My four year old brain could barely process what had happend. I stood there frozen, a numb feeling spreading through my body. The silver Honda began to drive away, the person in the car not bothering to see the damage it had made. James was completely covered in blood, the side of his head seeping fresh warm blood on the hard cold concrete.

My senses finally took over, and I ran to him as fast as I could. His leg was bent at an odd angle and he wrapped his arms around himself, as if that would ease the pain. I looked into his eyes, and my heart sank deeper. Jame's once sapphire blue eyes had become dark pools of indigo, a color I had never seen in his eyes ever before. His eyes were brimmed with tears, yet none of them actually fell down his face. Then I realized he was holding it all in.

He wasn't screaming in agony, he wasn't crying, and  I knew exactly what he was doing. Even though he was close to dying and is suffering from the major injuries, he didn't want to worry me. He was keeping himself from crying so that I wouldn't. Why would he do that for me?

"James!" I sobbed. The boy had a faraway look in his eyes. "I got this for you." he whimpered, raising his weak bleeding arms. The beaded bracelet in his hands didn't mean anything to me at this point. I grabbed the bracelte and tossed it into the grass. That thing had cost my bestfriend his life.A hot tear trickled down my cheek, but I quickly swiped it away with my hands. 

"Emma, I'm hurting" he said slowly, each word causing him to wince. He was trying to control his breathing but he started to pant, gasping for air. His body was lightly shaking and his eyes were blank. I couldn't keep it in anymore. Warm corrents of grief rolled down my cheeks and I sobbed his name. "Don't cry."he said weakly, raising two weak  hands to wipe my tears. "I will protect you."he said, so faintly I could barely hear him. 

Jame's eyes began to droop down, and the hold on my hand weakend."I'm so tired."he admitted. I can hear yelling and police sirens in the distance. Immediately, two cold hands gripped my shoulders tightly and yanked me away from my James. "Nooo!"I wailed miserably. I broke out of the man's steel grasp and ran to James, only to be pulled further from him.

Strange men in white began to pick up James. They placed him on a white gurney and started to put him in the back of the ambulance truck. I felt a hard slap on my face and crimpled to the ground. I looked up and saw two dark blue eyes pierce into mine. She had features similar to James. Dirty blonde hair, straight small nose, startling blue eyes.

"You did this to my son."she hissed at me. My eyes were wide as saucers and  I felt another slap in the face. My cheeks burned in pain and I uttered a whimper. But she did not care.Her eyes were practically burning with enmity and fury. "How can you hurt my son!? He did NOTHING TO YOU! How dare you!? My precious little baby...he must have been in alot of pain.IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!" she spat, venom dripping from her lips.

She gave me a bitter glare and walked away from me. Her words stabbed me like knives, and I started to cry again.  I walked to where I had threw the bracelet, and picked it up. I held it close to my heart, letting my tears spill on to the soft green grass.

~~~~~~(play the song on the right)~~~~~~~

Ever since then, I would always blame myself for his death. It was all my fault. If it wasn't for me loosing my bracelet, I wouldn't have lost him. I wouldn't have lost my very best friend, yet I did. And I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Of course, I would wait for him at our secret hide out. It was under a tree root back in Colarado(where I used to live.) The inside of the old tree was hollow so there was just enough space for both of us to fit.James and I found that special tree when I clumsily fell into the whole while chasing him around,playing tag. My foot had caught on one of the thick roots and I slipped in the hole.He tried to catch me,wrap his arms around my waist, and hoist me back up like in the movies.We ended up both stuck in the hole for hours. Luckily, before the games of tag, James had picked some blueberries from who knows where. 

Now, when ever I look back at these memories, I would start to cry again. My heart would clench and my eyes would water. No matter how hard I tried to hold all the tears in, I couldn't. It was impossible.

The tears slowly made its way down my cheek and land on my bare arms. I layed down on my small pink bed, and cry myself to sleep. Once in a while, I would reach up to my forehead and touch the skin there, remembering that he had kissed it whenever I had nightmares.

He would hug me and we would both sleep on my bed, his arms and warmth protecting me from the dark and blackness.

Now, when it is night, I'd sit in the cold and wish that James would come and wrap his arms around me. I would just sit in the cold and pray for a miracle. That someday, somehow, he would come back and protect me again.

After all the crying,I'd usually grab my beaded bracelet and put it to my heart, letting the tears spill on to the beads. The misery and pain all led back to the bracelet, and I'd throw it at a wall and step on it, angry that it costed Jame's life.

The bracelet would fall apart, each bead falling on the wooden floor of my room. Then, I would realize that I loved that bracelet very much, and pick up the pieces, one by one.

I would spend hours putting it back together, then breaking it into pieces again. I hated it, yet it meant the world to me. So I'd end up holding it close to me and spilling tears once again.

Missing him became a daily part of my life. Sometimes,I'd accidently say "Jame's hug me please." when I was cold, then realize that no one was going to give me that hug. I always expected that he would be there for me, but now he's not.

 But you can't always get what you want, my mom had said. And as much as I despised that saying, it was true. When ever I layed on my bed, my mind would automatically think about James and what happend. My eyes would be prickled with tears and I'd cry myself to sleep. And I still do.