It was late in Kattegat. So late in the evening, that the winds chilled every living thing in their path to its bones. So late that the only sound to be heard was that OF the wind, the wind and the ocean. Any firelight from inside the homes was out or dimming. But they lay awake. Tessa and Ivar. Tessa was the niece of Lagertha, brought to Kattegat after her parents untimely deaths the year before. She had been brought to Kattegat to train as a shield maiden. However no one, especially her aunt Largertha imagined that Tessa would fall deeply for the youngest Ragnarsson. The crippled Ragnarsson. The only people whispered about, the one that made people afraid uncomfortable and uneasy. The angry Ragnarsson. The tormented prince Ivar. But the first few lonely months in Kattegat as a newcomer had found Tessa bonding closest with Ivar. He had just lost his mother, Queen Aslaug... the only person he had ever truly loved or felt loved by. Tessa saw his vulnerability, his aloneness, and quickly they become close. Because she too had just lost not only one but two parents. And though Lagertha encouraged Tessa in her finding family within the Lothbrok boys, she was unsettled by this new bond. She saw the darkness in Ivar. Namely because it was she who had slain queen Aslaug. If was Lagertha who was now the object or Ivar's dark glances. But Tessa found herself too deep. Caught between love and blood relation....

It was a cold dark night in Kattegat.

Ivar stared up at Tessa with his ocean eyes. Eyes so mesmerizing they could pull you in them to drown before you realized you were even under water.

"I have never loved anything since my mother." Ivar breathed, a rare look of almost helpless love in his face. Childlike.

Tessa presses her lips slowly to his, his eyes fluttering closed. She loved him so. She had come here to learn to protect herself, but she was now more unguarded than ever. The wind blew fiercely outside. The lone candle by Ivar's beside flickered.

"And now?" Tessa whispered against his lips.

"Now you are the only thing...that I love" he responded, into her ear.

Her heart beat hard in her chest, his warm skin against hers. She felt the same, though they had never exchanged the words.

"I love you, Ivar" Tessa spoke softly into the night. He kissed her deeply, his own heart in a rare vulnerability.

That night they slept soundly, Tessa tucked possessively in Ivar's arms. Even as they slept, he wanted it known that no man nor outside force would take her from his arms. And he found comfort too, with someone by his side. A comfort he never spoke the need of out loud, but was obvious to her. And she willingly gave it.... until many months later, on the day Ivar killed his brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You killed Sigurd!" Tessa nearly screamed, heart racing, tearing into the great hall after hearing the news.

Ivar sat solemnly at a long table surrounded only by his remaining brothers. The tension was incredible. Tessa's green eyes looked wild with disbelief.

"How could you do this..." she begged breathlessly, approaching the table. Ubbe, now a big brother figure to her, caught her arm cautiously. ".... how could you DO this Ivar?!" She finished, tears welling in her eyes.

Sigurd had become like a brother to her. A sassy brother who certainly liked to egg Ivar on, but Tessa never believed it could escalate this far. Sigurd has recently begun teaching her about music. Her mind raced. Ubbe and Hvitserk stared at her unsure of whether to intervene. Ubbe's strong grip did not leave her arm. Ivar would not meet her gaze.

".... I did not mean to kill my brother." Ivar began softly, resentful of both himself and her words. He did not want to relive it. He had gotten too angry. Sigurd has left him no choice. "... you must know it was an accident. It was an accident, Tessa. And I regret it but what should I have done? Huh? He questioned whether I were a man... in public. What should I have done?" Ivar challenged, his firey gaze slowly lifting to meet hers. His fists clenched.

Tessa was speechless. She collapsed into Ubbe's arms in sobs. Not just sad for Sigurd but for the fact that she was in love with such a man. Such a man, who's pride kept him from showing no remorse. Or maybe he had no remorse. She dare not lift her head from Ubbe's chest. Hvitserk lowered his head into his palm.

"Go on. Cry into my brother's arms. Maybe later he will even take you to his bed for more comfort..." Ivar spat, resentfully. Ubbe's icey blue eyes widened in rage.

"Ivar!" Hvitserk interjected angrily.

