Tagged by: AvonBlue
The only time I use Wattpad anymore is to check/reply to my notifications, and occasionally rant something I don't want my mom somehow finding via Microsoft word or Google docs, etc so...yeah I don't know many people on here...so I'm not gonna tag anybody really.

10 facts about me:
1. I've have like 10 dentist and Orthodontist km mk appointments this week because I got my braces off after over 4years and had a bunch of cavities they couldn't fix with them on, and a retainer to get made. 😭

2. I'm a very shy person when you meet me at first irl, but after I get to know you/slash the social structure of the group we know each other from, I am usually the biggest, craziest personality in the room.

3. From what I have gauged from other people, at first I seem like a really sweet, kind, cute, and nice person, and then they get to know me more and develope a fear of me (haha my dark side likes to pop out every now and then), but otherwise I'm usually the person who people come to with questions or advice from one on one because I'm just so "understanding." Whatever that means.

4. I'm very bad with compliments. When it comes to flirting I can imply certain things in a cunning way, or just flirt by giving them way too much attention than I do other people. When it comes to platonic compliments, if the subject comes out like we're talking about hair styles and I like your hair or we're talking about how this one chic is such a backstabber, but you are so honest and trustworthy. That I can do. However, when some one just flat out right compliments me...I get anxiety. A. Because I feel like I have to directly compliment them back, and then I don't know what I should compliment on, or if that makes what I say seem fake because "I was supposed to." B. Internally I want to completely overanalyze your compliment. Like what made you say that? Why? And then present arguments on how I don't think that about myself. But that's rude so I try not to.

5. I seriously get frustrated on how much I scare guys I like. Like...I want them to be scared of me just a lil...because that's fun...and I'm pretty sure once I adventure a bit more into it that has something to do with a kink...but idfk yet so. BUT that doesn't mean I don't want a guy who just cowers and bends over for me, I want a guy with some balls. If you want to kiss me, kiss me don't fricken ask. Don't say "I wanted to do this, but was scared that was too far." Try to. If I don't like it, I'll stop you. I won't take that shit. But no means no, you also need respect that, but don't be so scared of "no." Seriously. Sometimes a girl just wants to be slammed against a wall and kissed to death, just read like...any romantic story on Wattpad. Shm. I'm not a delicate little flower, I'm a fricken diamond, thank you.

6. I have 8 cats... No I'm not crazy...in that way anyway. I had 2 cats that I saved from dying outside. Tom died. A year later, I got two kittens for Christmas, Coacoa and Snowball. That made 3 cats with Stormy. Then Misty showed up dying on our porch. We didn't expect another cat coming up dying in our yard again, but we didn't have the heart to ignore her. Then Bambi came along, it took us a while to accept her in, because 5 cats is a lot, but after a year, Bambi got pregnant. And we knew if she gave birth outside with the fox in the middle of winter, the kittens would die. We brought Bambi in, and just like that we went from 4 cats, to 8 cats.

7. Um...I like to swim, bike and run. So basically a Triathalon. Those sports I can compete in. But I also like to Wakeboard, surf, and snowboard just for fun.

8. I'm more left brained. (Even though scientifically that theory is a myth) But I want to work in stem. I'm decent in both, and I want to use my left brain creativity, with my OCD like rigor for scientific study, to be an engineer. Something that can change a few lives for the better hopefully, or at least make an impact on our world. What type of change/impact? I don't know yet, I'm thinking like aeronautical, physics, material, or nuclear/electric. So yeah I'm very confused on that, probably will end up double majoring hopefully...I have two years to figure that out...so yaaay. *Stressing* But maybe after getting a major/bachelor's in that, I might go into law specializing in patents, engineering, or whatever subject I picked to major in to let my left brain side have a bit more freedom. If not then continue the engineering degree until masters to doctorate level. Or do another engineering major.

9. I'm a Christian, but barely if that makes sense. I've been a Christian since I was 3years old. Then I got older and I became an athiest for about 2-3years. Then something struck me on how complicated yet beautifully organized our universe is and the shear odds of life on this planet given all the factors and coincidences that had to happen to make it...I came to the conclusion there had to be a creator of it. And since there is probably no way of knowing exactly who/what that is, I figured I might as well pick the best creator I would hope it would be, and since the only other religions that came to mind were Hindu, Budism, and we'll Islam came to mind but since I beleive I am equal to men and don't believe religion should rule your life but more about getting to know the creator who made us, I ended up back with Christianity. So yeah... I became a strong Christian again for a few years after that. And then depression came. I don't know how or why, or what necessarily started it, my guess is a feeling of loneliness. And sure yeah God is with you and always, but not even that kind of loneliness. More so like an alienization from the rest of humanity. I just started feeling detached, numb to the world, not caring, to the point where I kind of felt on the verge of being what I thought to be a sociopath. Where I didn't care about anyone around me unless something inconvenienced me. And I still feel that way...I've been working on it. But I'm Christian in the sense that I still beleive in God and the Trinity...I'm just not sure with the way I feel about the world, if I can or am willing to actually practice being one like I know I should.

