"So breathe in so deep, breathe me in. I'm yours to keep. And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap. And remember me tonight when you're asleep." –Fall For You, Secondhand Serenade

---

"Ang laki ng ngiti mo a," puna ni manang sa kagigising na si Jae.

"Syempre, manang." Sinuklay niya ang buhok gamit ang mga daliri at saka siya bumangon. "Dumaan ba sya kanina?"

"Nandyan pa sya sa baba."

"Po?" gulat niyang tanong. "Bakit? Wala syang pasok ngayon?"

Nagkibit-balikat ito. "Hinihintay ka nyang gumising kanina pa. Ewan ko ba naman sa binatang 'yon. Parang hindi kayo nagkikita araw-araw," naiiling nitong sabi.

Tumingin sya sa orasan. It was still early. Almost 8 pa lang. Pero alas nwebe ang pasok ni Toby. Magbabyahe pa ito. He would be late because of her. E sino ba naman kasing may sabing antayin siya nitong gumising?

Patakbo siyang lumabas ng kwarto at bumaba sa sala. Naabutan niya itong nagkakape. Mukhang pinag-almusal ito ni manang habang hinihintay siya.

"Good morning!" nakangiti nitong bati.

"Bakit nandito ka pa? Mali-late ka nyan!"

"Wala akong pasok ngayon. Sa Saturday ako pinapapasok."

She sat beside him. "Bakit?"

He shrugged. "Di ko tinanong."

"Kaya naman pala ang bagal mong uminom ng kape."

"Malamig na nga 'to e. Ang tagal mo kasing gumising."

"Sorry naman. Sana kasi sinabi mong wala kang pasok ngayon."

"Kanina ko lang din nalaman. Bihis na bihis na 'ko nang tawagan ako."

"So, ano'ng gagawin mo ngayon?" tanong niya rito.

"Labas tayo?"

"Okay." She didn't want to sound too glad that he asked. Ang naging dating tuloy, parang wala syang gana.

"Ayaw mo yata e."

"Gusto!"

"Parang napipilitan ka lang."

"Oy hindi a! Gusto ko nga!"

Now, she's a bit too enthusiastic. He took her hand and gently squeezed it.

"Sige, kung gusto mo talaga, be ready in thirty minutes."

Sinimangutan nya ito. "Baka pagtu-toothbrush lang ang magawa ko."

"E di mag-toothbrush ka lang."

Sinapak niya ito. "Adik ka!"

Tumawa-tawa lang ito. Although he looks as though he meant it as a joke, she knew better. Kaya tumayo na siya at tumakbo sa banyo para agad na maligo. She managed to shorten her usual bathing hours in 23 minutes. Muntikan pa syang madulas dahil patakbo siyang pumunta ng kwarto para magbihis.

She knew why he likes rushing her. Wala na kasi syang time mag-ayos. He likes her raw and bare, not covered up in colors and blings.

Nagsuot siya ng dress, nagsuklay ng buhok, naglagay ng hikaw at kwintas saka bracelet, nagsuot ng sandals tapos ay nag-lipstick at nag-polbo. She looked okay. She's still not used with not using her face as a paint canvass.

She's excellent when it comes to makeup pero ngayon, hindi nya magamit ang galing na 'yon. Hindi pa rin sya sure if it's a bad thing.

--

At exactly thirty minutes, bumababa na sya ng hagdan. Toby looked like he was about to applaud her.

"Sana ganyan ka na lang kabilis maligo araw-araw," kumento ni manang.

"Nagtutulo pa nga ang buhok ko o," reklamo niya. Piniga niya yung dulo ng buhok nya.

"Ano ka ba namang bata ka! Gumamit ka ng towel!" saway sa kanya ng matanda.

"Manang, if I rub my hair so vigorously with a towel just to quicken the drying process, masisira ang buhok ko."

Manang Soling rolled her eyes.

"Akala mo naman hindi nakakasira ng buhok ang blow-drier."

Hindi na lang niya ito pinansin. She squeezed the excess water off her hair and then she turned to Toby.

"Saan tayo pupunta?"

He just shrugged.

--

An hour later...

Her hands were sweaty. Kumapit siya sa sleeve ng polo ni Toby.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Baka kasi hindi ka sumama," sagot nito.

"Hija, kumakain ka ba ng ginisang hipon?" tanong ng nanay ni Toby sa kanya.

Tumango siya. "Opo."

Ngumiti ito at saka bumalik sa kusina. Nanunuod ng TV ang tatay ni Toby. Nasa sala sila pare-pareho. Nagulat siya kanina nang dere-deretsong pumasok si Toby sa isang bahay pagkababa nila ng jeep. Sinalubong ito ng isang matandang babae na maamo ang mukha.

