"Every heart in the room will melt." --All About Us, He Is We

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Pinatunayan ni Toby na karapat-dapat itong bigyan ng second chance. Maybe the thought of it finally ending scared him. He became the sweetest guy and she could not be any happier. It just saddens her at the same time, because she knew that underneath all that sugar and everything nice and pleasant, lays a heart that is still not hers.

But she's not pushing it. He needs time, not persuasion.

Minsan nga ay natatakot na siya. She knew that something bad would happen if the happiness escalates. Based from her experience, happiness is not something that stays.

Back when she was a kid, she won something big. May isang major competition sa school kung saan siya nanalo. Her parents weren't there to witness it because they had been very busy lately. She wanted to surprise them that day. Excited syang umuwi noon. Hindi na sya masyadong nagdamdam kahit hindi siya nasundo ng daddy niya noon. Tuwang-tuwa siyang nagkikwento sa driver nila tungkol sa napanalunan nya sa school.

She was showing off her medal. Pati sa yaya niyang kasamang sumundo sa kanya. She didn't know back then why they look so sad. Inaya pa siya ng mga ito na gumala muna. But she insisted on going straight home.

And what did she find?

Puro kalat sa bahay. Akala niya noong una ay ninakawan sila. She noticed her father on the edge of the stairs. Nakatulala ito.

Despite the chaos inside the house, she managed to smile as she showed him her medal. And when she asked for her mom, that's when he cracked.

"Mommy left," he said.

"What time is she coming back, dad?" she asked.

Hindi sumagot ang daddy niya. Niyakap lamang siya nito.

Hindi pa malinaw sa kanya ang nangyayari noon. She tried to ask the help but they won't say anything. It's as if they're all in on a secret that she's not allowed to know.

Then, weeks later, may ipinakilala sa kanyang magandang babae ang daddy niya. He asked her to call the woman Mommy Anya. She didn't want to. Para sa kanya, isa lang babae ang pwede niyang tawaging mommy.

Her father understood so he didn't push it. Pero, di kalaunan, lalong hindi niya naiintindihan ang mga pangyayari.

Her mom came back, but she's with someone else. Her mom asked her to come with her. Hindi pumayag ang daddy niya. They were arguing about custody, which she had no idea about. Tapos pumunta sila sa isang lugar kung saan may mga taong pormal na pormal manamit. They were pleasant to her pero kapag kakausapin ng mga ito ang mga magulang niya, kunot-noo ang mga ito.

There came a point na tinanong siya ng mga ito kung kanino niya gustong sumama: sa mommy or sa daddy niya. Ayaw niyang mamili. It's like choosing between cake and ice cream. She loves both, equally. Kaya nga gustong-gusto niya ang ice cream cake, because it's a combination of two things that she loves the most. Her parents were like that to her, she can't have one without the other.

Nang hindi magkasundo ang mga magulang niya ay napagpasyahan siyang kupkupin ng lola niya. Her lola was different from her parents. Hindi ito naniniwalang dapat ay itago sa kanya ang lahat. It wouldn't spare her the hurt. It will just deepen the lie hanggang sa kung kailan kailangan na itong hukayin, masyado nang malalim.

So her lola told her everything. Both her parents were seeing other people. Taon na ang binibilang ng mga affairs ng mga ito. The only thing keeping them together is her. And then one day, every stretched tie just snapped.

They have finalized their decision to separate. Pero nang malaman niya iyon, ayaw na niyang sumama kahit na sino sa dalawa. She felt betrayed. And she became hateful.

For years, tanging ang lola niya ang taong pinahalagahan niya. Nagbibigay ng sustento sa kanya ang mga magulang niya. At first, she was indignant. Ayaw niyang tanggapin ang kahit anong bagay na bigay ng mga magulang niya. But then she realized that it's the only good thing that they could do, given the fact that they went ahead and created new families, both excluding her.

She began demanding. She began asking for more, way more than they could give. She hoped that those material things could fill the void they left in her heart. At sa lahat ng bagay na hiningi niya, hindi niya nakalimutang bigyan ang kanyang lola.

But the woman was old. And it didn't take long before death caught up with her. Jae was only 14 when her grandmother died. Bumalik ang dating away ng mga magulang niya nang nag-iisa na lamang siya. The bribes became bigger, higher, and more expensive. For a while, she had no choice but to go with either of them because she's not of legal age yet. Pero hindi niya matagalan ang mga kapatid niya sa labas on either side.

Palagi niyang iniisip noon kung ano ba ang kulang sa kanya. Bakit hindi sila makuntento sa kanya? Kahit anong gawing pakikipaglapit ng mga kapatid at magulang sa kanya, nanatili siyang matigas. Nanatili siyang manhid sa mga pakiusap.

When she became eighteen, she jumped on a plane and went home. And she insisted on staying alone. Eventually, natanggap na nila pare-pareho ang setup. They will give her whatever she wants, provided that she will live on her own on their old house.

They can visit but not for long.

Sinukuan na siya ng lahat dahil sa pagiging matigas niya. Regrets? There are a lot. She would sometimes imagine what could have been if she only didn't push them away. But she'll brush it off immediately, before any shred of feeling gets to her.

