Don't anyone ever say "I'm so sorry." or act all lovey dovey in the friend way.

Because I don't want that.

I don't deserve it.

I don't deserve it because I lie to everyone about how I am.

Heck, 40 minutes ago, I lied to my friend about why I was so upset.

I'm stopped myself from crying three freaking times today

I don't deserve it because no one accepts that I'm trying my best to help YOU GUYS to be happy.

YOU KNOW WHAT?!!
IM NOT HAPPY WHEN I GET ON MY PHONE. ALMOST EVERY TIMR I DO, SOMETHING HAPPENS AND I CANT STOP MUSELF FROM CRYING.

I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO HELP EVERYONE I CAN. BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THAT.

I HAV CRIED A DOZEN TIMES IN THIS WEEK.

ONLY 1 PERSON HAS KNOWN THAT BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO WORRY YOU GUYS AND I FEEL LIKE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS.

I'm crying my eyes right now. I'm staring at my phone, typing this string of words.

Words that I don't own. Because they are all your guys's.

Because I feel like the part of me I hide from my outside life is the part you all have created for me.

But I want my mask gone.

Because I haven't been able to find myself for so long. I haven't been able to be myself without worrying about my family, about my friends, and about school.

I don't want to be the older sister anymore guys. I don't want it.

If any of you guys want to talk to me so bad, why don't you start a conversation every once in a while.

Because most of the time, I'm the one wanting to talk to someone for a form of attention.........