It wasn't long after everything that they had Ashton's funeral. I woke up the morning of with a heavy heart. If it weren't for me, Ashton would still be alive. He would be able to go back to his loved ones. But he was gone now and I kept repeating the scene of him being shot in my head.

"Good morning, beautiful." Zayn's lips pressed to my temple, bringing me back to my senses. "What are you thinking about?" He asked, leaning on his palm and resting his weight on his elbow.

"Nothing." I lied.

I knew I couldn't lie to Zayn anymore. He knew when I did and called me out on it every time."Something is on your mind. I know it." He prodded. I gave in and turned to face him, leaning on my elbow like him.

"I keep seeing it over and over. Ashton. You. Liam." Bang bang bang. Blood everywhere. "I can't get it out of my head." I rolled back over and sighed loudly. "Just when you think it's all over, it's not."

"I understand." Zayn murmured, flopping onto his back as well. His bare chest rose and fell as he breathed evenly. "Hopefully today will help with some of that anxiety." He said, referring to the funeral.

"How do you do it? Deal with the anxiety I mean? You killed someone Ivan only imagine-" I blabbers on and Zayn just looked over at me. "Sorry, I just-"

"Knowing that you're safe. Here. With me in my bed." His arm snaked around me, pulling me close so that our bare skin touched. "That's how I get through it all." His words washed over me and I knew I was truly loved by this man. I kissed his scarred shoulder where a bullet meant for me pierced his flesh.

We lied there for as long as we could before the alarm on my new phone went off. Zayn had gotten me a new phone after mine disappeared along the way. When we were apart we needed to stay in touch. "We should start getting ready." I told Zayn. He grumbled and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Shower with me?"

Was that even a question?

"Hah." I breathed out, Zayn's hand working wonders on my stress level. "Mmmmm"

"Does that feel good, baby?" Zayn squeezed my c.ock in his hand. I was so hard. Throbbing even. I needed release. "Hmm?"

"So good. Oh god." My legs were shaking. His thumb rubbed my tip, playing with the slit and making me tremble. "Please, oh god. Just-"

"Please, what?" Zayn leaned in. His chest touching my back. Enveloping me.

"P-Please, daddy. Be good to your baby. Make me c.um." I thrust my hips back so that my bare a.ss was pushing up against his erection. We never got the chance to go all the way yet. Our night inevitably being interrupted by a phone call emergency from Zayn's work. "We can if you want- I don't mind." I turned my head to face him. His expression changed. He looked surprised.

"Really?"

"No one is going to interrupt us in the shower. Charles knows better." I told him. Pushing my hips back and rubbing against him.

"F.uck. Don't do that." He grit his teeth together. His jaw clenching.

"Why not?" I teased. This was less romantic than I wanted it to be. But better now then never. I wanted him so bad. Ever since the day I met him in that hotel room where I took most of my clients.

"I might just do this." With a swift motion, Zayn picked up my wet naked body and flipped me around, picking me up and resting my legs on his hip bones. I straddled him and held on with my arms around his neck. His hard length was pushing against my entrance when we lined up perfectly. "You don't think I've been doing all this foreplay for nothing." There was a slight growl to his voice and it was a little shocking to hear after knowing the tender side of Zayn for so long.

I kissing him passionately under the water of the shower, running my tongue along his bottom lip until he opened up and I took control. I may have been younger, and smaller in stature (only slightly) but I still had a bit of dominance when it came to a heavy make out session. Though, this was a little more than just that.

I was waiting for him to take the initiative. I was already prepped from his fingers pressing inside of me and stretching me out. I was dripping with prec.um. I needed him. I wiggle a little, the tip of his c.ock prodding at my entrance. "Come on, daddy. Show me what you're made of."

That was all I had to say because next thing I knew I was filled up to the hilt with Zayn's cock. I knew he was big, but dear god was he thick. I trembled on him and held close around his neck. I breathed heavily into his neck, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Am I- am I okay to move? Are you okay?" Zayn held me up with little to no strength, like I weighted absolutely nothing in his arms. I nodded into his shoulder. "Alright. Okay." His voice was raspy and water dripped down his lips from the shower head. One hand left my thigh and the blood rushed back to that area. I was going to have a bruise for sure.

Zayn and I's bodies form perfectly together just like I knew they would. The shower provided some difficulty but eventually we found a position where Zayn could still hold me while he started to pump in an out of me. I shook on top of him, trying to take all of him in.

