"That if you ever needed someone to pick up the pieces in your life..." --Right Girl, The Maine

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Gamit ang kaliwa nitong kamay, sinapak siya nito. Sa sobrang lakas, pakiramdam niya'y naalog ang utak niya.

"Aray!" Napasapo siya sa ulo niya.

She couldn't hide her displeasure. Masama ang tingin nito sa kanya.

"Hindi ako band-aid, Toby. Hindi ako panakip-sugat. Hindi ka gagaling sa 'kin."

Sumeryoso siya. "I don't see you as a band-aid, Jae. You're more like an alcohol. You sting."

"Akala ko dahil nagdi-disinfect ako. I kill the bacteria so the wound won't be infected. And later on, it will heal."

"Yep. Pero masakit."

"Pero gagaling naman ang sugat."

"Oo nga. Pero masasaktan muna ang nasugatan."

"Talagang masasaktan ka sa 'kin!"

He looked at her intently, not sure of what she meant by what she said.

"So... tinatanggap mo na?"

She pulled her hand away. Sya naman ay itinaas ang dalawang kamay bilang depensa, thinking na hahamapasin na naman siya nito. But she just stared ahead.

"What are you trying to do here?"

"I'm trying to move on," he answered seriously.

"Paano kung hindi mo magawa? Where will that leave me?"

"Gusto naman kita e," he assured her.

"You like me but you love her. And if she would only love you back, you wouldn't even like me."

"That's not true. I believe that we met for a reason. Naalala mo noong muntikan ka nang masagasaan?"

She nodded, frowning. "You saved me back then. But I didn't need saving. I intend to die that day."

"Tingin mo coincidence talaga na at the lowest point of my life, I met you at yours?"

"I still think your idea's stupid."

"Maybe." He shrugged. "Pero posibleng makapag-move on tayo kapag naging tayo."

"Posible ring hindi."

"Bakit ba ang nega mo?" He looked her in the eye. He tried to hold her hand again but she stashed it away, beneath her. "Why can't you simply accept the fact that I like you? What are you afraid of?"

She gave out a sigh. "It's just that... JT promised to stay with me forever and look where he is now. He's moved on while I'm... I'm stuck. Pwede mo ring gawin 'yon. Mangangako ka tapos iiwanan mo rin ako."

"Hindi ka naman iniwan ni JT, di ba? You pushed him away."

"But he's not supposed to go."

"Jae, hindi kami manghuhula. If you tell us one thing, you should mean it. Hindi iyong magsasabi kayo tapos kabaliktaran ang gusto nyong mangyari. It's not always our fault that we misinterpret things. Sometimes, you just give out mixed signals."

She looked like she's considering what he just said. Her lips are pressed together and she was frowning. Tumingin ulit ito sa kawalan at bumuntong-hininga.

"So, are you saying that it's my fault?" she asked, her voice edgy.

Nagkibit-balikat sya. "Well..."

He should have seen her hands coming but she's too quick for him. Hindi niya nasalag ang hampas nito sa oras. Pinigilan niya ang sariling magmura. Just like always, idinadaan na lamang niya sa pagbibilang ang pagkalma sa sarili.

Jae is very temperamental. Mas lalala ang sitwasyon kung makikisabay siya sa topak nito.

"No ba 'yan?" kunot-noo niyang tanong.

Umiling ito.

"So 'no' nga."

"Yes 'yon, tanga."

He was relieved.

"Talaga?"

"Yes. But I'm warning you... I'm very difficult."

"Alam ko."

"No. I'm difficult as a friend. But I'm worse as a girlfriend," she warned.

Alam niyang mahirap pakisamahan ang katulad ni Jae. He knew it first-hand because they were friends. But he definitely had not seen the worst yet. Because he'd taken their relationship to another level, Jae had become more open somehow.

Parang mas secured ito knowing that he's not only there as her friend but also as a loved one. Almost but not quite a family, but close enough to make her open herself up more.

"Paano ka nakakapanuod nyan?" he asked, wincing. She made him stay at her house for the night. Weekend noon kaya naisipan nitong manuod ng movie. Pero dahil wala itong magustuhang palabas sa sinehan, nauwi sila sa pamimili ng groceries at pagma-marathon ng gore movies sa kwarto nito.

Nakatutok ang mata ni Jae sa TV. She's not saying anything. Nakatutok lang ito roon. Pero sa tuwing tatangkain niyang tumayo, pipigilan siya nito.

"Favorite genre ko kaya 'to."

"E bakit nanginginig ka?" taas-kilay niyang tanong. Not only that, mukhang unti-unti pa itong tinatakasan ng kulay sa mukha.

"Kasi natatakot ako."

"Natatakot ka pero pinapanuod mo pa rin?"

"Yes. Because I like it."

"Is that why you said yes to me?"

Takang lumingon ito sa kanya. "Ha?"

"Nung nitanong kita kung gusto mong maging girlfriend ko, you were reluctant to say yes because you're scared. But you did say yes."

