"Trying hard to control my heart, I walk over to where you are. Eye to eye, we need no words at all. Slowly now we begin to move. Every breath I'm deeper into you. Soon, we two are standing still in time." –Crazy For You, Madonna

--

"What just happened?"

"We became one, Jae."

Jae woke up, gasping for air. Sinalubong siya ng malalamlam na ilaw ng glow in the dark stickers na nakadikit sa kisame ng kwarto niya. She didn't know why her dream ended like that. Kinikilabutan pa rin sya hanggang ngayon. Nagdadalawang-isip siya kung itutuloy pa ba niya ang pagtulog o hindi na. Ayaw niyang malaman ang kasunod na mangyayari but at the same time, she wanted to go back to that dream to change things, to fight for what she knows is real.

In her dream, they were walking hand in hand, both wearing black attires. Isang mahabang daan na may mga maple trees sa tigkabilang banda. May isang bench sa gilid. They were planning on resting there dahil pareho na silang pagod sa kalalakad.

He sat first and told her to sit next to him. But she became playful. Nakipaghilahan siya ng kamay. Hinila siya nito ng malakas. Then she landed on his lap.

They stared into each other's eyes for a long time. Then he pulled her by the nape and kissed her hard. One thing led to another. Kahit blurred ang nangyayari and she couldn't even make sense of what was happening, the feeling was real. Every touch, every kiss, and every rake of her nails down his back seemed real.

They were both breathless after. And when she looked into his blurry face again, she felt something wrong. A sickening feeling...

He didn't feel like Toby anymore. He became a stranger. He became Chase.

--

Jae was awfully quiet when he went to her house. Hindi alam ni Toby kung galit ito sa kanya o nagtatampo. At kung ganoon nga ang sitwasyon, mas lalong hindi niya alam kung bakit. Ayaw nitong pabuksan ang TV. Naka-electric fan lang sila. It was odd. Jae always has the aircon on full blast. Palaging bukas ang TV kahit hindi ito nanunuod.

But now, they were just sitting on the couch beside each other. He was staring at her while she was staring into space. Nakataas ang mga tuhod nito na yakap-yakap nito ng mahigpit.

"Jae, galit ka ba sa 'kin?" tanong niya.

"H-Ha?" Parang nagulat pa itong magkatabi sila. "Ano ulit?"

"Kanina ka pa kasi walang kibo. Galit ka ba?"

Umiling ito. "I'm just thinking. That's all."

"About what? Share mo naman sa 'kin."

Umiling itong muli. "I can't."

"Jae, kung ako man 'yang iniisip mo, pwede mo namang sabihin sa 'kin," pangungulit niya.

He saw her cheeks flush. But she indignantly refused to tell him what's on her mind.

"I can't, okay? Stop bugging me!"

The sudden change of her emotion alerted him. She might be PMSing. Nagiging halimaw ang mga babae kapag may PMS so hindi na sya nangulit pa.

Nagpaalam siya ritong babalik na siya sa apartment but she seemed like she didn't care. Nakatunganga pa rin ito. Sighing, he left her still stuck inside her own bubble. Baka bukas, magiging maayos na ulit sila.

--

Naiinis si Jae sa sarili niya. She wasn't able to go out because of that dream. Maghapon niya itong iniisip. Hindi niya alam ang ibig sabihin nito at natatakot siyang malaman pa iyon. But for the sake of her peace of mind, she feels like she has to.

When Toby came by, she ignored him completely. Hindi niya alam kung paano ito nakatagal ng mahigit isang oras na hindi niya ito iniimikan. She was so warped in her own thoughts that she didn't even care that he left.

She just wanted to be alone that night. But it was a bad idea. Because she dreamed of the same thing again. Same flow of events, just in a different setting. Pinilit niyang baguhin ang lalaking kasama. She tried to will it to be Toby but it seemed like she had no control of her own dream.

He became Chase again. And it scared her. Nang magising siya ng alas dos ng umaga, hindi na siya natulog muli. Ayaw na niyang matulog. Natatakot siyang mapanaginipan ulit iyon.

