Ezt angolul írtam, lehet, hogy csinálok majd egy külön könyvet angol novelláknak, de ehhez most egyelőre lusta vagyok. Ez a történet inkább a szeretet hiányáról szól.

To everyone, who was bullied or took part in bullying

Lily

My classmates are constantly telling me I don't matter. They say I'm good-for-nothing. At first, I didn't care because I know it's not true, but now I'm getting exhausted.

I'm that weird one, who doesn't like brakes, since during these times they're bullying me. They don't just abuse me with words, they occasionally punch me.

'Lily, tell the teacher that we need to play in her lesson!' instructs me the cock of the class. I gulp the dumpling in my throat. I'm frightened, therefore I rush for the teacher to fulfil Caesar's wish.

I'm absolutely relieved that Mrs Gray allows us to play. I have a feeling she is really tired of us. For her unluck she's our homeroom teacher as well.

The class chooses the game, Hangman. I suppose it has a simple reason...

Our teacher never adds a single minute to our classes: as soon as the bell rings, she's out of the classroom. The others are happy about this, yet I'm not at all. They believe she likes us and doesn't want to wear us out. But on the other hand, I'm aware she can't stand us.

After the ring of the bell, I determine that I don't bare this anymore. I head towards Caesar and begin my speech:

'I'm not going to hurt you or something like that, though you do hurt me. I'm just asking you to stop this whole thing.'

'Oh, you nuisance, you think that would work with Caesar!' laughs one of his stupid pals.

'Stop your gob, you idiot!' yells Caesar at the other boy, then turns towards me. 'But he's right' admits the chief. 'I'm definitely not gonna stop. And if you tell this to anyone, you won't be alive tomorrow. You're gonna hang like hangman' whispers the cock of the class with coolness in his voice.

'I'm tired of you, but I promise my mouth is a zigzag' I concede.

Caesar

I often wander total random just to think. Because I feel guilty for what I do, but somehow, I don't stop, I always continue. I think I may bully and abuse since I'm quite envious. Lily has everything, which I don't have. She has loving parents, expensive clothes, also, she studies so easily: she's smart and diligent. Plus, she's beautiful while I'm hideous.

This time I arrive at the train station, though I don't have a clue how I got there. The station is almost empty, there's only one girl.

Wait, that girl is standing hesitatingly in front of the rails. Oh, she wants to step on the tracks, that's no good! She steps on them with one of her legs while a train is coming!

The next moment I find myself running even without thinking of it. I catch the girl and pull her away from the train track. Perhaps, this is the only right thing I've done my entire life.

I hold the girl in my arms.

'Don't worry, you're safe now' I try to reassure her. Only then do I realize that I know her. It's Lily! 'I'm really sorry about all the things I've done to you' I carry on.

'For one thing you shouldn't be sorry. Actually, I owe you quite a lot for saving my life.' Oh, she has humour, too. Kind of a strange joke, but it's pretty cute. I can feel she's still gasping, and her heart is throbbing so hard.

'You don't owe me a single thing. Because I owed you this.'

'Thank you. But for now, please, let go of me. I want to walk home alone.' she murmurs falteringly.

'Are you sure you'd be safe all alone?'

'Don't worry, I'll be home safe and sound.' And she turns around and walks away. Why would she trust me, anyway?

Now I fully understand that I was jealous because she's such a brave girl whereas I'm simply a wreck. I'm not yellow anymore, the truth is I've become blue. Thinking of I'd almost killed a girl makes me extremely depressed. It was nothing but a coincidence that I managed to save her eventually.

I'm far too dangerous for this world, I don't deserve it. I'm not going to restart my game. Never again...

Ten years later

Mrs Gray

Although ten years passed – since I had decided to stop teaching – sometimes I still have nightmares. I wake up sweating because of that one recurring dream. It's about a girl and a boy, who I used to teach. They kill each other: Lily uses a knife, and Caesar burns the girl. It's deadly awful.

I know that Lily didn't die, but Caesar is no longer alive. How couldn't I see he had suicidal intention? Moreover, I wasn't aware that he insulted Lily. I don't know what Lily achieved later, yet I have a feeling that not so much. I feel guilty: I hadn't looked after my students correctly. I occasionally try to call Lily, even though she never answers the phone.

Today the first thing I do is that I take a glance at their class photo. It's absolutely depressing for me, so I tear it apart abruptly and furiously. I don't need it anymore if I want to start a completely new life. I was a dreadful I teacher, I'm rather serving as a waitress.