FORTY-FIVE: BABY & LOST THOUGHTS.

THEODORE RAYMOND'S POV

I Watched The city lights fade behind my car as we tackled the marching street lights. There was an unspoken joy in going home after a tiresome but fruitful day. The responsibility of buying a plot and supervising the setting up the blocks for the new building was a tedious job. Aurelia and I spent the day at the location site, under the sun but she left during the afternoon because she had some work at her NGO. She had been conducting things at the office as well as the NGO with so much grace and authenticity that you'll say that her work was easy. But I can bet that it wasn't.

Inserting the key in the knob hole, I turned it to open with a click. The lights were dim and there was a minute sound of shuffling and turning. I walked inside carefully to find numerous colorful toys scattered on the floor.

What happened here?

A baby?

A kid was patting Aurellia's cheek lightly as her sleeping form secured the child to her torso. She was in a sitting position. He was trying to pull himself out from her grip. I'm guessing that the child woke up but Aurelia was still deep in her slumber. But, Christ, the sight was so adorable!

The elfin kid looked at her with curious inflated eyes while making gurgling rumbles. I dropped my bag on the sofa and proceeded to take the child from her grasp. He was so beautiful.

The curious eyes snapped to me and he had remanents of tears on his cheeks. But his lips parted to give me an innocent toothless grin. He moved his little hands towards me, his fisted hands colliding with Aurelia's cheek in the process but she didn't even react. She must have been really tired if she was sleeping this way because I know that she was a light sleeper.

I secured my hands around his torso, lightly pulling it up. But Aurellia's eyes snapped open with fear and alertness. Her grip tightened around the child.

The little kid's lips started quivering and I whispered, "It's me, it's me." Calmness washed over her features at my voice as she reluctantly let go.

"Oh," she let her arms fall back and the child squealed in my arms. He looked so small and delicate. He was bouncing gleefully with his fist in the air on my side, knocking or brushing against my jaw.

Aurellia rubbed a hand over her face and hair before croaking out, "When did you come? Did the construction work go well?" She cleared her throat then.

"I came a few minutes ago and yes the work went perfectly fine. I don't think they would take too long to complete it."

She hummed and a stretched yawn escaped her mouth. Her head felt as she blushed awkwardly. A breezy chuckle escaped my lips and the child jumped in my arms gleefully on his own will.

"You can go to sleep if you want. I'll see the child," I proposed and she yawned again.

She waved her hand dismissively, uttering, "I can't fall asleep once I have been woken up." She pulled herself up and made her way towards the kitchen.

"What's his name?" I asked whilst following her to the kitchen.

"Actually it's 'she' and not 'he' y'know." She uttered while turning up the flame and keeping the milk to boil.

"Amelia."

"Beautiful name, Amelia," I apprised to the child and she blinked at me a few times in acknowledgment before going back to chomp on her thumb. A smile stretched my lips instantly and instinctively.

"Didn't you notice that yours and her names are so similar. Aurelia and Amelia. Both of your nicknames would be the same."

"Right? I said the same to them at the NGO but they say that it looks like her name is Amelia."

"Oh? You guys named her?" Surprise leaving my voice as I queried.

Her face dropped before she nodded lightly. I let the child down when her legs began thumping on my torso. She crawled towards a yellow duck toy.

"Usually- um.." She huffed in annoyance before making her mind against to continue. "That's how it works here in real life. We don't know what's her real name, parents' identification, date of birth, or anything." She paused and gulped. I could see the pain absorbing her features. "Sometimes some parents do leave a note with the child's name. It's so heartbreaking," she breathes out slowly.

Immediately, my feet took a few steps until I reached her and pulled her into my embrace. My hands rubbed her back as she heaved a sigh against my chest. "It is," I mumbled. Somehow this action had become very natural between us and this was the time when we were the closest to each other, entwined into one fragment.

"She's just ten months old, you know," her voice was muffled but I figured it out. My hands stopped to pull her even closer to me.

"We can adopt her..." I proposed thoughtfully.

"She is already my child. And so are all the kids at the NGO." Saying she pulled back and quickly turned off the gas.

"She will be staying here tonight. She kind of grew very fond of me, not so surprizingly and began crying when I was about to leave so I brought her along. We shall drop her back to the NGO tomorrow morning."

"As you wish," I hummed before going upstairs to have a shower.

I pulled out a pair of comfortable joggers along with a white V-neck cotton shirt which Aurellia wore to bed yesterday. Actually the only garment she wore yesterday. Her reasoning being she was too lazy to get to her room to wear her own clothes. And this shirt still smells like jasmine and vanilla, like 'her'.

The hot shower in literal sense washed away all the worries and fatigue. I could feel myself lighter and in a better mood all of a sudden. Hanging my towel as well as Aurelia's in the balcony, who had dropped her wet towel on my bed, I walked towards the living room.

She never listened when I tell her to not to drop the wet towel on the bed.

Aurelia and Amelia both were sitting on the floor. The child found an inexpressible fascination and joy while cradling a brown bear while my wife was looking at her with blank eyes. A lazy smile stretched on her lips when Amelia looked at her. The kid turned away to crawl to a rabbit soft toy.

I headed to the kitchen, contemplating what I should prepare today. My shoulders were sore and my soles were burning. Nonetheless, I began recalling...

Yesterday we had a mushroom salad so today I should make sweet corn soup with garlic bread... Do we have vinegar at home? Because I don't remember adding it to the list.

"Theodore, I ordered the food." I turned around and raised an eyebrow. She looked up at me with an innocent look but nothing was innocent about it.

