"Strumming my pain with his fingers. Singing my life with his words. Killing me softly with his song. Killing me softly... with his song. Telling my whole life with his words. Killing me softly with his song." --Killing Me Softly, Fugees

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It's been two weeks since then. Ni ha, ni ho ay wala man lang siyang naririnig mula rito. Jazmin's been awfully quiet. Hindi siya mapakali dahil alam niyang wala itong pakialam sa sarili nitong buhay. A girl like that could easily cross the road without looking on either side or slit her wrist with a knife.

Yung tipo ng taong hindi takot mamatay, sila mismo ang naghahabol kay kamatayan.

He cares for her. Hindi pagmamahal ang nararamdaman niya para rito. Maybe it's just pity, but he feels something enough to care.

He wanted to reach out to her pero natatakot siyang ma-shut out uli. Nevertheless, he felt obligated to do something. He sent a few text messages just to make sure that she's okay, but he didn't get any reply. Thinking that she was just avoiding him, dumalaw siya sa bahay nito. Pero nakapasok at nakalabas na siya sa bahay nito ay hindi nya pa rin ito nakita.

Nararamdaman na ulit tuloy niya ang pag-iisa. Kapag ayaw niyang makipagkita sa barkada, dito siya pumupunta. Ngayong wala na ito, kapag ayaw niyang makita sina Femi, wala na syang ibang mapuntahan.

Gusto na niyang umalis ng bahay nila para lang makaiwas kay Jasmine tuwing dadalaw ito sa pamilya nito pero ayaw siyang payagang bumukod ng nanay niya. Mag-asawa raw muna siya, saka nito iyon iku-consider.

One day, Jasmine came home. Kasama nito si Kent pag-uwi. Kapag umuuwi ang mga ito, nagkakaroon sila ng salu-salo. At palaging damay ang pamilya niya. At kapag nandoon silang lahat, palaging usapang baby ang naririnig niya.

Hindi naman siya manhid. Nasasaktan din siya. And to avoid getting hurt, he goes somewhere else. Maghapon siyang wala sa bahay. Hanggang gabi iyon. Minsan, kung alam niyang buong weekend ang mga ito roon, nag-a-out of town siya.

He didn't care kung obvious ba ang ginagawa nyang pag-iwas. He just needs to be away from the source of his pain. Dala na yata ng kasanayan, pero dinala siyang muli ng mga paa niya sa may cafe kung saan una silang nagkakilala ni Jazmin. Maybe, deep inside, he was hoping that she'd come to her senses so they could be friends again.

But of course, she wasn't there.

But she did call. Nagulat siya nang tumawag ito.

"Toby! Asan ka?" tanong nito. Her voice sounded joyful... bubbly. Like nothing from the past happened.

"Jazmin? Nasa'n ka? Okay ka lang?"

"I asked first," natatawa nitong sabi. Maybe he sounded so eager.

"Just tell me if you're okay."

He heard her sigh. "I'm okay, okay?"

"Where have you been?"

"Just tell me where you are!"

"Nasa cafe ako."

"The cafe?"

"Oo."

"Okay, give me ten minutes."

Agitated, like the second time they met, he didn't know what to expect. She seemed okay. She sounded okay. But is she really okay? He said some pretty hurtful things to her back then. She was falling apart. What could possibly happen within two weeks that would make her this happy? Because back then, he didn't think anything could.

Fifteen minutes later, she arrived. Naka-sunglasses ito at may dala-dalang isang malaking plastic na may print ng Duty Free. Inilapag nito iyon sa lamesa at naupo sa tapat niya.

"Hi," she greeted with a smile.

"Where have you been?" kunot-noo niyang tanong.

"Fiji," sagot nito.

"Fiji?"

"Yeah. I called my mom and threatened to kill myself if she won't send me to vacation. So she sent me to Fiji."

"Seryoso ka?"

She grinned. "Nah, it was my dad I threatened."

"Jaz..."

"Don't use that reprimanding tone on me. Besides, it did me good. I'm okay now. A little beach is all I need."

"And we're friends again?" alangan niyang tanong dito. "Because you practically shoved me out of your house the last time."

"It's okay if you don't want to. Like I said, I'm used to it. Pero hindi naman kita kinalimutan. Here..." She pushed the plastic bag towards him. "Ikaw lang ang may pasalubong sa 'kin."

"I want to," seryoso niyang sabi.

"You're an idiot," naiiling nitong sabi sa kanya. But that made her happier. She was smiling from ear to ear.

He shrugged. "I guess so." Tiningnan niya kung ano ang pasalubong nito. Puro chocolates. "Galing kang Fiji pero sa Duty Free ka lang namili ng pasalubong."

"Ayaw mo?" taas-kilay nitong tanong. She grabbed the plastic bag away.

"Gusto! Gusto..." Binawi naman niya iyon. "Nagtataka lang."

"I have some locally-made necklaces at home. I'll give you one if you like."

