"With her shoes in her hands, I am watching her dance as the hem of her dress gently kisses the grass. It suddenly rains on us. She is laughing and turns up her hands. Like autumn turns leaves, winter will breathe cold on our necks, snow in our paths. Wherever she goes, all that I know about us is that beautiful things never last. That's why fireflies flash." –Fireflies, Ron Pope

--

Jae's condition got a little better. Minsan ay nakakausap nya na ito ng matino. Kumakain na rin ito. He was also able to take her outside for walks. Bumabalik lang sa dati ang kundisyon nito kapag nakakakita ito ng baby.

Something just seems to click inside her mind and then the wall of sanity would crumble to the ground in an instant.

Her parents visited her once pero hanggang sa malayo lang ang mga ito. Hindi makalapit ang mga ito kay Jae. They tried once but she started lashing out, throwing everything she get her hands on. Sa huli, sya na lamang ang kinakausap ng mga ito. Sa kanya na lamang nila kinukumusta si Jae.

Katulad ngayong hapon, nasa sala sila ng mga magulang nito. Jae was sleeping. Nakabantay dito si manang Soling.

"Kailangan bang ipa-ospital pa si Eloisa?" tanong ng daddy nito sa kanya.

He shook his head. "Hindi naman daw po. Pero ini-advice ng doktor na mag-undergo sya ng therapy."

"Then make her go to therapy," Jae's mom replied. "Kami na ang magbabayad."

"Ayaw nya po e. Mas gusto nya raw dito sa bahay. Most of the time naman po, okay sya."

Napabuntong-hininga ang daddy ni Jae.

"Hindi ka ba napapagod?"

"Po?"

"I know my daughter's always been a handful. You really can't reason with her. She will do as she pleases. And now that she's like this, she became more difficult. Maiintindihan ka namin kung mapapagod ka na sa pag-aalaga sa kanya," paliwanag nito.

"We can take her with us. Mas maraming magagaling na doktor sa states," dagdag ng mommy ni Jae.

"Jae's always been crazy. She's always been unreasonable," he told them. "Nothing has changed."

"Everything has changed, hijo," she said. "We would understand if you don't want her anymore."

Subtle as it may be, ramdam niya ang gustong iparating ng mga ito. They want to take Jae away from him.

"Mahal ko po si Jae," came his answer.

"And we respect that, Toby. But love's not enough."

"Darating din ang panahon na mawawala ang pagmamahal na 'yan. Paano na lang ang anak namin kapag nagkataon?"

"Just because love didn't last for the both of you, doesn't mean that it won't last for us."

Nagyuko siya ng ulo, parang nakunsensya bigla sa sinabi.

Hindi agad nakasagot ang dalawang matanda. He knew he struck a chord but they didn't get angry. Instead, he heard them sigh. Nakita niyang nagkatinginan ang dalawa.

"Maybe it will but we have to make sure. You understand, right? Ayaw naming mangyari sa anak namin ang nangyari sa aming dalawa. We were so in love back then. We were so ready to take on the world side by side. Then one day, we just woke up and felt nothing. Na para bang isang araw, nagising na lang kami mula sa isang magandang panaginip."

"We tried to work it out by getting married. Sumakto naman noon na nabuo na si Eloisa. But marriage was not the answer. And Eloisa suffered gravely because of our mistakes."

"Maybe that's why she's afraid of getting married," he told them. "I was ready to ask her pero sinabi nyang hindi pa sya handa. Sabi nya, wala sa plano nya ang magpakasal. She's afraid that we will end up like you."

There was a surprised look on Jae's mother's face.

"Balak mong pakasalan si Eloisa?"

"Gusto ko po. Sana..."

"Baka naman nabibigla ka lang, hijo? Hindi biro ang magpakasal!"

"Alam ko po. Hindi ko rin naman po sigurado kung papayag sya."

"At kung papayag kami," mariing sabi ng daddy ni Jae.

"I mean no disrespect pero kung sakali man pong ayaw ninyo pero gusto ni Jae, sya po ang susundin ko."

Nagkatinginan ulit ang dalawa.

"Talaga bang mahal mo ang anak namin?"

"Opo."

"Paano kung hindi ka namin magustuhan?"

"Ang importante naman po, gusto ako ni Jae."

Hindi niya malaman kung ano ang sinasabi ng ekspresyon ng daddy ni Jae. He looked impressed with his answer. But then again, it could just be amusement.

Mukhang may sasabihin pa sana ito sa kanya. Sakto namang bumaba si manang sa hagdan at sumenyas sa kanya.

"Gising na sya. Hinahanap ka," sabi nito sa kanya.

Tinanguan niya ito.

