P H O E N I X

It took a while for the police sirens to register in my head. The pulsing red and blue light made my eyes and head hurt even more than they already did. Slowly, I came to a stop and one glance in the rearview mirror told me that there was no way I'd be able to talk myself out of this one.

I was a mess. The clothes I had on were thin and even with a jacket, I felt cold to the bone. I also stank of booze. My lips stained a permanent red from the liquid. A bottle lay by my feet which filled me shame but was soon replaced by the dull feeling in my head.

It wasn't enough though. Not enough to make me forget the afternoon's events. How my fingernails dug into my palms making half moon shapes as I walked up the steps to Chloe's house and knocked on the door.

Her mom answered. "Phoenix?"

"Hi, Ms Marshall. Is Chloe in?" I twisted my fingers anxiously, wondering if coming here was a bad idea. But it was too late to turn back now.

Chloe's mom frowned, probably from hearing me address her so formally when I usually called her 'Sara' everytime I dropped by, and stepped aside to let me in. "It's good to see you, love. Chloe's just through there."

I thanked her and was about to turn on my heel when she pulled me into an embrace. Her scent was sweet and familiar, making me remember all the times she was a mother to me when my own wasn't. The thought in itself pulled at my heartstrings, leaving me exposed and vulnerable. Once again, I thought about how coming here was a bad idea.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

I swallowed and bit the inside the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. Once she let me go, I nodded with my eyes trained on my feet as I feared that I would break down if I made eye contact. I saw her own feet disappear from the hallway until it was just me.

Inhaling deeply, I opened the door Chloe was behind to see her on the couch, watching some sort of documentary on the television. She didn't look up at the sound of the door, eyes trained on the screen. I took a moment to take in my surroundings. The last time I was in this room was two months ago when the two of us were talking about college and tossing popcorn into our mouths. That felt like it happened centuries ago.

"Phee." I snapped my head back to the present and at Chloe who looked up at me nervously. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know." I answered truthfully, tucking my hands in my pockets to feel the rough edges of the article I'd printed off this morning in the library. That was the other thing wrong here. By now I would have already told her about my findings instead of fumbling around for something to fill in the awkward silence.

"Are you here to talk about Matt?" She asked.

I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest to form a barrier except I wasn't sure what I was protecting myself from. "I don't know what I want anymore."

"I'm so--"

"You're sorry, I know. A lot of people are." My voice cracked at the last word so I turned my back to her. Nevertheless, I could still hear her getting up.

"Phee." She started softly. "Tell me what I can do to help."

I turned back around, a watery sheen now covering my eyes. Chloe took an anxious step forward. Her white sling and cast stood out like a sore spot. The cuts and scrapes on her face had healed well with the exception of the cut on her brow that refused to go away. I'd heard she'd even broken a couple of ribs but that didn't stop me from saying in a low, barely audible voice, "It shouldn't have been him."

The look of hurt she tried to hide should have made me regret my words but I let them hang in the air. Slowly suffocating the two of us until I shot out of the room, past the front door and back into reality.

Maybe I thought I'd achieve something, closure perhaps, to sever all ties between us by confronting her, but instead I felt a searing pain in my chest. One that made it difficult to breathe. And now I was going to have to pay for my actions.

The cop car halted behind me and a man stepped out. He came up to my window and knocked on it. "Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of your vehicle."

What happened next was a blur. I remembered getting into the back of the car and making it to the station before I began to feel sick. A plastic bag was pressed into my hand at some point and still clenched in my fist when I saw him.

He had his back to me but it was still him talking to another police officer. A lot had changed from the last time I'd seen him. His hair was cropped close to his scalp compared to before when it reached just above his shoulders. Despite him not being in uniform, there was an air of authority around him that his colleagues seemed to respect. A couple years ago and they would have been looking down at him in scorn. It was weird to hear people call him Detective Johnson when I knew the boy-or should I say man, before me as Callum for so many years.

"Can you walk?" He asked me.

