"So turn up the corners of your lips. Part them and feel my finger tips. Trace the moment, fall forever." --Vindicated, Dashboard Confessional

---

It's almost 10PM when she heard the doorbell ring. She wasn't expecting anyone. She didn't order any pizza. Hindi na lang niya iyon pinansin. Baka may pumindot lang. Minsan kasi, may mga bata o isip-bata na napapadaan sa bahay nila at nakikita ang doorbell na yun. Kapag wala silang magawa sa buhay, pipindutin nila iyon nang pipindutin hanggang sa lumabas siya at magsisigaw.

There was a few minute lapse before it rang again. Frowning, she took a peep behind the curtained window. Nanlaki ang mata niya nang makitang nakatayo si Toby sa labas ng gate. She hurried outside.

"Bakit nandito ka? Gabing-gabi na a?"

"Ang lungkot mo kasi kanina nung sinabi kong hindi ako pupunta."

"Ha? Hindi kaya. Imagination mo lang yun," pagtanggi niya. Akala niya ay hindi nito naramdamang may dinamdam niya ang pagtanggi nitong pumunta kanina. It had been two hours since they talked on the phone. Still, kahit medyo late, naappreciate naman niya ang effort nito.

He smiled and pinched her chin. "Sus. Kunwari ka pa."

Pinalis niya ang kamay nito. Napakunot ang noo niya nang matamaan ng paningin niya ang hawak nitong bag.

"Ano 'yan? Bakit may bag kang dala?"

"Gabing-gabi na kasi. Dito na lang ako manggagaling bukas para sa trabaho ko."

"Ha?!"

"Don't worry. Sa couch ako matutulog."

Remembering that little incident when he got a little sick made her blush. Something could have happened that night. But it didn't, she reminded herself. It's not meant to happen.

And who knows how they'll end up if something did happen.

"Fine. Halika sa loob."

--

"It's almost two months, Jae."

"Oo nga e. Ang bilis ng panahon."

Isang linggo na lang at magda-dalawang buwan na sila simula noong humingi ito ng extension sa kanya. Sa araw ng pagdating ng mommy niya galing sa states, saktong ikalawang buwan. Plano sana niyang i-celebrate iyon.

She was surprised that he remembered.

"How was I, Jae?" Hinawakan nito ang kamay niya.

"You've been good, Toby."

"Sinabi ko naman sa 'yo, di ba? Hindi ka na iiyak."

"May isang buwan pa. We'll see." Tinitigan niya ang mga kamay nila. It's such a nice feeling to have someone's hand wrapped up with hers. It's so reassuring. And yet, at the back of her mind, she can't let go of this thought. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you like me?"

"Yes," sagot nito na may kasama pang tango.

"How much? I mean, from the scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, nasaan na ako?"

Nagdadalawang-isip itong sumagot so she assumed na mababa pa rin ang lagay niya. But she has to know. Para alam din niya kung kailan ba siya titigil. Baka kailangan na pala niyang tumigil.

She didn't want to. Masyado pa syang masaya para matapos ang lahat. Kahit parang tamang matapos din ng biglaan ang lahat, ayaw pa niya.

"Eight."

"Eight?" That was another surprise. She was expecting for five or six. "Eight na?"

"Bakit? Ano bang ini-expect mo?"

"Something lower," halos pabulong niyang sabi.

Bahagya itong yumuko. "Lower?"

Tumango siya.

"Bakit naman?"

"Kasi—"

Napayuko na rin sya. Bakit nga ba? Dahil wala siyang kumpyansa sa sarili niya. Maybe that's it. Feeling nya less deserving sya. Or maybe she just didn't expect anything above the usual that she's getting.

"Kasi...?"

Too close.

He was too close. Parang alam na alam na nito kung ano ang epekto nito sa kanya. He certainly didn't hold back. He was taking advantage of the situation. He knew the tricks to make her blush or shut up or smile.

Sa ilang taon nang pagtatago niya ng totoong naraaramdaman sa mga tao, parang pagdating kay Toby nagiging transparent siya.

Bahagya niya itong itinulak.

"I-I have another question."

"But you didn't answer mine, Jae."

"It's because I don't think I deserve an eight," she quipped. "Now can we move on to my next question?"

Kunot-noo itong umurong. "Okay?"

Finally, when she was able to look him in the eyes, she asked, "Are you ready to let her go?"

His sad face said it all. So kahit pala 8 na siya para rito, it doesn't mean that his feelings for Jazz changed. He's still in love with her. Maybe he will never fall out of love for her. But hey, she still got an eight. That counts for something. Maybe.

She pulled him by the collar and buried her face on his neck.

"Jae?"

"Don't answer that."

She heard him sigh.

"Aren't you going to punch me?" tanong nito sa kanya.