Pagpasok nila, may isang matandang lalaking nanunuod ng TV. Kamukha nito si Toby. Para ngang pinagbiyak na bunga ang dalawa. And when she finally realized where she was, it's too late.

Hindi na sya nakabackout nang ipakilala siya nito sa mga magulang nito.

"Darating mamaya si Ate. Gusto ka rin daw nyang makita."

Parang lalo siyang namutla. "Baka hindi nya 'ko magustuhan."

"Ano ka ba. Magugustuhan ka nun. Gusto ka nga ng nanay ko e."

--

His sister arrived an hour before lunch. Tapos, mga thirty minutes later, dumating ang dalawa pa nitong kapatid na babae. This might be the reason why he's so caring with girls... because he grew up surrounded by a lot of females. Idagdag pa ang best friend nitong si Jasmine.

Mababait naman ang mga kapatid nito, lalo na iyong bunso na parang ayaw nang humiwalay sa kanya. Sa ate nito siya medyo mailang. Mukha itong masungit. She's polite, alright, but not necessarily friendly.

"So, ikaw pala yung binalak sundan ng kapatid ko sa America?"

Hindi sya agad nakasagot.

"Ikaw 'yon, hija?" tanong naman ng nanay ni Toby.

Bahagya siyang tumango.

"Huwag mo na ulit iiwanan ang kapatid ko ha."

"Ate, hindi naman sya umalis e. Nagtatago lang."

"Bakit ka naman nya pagtataguan? Ano na namang ginawa mo?" tanong ng ate ni Toby dito. Sa tono ng boses nito, parang nangangaral na ito kahit wala pa mang pangangaral na lumalabas sa bibig nito.

"Wala po. Misunderstanding lang," depensa naman niya.

"Jae, ang misunderstanding, hindi nareresolba ng pagtatago. Kung may nagawa sa 'yong hindi maganda ang kapatid ko, sabihin mo sa 'kin. Ako ang sasapak dyan."

Napangiti siya dahil dun. And the awkward atmosphere was broken in an instant.

In all fairness to Toby's family, they are really nice. No wonder na mabait ito, because he grew up in a nice and loving family. It made her sad somehow, thinking that she didn't have that privilege. Nang matapos ang araw, parang ayaw na niyang umuwi. At ayaw na rin halos siyang pauwiin ng mga ito.

She promised that she would come back soon. They told her to drop by this coming Sunday.

"Ang clingy ng pamilya mo ha," biro niya kay Toby nang makasakay na sila sa bus.

He laughed. "They all like you."

"Yung tatay mo, hindi ako masyadong kinausap."

"Tahimik talaga 'yon."

"Even with Jasmine?"

She had to ask, because she can't stop from comparing herself with Jazz.

"Iba naman sya. We're practically a family."

Tumango-tango na lamang siya.

"Nakakatuwa ang family mo. Ang babait nila."

"Syempre naman." Umakbay ito sa kanya. "E sa parents mo? Kelan mo ako ipakikilala?"

Bahagya silang nalungkot.

"I could introduce you to my mom and then to my dad. Hindi ko sila pwedeng ipakilala sa 'yo ng sabay. The room will explode with too much animosity between them."

"Ano ka ba. Hindi 'yan. I'm sure that they can work things out when it comes to you. Mahal ka kaya nila."

She shook her head. "Graduation ko nga noong college, kinailangan ko pang mamili kung sino sa kanila ang papupuntahin ko. In the end, I had to come alone para walang magtampo."

"Okay lang naman sa 'king isa muna tapos saka na yung isa pa."

"Nakakahiya sa pamilya mo. Sila, bandwagon welcome tapos sa 'kin..."

He kissed her cheek. "Don't worry about it, Jae. I don't mind."

--

But she does. So she called her mom first when she got home.

"Ma, I have to tell you something."

"Me too, dear. Ako muna ha? Your dad's here too."

"Tito Kevin?"

"No hija, your dad."

Napakunot ang noo niya. How the hell did they end up in the same room? Wala bang nabasag o nasira o namatay dahil doon?

"Hi baby!"

It was her dad's voice.

"Ma, naka-conference kayo?"

"No, magkasama kami. We were just about to call you."

"Why are you together?"

"We were discussing things, hija," her dad said.

"What things?"

"Your future."

"What about my future?"

She heard them both sigh.

"Before you react, hear us first, okay? We've thought about this and we both agreed that it's best if—"

"—If we set you up with Chase."

"Who?"

Did she hear them right? She was being set up? Like a blind date?

"Si Chase, dear. Naaalala mo pa 'yung classmate mo noong elementary na nag-migrate sa US? Apparently, he's still single and since you're still single—"

"I'm not! I have a boyfriend!"