--

Toby invited her to dinner later that night. Ni hindi niya ito matingnan sa mata. She was afraid of this notion that he will turn into Chase before her very eyes. He might have noticed her discomfort dahil hindi siya nito tinigilan katatanong. Kahit nagalit na siya and she threatened to punch him in the face, hindi pa rin ito tumigil.

In the end, she told him about her dream... minus the making love part.

"Panaginip lang 'yon. Di 'yon totoo," sabi nito sa kanya.

"Dalawang magkasunod na araw na 'yon ang panaginip ko. That ought to count for something."

"You were thinking about it the whole day yesterday kaya ganon. Try mo kayang huwag isipin 'yon."

"I can't." She grimaced. "Parang totoo kasi."

He pointed at himself. "Magkamukha ba kami?"

She shook her head. "Hindi ko alam. I haven't seen him in years."

Hinawakan nito ang kamay nya. "Jae, I'm here, he's not. He's a thousand miles away. He can't get to you."

"Malay mo, umuwi sya."

Toby sighed. "Kung gusto mo, babantayan kitang matulog. Para kapag nagising ka, makikita mo 'ko agad. That way, you will be put at ease. Okay?"

"Okay."

But deep down the pit of her stomach, it seemed like a bad idea.

A very bad idea.

--

They were walking down a spiral staircase inside a grand mansion. They were both wearing old clothes. And instead of Jae, he calls her Juliet. She laughed and called him Romeo. Then he frowned and asked what's funny with his name.

She shrugged it off and continued walking with him. She could see a lot of people below, waiting for them. Nang tingnan niyang muli si Toby, may suot na itong korona.

And apparently, she has one too.

"Ayoko pang bumaba," sabi niya rito. She could see her parents below. Mukhang galit ang mga ito. And there's Chase too.

"We have to," he replied.

She shook her head vigorously and tugged at his hand. "Please... I don't want to go to them."

Sighing, he pulled her to the side. Biglang nagkaroon ng hallway sa gilid nila. And then, there's that familiar bench. On the side of the hallway was a balcony. She didn't know how it happened but it just appeared out of nowhere.

Dinala siya nito doon. They sat on the bench and looked out at the vast land in front of them.

"I want to look closer," she said. Tumayo siya at akmang lalapit sa veranda when he tugged at her hand. Suddenly, she was standing on the edge of a cliff and he's the one preventing her from falling.

He pulled her to him and the next thing she knew, she was sitting on his lap.

"Jae..."

His voice echoed inside her head.

"Jae, wake up."

--

Nagmulat siya ng mata at una niyang nakita si Toby.

"Binabangungot ka," sabi nito sa kanya.

Nakaramdam siya ng sobrang tuwa. She knew that if he had waited longer before waking her up, the Toby inside her dream would have had the chance to change into Chase again. Niyakap niya ito ng mahigpit.

"Thanks for waking me up."

He kissed her forehead.

"Matulog ka na ulit."

"Ayoko."

"Everything is fine. I'm here."

She shook her head. "I don't want to sleep." She's afraid that she might go back to the exact dreaded moment. "Don't let me fall asleep, Toby."

"Ano'ng gusto mong gawin ko? Gusto mo ng kape?"

She looked up at him. Bigla siyang nakaramdam ng kaba nang makita niyang nakatitig ito sa kanya. Gazes have no proven electricity and yet she felt a shiver down her spine. And maybe it's the pull of his intense gaze or the heady atmosphere or just him, but when he stooped down to kiss her, she closed her eyes and waited for their lips to connect.

And just like she feared, it didn't end there.

--

The rest of the dawn was dreamless. When she woke up, it was already morning. The sun was peeking through the window. Alam niyang may pasok si Toby. Miyerkules pa lang. Pero hindi ito umalis sa tabi niya. He was still sleeping.

She flushed when she realized that they were both naked under the sheets. He was her first... and second... and third... and she lost count already. How many times did they exactly do it? Wala na siyang matandaan. Hindi niya alam ang gagawin. How will she face him after this?

As if the thought willed him to wake up, he awoke. With his sleepy eyes boring on her, lalong nag-init ang mukha niya.

"Morning."

"W-What just happened?"

He caressed her face, taking his time to tuck the stray hair on her face behind her ear.

"We became one, Jae. That's what happened."