Umiling siya. "Hindi na. My fist hurts from all the punching."

She felt his arms wrap around her. "Please don't cry."

"I won't." Though she feared that her voice's about to crack, pinigilan niya ang sariling umiyak. If she cries, their deal would end. She can't have that. Not just yet.

Pumikit na lamang siya. Think happy thoughts, Jae, she urged herself.

Hinalikan siya nito sa tuktok. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Jae..."

Tumunghay siya rito at pinilit ngumiti. "Hey, at least I got an eight from you. Dalawa na lang, ten na."

Kumunot ang noo nito but eventually, the confusion on his face faded. He then cupped her face and looked at her intently. Maybe he's wondering why she's so positive tonight.

"Jae, I—"

Inunahan niya ito. She kissed his nose. "Good night. Maaga ka pa bukas."

She ran upstairs, locked her room and cried against her pillow.

--

Sunday. She was expecting her mom's plane to arrive at around 3 in the afternoon. Hinihintay niya si Toby na sunduin siya sa bahay. Ang usapan kasi nila ay dadaan ito sa bahay niya tapos ay sabay nilang susunduin ang mommy niya sa airport.

Fifteen minutes before 3 pero wala pa rin ito. It's unlike him to be late. Usually ay maaga pa ito ng trenta minutos.

She sent him a few text messages already pero hindi naman ito nagrereply. If there's something urgent, sasabihin naman siguro nito sa kanya.

When she called him, the phone just kept on ringing. No one was answering. Hindi niya alam kung ano na'ng nangyari rito. She ended up going to the airport alone.

"O? Akala ko ba may kasama ka sa pagsundo sa 'kin? Where is he?"

"He can't come, ma."

Her mom frowned. Hindi niya alam kung dahil alam nitong pinagtatakpan niya si Toby o iniisip nitong gawa-gawa lang si Toby. Mas maganda pa nga siguro kung totoo iyong pangalawa.

Nagpahatid sila sa taxi pauwi ng bahay. Pinagpahinga muna niya ang mommy niya ng ilang oras bago sila lumabas para kumain. She was checking her phone hourly, pero wala pa ring reply o tawag si Toby. Naiinis na siya rito. Ang ayaw niya sa lahat ay iyong hindi marunong tumupad sa usapan.

Ano ba namang klaseng emergency ang meron ito at ni ang sabihan siyang hindi ito makakapunta ay hindi nito nagawa?

--

Nang dumating ang alas dyes ng gabi ay saka nito naisipang mag-reply.

Sorry. May importante lang kasing nangyari.

Importante? And that's when she realized something. Of course, what could be more important? It has to be Jazz. Si Jazz lang naman ang inuuna nito sa lahat. Sino nga ba naman sya para maging importante para rito? She's just the second option, a fail-safe.

Of course, he would choose Jazz over her.

Hindi na niya ito nireplyan. She dropped the phone on the toilet and tried to flush it down. Nang hindi ito nawala ay hinayaan na lang niya iyon doon.

Pinuntahan niya ang ina na nasa sala at nanunuod ng teleserye sa TV. Tinabihan niya ito at kinuhit. "Ma, nahulog yung phone ko sa toilet bowl," sabi niya rito.

Hininaan nito ang volume ng TV at saka siya hinarap. "Ha?"

"Nahulog yung phone ko sa toilet."

Pumunta ito sa banyo para tingnan ang phone. "Aww, sayang naman, anak. Wala ka na bang ibang phone?"

Umiling siya. Though the truth is, may isa pa syang phone. It's from her dad pero hindi niya ginagamit dahil hindi nya type ang brand.

"Wala na, ma. Okay lang naman sa 'kin na walang phone. Less hassle."

"But what if you need to contact us?"

"E di makikitawag ako. And also, there's the internet, ma."

Sumimangot ang mommy niya. "No, that won't do. I'll buy you a phone tomorrow."

She shrugged. "Okay."

Naiiling na lang itong pumunta sa kwarto nito para matulog. She turned the TV off and went to her room. Wala na rin naman siyang magawa. Hindi sya mahilig manuod ng TV. The only reason why she bought one as replacement to the one that she broke before is because Toby likes to watch TV.

Toby calls her every night. He send her text messages. Minsan magkausap pa sila sa FB simultaneously. He keeps her nights preoccupied. And since he's busy doing something else, blangko ang gabi niya.

--

Dahil sa hindi pa siya masyadong inaantok, nag-online muna siya sandali. Tiningnan niya ang profile ni Toby sa Facebook. And her heart just sank when she learned where he's been all this time. He was tagged on a picture that was uploaded just an hour ago. Buong barkada nila kasama, nasa ospital. Jazz was lying the hospital bed, cradling two babies.