"Is it not enough that you've killed our brother?" Ubbe narrowed his gaze threateningly in Ivar's direction, turning on his heels and leading Tessa out. Hvitserk chugged the remainder of his horn, promptly storming out. Ivar was left alone to turn the blame on everyone around him. Tessa would not even look at him the same for months .... ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a chilled but sunny early morning. Tessa sat by the waterside, staring out onto the horizon. She undid her dirty blonde braids, letting her hair fall loose around her in the morning breeze. Her heart was heavy. Her aunt Lagertha had left Kattegat for Hedeby. She had thought of leaving too, with a rising unrest in the air of Kattegat. But she didn't. She stayed with the Lothbrok boys. She slept in her own chamber, though Ivar continuously attempted to see her night after night. She loved him but could not come to terms with what he'd done. She could not come to terms with herself, in love with him. So there she stayed, in limbo.

"I am so sorry I did not follow you, Lagertha" her voice trailed off softly her herself. The city began to bustle and awaken behind her. She heard the shuffle of feet, the rolling of carts, the moving of goods, the clanging of metal ... and yet she felt alone. She heard the familiar sound of a crutch. And a familiar limp.

"What are you sorry for?" Ivar asked, overhearing her words. He looked down, situating himself down beside her with difficultly.

"I am sorry I ever came here...."

"Please do not say that. My brothers have forgiven me, Tessa. Why can't you seem to do the same?" Ivar replied, matter of factly.

"They have not forgiven you Ivar, they fear you" Tessa shot back, through gritted teeth. He heaved a sigh.

"Do you remember what I told you?" Ivar raised his eyebrows impatiently. Tessa looked away. "Look at me." He demanded. "I told you that you were the only thing I loved. The only thing. I know that I made a mistake ... I know a can not take that back and the gods will likely punish me. But I cannot take it back, Tessa. I live with it everyday. Do not abandon me." Ivar burned in a hole through her with his angry tear filled eyes.

"I am scared... " Tessa replied, swallowing hard. She was no shrinking flower, but she was so afraid of making the wrong decision. She was so afraid of already being in too deep.

"I will take care of you. Please do not be frightened.... nothing will hurt you. " Ivar spoke close to her face now. The world around them now bustling.

"Ivar I am scared of YOU" Tessa confessed. With that he held her cheek, pulling her in for a kiss. It was a fierce kiss, full of longing.

"I will ne-ver hurt you- do you understand?" Ivar looked up into her eyes with his piercing ones.

And somehow in that moment she believed him. She did not see the murderer anymore, she saw the boy she fell in love with. She saw his sorrow filled vulnerable and misunderstood heart. She remembered how much she loved him, and wanted to believe in that moment that he wasn't becoming darker. He wasn't becoming more unhinged and more dangerous. So she went with him. And they were married. And all was well, for the most part...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was happened so fast. It was not what she had planned. A couple years had passed. Ivar had led the Great Heathen Army to many victories in Wessex. He had also broken up the Lothbrok brothers. Ubbe has abandoned Ivar to his madness (which was ever growing), and Bjørn had decided to go discover new lands in the Mediterranean. Only Ivar's army and Hvitserk has returned from their journey. And slowly, she had watched Ivar become ravenous with power. He was now the king of Kattegat. He believed himself a god. And Tessa saw less and less of the soft hearted misunderstood boy and more of a ruthless warrior emerge. He was manipulative. His charisma won him praise, but his temper was winning him fear in Kattegat.

Ivar had decided that night to hold an enormous celebration. A sacrifice. Kattegat erupted with the sound of drums, the lighting of fires, music and crowds gathered. The Great Hall was filled with people, toasting, feasting and celebrating. They were to sacrifice for more upcoming victories abroad. Ivar was unstoppable. Tessa stood in the corner of the great hall, dressed fully in her sacrificial garb. Her light hair was plaited beautifully, face painted white for the occasion. Her green eyes rimmed with dark kohl. She watched the scene around her unfold. She gulped back the contents of her horn, inside of where Ivar was now. Getting prepared for this large sacrifice? Amongst his adoring fans? She sipped again. Hvitserk appeared beside her, also drinking heavily.

"Tessa ....." he looked at her worriedly, from boyish hazel eyes. She stared ahead blankly at the crowd in the hall. "Is everything alright?"

"Ivar has said his sacrifice will be grand. The grandest of all.... he says it will finally be his vengeance for the death of his mother. That it will be my aunt, Lagertha" Tessa spoke coldly, feeling numb.

Hvitserk's brows furrowed. "Ivar is just trying to show strength. He is trying to show off, I promise you" he spoke reassuringly, equally uneasy at his brothers newfound "Godliness"

"He believes he is a god..... " Tessa sipped. "I believe he is special, but I know he is not a god. "

"No. He's not" Hvitserk chuckled, resentfully, rolling his eyes.