"Because I like you," pagsang-ayon nito.

He felt thankful. Alam niyang papayag ito sa gusto niya. But somehow, her hesitation made him anxious. Because if she happen to say no, hindi niya alam ang gagawin after that. He didn't think that far yet.

He leaned closer to her. Her eyes were big, expectant in a way. They're full of wonder. Minsan lang hindi nagiging pisikal si Jae. And when she's not in her violent mode, she's actually very... appealing. And even though he's still in love with someone else, he already finds her attractive. Maybe from the first day they met.

Hindi lang nya binibigyang pansin ang pakiramdam na iyon dahil nangingibabaw ang pagiging bayolente at spoiled nito. Who would find that appealing?

But somehow, seeing her quiet and scared, he...

"Don't."

Bahagya siya nitong itinulak palayo.

"Why not?"

"You were about to kiss me for the wrong reason," she answered.

"Pero—"

"If you think kissing me will make things better, then you have been mistaken. That won't do me any good. At least not now."

"O-Okay..."

Lumayo siya, medyo napahiya. He didn't know why he suddenly had the urge to kiss her but she's right. It's not because he's in love. His feelings aren't that intense yet. But he wanted to keep her close because he believed that she will make things better. Like the alcohol poured to a wound, it will sting. But after the sting comes healing.

That's what he hopes for.

Kumuha ito ng unan at niyakap iyon. Saka ito sumandal sa balikat niya. Bumalik ang atensyon nito sa malaking TV na nakadikit sa pader pero parang wala doon ang utak nito.

Though they are now officially together, she asked him to not give each other labels. No corny endearments, no monthsaries... They are just like friends who also happen to be lovers. He didn't understand why until she told him that it would be best to just leave it at that. Para kapag naghiwalay sila, it wouldn't hurt as much.

Hindi niya naintindihan ang logic pero pumayag na rin siya. He knew that even if she wanted to get close to someone, she would be somehow guarded. May limitasyon. There's enough space for her to back out and run kapag hindi na nito nagugustuhan ang nangyayari.

She's tired of being left alone so she made a fail-safe in the relationship. Her fail-safe. Whenever she feels that it's already not working out, she will cut it off, run and never look back.

That's what she has been doing in the past... until JT.

When she met JT, she thought that he's the one. It was all going so well until she got scared and made him leave. But she did not expect him to leave. Akala nito ay hindi matitinag si JT. That he will stand by his words. What she did not take into consideration is that people get tired. And when they do, isang pagtataboy lang sa kanila, magagawa na nila ang umalis.

Maybe JT got tired of her constant shooing, na kahit labag sa loob ay iniwan nito si Jae.

"Are you ready to let her go?" she asked one day, out of the blue. Nasa mall sila pareho. Dumaan ito sa office niya. She even met his manager. He gave him a knowing look nang makita ito.

They are having dinner when he said something that he didn't know ticked her off. Kumakain sila ng adobo noon sa isang mamahaling Pinoy restaurant. The adobo was a bit bland so he commented on it. Nabanggit niyang hindi kakain ng ganoong klase ng adobo si Jazz. He said that she liked it salty, kaya nahawa na rin siya rito. Gusto na rin niya ng maalat na adobo.

Akala niya ay wala lang kay Jae iyon. She was still pleasant during dinner. Pero habang namimili ito ng damit sa isang boutique, bigla itong lumingon sa kanya at tinanong iyon.

"Pwede bang mamaya ko na lang sagutin 'yan?"

As always, nagdabog ito. "Bakit hindi mo masagot ngayon?"

"Nasa mall tayo, Jae."

"So?" She crossed her arms.

He rolled his eyes. "Please don't be difficult."

"It's non-negotiable, Toby. I told you, I will be very difficult."

"Sasagot naman ako e. Sa bahay mo na lang, pagkahatid ko sa 'yo."

"Ayoko!" May ilang napalingon nang magtaas ito ng boses. "I want you to answer me here!"

"Jae..."

"Just answer the question, dammit!"

To say that she's upset was an understatement. He wasn't aware of what he did wrong at first. But when he think back to what happened earlier, mentioning Jazz over dinner was the only thing he could think about that will make her this angry.

"Look, sorry if I mentioned Jazz earlier. Hindi na mauulit."

"Kakaulit mo lang e!"

"Kasi nagpapaliwanag ako."

She glared at him. "I hate you."

"No, you don't."

Pinagsusuntok siya nito. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

"Jae, please..."

"Answer it!" she demanded.

Wala na siyang nagawa kundi bumuntong-hininga. "Okay. Just calm down."

Sumunod naman ito. "So...?"

May ilang staffs na ang nakaabang. Mukhang may spectators na rin na nakikiusyoso. May kumukuha pa ng video. This is definitely not the place to get punched. Pero ano nga ba naman ang magagawa niya? Wala naman sa deal nila na pwede siyang mamili ng lugar at panahon.

"Punch me."