She heard her mom's resigned sigh once again. "Anak, alam naman nating hindi rin kayo magtatagal. How long do you plan on spending your time with someone you will just let go of eventually? With Chase, your future's secured. He has a nice job. He can take care of you."

"Toby has a nice job too!" giit niya.

"Toby? Is this the guy who stood you up before? Yung sinabi mong kasama mong susundo sa akin sa airport, the one who didn't show up?"

Her mom's words sting. Alam nyang totoo iyon. But things are different now.

"He just had to be somewhere else, ma. It's an emergency."

"Hija, shouldn't you be with someone who will treat you as their priority?" her dad asked.

She scoffed. "And you still wonder why I'm not living with either of you?"

"Eloisa..."

"Mom, dad, I'm old enough to know who I want to be with. I'm old enough to make decisions on my own. I don't even know who this Chase is anymore. Why would I want to date him?"

"Chase agreed to marry you, anak. So if you want to be with this Toby, fine. But give us a time when you will end it so we could make arrangements."

"No!"

"Eloisa, huwag nang matigas ang ulo. We're doing this for your own good."

"No! Nothing you ever did is for my own good! You don't have a say about my future! Just... fuck off!"

"Watch your mouth, young lady!"

"Or what? You'll freeze my cards? Go ahead! I don't fucking care!"

"Iyang katigasan ng ulo mo ang dahilan kung bakit ginagawa namin ito, anak. Kung patuloy kang magiging ganyan, wala nang makakatagal sa 'yo."

"And you think this Chase can?"

"Yes. Just give it a chance, anak. Come over here for a week and we'll talk," pakiusap ng mommy niya.

"No."

"Eloisa," came her dad's angry voice. "Lose this stubbornness or I will disinherit you!" he threatened.

Gusto niyang matawa. So may ipapamana pa pala sa kanya ang mga magulang niya? What, scraps? The ones that her step-siblings don't need?

"Are you threatening me, dad?"

Narinig niyang nagtalo ang dalawa. Maya-maya'y nagsasagutan na ang mga ito. Malakas. Maingay. And just like that, she was transported back to that day. Sawang-sawa na siya sa ganitong eksena. Instead of a loving family, she grew up with her mom giving her dad a cold shoulder. She'd wake up every day with her dad screaming.

Sa sobrang dalas, parang namanhid na ang tainga niya sa mga sigawan nila.

"Can you two stop shouting for a minute and hear me out?"

Mukhang hindi sya narinig ng mga ito. But she heard them. She kept on hearing them. Nagsisisihan na naman ang dalawa. Nagbubulyawan na naman sila. She heard her mom say that she regretted ever meeting him and he said he felt the same.

Why did they even get together in the first place? Parang wala nang natirang pagmamahal sa dalawa para sa isa't isa.

"HEY!" she yelled.

"What?!" they chorused. Finally, they fell silent.

Huminga siya ng malalim at saka nagsalita.

"I don't want to be set up with any guy. If you will disinherit me because of that, fine. Go ahead. But let me keep the house. It's no use to any of you anyway."

Pagkasabi'y saka niya tinapos ang tawag.

She wanted to curl up to a ball and cry her eyes out but no tears came. Parang kasawaan na lang ang naramdaman niya. Sawang-sawa na siya sa mga magulang niya.

She called Toby. Nakailang ring bago ito sumagot. He was already sleeping when she called. She told him what they told her. Parang nagising ang diwa nito at gusto pa nga siyang puntahan sa bahay niya.

"Huwag na. Bukas na lang," sabi niya rito.

"Okay ka lang ba?" tanong nito.

"Yes. I'm used to it."

"Jae..."

"I'm fine, Toby."

He sighed. "So, ano'ng plano mo? Itatanan na ba kita?"

Bahagya syang natawa. "Sira."

"Basta ha, sabihin mo sa 'kin kapag hindi mo na kaya. I'm just here."

"I know. Matulog ka na ulit. Thanks for the time."

"Okay. Good night."

She ended the call and stared at the ceiling. Ilang minuto rin siyang ganoon. Inisip niya kung ano ang mga options niya. There's no use talking to her parents. Namana niya ang katigasan ng ulo niya sa dalawa so alam niyang hindi iyon madaling mabali.

Paano nga kaya kung tanggalan siya ng mana ng mga ito? Or worse, baka tigilan ng mga ito ang pagsustento sa kanya. Paano na lang siya?

And what of Toby? Paano kung tama ang mommy niya na hindi rin naman sila magtatagal? What if she made the wrong decision of turning Chase down without even giving him a chance?

She shook her head. Maybe I'm just over-thinking things...