It was perfect. All of it. The awkward, sloppy kisses. The tight spaces and even tighter fit of Zayn's c.ock in my a.ss. But it was love. It was romance. It wasn't drug induced. It wasn't forced. I knew that at any moment if I told Zayn I didn't want it he would stop. This was what I wished for since the beginning. I wished to be held tenderly and loved beautifully.

Never mind our age gap. I must have aged ten years in my short time being on my own. I may only be seventeen and Zayn nearly twenty six. This worked. It worked so well and it made me forget about the insanity of my past and it made me momentarily forget that we were burying a dear friend that day.

I sat on the small bench in the shower and watched Zayn wash off, for real this time. He took the time to lather up in front of me. He gave me a smirk and I chuckled lightly at him. His body was scarred and bruised, but completely perfect. "I bought you a new suit." Zayn said, shutting the water off in the shower. I reached out to the shelves and handed him a towel and grabbing one for myself as well. "You can wear it to the funeral."

It was a simple black suit, but had a lighter, yet not completely grey, pin stripe design on it. I paired it with a black tie and a grey shirt. Zayn helped me with the tie part since I still had issues with it. He was all dressed up in his black suit, black tie and black shirt. It was a signature of his.

"Are you ready?" He asked, pushing his dark hair from his forehead.

"Yeah, let's get going."

Charles drove us in one of Zayn's cars. We sat in the back seat and I nervously hopped my leg up and down. It was healed over for the most part and I just needed one last check up before I was in the clear. We pulled up to the funeral home that was definitely more extravagant than anything Ashton's small family could really afford. I know Zayn had to have paid for all of it.

I wondered what kind of family Ashton had. He was like me, a runaway with no where to go. He probably didn't have much family of any. And when we walked in, I noticed that there were a few older people, some crying and some just standing around chatting to others. A few stopped everything and watched Zayn and I walk in. That was when I saw Louis. I was surprised to see him there. I thought he would go into hiding after everything fell apart, but he was standing there, next to a cute girl with a protruding belly.

"That's her." I grabbed Zayn's hand. "That's gotta be her."

Th girl Ashton left behind. The one he wanted to go back to. Dammit. She was pregnant. He was going to be a father. I frowned deeply and looked over to Zayn. His face remained stoic as he approached the two. Louis gave him a glare and stood protectively between the girl and Zayn.

"My condolences." Zayn said to the girl. She sniffles and nodded. Not saying anything to Zayn. She turned to the casket that I then noticed was near them. I left the group to walk up the casket. It was closed, but he was in there. Silent and still. If I could do anything to change what had happened I would. But this was life. It always ended up this way. Some earlier than others and on Ashton's case. Too early.

"I'm sorry." I spoke aloud.

"You must be the kid he was sent to watch over." I turned to see The same girl standing behind me. "I'm Meghan. I'm- I mean I was Ashton's girlfriend. She held her pregnant belly in her hands and sighed. "It's going to be tough without him. But Mr.Malik- I mean Zayn, he hates it when people call him Mr. Malik." She rambled and I let her. "He's making sure we're comfortable. Little Ash and I here." She rubbed her belly.

"It's a boy?" I asked. Babies always caught my fascination. "I take it he's a namesake now." I smiled.

"Yeah. I'm just glad I have a little piece of him left." She smiled and I knew it was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Another group of people came by and broke me and Meghan away from each other. I found my way back over to Zayn who was still standing near a pissed off Louis. It looked like they had just gotten done arguing with each other. Louis had his arms over his chest and when he saw me walking up to them he averted his gaze and walked off in a rush.

Louis had done a lot of bad things in his life and to see him standing there without consequence was a little unnerving, but it the grand scheme of things. He did help get all of us out of there and take down Liam.

The rest of the funeral was just as it should have been. It was sad and full of tears and some laughs. It turned out that a lot of people who were there were friends of either Meghan or Ashton. There was no family around and I would expect as much at my own funeral down the road. When you live a life like that the only people you have aren't related by blood. That doesn't mean they aren't family though.

I would call Zayn my family at that point in my life because he had cared for me and done more for me than my parents ever did. Hell, Charles was family. John was family. Even Ashton was family and I think that's why his death hurt so much.

They buried him at the top of the hill with the best view of the surrounding city. I cried ugly tears and probably ruined Zayn's sleeve with my snot. It was sad, but it was relieving to know that Ashton was no longer subject to this cruel world.

In the end we were all moving on. Either in life or death, we were getting past it all and it was a great feeling. It wasn't exactly Happily Ever After, but it was pretty damn close to it.

"Ready to leave?" Zayn asked, resting his hand on my shoulder as we stood next to the freshly laid dirt. I nodded and smiled at Zayn.

"I'm ready to start living."