It was sort of awkward between them.

The awkwardness was of course a product of their own construction, but yet not something either of the two could be specifically blamed for.

It wasn't his fault.

It wasn't her fault.

This was just the result: the consequence.

And all their friends remained oblivious - not their collective friends because they didn't have collective friends - this was the way it went. There were his friends whom he didn't particularly care excessively for, and there were her friends who she found herself trying too hard to give a shit about.

They were both, a little disconnected, and brought together by her friend and his friend, who were dating at the time, dating still, and someone had once thrown in the idea of a double date: an idea they'd both felt forced into but had let occur nonetheless. It was, in short, an idea that did not work.

They had indeed spent time together, because they had shared things in common, but just not in a way their friends felt they were supposed to. They were both artistically inclined - something the majority of their friends were not and in that they found a connection: he being a drama student and she being an art student, and they found a creative kind of atmosphere in conversation with one another, which was what had really cultivated the friendship.

Their friends all believed it to be something more - their friends all wanted it to be something more - their friends all saw that this was the only way they could possibly spend so much time together, and that perhaps was what had led her to look at him like that - like they asked him to.

He didn't look back.

And through a series of events and his bedroom floor on a Tuesday at two am and music in the backroom a conclusion came of it all. A conclusion of an attempted kiss and words slurred and truthful murmurs in darkness, and cursing of friends, and solace in one another, and confessions in regards to her insecurities, and how he shared them.

And then the cherry on top of it all.

The real page turner - the truth, the secret that only she knew, the reason why he wasn't kissing back, the reason why he felt out of place with his friends, and the reason why he tucked himself up in dark corners and produced even darker pieces of art.

He liked boys.

And she didn't expect that at all.

But she didn't judge - she wouldn't have judged - they reached that point of understanding with one another.

She didn't quite know what to say, though. Silence was indeed sufficient and things had gotten a little twisted because she started to notice how their friends forced the idea of them as a thing upon them, and the idea of heterosexuality and dating girls upon him, and how that must make his head ache.

And then she understood.

Then he made more sense.

He made short films: creative pieces - that he showed to very few people, and seemed abstract and holding very little sense or coherency, but still stood out regardless. But with that, they made sense. And they were dark, so dark, and she was so sorry for the boy with the curly hair, who she'd kissed a bit, who was the subject of that so dramatic photography that Dan Howell had asked about.

She wasn't sure what to make of Dan Howell, and of course, she'd brought that issue to him, because she found herself disregarding what her friends said so much more as of recent - this was down to him, and his way of thinking, which she was only beginning to crack, but indeed, this boy was so much more than thoughts - he was galaxies and constellations in human form.

And she did indeed admire him: just not like that. She had, perhaps briefly, but no, he was easily taking form as her best friend - something neither of their friends had expected.

Because his friends were out drinking beer in a park and getting high, and her friends were at a party, and they were sat here in his attic both on the presence of being sick.

He sat there with a hand running back through his hair as he tried to put a face to the name Dan Howell. "I can't recall him really." He concluded with a shrug, "sorry, Cat."

"It's okay." She told him: small smile on her lips as they continued to vaguely listen to whatever music was on in the background - his choosing, something she didn't recognise, because she was pretty sure that if the song had been listened to than more than one hundred people he just didn't care for it.

Perhaps he was kind of an ass in that way, but she found him to be truly interesting and so much more worth her time that a shitty party where her friends would rush her to hook up with someone.

"He's in my art class. He's got brown hair, brown eyes, tall. Kind of lonely - not in a bad way, he just doesn't have too many friends." Cat had learned that this was perhaps not a bad thing and certainly not his fault. "I really like his photography. He liked mine too. He asked about you, being in the pictures, but I didn't say anything."

"Yeah," he smiled, "I like the secrecy of it all. Being the unmasked model: being the hooded figure in the story. Everyone cares too much about me and I'm all secrets and lies and it fucking sucks, you know? I think I'd like to be like Dan Howell with very few friends."

Cat laughed, "I think he'd like to be you, perhaps."

"That's such a stupid thing to want." He paused, "I'd maybe like to meet him though. I'd like to see his photography. I like being inspired - you sound inspired by him, I mean, you don't just go on talking about people for no reason, especially positive things."

Cat smiled, "I think there's something special about him. Should I tell him that it's you in those photos?"

"No. Just be like hey, do you want to come to my house or something, and then be like, oh my friend PJ's going to be there too." He offered, "very casually."

