⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️
Homophobia, Self Doubt, Angst

The late morning sun rays broke through the curtains in the honeymoon suite falling straight onto the newly married couple who lay sound asleep. Limbs tangled, breaths mingled and their hearts beating as one.

Jungkook was the first one to stir as he stepped out of the dreamland and slowly came back to earth. As he came to, he felt the strong set of arms wrapped around himself.

He smiled.

Last night had been the best night of his life. If he were to die today, right here right now, he would die a happy man.

He slowly opened his eyes to gaze upon the face of the man, who held his heart in the palm of his hand, the man who held the power to bring Jeon Jungkook to his knees, the man he would now call his, forever.

Kim Taehyung.

The love of his life.

Jungkook looked at his hand locked into Tae's large one. His eyes fell on their rings.

His husband. Wow, they really had done it then. He really was married to Taehyung. It wasn't just a dream. It was all real.

How in the world had he gotten so lucky?

Tae looked disturbingly gorgeous. His hair all sexily messed up, lips swollen with his kisses, the faint flush of sleep and the softest snores that left his nose. It was all beautiful. He was glowing in Jungkook's eyes.

God, he loved him so much.

He couldn't look away from the beauty before him. He placed a soft loving kiss on Tae's lips and felt him smile into it.

His life had just attained perfection.

Barely a few seconds later, Tae slowly opened his eyes. He looked into Jungkook's eyes for a moment and then his breaths started getting shallower and shallower.

Jungkook frowned at him, raising his hand to cup his cheek.

Tae sat up with jerk and looked around himself in confusion. He then turned to look at Jungkook and his eyes widened.

He quickly turned back around and looked at himself.

"W-What the fuck is g-going on?" Taehyung sputtered. "Why are we h-here and why the fuck am I-I naked?"

Jungkook gulped and touched Taehyung's arm gently "Tae-"

"Don't fucking touch me!!" Tae yelled as he sprung out of bed.

He looked at Jungkook who was naked on the bed, with utter disgust and contempt.

What was happening? No, no this was just a misunderstanding. He just had to get him to listen.

"Babe." Jungkook called, stretching his hand towards Taehyung.

"What the fuck did you just call me? Are you out of your fucking mind, Jeon?" Taehyung screamed. He was breathing heavily and looked like he was on the verge of having a panic attack.

Jungkook scrambled out of bed and rushed towards him "Please calm down. Everything is fine."

"Stay the fuck away from me!" Taehyung yelled again as he cringed away from Jungkook. He scrambled on to the floor, located his boxers and pulled them on.

Jungkook was devastated.

Tae frantically looked around the room for his phone.

Jungkook stood frozen in place. He hadn't moved since Tae had roughly pulled away from him. He couldn't. His whole world had come to an abrupt halt.

His chest felt so heavy, he was sure there was something big and heavy and invisible pressing right on it, squeezing it until he couldn't breathe.

He stared at Taehyung who was tearing the room apart looking for something. He stared helplessly as his world was crashing around him. He felt faint and no matter how deeply he tried to breathe, the oxygen just didn't seem to reach his lungs.

"Fuck!!" Taehyung dragged a hand through his hair. "Where the fuck is my phone?" He looked around again, tossing the cushions on the sofa. "Did you hide it?" He looked accusingly at Jungkook.

Jungkook meekly shook his head. How low did he truly think of him?

"Aarrrggghhh" Taehyung screamed in frustration. "I need to call Jimin."

Jungkook couldn't take it anymore. He escaped into the bathroom to get away from the tornado that was Kim Taehyung.

He stood at the sink and stared up at his reflection in the mirror. His lips were swollen, the corner of his lower lip was extremely tender. He touched it and was flashed with images of Taehyung pushing him into the wall at the club and biting his lip while devouring him. He moved lower to the large purplish hickey on his neck and trailed lower still, on his chest. His entire body bore signs of their lovemaking.

