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ACT 5

Scene 4

A street in Lagos mainland

sunday, March 5th 2000

(Seme border)

UBONG

Driver, watin na? you never ready go?

(Passengers complaining)

[Interpretation: what is it? Are you not ready to leave?]

PASSENGER 1

Abeg, abeg, abeg me I don commot o. which kind life, eh? Driver go delay e own, custom go follow delay their own for road. Abi una no know say where person dey go e far? (facing Ubong), o boy, I don move ooh.

[Interpretation: please, please, please I am leaving. Diver will delay and custom too on our way going. Aren’t you aware that where we are going is far? Mr., i'm leaving ]

UBONG

Ahh abeg no go na. driver shabi you see instead  of passengers to dey enter your motor, them dey commot.

[Interpretation: please don’t go. Driver, you see it, instead of your passengers to increase they are decreasing]

DRIVER

Abeg make una no vex. Na this woman oo. I dey tell her say all this her rice wey she buy, custom go seize am. Say make she call this okada people, them know how them go follow. Them go carry am go wait for am for okoko. Then she meet them for there.

She don gree finish oo, see me, I  charge her and her two aunties them wey she carry, 1, 1k each as per  say dem no be Nigerians. Na Beninese them be. And if immigration catch them for road them go seize them. Me I know how I go take cross them.

She no they hear, she dey here they speak funbe for me. Sha na watin she go go speak for immigration when we reach there? Me I be igbo boy oo I no dey hear your language. Pay me my money or you carry your load.

[Interpretation: please don’t be angry. This woman is the reason. I told the her the rice she bought will be seized by custom, she should call one of these bike man they are expert at their job. They will carry it to okoko and wait for her there. She agreed. I charged her one thousand naira each for her and the two aunties with her to cross them pass immigration because they are Beninese and not Nigerians if not they will be seized. Now she is speaking her dialect, funbe for me. Is that what she will speak to immigration when we get there? I am from the eastern part of Nigeria, igbo. I do not understand your language. You either pay me my money or you take your bags and leave.]

UBONG

Ah na wa o for story. Matter no dey finish for Nigeria. See, make una settle una matter. I dey H, I dey under that canopy. When you ready call me.

[Interpretation: this is a serious story o.  There is always one issue or the other in Nigeria. you two should settle your problems. I’m hungry;I’ll be under that canopy, when you are ready, call me]

(He approaches the bench under the canopy)

UBONG

Madam!

WOMAN

I dey come oo!

[Interpretation: I’m coming oo]

UBONG

Watin you get?

[Interpretation: what do you have?]

WOMAN

I get rice and stew, plantain, beans, spaghetti, egg and jellof rice too

[Interpretation: I have]

UBONG

Na wa o. you no get swallow?

[Interpretation: this is serious, you don’t have solid food?]

WOMAN

We no get

[Interpretation: we don’t have it]

UBONG

Oya, put jellof rice two hundred naira and one fish inside take away, so that incase the motor ready I go fit go. Give me two pure water too abeg.

[Interpretation: ok, package jellof rice, two hundred naira and one fish to go, should incase the driver is ready I can leave. Give me two sachet water, please.]

WOMAN

OK

UBONG

Hurry oo and make e plenty oo

[Interpretation: be fast and put it enough]

WOMAN

I don hear

[Interpretation: I understand]

(Trying to get comfortable as he unintentionally overhead the stranger sitting on the same bench with him conversation on phone.)

UBONG

(Soliloquizing) I must get this type of phone this man is using this year, in Jesus Name o, Amen.

STRANGER

What, on earth is keeping the driver you sent to pick me, he’s supposed to be here, I’ve been waiting for like two hours and its almost one o’clock. Is this what I’m paying you to do?

UBONG

Ah, na rich man sit down near me. Or abi e dey form. Na so all this people wey dey kidnap people for this border dey do. Them go wear suit under hot sun carry big phone and empty brief case, before you know you no go see yourself again. You don lost.