"He's going to know who you are - you've got quite a reputation, and come on, how many people called PJ are there in this school?"

PJ shrugged, "and what does that matter?"

"I think you don't understand how people see you at all."

"How would I? I'm not them."

"They see you as the straight popular attractive boy, like you're something important, to be talked about-"

"And so if this Dan guy's special in some way then maybe he's not going to see things like that. You didn't."

"Not immediately." She reminded him, however he only shrugged.

"I think you kind of always had an inkling."

-

Dan was kind of low key angry with Chris for totally fucking ruining whatever he had fooled himself into thinking might possibly happen with him and Phil at the weekend, but he knew that it wasn't Chris' fault and that he just had to get over this shit as it didn't look like he was going to be getting over the idea of Phil very soon.

He just reckoned that Phil Lester was something like the world's most perfect person, if there even was such a thing, but if there was, it had to be Phil Lester.

And Chris wasn't ever going to understand that: Chris was easily going to remain obsessing over PJ Liguori for the rest of his fucking life, and that was just something that Dan would have to come to accept, because Chris was his best, if not only friend, and he had to appreciate him for that at least.

Chris still hadn't shut up about PJ accepting his friend request, and it did indeed have him fucking beaming as he made his way into school that morning, and Dan even let him talk obsessively to him about it, and he indeed even went as far as pretending that he didn't know what had Chris so overexcited.

"He's just so fucking beautiful, though, Dan, like that's just so..." Chris paused for a moment, perhaps realising just how gay he happened to be coming across, "....inspirational. He's such a good guy. I want to be like him." Chris seemed to emphasis that point, because there was of course absolutely no chance in hell that Chris Kendall might want to date PJ Liguori, like don't be so fucking atrocious.

"I'm sure it is." Dan nodded, letting out a sigh as he leaned back against the wall of the corridor where they stood talking - well, Chris was more so talking at him about PJ and Dan stood there pretending to give far more shits than he did as he scrolled randomly through twitter on his phone, until he saw a new text message coming in, and his heart stopped as he realised that it was from Phil.

'You left your jacket at my house and my mum found it and now she's questioning who it is, like I tried to tell her it was mine but she isn't having any of it! Help me :((('

Dan blushed a little, immediately feeling guilty for putting Phil in such a situation, even though it wasn't directly his fault, as he hadn't intended to leave his jacket there at all. 'Sorry. When can you give it me back?' He texted back as Chris continued to go on about PJ and his striking eyes, and generally in a very homosexual way.

'I don't know. When can you see me again? Promise I didn't steal it as an excuse to see you again.'

Dan smiled as he read Phil's response, replying with: 'You never have to make an excuse to see me. After school?'

'Not at my house though because my mum's in. The woods?'

Dan felt Chris beginning to notice that he wasn't exactly giving him his full undivided attention. 'Sure.' He responded before putting his phone away and giving Chris a slightly over enthusiastic smile and nod.

"I have drama with him first, I think I might actually die." Dan found himself tuning back into what Chris was saying and perhaps even immediately regretting doing so. "What do I say to him? What if he starts to talk to me or something? Like what do I do?"

"Talk back?" Dan suggested, but of course with Chris and on the matter of PJ it was never ever going to be quite that simple.

"About what?" Chris exclaimed, feeling colour flood his cheeks, "I just- I... why is he so popular and cute and like a thousand miles out of my league- I mean friend league - come on, Dan, you know what I mean."

Dan narrowed his gaze, because he really didn't know what Chris meant half the time he was talking.

"Come on, Dan, we're both heterosexuals here. I mean I sound a bit gay at times but I'm not - I promise!" Chris exclaimed, laughing a little nervously as he did so. "I love boobs."

"Okay Chris." Dan let out a sigh, particularly at the 'we're both heterosexuals' comment, because it wasn't that he was in a particular hurry to come out to Chris or something like that, it was just the matter of straight being the default that bugged him, and seriously, did he look straight? Or did Chris even, because- Because to put it plainly, Dan was sort of offended.

"PJ is really cool, though, you've gotta to admit." Chris smiled, glancing around and finding himself rather confused as a girl with brown hair appeared to approach them. He then later realised that this was Cat, and that she actually wanted to talk to Dan instead of him, which he tried really hard not to be personally offended by.

"H-hey... Cat." Dan found himself stumbling as he attempted to even speak, watching as she nodded vaguely in Chris' direction before turning away from him completely and focusing all her attention on Dan, which was something that Chris' ego wasn't a big fan of at all.