"Pupuntahan ko po muna si Jae," paalam nya sa mga kausap. Saka sya tumayo at pinuntahan sa kwarto si Jae.

--

Nag-iwas kaagad siya ng tingin pagkabukas niya ng pintuan. She was in the middle of taking off her clothes. Nakaupo ito sa gilid ng kama, nakatalikod sa kanya. Hinintay muna niyang makapagbihis ito bago siya gumalaw.

"Jae..."

"Toby. Kanina ka pa?"

Umiling siya. "How was your sleep?"

"It would have been better if you were next to me."

Yumakap ito sa kanya. Siya naman ay humalik sa tuktok nito.

"Your parents are here," he whispered in her ear. He felt her stiffen. Kumuyom ang mga palad nito sa likuran niya. "Jae..."

"Don't let them take me."

"They won't take you away. I won't let them," he promised.

He felt her go at ease. Nakayakap pa rin ito sa kanya, but she was less stiff.

"I love you, Toby."

"I love you more."

Tumingala ito. She looked so refreshed from sleeping. Her cheeks are pinkish. Her hair's vibrant. Her lips, more plump. Her eyes look alive. She looks alive.

"Thanks for everything."

"Don't thank me yet. I still haven't done everything for you."

Inihilig nito ang ulo sa balikat niya.

"Sana kahit wala na tayong baby, manatili ka pa rin sa tabi ko. If you leave me, I'd go crazy."

"You have always been crazy, Jae." He chuckled. "That's why I love you."

--

Hindi ni Jae alam kung masasabi na ba niyang normal na siya. But being with Toby makes her feel normal. Sane.

Nang sabihin nitong nasa bahay ang parents niya, parang gusto niyang magtago. But he assured her that he won't let them take her away. How sweet is that?

"Bakit parang nahihilig kang mag-t-shirt lately?" kunot-noo nitong tanong sa kanya. Nakatingin ito sa suot nyang black Batman shirt na binigay sa kanya ni manang.

Humingi kasi siya ng mga pinaglumaang damit ng anak nitong lalaki na si Mikoy.

"They're comfortable," she answered. "Saka mas gusto mo ng simple, di ba?"

"Dahil lang sa 'kin kaya ka nagsusuot nyan? Jae, kung ano ang gusto mong isuot, iyon ang isuot mo. No need to change just to please me."

"But I want to please you. And somehow, wearing shirts pleases you. Reminds you of her, doesn't it?"

Alam naman niyang simpleng manamit si Jazz. That's why Toby likes it when she's wearing no makeup and just simple shirts. Because somehow, he could see Jazz in her. And somehow, he can have her. At least he could pretend to.

And maybe she comes off as pathetic for trying to be someone else just so she could have his love, but she doesn't care anymore.

"I don't love her anymore, Jae."

Ngumiti siya rito. "Don't worry, Toby. I'm not angry. I'm just happy na kahit sya ang gusto mo, hindi mo pa rin ako iniiwan."

--

Toby couldn't believe what he's hearing. He thought they have already established the fact that he was over his best friend now. Akala niya ay nag-sink in na kay Jae na ito ang gusto niyang makasama.

"Jae, I won't stay with you if I don't love you. I'm willing to defy your parents for you. I'm even willing to marry you. Hindi ko gagawin ang mga ginawa ko kung hindi kita mahal."

"You love her more. You have always loved her and you will never get over it. Naiintindihan ko naman."

"Why are you saying this?"

"When I lost the baby, I've come to realize that nothing will ever be permanent. I will lose things and people no matter how tightly I hold on to them. I know I will lose you too. Someday. I just don't want to get used to the idea that you won't leave me. It's easier to accept things this way."

Jae was very confusing. And now, she's even more frustrating. Parang kahit anong paliwanag ang gawin niya, hindi na ito makikinig sa kanya. One moment, she was asking him not to leave her no matter what. Ngayon naman ay sinasabi nitong tanggap nito kung iiwan niya ito.

Ano pa bang pagpapatunay ang kailangan niyang gawin para maniwalang itong hindi niya ito iiwan?

"Marry me," he blurted out.

She let out a nervous laugh.

"I'm serious," mariin niyang sabi.

"Toby, marriage is a one-way street with no exits and no looking back. I don't want you to tie yourself to me just because you feel responsible."

"I already told you that if I am to marry you, it will only be because of one thing."

"And we both know that it will never last."

"I'll make it last," giit niya. Lumuhod siya sa harapan nito. Holding both her hands, he pleaded, "Marry me and I'll make you believe that."

Pero kahit anong pakiusap niya, mukhang ayaw pa rin nito.

She shook her head.