[Interpretation: ah, I’m sitting close to a rich man. Or is he pretending to be rich? That is how people in this border kidnap other people. Not minding the hot sun, they will wear suit,carry big phones and brief case and be deceiving people around before you know it, you are gone]

STRANGER

What! An accident, how, where? And you waited this long to tell me? You know I’m going to the island today, how am I going to leave the border now? And now I have no cash on me. I will deal with you when I see you.

UBONG

Shabi I talk am, na so.

[Interpretation: I said it]

STRANGER

(dropping the call) What rubbish?

UBONG

Good afternoon sir oo.

STRANGER

Afternoon my son

UBONG

It’s like you are stranded, sir

STRANGER

Yes, surprisingly I can’t make it home today

UBONG

Ah, what will you do now

STRANGER

My son, I can’t think now, I guess I will lodge in a hotel.

UBONG

How do you intend to make it to the nearest hotel, because you can’t stay here this is a very dangerous place

STRANGER

I know, I’ve been rubbed here before. So I understand that’s why I’m confused

UBONG

Well I can help you sir if only you can trust me a bit

STRANGER

No, you don’t have too, thanks though I’ll find my way

UBONG

I know you will but you don’t have to worry I’m not taking you to my house. I don’t trust you either. Can I borrow your phone, please?

STRANGER

Yes, why?

UBONG

I will call my pastor that I’m bringing someone. So he can call the security man to ready a place in the church so you can sleep there tonight. I’ll give you the address so you can call who you were calling to pick you up from there tomorrow morning.

STRANGER

Thank you so much. God bless you. I didn’t know people like you still exist

UBONG

Well the good ones are few. This is Lagos. Don’t trust anybody

STRANGER

True, I grew up here so I know. But I can’t pay for the fair i………

UBONG

I know (interrupting) I have some extra cash thank God

STRANGER

Thank you , I’m Mr. Wilson Yakubu. (Stretching his hands to shake him)

UBONG

I’m Mr. Ubong Udoh (shaking him)

STRANGER

Ah, you are from Akwaibom, my wife is form there too. You people are good people. I like you already. I’ll go with you. Ok take this phone (bring out another phone from his brief case) make your calls. I’ll make mine with this phone. I’ll tell my wife I met her bother at the border today and he helped me. (Laughing)

UBONG

(Laughing too)
Thank you sir.. Sir, have you eaten anything?

STRANGER

Not yet

UBONG

Ok, let the madam bring something for you, please sir you will manage it. After I drop you at the church, I’ll rush home and tell my wife to prepare something nice for you. She is the best cook

STRANGER

Ok, thank you. Who would have known you are a married man, you look very young. Newly wed?

UBONG

Madam bring another one o

WOMAN

OK!!

UBONG

Ah thank you sir. I might look young but I’m not. I’ve been married for seven years now and I have a three years old boy at home.

STRANGER

Very nice. I like that. So you are working right?

UBONG

By God’s Grace sir, I’m a mechanic. I just came to get something for my wife

STRANGER

Wow, from the way you speak, it seems you are educated

UBONG

I did my ND at yaba technology, I studied engineering. I wanted to further but couldn’t. I lost my parent to a motor accident on their way from Ibadan.

STRANGER

Oh, I’m sorry. So how old are you?

UBONG

Ah sir I’m thirty three years old sir

STRANGER

If not that you are married, I will have given you to my daughter.

(Both laughing)

Don’t mind me; she will be getting married by October

WOMAN

Here is it sir

STRANGER

Thank you

UBONG

(Paying the lady) Let me check if the bus is filled up yet so we can both take the bus together

STRANGER

Ok

[Exit Ubong]

[Returning almost immediately]

UBONG

It’s almost full, I kept a sit for you. We can leave now. thanks for lending me your phone (returning the phone to Mr. Wilson) my pastor said you are welcome. And he will inform the security man.

STRANGER

Thank you again. I really do appreciate.

UBONG

You are welcome sir.

[Exit]

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