I tell you I don't feel good, to hide the fact that I feel terrible.
Sure, I'm able to go to sleep, yet I can't get enough.
I am the dead when I wake up to go to school, where I hide behind a screen, to show everyone that I am happy.
That I am fine, that I don't have a care in the world.
Yet, I'm not fine, I'm not okay, and I care about everything.
I'm afraid to say no, but I'm afraid to say yes.

I fill my void with pointless writings.
With perfect lies, and a body I try to make perfect.
Yet my void, is endless.
It can't be filled.
It can't be beat.
I can't be happy.
So I cry, if I can muster up some tears.
I've cried so much, that my tear-bags are dry.
I can't be bothered to do anything that I know I used to love.
I can't be bothered to go out, because I know that I will have to face the world
With my fake smile
My fake happiness
My fake perfection.

I stopped trying to call for help forever ago
Because I know
That it wouldn't matter any other way.
I just wish
For one thing
And if that makes me selfish, so be it.
I wish.
I wish that everyone who is going through what I feel, any shape or form.
I wish that I could take it from them, and give it to myself.
So that they are happy, and I am not.
So that they won't cut, they won't think about suicide, they won't have any empty void like mine.

I wish.
I hope that one day, the wish I have, will come true.
It's the only thing I can hope for.
Even then
I can't hope for that.
Because I know that others will call me crazy, that I'm seeking attention.

So I end it on this note.
The note from me to you.

Dear person reading this,

I would gladly take your depression, your anxiety, your insomnia, and give it to myself. In hopes that you will be happy, not have a care in the world about what others think of you, and so you can sleep at night, ready to face the world with real, genuine confidence. I'm sorry I can't do that. But I will listen, and let you know everyday that you are one of the very best things in this world, no matter what. I will shed every tear for you, every prayer, everything for you. Because I love you, no matter what, you will always be the sunshine in my life. The rainbow at the end of a storm. The sunrise that marks the morning.

Your very best friend,
KaitoRin Shi...