10. Um...I guess I'll just describe what I look like? I'm 5'8" have been since 5th grade (yes it was fun being the tallest one in my class including all the boys...no longer true tho). I have long brown wavy/curly/frizy hair down to just above the small of my back. It also looks like it has blonde highlights in the sun. I have brown (sort of hazel but no really) eyes. Dark circles under them since 3rd grade because well its 5am rn and I haven't slept at all tonight...morning? (Insomnia...yay). A decent cheekbone. Oval or Heart shaped face. Ivory undertone. I always look like I have burgundy eye shadow on, but it's just from the dark circles. I'm pale as hell. Thinish, but more like, a used to be really athetic girl, but then has a little fat on her from taking a break from traing. But I'm still like a lil over 120lbs probs...haven't weighed myself in a while. I'm a hour glass. 33" bust (but I'm a 30B 😭 I have wide af shoulders), 22" waist, and um well this sometimes make me a pear but a 38" waist. I like to think I have some abs, because when I flex it sort of looks like I have some, but I'm pretty sure a good amount of that is also just fat and a little bit is muscle. Oh and I have 2 long scars across my right wrist along with a triangle scar pointing up in the middle of my right bicep. My least favorite thing about my appearance is my smile. There you go. A really really personal description of me.

9 people I trust
People? Yeah here's the thing...remember how I talked about that sociopath-like numbness to the world? Ever since that I haven't even been able to trust myself, let alone another human being. Now God? My cats? Sure. And I only trust my cats because they'd only be able to possibly kill me if they somehow became like a wolf pack and suddenly decided to hunt me.
Okay I may trust a few people slightly, but never over 15% trust them. So I guess I'll list them. But even then, Here's the thing, the people you love are the most likely to kill you statistically. In that case is also hurt you. So yeah Im actively trying not to trust them too.

My mom
Mesha
Lisa
SJ Lee
Dillon
...Michael is complicated...I'd list him if it weren't so dangerous to trust him.

8 Ways to Win My Heart.
1. Somehow miraculously earn my full trust. I never said it would be impossible to gain my full trust, but every fraction would have to be earned by a meritted action. Like sticking up for me even if it possibly could harm you. Basically actions that have you put me in front of yourself, as selfish as that sounds. Then I know I can do the same for you.
2. What little I have left of my heart is dust, so basically you will have to give me yours first to be able to win any heart from me. Can't guarantee I won't break it while I have it, but I'll try to be a good heart sitter, get it? Like a house sitter?sorry I'm weird.
3. Know what I mean when I say "I love you" in the case of true love. That means not only would I die for you, but I would live for you, no matter how much pain that may cause me. I would go to hell so you could go to heaven. I'd do anything to keep you happy even if that meant loosing you. I'd sacrifice almost all my principles for you. I'd kill for you. And if you did something, that would put me at risk or violated my principles, I'd still love you and even help you if you needed. That is what I mean by I love you in that way, loving you literally no matter what, and that's why, I'll say I love you as a person and a freind, but Ive never been able to say "I love you" in the sense of a partner to anyone, or In any sense of them being the one, because that's how much weight I put on it.
4. Honestly it really helps if you are a Christian, and I don't mean, "oh I go to church, I know a song or too." I mean you actually try to hold or at least agree with Christian values like I do. Or
if you aren't a Christian at least respect the values I try to hold.
5. I used to think "my guy has to be at least a little bit more attractive than me, or at least fit these certain physical requirements or I won't even consider him as a potential partner. Like a little bit of ab. Then if he passes that, I'll allow myself to consider the rest of him, personality and all." However, recently I'm starting to realize that I don't really pay that much attention to the appearance of the guys I like. It really depends on their personality, but I have to really know them in order to do that. Sure if I see a really hot guy, I try to get close to him because duh hot guy, but I don't actually start to like him unless his personality is right for me. If he isn't attractive, he has a bit of a harder battle justifying why I should like him based on his other traits. Like I prefer them in this way: gotta be smart, at least somewhat concerned with staying fit slash healthy, funny in my eyes, gets my humor, not afraid to talk to me, not a fuckboi (have some decency/respect and self control), not cocky like a jerk (although confidence doesn't hurt), crazy or at least able to handle my level of crazy, loyal.
6. Have history with me. Idk what it is, but I've always wanted to fall for a really close guy freind of mine. Like, for example if Natsu and Lucy were to fall for each other. Aaaah my ship. I love those kind of ships. Something that was sort of there then ignored into a love hate freindship while they get to actually know the person, and then out of blue suddenly you two are together. You know? Not a requirement but it's always how I've pictured falling in love.
7. Compliment me on querky flaws of mine that you like, things I don't realize about myself, or things I don't like about myself. Or things I secretly like about myself, that don't really fit into the norm of beauty. For example I have a beauty mark on my right check right on my cheekbone line, it's flat, and I think it makese look like how Marilyn Roe had that little dot on her face. You can give me all the usual compliments and confessions you want, those kind of compliments that refer to me specifically however, really just makes me know that I mean something to you.
8. Realize the real meaning of my little lies. When you ask "are you okay?" And I say "I'm just tired." That means I'm not tired from lack of sleep (I always am that) that means I'm tired of something happening to me. there's always a "..." At the end with me usually saying something like "tired of living, tired of someone's bs, tired of being pushed around, etc. When I say "It's fine." Or "I'm fine." When no one directly asked me. Means something probably did bother me enough to think about saying something, and then I pushed it down worried about causing too much trouble for someone. Something may indeed not be fine, but I'm ignoring it. Thekst important one: when I get dead silent, something really bad happened/is happening. I'm either: so mad that I'm scared what I might do next, or something really hurt me and I'm trying to force it down. When I am dead silent, that's when you should be worried the most.