"Hindi na. Okay na 'ko rito."

He was just glad that she's okay. In a way, he feel obligated. Parang pakiramdam niya ay naging responsibilidad niya na ito. He has three sisters back at home. And then there's Jasmine. There's also Femi and Gale. His life's already entangled with girls. But Jaz, she's different.

She doesn't need him like they do. But he feels like she's the most in need of taking care of.

They went back to their original arrangements—minus the girlfriend-boyfriend part—like nothing happened. His friends started having new worlds of their own. Kanya-kanya. And they all have a significant other. He's always left behind. But now that Jazmin's back, pakiramdam niya'y hindi na sya nag-iisa.

He's not expecting for anything big to come out of it. Natuto na syang huwag umasa. But it feels nice to be needed again. Medyo clingy nga lang ito. Well, she did warn him.

Madalas siya nitong tawagan kapag may lakad ito at gusto nitong may kasama. Since she's well-off, ito na ang gumagastos. All she wants is his company, which he gladly gives, because he feels like he needed her company as well.

"Don't call me Jazmin anymore," she said. Kakalabas lamang nila mula sa Forever 21. Ipinalabit nito sa kanya ang mga pinamili nito.

"Huh? Bakit?"

She shrugged. "Because I don't want to."

"E ano na pala ang itatawag ko sa 'yo? Eloisa?"

Parang nagpanting ang tenga nito. She stopped walking and snapped at him. "Don't call me that!"

He backed away. "Okay! So, ano nga?"

"Ewan ko. Jel? Jae? Liz? Whatever works for you. Just... not my first names."

"Sadista? Maldita? Spoiled brat?"

Hinampas siya nito ng malakas sa braso.

"Aray!"

"Ikaw kasi!"

"Amazona na lang kaya ang itawag ko sa 'yo?"

She glared at him. "Subukan mo lang!" banta nito.

"Ama—"

Pinagsusuntok siya nito sa balikat.

"Aray aray aray!"

She huffed. "Ang ganda-ganda ko para tawaging amazona ano!"

"Bakit? Wala naman sa description nila na pangit sila, di ba? Malalakas at matatapang nga sila. Dapat matuwa ka pa."

"Jae na lang!"

Umiling siya. "Masyadong common."

"It's not! Call me Jae or I'll call you Ahn!"

He grunted. He hates that name. Noong bata pa siya, madalas siyang tuksuhin dahil doon. Kapag pa naman mga bata, kahit kababawan, ipinanunukso. Lucky for him, he outgrew it.

"Fine. I'll call you Jae."

And just like that, Jazmin's frown turned to a smile. "Good."

"Amazona. Tss," he muttered.

He stayed at her house for a while. Nagpadeliver na lang sila ng pagkain since Jazmin's not much of a cook at wala rin namang lulutuin sa bahay nito. Palagi itong kumakain sa labas, sa mga mamahaling restaurants. Perks of being alone, she said. Dahil nga naman sa mag-isa lang ito, wala itong inaalala kundi ang sarili nito.

"What's your remedy for loneliness?" he asked.

"The beach," agad nitong sagot. "I find the waves soothing. And the sands on my feet give me a sense of belonging. Like I'm home."

"Baka sirena ka dati."

"Sirena sa aplaya?" natatawa nitong tanong. "I can't swim."

He found that hard to believe.

"Mahilig ka sa beach pero hindi ka marunong lumangoy?"

Tumango ito. "Yeah. I almost drowned when I was a kid. Since then, hindi na ako nagtutong lumangoy."

"Pero hindi ka takot sa dagat?"

"It's scary. I find it scary. And yet, it's the type of monster that I would rather stare at in the eye than anxiously wait for to pounce at me in the dark."

"You lost me there."

"I'm not afraid of the water. Natatakot ako sa lalim ng dagat. I almost drowned because I stepped inside a hole underwater. I was afraid that it would happen again."

"Pero hindi ka takot sa dagat?" lito pa rin niyang tanong.

"Basta sa mababaw lang ako."

"You're afraid to go further."

"Yes. I'm afraid that if I go any deeper, I'll drown and no one would be there to save me. I've drowned a few times in my life, and the people who I thought would save me, didn't. They just watched me struggle to stay afloat."

He had a sense that she's not talking about the water anymore.

He reached for her hand and squeezed it. And when she threw him a questioning look, he simply smiled.

"Don't worry. I won't let you drown."

For a while, she just stared at him, to their hands and back to him again. Saka nito binawi ang kamay at nag-iwas ng tingin.

"Please lang, huwag kang mangako. I'm so tired of people who makes promises they couldn't keep."

"What makes you think that I won't keep it?"

"Just... don't promise me anything. Okay?"

Tumango siya para lang hindi sumama ang loob nito. "Okay."

She was finally able to smile again. Tumayo ito at pinatayo rin siya.

"Toby..."

"Hm?"

"Are you ready to let her go?"

He sighed. Here comes another punch.

"No."