I was grateful when his figure stood in front of the harsh lights in the station.
My mind was all foggy but I somehow managed to nod.

"Follow me."

I did as told and was taken into a room, presumably his office. "I never thought I'd have to do this." He said once he'd taken his seat behind the desk.

"I never thought you'd become a cop." I snorted. "No wait, sorry, a detective. You've outdone yourself this time."

He flicked a couple of pages in the folder in front of him, his easy dismissal irking me. "You know that there are consequences to your actions?"

"Just tell me already." I bit back in irritation.

There was a tick in his jaw but other than that he remained completely calm. "There's a fine and a six months suspension of your driver's license." I ran a tired hand across my face but he wasn't done yet. "Driving under the influence is a serious offence Phoenix, you could have hurt yourself or someone else." He said in a stern voice.

I inwardly snorted; of course, he'd know the risks of it since he'd experienced it himself first hand on countless occasions. Right now the only thing I wanted to hurt was him.

"Maybe I wanted to." I muttered bitterly.

"It wouldn't be smart to say something like that, Phoenix."

"Since when did you call me Phoenix?" I frowned.

He sighed. "I understand you might be in a difficult place right now because of your brother's--"

"Don't." I pressed my thumb and index finger against my temple, too tired for any of this. "Just give me whatever papers I need to sign and I'll be out of your hair."

The fact that I knew that there was a process made my guts twist. There was another time, another cop, another hand rather than my own having to save my ass.

Fortunately, he left it at that, handing me a pen and the necessary papers. It took a while but once we were done he led me out of the office and towards a reception like area that held a clear plastic bag with my belongings in it. One by one, he got them out and handed them to me. "Phone, cash, keys. . . and a newspaper article."

I went for the clipping but he moved it just out of my reach. "Be careful where you step, Phoenix."

"I don't see how it's any of your concern."

He studied the article and then me, before handing it back. "Watch yourself around him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He merely shook his head. And even though he wasn't obligated, Callum took it upon himself to walk me out of the station. He still didn't answer my question and when I was about to ask him again, a familiar car rolled up.

I knew it wasn't the one that the cops had found me in so there was only one other option. "You called my mom?" I accused in a snarl.

Callum shrugged. I took two steps towards him when the slam of a car door made me turn back around to my very short future. I held my breath at the sound of my mom's heels and mentally prepared myself for what would happen next. But it never came.

There was a strange sort of calmness surrounding her as she turned to Callum. "Thank you."

"It's no problem, ma'am."

My glare stayed glued to him as I silently followed my mom back to the car. It wasn't until she had taken the head of the wheel and I put on my seatbelt that I began to get worried. The continued stony silence made my glare turn into a look of desperation but there was nothing he could do now with the more distance put between us.

The air between my mom and I was excruciatingly thin that I didn't dare breath too hard in case that broke apart. Regardless, that snapped about ten minutes into the journey when I couldn't bear the silence anymore.

"I'm sorry, mom. I know what I did was stupid and I promise I won't do it again." At least, I would try not to.

Waiting for her response was like watching paint dry. The long part at least, the dull part was replaced by a nail biting anxiousness.

"You're grounded." She finally said. I opened my mouth to protest but quickly shut it again. "Don't you dare do this again to me, Phoenix. Do you hear me?"

I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Good. Then we'll talk more about the terms of your grounding when we get home."

"Does it include me working at the Blitz?" I said cautiously. "My shift starts in ten minutes."

She sighed and made a U-turn which answered my question. I tore my gaze away from the window and to her. My mom looked tired. There were dark bags under her eyes that her concealer didn't quite manage to cover. I never thought of my mom as old but now I saw how the years of raising me and my siblings had worn her down. That, and an overwhelming amount of grief.

I knew that she blamed herself for Matt's death and to be honest we all felt like it was our fault one way or another. Like if I'd stopped him from leaving the house then he wouldn't be lying in a grave six feet under right now. I guess that was my problem, always blaming someone. If it wasn't me then it was Chloe and I knew deep down that it wasn't her fault. I couldn't blame her forever. It made me question if I'd ever been a true friend to her.