A lone tear slid down Jungkook's cheek. Had none of it been real? Had it meant nothing to Tae?

The dream that was last night, had shattered completely and its sharp edges stabbed his eyes, making hot tears flow down his face. The stabbing pain, then traveled from his eyes onto his heart as the silent tears turned to full blown sobs.

Jungkook covered his nose and mouth in an attempt to  muffle the sound. His knees buckled as he sank to the floor.

He should have never let it happen.

He was drunk, yes. Just as drunk as all of them, but he did have moments of clarity in between. He should have stopped it. But a part of him had so desperately wanted it to be real that he hadn't even thought of the consequences.

He crawled into the shower cubicle and turned the water on. He let it wash away his pain.

Even as the scalding hot water took away the remnants of last night from his body, it failed to take them away from his mind. The hickeys on his body would fade in time but, how was he to erase the imprint of Tae's lovemaking from his mind, his heart.

Jungkook closed his eyes, and the image of Taehyung, looking at him like he was the most disgusting thing he had ever laid eyes on, flashed into his mind, breaking him down completely.

Was he disgusting? He had known he would probably never be worthy Taehyung, but to have it thrown in his face like that had completely robbed him of all of his self worth.

He was disgusting.

Violent sobs racked his body until he crumbled under the weight of the pain in his chest.

~~~~~~~~~

Jimin woke to a insistent vibration under his stomach. He raised his head sleepily and groaned at the sharp pain that flashed through his temples. He blinked a few times and then looked at the half naked man lying beside him.

He blinked again and then his eyes widened as realization struck him. That man was not his boyfriend.

Jimin screamed his head off as he rose from the bed.

His scream startled the man sleeping beside him who also screamed and fell off the bed. Right on top of the tangle of bodies lying on the floor. Multiple groans sounded through the room.

"Hyung! You are crushing me." Namjoon grumbled.

"Get off.. get off... get the fuck off me!" Yoongi yelled.

"Don't push me!" Hobi complained.

Jimin climbed back on the bed and crawled over to the other side to look at the four of his friends lying on the ground.

"Will someone please tell me what is going on? Why was Jin hyung in my bed?" Jimin asked with a frown.

Before anyone could answer however, the buzzing of Jimin's phone distracted him. He scrambled back into bed looking for his phone and then answered straight away.

"Taehyungie!" Jimin answered.

Yoongi climbed up from the pile of bodies and over the bed. He watched his boyfriend's face lose all its colour as he listened to what the person on the phone was saying.

"Calm down. Please just breathe." Jimin said as he paced in the room.

"I don't know what happened." Jimin answered and Yoongi frowned.

He had passed out last night, he remembered.

And then he paled. Fuck! Wasn't he supposed to be married last night? He checked his fingers. No ring. What the hell had happened?

"Okay. Please calm down. Why don't you come meet me in the lobby, huh? Everything will work out." Jimin promised as he disconnected the call.

He walked to the chair in the corner on unsteady feet and sat down, holding his head in his hands.

Yoongi scarpered to him and knelt at his feet. He gently tried to pull his hands away. "Jimin-ah? What's wrong, darling?"

The others had all gotten up too and were standing facing the couple.

"Baby, please talk to me." Yoongi begged when Jimin didn't respond. His heart was racing in his chest.

"I think.... I think they g-got married instead of us." Jimin said in a small voice.

"What are you talking about?" Hobi asked.

"Who did?" Yoongi asked puzzled.

"Tae and Kookie"

His announcement was met by complete silence.

~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook somehow managed to find the strength to drag himself out of the shower. He walked out of the bathroom with trepidation but the room was empty. Taehyung had left.

Jungkook grabbed his boxers from the floor and pulled them on. He searched through the heap of his clothes on the floor and located his phone. He switched it on to find a text from Yoongi.

