I want to walk away from you.

I want to turn and disappear, 

 To pretend I never cared

And to act like I can't hear

You.

I want to stay with you.

I want to be beside you

Even if it's hard

And to tell you only true

Things.

I want to push you away.

I want to keep far from me

Because I am afraid

That you can see

My heart.

I want to drag you closer.

I want to crush you in my arms

And never let you go

Even though it is your touch that harms

Me.

I want to run away from you.

I want to go travel to

Another universe

Where I can finally undo

Our love.

I want to forget about you.

I want to open my eyes

And have no memory

Of all the lies

We told.

I want to find you again.

I want to give us closure,

To be able to move on,

To lose the living fissure

Forever.

I want to tell you that I'm sorry.

I want to show you all my tears,

And promise I'll be better

And I won't use the shears

That hurt you.

I want to forget you

But all I do is remember,

And that is why I'm here

On this dark December

Night.

I will lay these flowers down--

Peonies, your favorite--

I will say my goodbyes--

And for hours I will sit

Here.

I will wish to all the stars

That I hadn't been so cruel

And I will call you wicked names

Though the truest fool

Is me.

I will stare at your tombstone

And wish I hadn't driven you away

I will wonder: if I hadn't been so stubborn,

Would you, maybe, have stayed

Here.

I will hold the rope between my fingers--

The rope that killed you,

Tied with your own hands--

And I will forever rue

Our love.

I want to tell you that I'm sorry,

But you will never hear the words.

I want to tell you that I loved you,

But I know that it hurts

Your heart.

I want to hold you one last time,

But you would push me away.

I wish that you would disappear,

And I wish that would stay

Here.

I want to tell you...

So many things.

I want to...

There is no truth that rings

Out

From these words

Which you'd rebuff.

I want to tell you that I'm sorry.

And that I know it's not enough.