kinabukasan........

<alex calling....>

sis

"galit ba sya?"

disappointed?

"are my speculations true?"

dont jump on that. wala naman akong nakitang indication

"you sure?"

hindi ko naman kasi sya talaga ganun kakilala lex... i can't judge his character over few glasses of vodka

"matagal ko na kasing nararamdaman eh"

why cant you just confront him then

"natatakot ako"

saan?

"na tama ang duda ko"

kaya ka umiiwas?

——

alex.... you're better than this...

"i cant maine.... hindi ko pa yata kaya"

alin ba ang di mo kaya

——

what? you cant even tell kung ano ang hindi mo kakayanin?

"sis... ang hirap..."

so ano nga ang mahirap?

"mahal ko sya maine. mahal ko si rj"

and so does he

"no maine. HE LOVED ME"

bakit mo naisip yun? did he tell you?

"he does not have to.... ever since.... mula noong—maine what should i do?"

it was all in the past lex... besides, di sana noon pa, after that incident iniwan ka na nya, but he stayed all along

"he stayed, yes - but he's not the same. we're not the same and it's all my fault. hindi ko naman sya masisisi. he caught me cheating on him"

you made a mistake. you apologized. pinatawad ka naman nya di ba? and it has been what? more than two years na yun. sana nun ka pa nya iniwan. but he stayed with you. pinili ka nyang patawarin at hindi ka nya hiniwalayan. that should mean something lex

"mabait si rj, maine. sobrang bait. inabuso ko yun. minahal nya ko, lahat inintindi nya sa sitwasyon namin, he gave way for me to concentrate on my career. lahat yun inintindi nya."

so what do you want?

"mahal ko pa rin sya. but in my heart, alam ko he does not deserve any of this. pero parang hindi ko kayang mawala si rj"

then DO something about it.... make him look at you the way he used to... if you want yourself in his future do something today to make him stay for tomorrow and do something tomorrow to make him stay the day after, you should know better

"i want to. but i feel he's not happy anymore maine. for the past year alam ko, ramdam ko he wanted to break up with me. and i can't blame him. he should"

so that's your reason why you dont want to show up? you're keeping him at bay? make up your mind lex ipaglalaban mo ba o pakakawalan mo na? which one is it?

"alam mo naman na hindi ako basta-basta makakapag-decide"

sis.... you have to.... dont be like me.... wag mo ng hintayin pang tumagal kung alam mong mali na

"mahal ko sya maine.... mahal na mahal"

so stop seeing charles

"i can't"

why not?

"there's something you and rj does not know"

what? is charles doing something good about your career? damn it lex... hindi mo naman na kelangan magtrabaho

"not for my career... but because of chico"

who's chico?

"our son"

what? — son?? anong? — what do you me—

"may anak kami ni charles and that's his leverage kaya ako nakikipagkita sa kanya"

how di—

"he got me pregnant before we broke up six years ago. and we both agreed to keep the baby but since makakasira sya sa career ko, nagsisimula pa lang ako nun as part time model sa florida, charles said he'll take care of our son but i'm not going to be part of chico's life if i'm not going to stay with him"

and you chose your career?

"i had to maine...sobrang gipit ako nun. yun yung mga panahon na nagki-chemo pa si tatay"

i should have known this alex. why? why you did not tell me?

"i tried.... i did.... i tried hard—so hard to reach out to you... but —- maine kasi —"

what??? what kept you from telling me? we've been honest with each other lex. lahat ng pinagdaanan ko kasama kita. bakit hindi mo sinabi sa kin?

"kasi—"

TELL ME!!!! bakit hindi ko alam?

"lukas"

isang pangalan. isang salita. yun lang at tumigil ang mundo. nangilid ang luha ng dalaga. bumalik ang sakit. para syang pinapatay. para syang pinapatay muli. pakiramdam nya pinapatay na naman sya.... ng paulit-ulit....

what has he done?

kalmadong tanong ng dalaga sa kaibigan. kalmadong salita subalit dama ng kaibigan ang emosyon.

"maine.... "

what did he do alex?

mas kalmado ang tanong. subalit mas masakit ang dating.

"maine please —— "

isa pa alex. ano ang ginawa ni lukas?

"maine tapos na yun —"

uulitin ko alex. ano ang ginawa ni lukas?

"maine..."

gusto mo bang ulitin ko pa alex?

ang tono. alam ng kaibigan ang tonong ito. kilala nya ang kaibigan nya. at hindi ito ang tono ng kanyang boses ang maari nyang ipagwalang-bahala. alam ng kaibigan kung ano ang maaaring ibalik ng kanyang sasabihin sa alaala ng dalaga at hindi nya ito gustong mangyari. sa pinagdaanan nilang dalawa. hindi nya gugustuhin na maramdaman muli ng dalaga. hindi nya nanaisin na muling sisihin nito ang sarili. subalit panahon na rin siguro.

"maine"

uuliti—

"HE'D KILL MY FATHER"

gulong-gulo. litong-lito. halo-halong emosyon. napapikit ang dalaga. lahat ng ito. kasalanan nya ang lahat ng ito. bakit ba sya naging bulag sa napaka-tagal na panahon. paano nya mapaghihilom lahat ng sugat na naidulot ng kanyang maling desisyon.

"maine... please... wala kang kasala—"

tell me.

"maine"

TELL.ME.WHAT.HAPPENED.ALEX.

kalamado pa rin. ngunit may diin. sobrang diin pakiramdam ng kaibigan wala syang karapatan. wala syang karapatan para ipagkait ang katotohanan. kaya kahit alam nya ang kahahantungan ibibigay nya ang nais ng kaibigan.

"pumunta ako nun sa condo nyo, si lukas ang nagbukas ng pinto. sinabi nya na wala ka pa raw. ayokong maniwala kasi nakita ko yung kotse mo sa parking. nakiusap ako sa kanya sabi ko kelangang-kelangan lang kitang makausap. sabi nya tigilan na ko na daw pakikipagkaibigan ko sayo kasi palagi na lang problema dinadala ko. he said i am a constant burden to you. kung gusto ko pa raw makita si tatay na humihinga wag na daw akong lumapit pa syo. takot na takot ako nun maine. puro problema na eh. sorry. wala kang kasalanan. maine please..."

i have to go alex

"maine please. wag kang gagawa ng —"

i'll see you next time. i NEED to go alex.

"maine.... please don't hang up"

and alex. i'm sorry.

kasabay ng agos ng mga luha. kasabay ng paninikip ng dibdib. kasabay ng lahat ng sakit. lahat ng mali dapat ng itama. lahat ng gulo dapat maayos. paano. paano ba. paano nga ba.

"maine????"

——

"maine????"

——
<maine ended the call.>

*******************