"Pepperoni for you and burger for me."

My eyebrows came back to rest and I uttered, "Let me just make soup then. That's not enough."

"It is," came her instant reply in a high pitch. I frowned at her.

"See pizza and all are not healthy. Yesterday itself ordered lunch from Peter's if you forgot."

"Man chill, take some rest. You have been standing at the location all day. And I ordered a large-sized pizza so I could steal a slice." She rolled her lips inside to resist the smirk, keeping on the innocent face.

"It's your wish, you know..." she trailed, leaving me no option like always.

"Fine," I growled. "Get your immunity and nutritional value weak. Eat more junk." I sat down on the mat beside them, bringing up my knees up to the level of my chest.

"Pfft, nothing will happen. All my life I had ordered food from outside and you know I'm not even kidding. Well, considering my cooking skills..." she trailed off, looking away deep in thoughts.

No one spoke after that. I wanted to ask why she ordered food from restaurants all the time and why didn't someone stop her or wasn't her mom preparing the food or...

There was so much about her that I didn't know but I wanted to. But I wasn't going to take a chance to risk the amicable bond we created.

"Amelia doesn't really stay with one toy for long," she said, making my attention turn towards her. "She plays with one, gets bored and throws it away. After one hour she'll return to that same toy like it's a new one."

"Also she's a silent one," I told her. "She didn't cry even once and also got accustomed to us in so less time. Other kids would be crying like sirens..."

"I almost think that she knows or feels what's going on. She realized that she has to change to be happy and like all the kids in the NGO." She followed the actions of the child with a blank look.

"It's good that she understands, at least she won't be expecting... well there isn't much to expect from."

"Come here Amelia," she motioned with her hand and the baby crawled towards her without a second thought, her hand slipping once on twice on the smooth marble. But she just whimpered and began again to accomplish her task. "Let's finish the milk and get you to sleep."

Aurellia rocked Amelia back and forth with her head resting on Aurellia's chest. The little one suckled the milk while Lia held the bottle up to her level. Slowly and steadily, her eyes began dropping, until she gave up fighting to keep them open.

"Do you want kids?" I blurted out. "I mean not with me...but whosoever you're going to marry in real."

If the question had taken her off guard, she didn't manifest it. She simply shook her head while mouthing a 'no'.

I waited silently between the two edges of expectation and acceptance. Should I wait for her to say why or why now? Or should I believe that it was something Aurellia would do cause she won't marry anyone after me.

This thought again brought me into the dilemma of cobweb - will she really find her true love after me or will she be loving me silently after our divorce, like me. Amongst all the things in the world, I never knew I'd end up talking for the woman who looked at the toddler in her arms with adoration and motherly care.

To figure out who the real Aurellia Hargrave was impossible. The only way was to stop being selfish and not to bother to find a spot for yourself in her life. Do not get your skull ripped off in frustration when she made an unexpected decision. Right thing was to give her space and hope that she'd let you in.

Even after spending almost four months with her, under the same roof, I realized that I know nothing about her - her childhood, her likes and dislikes, passion, motto, nothing. Yet I felt accomplished when her lips curl up in understanding or even in general.

Her smile was bewitching for me. Like it was a single lip twitching; you won't be able to say if she was smiling wholeheartedly or smirking menacingly. But her eyes - they had a different radiation and I felt as if I could see through them, she gave me access. So the only way was to go along with it and believe in your instinct which seemed to always work when I was with her. As if she was the complication and I was the antidode.

"I don't really intend to marry again. My first experience was more than enough."

"That bad, huh?" I mocked.

"Don't get me started..." she chuckled lightly, cringing when the child shifted. She found the position in the centre and Lia slowing lulled her back to sleep.

"Do you? I mean not with me... whosoever you'll marry after me." She looked into my eyes, silently and gravely.

A moment passed in contemplation and I could feel her holding her breath. "Yes. Well, at some time. When it's right."

She nodded, looking away. "She's asleep. Let's get her to bed." She breathed out and got up carefully to adjust the baby. We silently made upstairs and I opened the door for her to enter first.

Aurellia secured the baby lightly under the duvet and turned back to me. I was standing quietly at the door, admiring her act of grace.

"How do we sleep? Child in the middle?"

"Can't risk our hands falling over her unconsciously when we're sleeping." I whispered walking close. Gulping, she looked back and then again at me.

"Us or you? I'm a careful sleeper." She argued.

"Don't sweat over it too much. Let's be rather safe then sorry."

I placed one pillow towards the right side of the kid and dropped my knee on the bed, which dipped underneath. Slowly, I shifted her a bit towards the right to leave us some space on the other side. Then I motioned Lia to sleep next to her.

She raised her eyebrow but when I continued staring at her with no change in expression, she complied at the end. Suddenly, the bed which used to be too big for a single man looks so small. Almost half of the bed was occupied by Amelia as she laid with her arms flagellated out and a little bit space by Lia who uncomfortably looked forward with her arms serving as a pillow, leaving my pillow in it's original place.

Laying on the bed, I poked her head lightly. She looked back at me with narrowed eyes. I gently directed her to rest her head on my shoulder and in no time we were comfortable together. She nestled her head while shifting closer to my chest. Once she found a comfortable position, with her arms spanking around my torso, the environment felt silent. Gently, I rubbed her back with my palm and she snuggled subconsciously.

And just like that, today also I don't remember when I fell into the embrace of darkness with her close to my chest.

***

You don't understand,
It's not that he can't love.

It's that he's afraid.

***