7 Facts about my Best Freind
1. He has 7 cats and one dog. So us together makes 15 cats and one dog. 😹
2. We've been best freinds for a little less than 3years
3. I found out he's had heart cancer for 2years today. I'm the only one who knows other than his family. I'm honestly just sitting here awestruck on how well he's kept this from me, all our freinds, his freinds, and how he has done all the things he's done these two years with it. But I guess it makes sense, since hes always tried to hide health issues like that from everyone. But More importantly I am regretting not spending more time with him. Scared that he'll die just like another past shadow of mine did.
4. His dad is not the best person that he presents himself to be. The guy also thinks I'm a "distraction." From what idk.
5. He has a shit ton of electronics. No like, 7 phones, he's just broke like 4 other ones for fun, 14 tablets, and I don't even know how many computers. He also have a shit ton of knives...which I think is hot...but some think that's scary so...he's also a bit of a pyro like me.
6. He loves sushi...no like he'll eat like 70 sushi in one sitting.
7. He works like ten jobs every summer. But whatever he earns he like spends it usually. The guy likes shopping more than I do. He's also a neat freak, and in these senses I like to think between the two of us, I have the pants.

6 things I say a lot:
1. Meh
2. "Dam" ever since Percy Jackson I have never spelled it correctly.
3. Stabo stabo
4. *Haze hand* Boi.
5. Sorry

5 Facts about my crush
Welp I guess he's getting 12 facts about himself that selfish sucker.
1. He's smile is like the most dopiest, and cute looking smiles I've seen. And I can't help but smile back when I see it. Which makes it hard when he's drunk, because he's a giggly drunk, so I have to restrain myself or otherwise I'll look like a giggly drunk too.
2. He likes to run and bike...like a lot. Which is something we have in common, we both kind of see it as a way to escape from everything else.
3. He's been arrested. And He nearly got arrested another time from accidentally shooting a radio tower with his uncle's AR-15...
4. I have to avoid looking into his eyes or I get overwhelmed and I'm scared I'll get trapped in them at some point, and idk wtf he'd do if he catches me doing that.
5. He's from Ohio, he's has some pretty dope uncle's in both Ohio, and Florida and I'm really just jelly of all the dope af relatives he has tbh.

4 things I love:
1. The Trinity
2. My cats.
3. Cotton Candy.
4. A shit ton of fictional characters.

Yes I did not mention any human...unless you count Jesus...I did not mention any 100% human, because screw reality.

3. Facts about my phone.
1. I got this iPhone X like two weeks ago and I already have cracked it's screen protector in two places...thank God I got the screen protector.
2. It has a really cool case I sort of custom made myself; where the actual case is rose gold with a little pop out stand to hold it up, and Velcro on the side to hold/detach my mini little wallet. (Its a got a closed pocket for cash and a tight slit pocket for credit carde, about the size of a credit card too)
3. It's surround sound actually helps when playing fortnite.

2 Facts about my house:
1. It has a small grass back yard on a hill, but behind that is a golf course and behind the golf course is a ton of woods with creeks, climbing logs, bolders, feilds, Cascades and lakes, all mine to explore.
2. My house is a mess, but I'll be gone in 2 years so that'll only be my parents problem soon, so heck to organizing all these papers and boxes.

1 person I hate
I wouldn't use hate, like I'm really trying to think here. But I used to really strongly dislike this one teacher. She gave a test on the first day and we all said "we haven't been taught any of this." But had us take it anyway. Entire class got an F, and SHE KEPT THE SCORE. First F I have ever made, and every F since then I have blamed her for them all eternally. She also kept taking point off my things for showing "easer marks," or "smeared pencil marks"...I'm left handed...smeared pencil marks are going to happen.