Yoongi hyung:
Lobby. Now!!!!

Jungkook quickly dressed in last night's shirt and trousers and ran out of the suite to the hotel elevator and headed down to the lobby.

When he entered from the side entrance, the lobby was almost completely empty except for his friends and....

Taehyung.

His heart stuttered and he slightly stumbled on his own feet at the sight of him. He too, was dressed in last night's clothes.

He was standing away from the rest of the group, staring out of the window, his hands shoved into the pockets of his trousers. He turned around to look at Jungkook enter, his beautiful features twisted in anger and revulsion.

Jungkook's heart squeezed painfully. Why did he keep looking at him like that?

He quickly turned his gaze to the rest of his friends. His breath hitched in his throat as he walked towards them. He sat down on the sofa between Jin and Yoongi.

Yoongi was gently massaging Jimin's shoulders as he looked tearfully at Taehyung.

Everyone looked hungover. Jimin raised his teary eyes to look at Jungkook.

Guilt and shame choked him. He had robbed his best friends of their wedding. Literally.

"Jiminie....." he started.

"Don't you dare say a fucking word to him." Taehyung said as he advanced towards Jungkook.

Jungkook physically shrunk back from his anger.

Yoongi stood up to face Taehyung. "Don't you dare speak to Kookie like that. He didn't do it alone!"

"No. No, he didn't. I did it with him because he fucking manipulated me into doing it!" Taehyung said angrily.

"W-what? I s-swear I-I didn't....." Jungkook started but Taehyung was livid.

He turned his burning, anger crazed eyes on to Jungkook again.

And just like that, Jungkook's heart cracked for the second time.

He didn't think he'd survive if Taehyung kept looking at him like that.

Like..... like... he hated him.

Did he? Did he hate him?

Please don't let him hate me.

"How stupid do you think I am? All that flirting, the sneaky glances, the pick up lines? You think I don't know what you were doing?" Taehyung asked menacingly.

"I-It was just a game" Jungkook said as he looked at the others for support but no one would meet his eyes.

"Hyung! You have to believe me. I didn't...." Jungkook tried talking to Yoongi but Taehyung interrupted him again.

"I'm fucking straight, Jeon. I kept telling you and telling you but you wouldn't give up! I was out of my fucking mind last night. Did you drug me? I wouldn't put it past you!" Taehyung yelled at him.

Jungkook looked up at him again. The sheer hatred on his face, shattered Jungkook's heart.

He did hate him.

Agony.

Jungkook tried to swallow the lump in his throat that was threatening to choke him, but failed.

"Taehyungie! You're going too far!" Jimin warned him.  But Jungkook lay a hand on his knee to silence him.

"Let him speak. Let him get it all out. He's right, it's my fault." Jungkook admitted quietly.

"N-no-" Yoongi started but he was interrupted by Tae.

"I don't care! He has been pining after me for days! He kept hitting on me. He fucking manipulated me. Took advantage of me being drunk last night!" Taehyung said angrily.

Jungkook flinched.

"I'm so fucking done! I'm leaving, right now! I need to call my lawyers. Fuck!" He yelled as he hobbled away from them and out the lobby.

Jungkook sat stunned into silence.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Had he taken advantage of Tae last night? That was not how he remembered it, but he had been so drunk. Had he made it all up in his mind? What if what Tae was saying true? What if he had forced him into it? Would he ever forgive him?

Had he lost everything before he even had the chance to appreciate it?

"Kookie...." Jimin was kneeling in front of him, he hadn't even noticed him come to him. Jimin lightly brushed something wet off his face. But Jungkook recoiled away from his touch. His eyes were unable to focus on anything as the pain in his chest sent painful tingles through his entire body.

He shifted away from Jimin and stood up unsteadily on his feet.

He needed to get out of here, it was suffocating.

He walked out the lobby and ran the rest of the way to his room he was sharing with Yoongi.

The boys all stared after them.

"Did it look like they were both walking funny right now?" Hobi asked.

