You say sexual abuse in children or people is visible-noticable in the way they act or behavior.

Well in my case that's not always the truth.

The truth of the matter is that I have no memory of being sexually abused but I do think back to my childhood and wonder why I did certain acts.

I was a girl who would do it with her toys underneath her bed when no one was looking.

Now they say being sexually abused is a memorable thing. I say it's not. In my coping I managed to somehow block the whole memory of being abused in that way when I was a young child.

But as I've said that when I grew up I begin displaying odd behaviors such as humping my toys. In my teenhood and adulthood, I was always  embarrassed to talk about anything related to sex. Including kissing. Talking to boys was hard for me that I never dated nor even had my first kiss until I was older.

I felt ashamed. Wrong because I wasn't like everyone else.

I felt different - a person I couldn't describe in terms of words because I never told anyone about this.

As an adult, I put it off as having a high sex drive as a child, but that couldn't be the sole reason because I didn't know how I even seen sex or remember feeling it at such a young age.

Where did I learn about sex, I wondered.

That's why I said some people who were sexually abused doesn't always remember because like me they protect themselves by mentally blocking the memory completely from their mind.

Yet the behavior still shows as one grows up. They isolate themselves from the opposite sex. Feeling more comfortable around the same sex.

They feel ashamed and disgusted about their body and for, a woman, the body's natural functions when puberty hits. It's all very confusing in the head, but the body remembers everything.

It remembers the good feeling that came with humping a toy.

The twisted dark feeling of being touched.

Not being able to properly interact with the opposite sex or male population in my case.

Being sexually abused isn't always seen, but it is identifiable through one's behavior if a person know how to look for the signs.