as a loud bang was heard.

Jay and I averted our eyes to the source of the sound where we saw Kaden stood in front of his locker which was currently sporting an impressive looking dent in it. A frustrated expression dominated his features as he angrily punched in his combination. His rash actions led to him pulling too hard and all the contents of his locker spilling onto the floor. I hadn't spoken to him since that day on the beach but that certainly didn't mean he didn't wander into my mind almost every day.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today." Jay murmured, taking in the mess that was Kaden.

I stayed silent watching as he crouched down to pick up his books. His hair sat messily on his head and a plaster with printed ducks on it sat on a part of his neck.

Someone else also bent down to help him gather his belongings. Being the good Samaritan she was, Elsa smiled gently towards Kaden. He however, remained impassive as ever. I heard him grunt something to Elsa before shoving everything into his bag and stalking off in the other direction.

"See you later." I murmured to Jay before heading off to my first class, wondering what on earth could be up with Kaden.

-

That evening, Jay's caller ID popped up onto my phone. I stared at the lit screen for a moment before blinking out of my reverie and answering it.

"Hi."

"Hey, you and Kat ready?"

"I am. I don't know about her."

"Well, I'm already here."

"You are?" I got up to my window to see that Jay was in fact there. He waved his phone at me which I returned.

"I'll see if she's done."

"Good, I'm freezing out here." He held the speaker closer to his mouth so I could hear his teeth chattering.

"What happened to chivalry?" I accused though he did have a point, it was quite cold tonight.

"Darling, I'd wait out here all night for you but don't be surprised if I contract hypothermia by the end of it."

"It'll build character." I justified and could almost hear him roll his eyes through the line. "We'll be out in a sec."

Disconnecting the call, I ran a brush through my hair again before going to the landing and knocking on the bathroom door. "Kat? Jay's already here. We gotta get going."

There was silence on the other end but a moment later, I heard the lock turn. Kat walked out with her hood drawn over her head and quickly went down the stairs and out the front door. I followed her, stopping by the kitchen to tell my mom bye. Except when I peered in she wasn't alone. Dr Andrews was sitting on a barstool hunched over the various papers on the counter. Two wine glasses sat between them.

Both their heads simultaneously rose when they heard me in the doorway. "We're off." I said slowly.

"Have a nice time. Be back before midnight." Mom said whilst Dr Andrews smiled at me.

Feeling more than awkward, I turned away from the pair. It still puzzled me as to why Dr. Andrews was here. Sure, he and my mom were friends but I hadn't seen him come over since I was twelve years old. Any social interactions between them stopped after that. Until now.

Shaking all thoughts from my head, I focused on the night ahead and spotted Jay. He made a move to ruffle Kat's hair but she quickly dodged it, making her way into the back seat. We both shared a look at her detached stature. It seemed her bad morning was following her into a bad night.

"I think I like her better when she's insulting me." Jay muttered to me and got into the driver's seat whilst I in the passenger.

For the rearview mirror, I saw Kat rub her eye before shrinking deeper into her hood. I sighed. "Me too."

-

When we arrived at the venue, I saw that it was a vast expanse of flat land with a huge, stripy red and white tent situated in the middle. All around it, there were other mini stalls selling treats and souvenirs.

From the tent flaps, there was a relatively long line as people waited to get inside. Jay and Kat went ahead to join the queue when I heard a buzzing noise coming from my bag. The space was dimly lit so I found it a task rummaging through my bag. I knocked over a mirror, a lipstick, emergency female supplies-- until I found my phone zipped inside one of the inner pockets. But by then the ringing had stopped and when I looked at the caller ID my heart stopped a little too.

"Phee, you coming?" I heard Jay call at the same time my phone slipped out of my hands.

Cursing, I picked it up, neglecting to check if any damage had been made and shoved it back into my bag. I wasn't going to let anything ruin tonight. By the time I joined the others, Kat had a armful of popcorn and was sullenly munching away.

It wasn't until we got inside the tent and into our seats that I saw signs of her perking up. More and more people started to arrive in the tent until the place was full and bustling with excited chatter. The lights dimmed and the crowd hushed down. A cloud of smoke appeared with a loud bang and when it faded the ringmaster stood in the middle.

