My decision making is not amazing.
Nor... Good...
I felt better this morning only because I actually could focus on sleeping.

Because I had a background music and I was holding one of my studded animals.

Yes. I'm almost 16 and I still have those. My best friend and I have them.

But... Look...
I might just go frequently inactive because... Nothing is helping.

I mean, things help for a period of time but... Then I just revert back to sadness and I wanting to hurt myself...

The hurting... Is literally the rage I keep bottling up. Rage of being less than perfect

My dream last night was my fear of getting lost in school.
I freaking went to dozens of people.
And only one helped me.
But then again... I still couldn't find it...

I... Don't know anymore.
I know it was just a dream but... Yeah.

I... Honestly right now... I'm hungry and tired and lonely. Even if I just woke up.
Something physically AND mentally is wrong with me.
But... I don't know what...

I know you all are here for me... but... Nothing helps in the long run. It helps in the short but...

If I cannot find myself... I don't know if I can ever be fixed...
Bye...
~Alaina...