The abrupt stop of the humming of the car brought me back to present day. Zach's car was still at the police station from where a cop had driven it and I didn't think he would be too happy to find that his garage was missing his car. I promised that I would return his beloved vehicle but right now I was too tired to do anything.

"Come straight home after your shift." Mom ordered.

I nodded in understanding and got out of the vehicle with a huge sigh of relief, quickly making my way inside the diner. It had been a week since I'd spontaneously made the decision to work. A part of me was exhilarated at finding a job, albeit it wasn't a big one, but it was something. And if extracurricular school activities couldn't keep me busy then this certainly would.

On the way in I passed Jenna, having to take over from her shift. Between her and Isabel, Jenna was definitely the better company to have by a long shot.

"Hey." She smiled in greeting.

"Hi."

"Guess what, you're about to get a new co-worker." She said as she shrugged on her coat and motioned to the door marked 'staff only'.

"Who is it?"

"You'll find out." She grinned secretively.

"At least tell me if it's a guy or girl."

"See for yourself. They'll probably be a couple more minutes."

"Okay, fine." I surrendered, calling out a goodbye as she left.

The Blitz wasn't too busy after that. I served a few drinks and all who remained were a couple in a booth and a girl sat in a far corner, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. I wiped down the counter twice and checked the espresso machine before submitting to my boredom and taking out my phone to play candy crush, hoping that would make the time pass. Now I understood how Isabel felt.

It wasn't long before I heard the sound of the bell and tucked my phone back into my pocket. To my surprise, when I turned around, it was Jay standing on the other side.

"Isabel's not here, you know." I teased and he rolled his eyes good heartedly.

"I'm not here because of that. I'm here because of the friend discount." He wiggled his brows up and down.

"I don't remember discussing this."

"That's because it's an unwritten rule in every friendship. Once one has stepped into adulthood and the world of work they are obligated to utilise their position for the benefit of their bff." He explained.

"That sounds extremely one sided." I chided. "I do all the legwork while you get freebies?"

"I'm also here for moral support. Go Phee!" He justified with a cheer and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I thought you weren't coming back from your grandparent's place until tomorrow?"

The smile on his lips dipped a little. "You know how it is. Nate was being a dick again so I decided to leave instead of having to endure more of his pigheadedness." The casual but tough way he talked about his uncle made me place a comforting hand on his arm. "Typical family drama."

"Give him another chance."

"I have." He muttered bitterly. "Multiples chances. You know, sometimes I wish he just left me in the children's home."

"Don't say that." I tried to say in my normal voice because I knew how much he hated it when there was pity in it.

"Speaking of chances, did you talk to Chloe?" He quickly switched topics.

I paused for a moment, thinking about how he could brush his problems off so easily and focus on helping me with mine. It made my gut wrench at how selfish I appeared. Just in it for myself.

"Phee?" He waved a hand in front of my face. "You alright? You just spaced out for a second there."

I sighed, almost wishing he didn't hold so much concern for me. Least to say, it was comforting. I knew he had my back and I had his so I told him everything that happened. From me going to the Marshall's place to how I ended up at the police station.

"Shit, Phee. Why?" He questioned once I was done.

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I didn't want to think."

"You should have called me."

"No offence, but you were the last person on my mind."

"Fair enough." A pause, and then, "Wait, does this mean I can't carpool with you anymore?"

I rolled my eyes as he cracked a grin. Even though I'd had a less than smooth start to the day, just talking to Jay had made my spirits rise considerably. Until the door marked 'staff only' opened and my manager walked out.

He was a middle aged man with a crude sense of humour and who seemed to hibernate in his office for the majority of his days. The only time he came out was when the coffee machine wasn't working and even then, I'd only talked to him in his office. So when he came out, with a fully functional coffee machine whirring in the background, naturally I wondered the cause of his unexpected visit.

Then I saw the person behind him.