The night carried on with more drinking and celebrating, until the time finally came for the sacrifice. Drums sounded loudly, as Ivar sat on his throne. Fire lit up the night, the runway to the sacrificial stage filled with pagan priests and onlookers. Ivar was menacing in his painted face and sinister crown of bones. Tessa sat beside him, as he announced the sacrifice to all. He shouted, they cheered. And Tessa's heart dropped as she heard her aunts name- Lagertha. So he DID capture her. The human sacrifice was carried down the runway, thrashing. In the distance Tessa saw the priests pull the hood from the person's face. Her heart dropped. It was far and it was dark but she was certain it was Lagertha.

"Ivar, no" Tessa begged, squeezing his leather bound hand. He turned to her sternly.

"Tessa. She killed my mother I will show her NO mercy" his voice rose fiercely, as he stood.

And as the crowd cheered, Ivar stood with care. In the commotion and as the priest drew his blade, Tessa quickly stole away from her throne. She felt sick. Overcome. She could not watch. All around her was a blur, she raced away from the scene on the beach. She ran into the night, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. She ran down a side street, the city all at the sacrifice and not populating the area she was in. She stopped, catching her breath, suddenly hearing footsteps running up behind her.

"No!!" she shouted angrily, drawing her sword. Her eyes were blurred with tears but she realized it was her brother-in-law, Hvitserk.

"Come with me" he caught his breath, pulling her away to where his own hut lie.

When they finally reached the safely of his hut, she collapsed in tears. She was so angry. HVitserk lit the candles within, hurriedly.

"Here.... here" he poured her a fresh cup of ale, sitting on the floor beside her with his own and wrapping an arm tightly around her. "It wasn't her.... it wasn't Lagertha" he said, hazel eyes sure. Tessa looked puzzled. "I left as soon as a realized ..... I came looking for you when I saw you were not by Ivar's side. It was not her. He is a lying bastard he is just trying to show his power" Hvitserk finished angrily. Tessa wiped her face, turning to him. Her eyes were smudged with black- he took the opportunity to wipe her tears.

"Thank you. Thank you for always being some sanity lately. I feel so alone. I question myself daily" Tessa confessed, the drink already in her from the night opening her up to sharing.

"Trust me, I do too. I question whether I should have gotten off that boat to join him everyday. Everyday" he stared at the wall, then back at Tessa. "I am tired of him terrorizing everyone around him- I will not let him terrorize you, he is still my baby brother" Hvitserk assured her fiercely.

The quiet elder Ragnarsson always grew talkative with more drink. And braver with his words.

"Thank you, Hvitty but I can handle myself ..... I am the daughter of a shield maiden- " Tessa began pridefully , but he stopped her.

"You don't understand. I WANT to protect you." Hvitserk interjected, turning to face her intently. He rested his forehead to hers. Two players stuck in a game they wanted out of. Ivar's game. She breathed in deeply, the ale on his breath.

"I....." she began, but he quickly stopped her words with a kiss. A passionate kiss. A kiss her had been holding in for years now. You see he had also watched her come to Kattegat.... and train.... and fight... and laugh with the boys and dance in the Great Hall. Hvitserk had watch her melt into Ivar's eyes and watched as he held her close to him. And overtime Hvitserk's blood would boil when we watched Ivar kiss her.... when he watched him marry her.... when he watched him turn her into a shadow of herself. He couldn't stop now he didn't care. He pulled her onto the bed, kissing her hungrily, almost angrily. And Tessa did not stop him. She felt safe for the first time in forever. And there they stayed in a fearsome, tossing embrace for hours that night.

"I must go back" Tessa lamented, as the sky grew black and the sounds from the celebrating outside died down. "He will be looking for me" she referred to Ivar, now nestled in Hvitserks arms.

"I will protect you" Hvitserks arm tightened around her waist, breath on her neck. His lashes brushed her cheek.

"I have to go back... he will kill us both." Tessa spoke resolutely into the dark. But she never wanted to leave.

That night turned into many nights. Many secrets. Many whispers between she and Hvitserk, many hidden kisses. There were hurried and desperate nights against corridor walls , there were soft and secret hours under the furs of his bed. And somehow, it was all kept secret from Ivar. Who grew with madness by the day. With Hvitserk Tessa felt she had a ally again, an equal. A man who would not only love and protect her but was here on this earth.... not in the clouds with the gods. Many nights she stared up into his boyish eyes, hands through his soft sandy blonde braided hair. It became harder and harder to pretend. But they did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was nearly 4Am. Tessa wrapped up in furs, kissing Hvitserk softly on the temple.