Namjoon snorted but then covered it with a cough.

"I'll go check on Jungkook" Yoongi said, standing up.

"I'll check on Tae" Jimin said.

Yoongi pulled him close and hugged him. "We will work through this." He said softly.

Jimin nodded as they parted to check on their respective best friends.

Yoongi found Jungkook sobbing uncontrollably on the bathroom floor of their shared room. He knelt down next to him and tried to talk to him but the younger was inconsolable.

"Jungkook-ah" Yoongi tried to hug him again but Jungkook pushed him away pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them as he hid his face in his arms.

"My fault." He cried.

"No, Kookie. It's not."

"I took advantage of him. I forced him. Oh my God! Did I rape him? Oh my God!" Jungkook put his head in his hands and pulled on his hair, crying pitifully.

"You did not! Look at me." Yoongi ordered sternly, making Jungkook look up with his tear strained blotchy face.
"You did not take advantage of him. You would never do that, Kook. Drunk or not, you would never do that! And he is responsible for his own actions, he's an adult. You were drunk too. None of this is your fault. He's just as much to blame." Yoongi insisted.

"I'm sorry hyung. I ruined your wedding. I ruined everything." Jungkook sobbed as he hid his face away again.

"It doesn't matter. We can do it again. You haven't ruined anything." Yoongi consoled again, rubbing Jungkook's shoulders.

"Yes I did. I ruined everything." Jungkook cried. "He hates me."

"It doesn't matter what he thinks, Kook." Yoongi spoke angrily.

Jungkook raised his face again. "It matters to me" he hiccuped. "He matters to me. You know that, hyung." Jungkook said as a wild shudder passed through him.
"I love him. I have loved him all my life and now he hates me. He hates me, hyung!" Jungkook sobbed.

Yoongi hugged him close. "He doesn't hate you, he's just scared and confused."

"You didn't see his face this morning. I disgust him. He hates me. I'm disgusting." Jungkook insisted.

Yoongi didn't know what to say.

"He hates me"

"I ruined it. I ruined everything."

"He doesn't want me. I'm disgusting."

Jungkook continued to mumble. "I'm disgusting."

"Please stop saying that, Jungkookie. You are not disgusting. You are kind, caring, loving and loyal and unbelievably cute. You are amazing Kookie and you shouldn't let anybody tell you otherwise." Yoongi insisted.

But Jungkook was so far gone into the dark recesses of his own mind that everything Yoongi said fell on deaf ears.

Yoongi continued to silently rub circles on his back. All the while his mind raged at the bastard who had hurt his dear sweet friend. Jungkook looked all macho and big but he was softer than a marshmallow. So much younger than the rest of them. He was sweet and extremely protective of them all but he'd never hurt a fly. He wore his heart on his sleeve.

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to have his heart broken like that.

"I lost him, before I even got a chance to t-tell him how I felt. I l-lost him, hyung! He will hate me forever." Jungkook hiccuped violently.

"How am I supposed to live with that?"

Yoongi had no answer.

~~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

Author Note:

I have nothing to say. 😢

Disclaimers:

Names of teams / mascots / universities/ schools / education institutions have been used only to make the story more authentic. There is no malicious intent behind the usage of the name neither do my books depict or reflect anything that is even remotely real about these institutions except their names. I hold all educational institutions and providers in the highest regard. Hence no offence or malice is intended.

Any and all characters in this book are fictional, any resemblance to anyone dead or alive is purely coincidental.

Pictures/Audio/Video/Song/Lyrics Credit goes to the original source/artist/owner.

No malice or offence is intended to any race, religion or sexual orientation.

I donot promote shipping of any members in real life.

🔞 This book is meant for mature audiences only 🔞

BTS and its members belong to themselves and Bighit/Hybe. They do not belong to me. Their names and characteristics are used only for entertainment purposes.

Kim Mingyu of Seventeen doesn't belong to me either.