chapter twenty five

unedited

  the day had gone dark now, and taehyung had to improvise. staring at the kitchen wallpaper was getting too bland, and the thought of saying a few words to his mother sparked his excitement. his stepmother was busy doing the dishes, and the overall aura in the house seemed like a drunken afternoon at best. taehyung knew his father would be too intoxicated to see straight, and slipping from a backdoor or window had never been a difficult task for taehyung before.

"now that we have all gathered here as a family, it's time to talk as a family. taehyung is becoming a legal adult sooner than later." his stepmother told his father from across the room. taehyung's father was not listening, however. he was scrolling on his phone. taehyung assumed it was through a list of new women, he had stayed with his current stepmother for longer than usual. he scowled at the thought.

-

  "did you sleep on the couch last night?" yugyeom asked his younger brother. jeongguk was in distress, his hair a fluffy mess, his face contorted into a mixture of previous sobbing sessions. jeongguk shook his head to the question, though not really ever comprehending it himself. the thought that taehyung was alone, in danger, being the only thing on his mind.

  yugyeom, i've got to tell you something. something happened between me and taehyung.

  "did you two fight?" yugyeom asks, drawing a sneaky hand up to jeongguk's shoulder to stroke it. he brought it up and down his brother's back. jeongguk sighed. "hey look, no need to stress about it. you can tell me anything."

we had sex. jeongguk let his left hand fall along with his head. his eyes fixated on the tile beneath him. he swirled his foot around the cool, calming surface. yugyeom was silent, jeongguk could not tell if he was angered or content with such a confession. jeongguk let his eyes drift towards the window now, finding the silence so absolutely dreadful.

  "how long have you known him?" yugyeom growls into the open air. jeongguk's fists clenched. he thought back.. far back.

-

  "i can count to one hundred!" taehyung giggled, plopping down on the fluffy carpet of his bedroom. jeongguk sat in front of him, staring at the boy's mouth as he started from one and went to ten. "fifteen, sixteen—"

  after he was done, taehyung crawled over to his toy bin with determination. "my daddy says one day he will get my mama to buy me some new toys. mine are all broken." he pulled out a plastic fish and pretended it was swimming in the ocean. he made sound effects as it gurgled up water to breathe.

  "i like your fish." jeongguk told him.

  "i like him too."

-

  he was there the night i lost my voice. jeongguk signed, his breathing becoming shaky as ever. he saved my life, yugyeom. i love him. and he's gone. jeongguk felt tears run down his cheeks as he tried to stop them. he thrusted his palms to his cheeks to try and stop the rivers of tears. yugyeom pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him. yugyeom gently placed a hand on top of jeongguk's head, waving it through his locks.

-

  after escaping like the expert that he is, taehyung paid an overdue visit to his mother.

"i don't visit you often, mother. i apologize for that, i really do. i meant to come here for your birthday, but happy fortieth birthday! i know i'm late but i still think it's worth acknowledging the fact that i even showed up. this place shows up in my nightmares." he laughed off his sadness as he glanced gloomily at his mother. "you always told me to stay away from things that scared me. i don't really believe in that advice now, i think it's good to fight for what you believe in. relationships are scary, y'know? that's why i haven't asked jeongguk to be my boyfriend. i really want to secure everything, and i don't particularly like labels—" a tear dripped down his nose, a harsh inhale, "but your advice was always the best. no matter if it's versatile now. i wish i could get some now, i'm stuck. i'm scared that i'm going to lose the thing that matters to me most. i wish your voice was here to guide me through it all."

    taehyung sunk into the damp earth. before him was his mother. this sight always seemed to reach into his chest and rip out his heart. he didn't particularly want to see such a horrible sight of gray stone and flowers, but he must be reminded of such horrors. taehyung reached out to the dead roses. he crumpled one of the petals. "i suppose i shouldn't sulk like this anymore. i'm sure jeongguk is worried." he spoke to himself. taehyung found the will power to stand to his feet. he stayed a while after that, though, letting the light rain patter onto his soft red hair.

when taehyung knocked on jeongguk's apartment, he was tackled into a hug. taehyung hugged the boy just as tightly. he nuzzled into jeongguk's neck. his warmth was so inviting and beautiful. taehyung pulled away and wiped away the stray tears. "i'm sorry. my step mother caught me and dragged me back home against my will. i didn't mean to worry you like that." jeongguk nodded with his flushed, red face.

  you scared me. jeongguk let out a weird squeal-cry sound, to which taehyung cooed. he cradled jeongguk's head in his arms, calming him down with soft touches.

  "jeongguk, i've been thinking— since we have taken things to the next step— and i obviously love you a lot!—" jeongguk pulled away to smile, sniffling, "i think that it's the perfect time to finally establish a relationship. i've always seen you as my boyfriend, but now i want to.. be official. well, i guess i should ask you formally as well. so, jeongguk, will you be my boyfriend?"

  jeongguk went silent. did taehyung ask too soon? did he accidentally rush the boy into something he wasn't ready for? was he over thinking this? taehyung stared anxiously at jeongguk's left hand, the one he usually signed with. yet, a gentle right hand cupped his cheek and guided his eyes back to thin lips and sweet rounded doe-eyes. taehyung stared in concern, well that concern turning into happiness as those thin lips moved.

  "o—of co—cou—r—se." jeongguk rasps out.