She had been with a few guys in the past. Pero dahil pakiramdam niya'y iiwan din siya ng mga ito sa hindi kalaunan, siya na mismo ang nagtatakda ng expiration date ng mga relationships niya. The only guy who made her feel like the feeling would never end was JT.

But she got scared because she began falling deeper. And so she ended it, hoping that the feeling would die soon. But after a few months, it didin't. Then, she began hating the world again.

Toby was a lot like JT. But what made her so attracted to Toby is the fact that he can't move on from Jazz. Pakiramdam niya, kapag nagkagusto ito sa kanya, mahihirapan din itong kumawala sa kanya. And after all that happened to her, she now craves for something that will last indefinitely. Yung walang expiration date.

Her thoughts got interrupted by the loud ringing of her phone. It was an overseas call, from her mom.

"Yes, ma?"

"Loi, anak, how are you?"

"I'm fine, ma. Why did you call?" she replied curtly.

"Can't I call you whenever I want to?" tanong nito sa kanya. Halata sa tono nito ang pagtatampo.

She rolled her eyes. It's been a month since she contacted her. So kailangan palang naka-schedule ang pangungumusta? Buwanan? Sabagay, sanay na naman siya. Siguro nga mas mabuti pa iyong wala na lamang pakialamanan.

Because as much as she hates to admit it, she longs for them to care. And when they do, it doesn't last long. Sometimes, their care is only as long as their phone calls.

"Yeah, I guess."

She heard a sigh of relief. "Ayan. Anyway, anak, is your dad coming over any time soon?"

"No. Bakit?"

"Plano ko kasing umuwi. If he's not coming over, then I'll be there by Sunday, next week."

"You can go, ma. I haven't heard from dad. And when he calls, I'll tell him that you're coming over."

Parang mga bata ang mga magulang niya. Ayaw ng mga itong magkikita. Kaya halinhinan ang mga ito kung umuwi. Sometimes, she wonders why they even got married. How can two people who hate each other get married? That's suicide.

"Oh, okay. I'll see you soon, dear."

"Ma, wait!"

"Hm?"

"I-I have someone I want to introduce to you."

"Oh? Bakit? What happened to JT?"

"We broke up almost two years ago."

"Bakit hindi mo man lang sinabi sa 'kin?" May himig na naman ng pagtatampo sa boses nito.

"What's the use? It's not as if we'd have gotten together if I told you."

"At least naman, anak, may karamay ka."

She let out a hollow laugh. "Keep your care to yourself, ma. I've had worse."

"Loi..."

"I'll hang up now."

Agad niyang tinapos ang tawag. Hindi na niya hinintay na makapagsalita pa ito. Totoo naman ang sinabi niya. She didn't need comforting. She's had worse. And she's broken enough. Another break won't matter. She's already in shards. What's the difference?

Still... ano kaya ang pakiramdam ng may magulang? Yung hindi responsibilidad lang ang turing sa kanya.

Binuksan niya agad ang TV para matuon sa iba ang atensyon niya. Malulungkot lamang siya kung palaging sila ang iisipin niya. Nangyari na ang nangyari. Kahit bumalik pa sila sa dati, huli na. Masyado nang maraming taon ang nasayang.

Tinawagan niya si Toby. Sa boses pa lang kasi nito, natutuwa na siya. She hoped that hearing his voice would make her feel a little better. And it did.

"Busy ka ba?" tanong niya rito.

"Hindi naman. Bakit?"

"Wala."

"Gusto mong pumunta ako dyan?" tanong nito. She was tempted to say yes.

"Huwag na. Palagi ka nang nandito. Magpa-miss ka naman."

"E? Akala ko namimiss mo na 'ko kaya ka tumawag." Napangiti siya sa sinabi nito. It might be true. Siguro, subconsciously ay namimiss na niya ito, kahit pa ba kakakita lang nila kahapon. "Bakit natahimik ka? Totoo 'no?"

Tumikhim siya. "Uuwi si mama," paglilihis niya sa usapan.

"O? E di mabuti."

"Sabi ko ipakikilala kita."

"Ha?"

She bit her lip. "Too soon ba?"

"Uh... medyo. Pero ayos lang. Anong araw ba?"

"Sunday daw sya darating e. Pwedeng samahan mo 'ko pagsundo sa kanya sa airport?"

"O sige, dadaanan na lang kita dyan."

"Okay."

He fell silent for a while. Natahimik din sya, hinihintay itong magsalita.

"Hello?"

"Ano?" tanong nito.

"Wala lang. Hindi ka na kasi nagsalita."

"A, akala ko kasi may sasabihin ka pa."

"Wala na."

"Ayaw mo talagang pumunta ako dyan?"

"Ikaw, kung gusto mo." Ang dali sanang magsabi ng oo, pero ayaw niyang sya na lang palagi ang humihingi o nakikiusap. Mas maganda kasi yung nagkukusa. She's giving him a chance to initiate.

But sometimes, waiting for someone to do the first move can be quite disappointing.

"Sa ibang araw na lang siguro," sabi nito.

"Oh. Okay."