"No.... " he groaned tiredly. "Stay" his eyes opened slightly.

"It's late! I left when Ivar fell asleep I cannot take this chance" Tessa spoke hurriedly , pulling on boots.

"Fine. Go back to your husband" Hvitserk snapped darkly.

"Do NOT do this. You know what is at stake.... " she whispered, eyes narrowing, and gripping his shoulder.

"I do not care... leave.... " Hvitserk spoke harshly, more hurt than meaning any of it. Tessa breathed deeply. Running a hand through her hair, she turned for the door. "I love you... I'm sorry" Hvitserk pleaded, despite himself. His heart physically ached. He sat up, immediately sipping from the drink at his bedside. He would be up the rest of the night. She looked at him sadly, leaving .

Tessa snuck quietly into she and Ivar's chamber.... like so many nights before. Like so many nights in fear, but hopeful that maybe her life could change. The Great Hall was dark.... the fire completely out now. She crept down the hall, to her and Ivar's bed. She peered in, seeing he was still sound asleep. In this moment, he looked somehow like an angel. The moonlight lit his face, his tan chest and arms, and full lips. He somehow looked so innocent, so much so that it stopped Tessa in her tracks. And she watched him. She watched his breath rise and fall. And suddenly guilt filled her being. She felt sick. She had loved Ivar so much, so madly. What had happened? With a deep breath, Tessa tip toed back into their bed, carefully positioning herself beside her sleeping husband. He stirred slightly. She swallowed hard.

"My darling?" He whispered hoarsely, eyes still closed. He turned to spoon her into his strong arms. She breathed in his smell, pine and wood. Suddenly she felt comfort in his arms. Maybe she had been wrong all along.

"I'm here Ivar" she replied quietly, staring at the wall. She reached behind her, to stroke his face.

"Good." He smiled sleepily. But there was something sinister in his tone. "Tell me my love.....How IS my brother, this evening?" Tessa's stomach dropped immediately. Her body tensed.

"What?" She asked, heart now pounding. "What do you me-?" Before Tessa could respond, Ivar had flattened her on her back and hovered menacingly above her. There was a lump in her throat.

"Oh nothing, Tessa. I am just wondering how it feels in the bed of my brother?" He challenged her, eyes wild but face cool. "I am just wondering how you thought I would not find out" he chuckled darkly.

"It is true" Tessa spoke, almost surprising herself.

Ivar's face grow darker, as a hand clutched her throat. As a shield maiden, she refused to take this. Tessa grabbed his wrist angrily, attempting to knee him in the stomach to push him off. But Ivar was strong.

"Get..... off" Tessa struggled for air, as he looked ruthlessly down at her.

"Why should I stop? Why shouldn't I kill you?" Ivar smiled evilly, "- or maybe the punishment should be on my brother, who should know better by now." Ivar smiled matter- of - factly, calculating. Tessa struggled beneath him, finally wrestling free. She jumped from the bed, catching her breath.

"Punish me- not Hvitserk! Don't you understand?! It is YOU who have driven me away with this madness! It is YOU who has made me and everyone want to run from you!" Tessa burst, full of anger and hurt.

"No. I understand completely, Tessa." Ivar pushed himself up in the bed, looking for his leg braces angrily. "You do not want to be the wife of a poor cripple anymore, so this is the cowardly way in which you choose to act out." Ivar shot daggers at her with his eyes.

"I have always loved you, I have always defended you, Ivar. But enough is enough! You are NOT a god!" Tessa yelled, now the guards nearby roused and coming to see the commotion.

"Oh but I AM, my love.... but I am. And you are stupid enough to believe I would not find out about your betrayal .... but of course I would. I always know what is going on, and now I just have to figure out what to do about this mess." Ivar smiled darkly. "Guards" he spoke. "Take my wife to a cell, she has betrayed me and all of Kattegat" the guards approached, but Tessa tore away, running madly for the door. As she ran, she grabbed a sword laying nearby. Tearing into the cold early hours, she ran through the streets.

"Hvitserk!!!" She screamed, the guards chasing her. As she got closer, he heard her screams approaching and sat up in his bed. Tessa wouldn't make it to his hut, even as she attempted to fight off the guards and managed to even kill one, she was taken away..... just in time for Hvitserk to see. Ivar would not be crossed.