"Hey Dan, so yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me after school or something?" Cat offered, smiling, and Dan found himself trying not to throw his face into the wall as he noticed Chris mouthing 'go in for the kill' at him, or something along those lines. Chris was also absolutely failing at being even vaguely discreet.

"I... uhh..." Dan stumbled again, watching as Chris continued to mouth a very enthusiastic 'yes' at him. "I have other plans tonight, but tomorrow, yeah? I'd like to, I- I already told my friend I'd meet him tonight."

"Oh okay." She continued to smile, "I want to show you some more photography as well. I've been working these new ones and I'd really like your opinion. I think you have a very interesting eye when it comes to the arts."

Dan nodded an awkward thank you, "okay see you tomorrow then," and Cat turned away, making her way back down the corridor to wherever the hell she'd come from.

"What the fuck Dan? You just- that was totally a get laid opportunity and you turned it the fuck down?" Chris was practically yelling at him the very moment Cat got out of ear shot.

"Well, I already have plans, I-" Dan blushed awkwardly.

"What plans? We're not doing anything and even if we were I could see that this is obviously more important and-"

"I have friends that aren't you, you know that Chris? You're not the fucking center of my world." Dan rolled his eyes, before grabbing his bag and making his way down the corridor before Chris could say something back that would do nothing besides making this all one million times worse than it needed to be.

-

Chris felt a little awkward, perhaps even guilty as he made his way to drama, sending Dan an 'I'm sorry' text and hoping things would be alright again as soon as they could be, because of course he wasn't the center of Dan's world, and he hadn't intended to give the impression that he thought so, but he knew that Dan didn't have a plethora of friends, and that the person he spent the most time with was easily himself, but... Chris had been wrong and he felt awkward about it, but in the same way, just that little bit jealous, because there Dan was spending time with people that weren't him tonight and tomorrow, and he found himself wondering just when Dan would fuck off and leave him to obsess over PJ alone.

Because the thing was, Chris was that, just that little bit gay for PJ Liguori but it wasn't anything major, like he could deal with it - everyone could deal with it, and they indeed kind of had to deal with him going on about PJ for more than entirely necessary because it was becoming increasingly more unlikely that he was going to stop doing so anytime in the future.

He found himself late to drama and everyone staring at him as he made his way into the room and sat down at the back, of course, everyone included PJ so the situation was automatically made better by that, and he was sat down only two chairs away from PJ as well, so honestly, hell the teacher might have been glaring at him and Dan might hate him right now, but he was having an absolutely fucking wild time in that moment.

He wondered if he should make more of an effort to apologise to Dan and took his phone out discreetly, praying that the teacher wouldn't yell at him for having it out in class, as he sent Dan another text - this time going for a 'I was a bit of an ass - please don't hate me' and then a series of questionable yet amusing emojis that he was sure would suffice in fixing the situation, or at least do the best a series of emojis could.

"Chris?" Chris jumped a little as he felt a hand on his shoulder and the room erupting into chapter - leaving him to assume that the teacher had set them something to do - something he hadn't listened to a word of, of course, because Chris was just such a fucking attentive student.

However, Chris soon had a heart attack as he noticed just who it was talking to him.

PJ.

Motherfucking.

Liguori.

God fucking damn.

Chris had only spent sixteen minutes on his hair this morning - why today of all fucking days - seriously?

"Y-yeah..." Chris stumbled out as he found himself realising that he kind of had to respond.

"You're sort of sat in the way." PJ gestured at him, blushing awkwardly as he did so.

"Oh... uhh..." Chris looked down and promptly got up, blushing as he did so, "I'm so sorry, PJ, I really am, I-"

"Hey, it's okay." He told him, running a hand back up through his hair, "you kind of look like you have no idea what you're doing. No offense."

"Yeah, I uhh... wasn't listening." Chris put his cellphone away. "I was texting my friend it was actually kind of important, well it was my fault - I kind of said something that come off really arrogant, and I don't want him to be upset."

PJ nodded, "do you want me to help you?" He offered with a smile.

Chris' eyes widened in disbelief and he nodded frantically, deciding from that moment on he would fucking fail the fuck out of drama if it meant that PJ had to help him, like hell, he'd get the D for the D. The first D being the D grade, and the second D being... well... the dick.

Not that Chris thought about PJ's dick excessively or anything.

Of course he didn't, being 'straight', and everything.

-

hey pals I'm really tired and i have a headache lmao but ayy here u go heres this chapter hope u liked it lov u vote & comment if u would like