After that, there were all sorts of acts. There were trapeze artists, a tightrope walker, acrobats, jugglers that played with fire, a sequence that involved horses and more. The whole time, Kat had her eyes glued to the centre, a slight, almost smile on her face.

I nudged Jay but when I turned around, I saw he had his palms across his eyes, head tucked into his chest. I looked back at the ring to see that there was a clown act in progress.

"Is it over?" Jay mumbled under his hand.

"Still afraid of clowns?" I chuckled.

He parted two of his fingers to glare at me with one eye. "People are scared of spiders. Go make fun of them."

Just as I was about to reply, a bright light was shone in our direction. More specifically, right on Jay. It was a difficult task trying not to laugh as he paled from seeing the clowns beckoning him to come down.

"Help me." He muttered under his breath, wide eyes taking in the chants and cheers from the rest of the crowd.

"What are you waiting for? Get down there!" The voice belonged to Kat and we both turned to her in surprise. Her face was flushed and she motioned her head towards Jay.

"You heard her." I smirked only to receive another glare in response. But after a few minutes of sitting there in bewilderment, he sighed and got up. The crowd's cheers went several octaves higher as he made his way down the steps and into the ring.

That wasn't the only thing either. Beside me, I heard Kat say, "Best day ever."

At that moment, there was nothing more I could ask for.

-

After the show finished, along with the popcorn, we all piled into Jay's car, the excitement settling down. Kat had purchased a balloon, shaped like one of the characters from Inside Out, that some of the clowns were selling at the end. Now the inflated face of Disgust was securely tied around her wrist and bobbed gently up and down in the backseat. She too was slumped sideways, having nodded off on the way home. I repressed a yawn of my own as I gently shook her shoulder. She groggily opened one eye.

"We're home." I said.

"When will we go again?" She asked eagerly.

I laughed, sneaking a glance at Jay. "Give it some time."

She nodded, undoing her seatbelt and making her way inside. I watched her close the door halfway before turning to Jay who was tapping the side of his head like he'd been doing this past hour.

"I think I have foam stuck in my ear." He complained.

I laughed, reaching out to wipe some more of the white stuff away from his collar. "Look on the bright side. You got a free pie."

"Yeah, by getting pied in the face. Here." He reached back into the window to get out a pie (a real one) wrapped in foil. "I don't want it."

"What did that pie ever do to wrong you?"

"Not the pie. The clown." He shuddered. "Remind me never to go to the circus again."

"Kat's going to be disappointed."

"I'm glad she enjoyed herself." He smiled, for the first time that night since he'd gotten pied.

"Yeah, all because of your brilliant idea." I punched his arm lightly with my free hand. "Thanks for tonight."

"No problem." He looked like he wanted to say more but shook his head. "See you."

"Bye." I called back, watching him pull away from the curb before heading inside. The kitchen was empty so I guessed Dr Andrews had left and my mom had gone to sleep.

Putting the pie away, I spotted the wine bottle on the counter and so without thinking I poured myself a glass. Swishing the red liquid around, I drifted over to the living room, the adrenaline from tonight much too high to make me fall asleep. But even as I sat down on the couch, my glass was already empty, my mouth tasting of the rich and expensive drink.

With a sigh, I got up and went to the kitchen for a refill. But then I decided to ditch the glass and instead took the whole bottle with me. It went from taking small sips to something even beyond my control. Telling myself to stop was like telling a toddler not to touch something. Somewhere along the way, a dryness started to take over my throat and the only way I could get rid of it was taking more gulps. Gulps turned into bigger swigs and on and on.

Only when the doorbell rang did I pause in my actions. Glancing at the kitchen clock, I wondered who'd be at our house so late in the night. The answer to that was received when I found him standing on the porch.

I blinked a couple of times to make sure I wasn't dreaming or gone into some weird drunken state where I began to hallucinate. All that registered in my brain was that this was someone I hadn't seen in a very long while.

"Phee, it's good to see you." He let an awkward sort of smile slip across his face.

If I couldn't find anything to help me let go before then I did now. My palms began to sweat, causing the bottle to drop from my slick hands and hit the wooden floors. The cherry red substance began to seep further into the boards, inching closer and closer to my feet. But wondering how I'd get the stain out of my socks was a problem that'd have to wait because there was already another dilemma on my mind and he stood right in front of me, "Dad."