Dan was perhaps spectacularly good at generally fucking things up. So much so that he'd even list it as one of his many talents, if of course he ever got to a stage in life in which he was required to do so, but from where he stood right now, he had great difficulty in visualising or even accepting the reality of such a stage.

Adulthood, life outside of school, life outside of homework and classes and little balls of paper thrown at the back of his head seemed like some sort of weird dream, some sort of weird fairy story, like when everyone said that Marilyn Manson got his ribs removed so that he could suck his own dick - everyone had believed in it, but that didn't mean that it was true.

What Dan didn't believe to be true was of course the freedom of it, well the apparent freedom, and individuality you got with adulthood and your own life, but truth be told, he couldn't see that for him at all; he could only see school, and school: a teenager forever, as if the moment he turned eighteen the clock would be step back and he'd see himself starting primary school again.

Of course, he knew that it most likely wouldn't really happen as such - either of the two ways he reckoned it might, and that all that would come of his eighteenth birthday was the ability to buy alcohol and cigarettes - neither of which he really cared for, and of course, the ability to move out and fail spectacularly in caring for himself.

And he doubted that living alone would bring him more freedoms than that of walking around all day in his underwear, but then still, he'd have windows and neighbours, and a million other things to worry about, and he was even unlikely to have the time to stay in his underwear all day, or perhaps he would, and he didn't quite know which was worse. He'd fuck it all up anyway.

But back to the present day, sixteen year old Dan Howell found himself stood outside the art block at school, looking at his maths homework and indeed the bottle of water he'd spilled all over it.

He sighed aloud, quickly coming to accept the fact that there was little hope left in this world for the A5 sheet of algebra that he had slaved over for a grand total of twenty six minutes last night at approximately half past eleven.

He pulled the sheet out of his bag, dumping his bottle of water in the trash on the grounds he didn't trust it anymore, and cursed aloud before throwing his maths homework away with a disgruntled sigh.

With his mind racing with a million thoughts to the chorus of 'dear god, why me?', he made his way over to a bench just a few metres away from the trashcan where his homework and bottle of water now lay. He considered the logistics of holding a funeral for his maths homework as he surveyed his bag for anymore water damage, and found himself more than just a little relieved to find that nothing besides some letter they'd handed out seven months ago had gotten more than a little damp.

He grabbed the letter, screwing it up into a ball and aiming it towards the trash can, and of course missing spectacularly, and relishing in that fact, before feeling sorry for the planet and nature and getting up to pick it back up again and placing it properly into the bin.

And with the knowledge that he'd perhaps saved a bird or something from a paper induced death, he tried to smile as he pulled out his cellphone and texted his friend Chris in all caps, demanding that he came over here right now on pain of death.

Dan's friend Chris, was Chris Kendall, dubbed weirdest fucking kid in the school after he'd come to school dressed as a turtle on the last non-uniform day. And Chris hadn't just slapped some green painted cardboard shell on his back, he'd gone all out: Dan had helped him make the shell out of plaster of paris, and he'd even painted his skin to mimic that of a tortoise, again, with Dan's help, and he'd walked around all day casually munching lettuce - this, Dan hadn't helped with, and all because some kid called PJ in Chris' drama class had told him about how he'd done some charity thing to raise money for the endangered giant tortoises.

Dan wondered just why he and Chris had come to be friends, but of course, the answer was in the simplicity of the fact that when Chris had asked Dan to help him with the aforementioned tortoise costume, Dan had agreed with very little hesitance.

PJ had appreciated the costume, though, so it was all worth it, at least in Chris' mind. Dan highly suspected that Chris had somewhat of a crush on PJ, but Chris was indeed more than hesitant to admit any of the sort, and well, Dan couldn't really do much about that besides offer him support and encouragement the next time he attempted to dress up as an endangered animal in order to gain some sort of approval from PJ Liguori .

Chris made his way over to where Dan was sat, with his school bag on his lap and a rather sullen expression upon his face, in no less than two and half minutes, looking vaguely concerned due to the nature of the message. "Okay, so who died?" He asked, sitting down beside Dan, and nearly giving the younger of the two (Dan), a heart attack as he did so.

"Nearly me, Jesus Christ, don't sneak up on people like that!" Dan exclaimed, gesturing wildly with his arms and glaring at Chris, but only half-heartedly.

"I just went and sat down on a bench, it's your fault for being half asleep, Daniel." Chris smiled a little, reaching across and ruffling Dan's hair like he was some weird aunt Dan hadn't seen in three years and not his best friend.

Dan rolled his eyes, fixing his hair, before glancing back down into his bag with a sigh, and continuing with, "maths homework. That's what died. Mine. Can I copy yours?"

Chris shook his head in disbelief, but produced a sheet from his bag without anything more to say.

Dan grabbed the sheet and began to copy down the answers into the back of his maths book, biting down on his bottom lip in concentration.

"So..." Chris let out a sigh, glancing at Dan as he scribbled down the answers at what Chris would consider an inhuman speed, but then again, Dan was the kind of person that could probably run a marathon as long as there was the threat of immediate death or severe embarrassment chasing him, and of that, Chris found himself jealous, because he was definitely the kind of guy who'd give up after a good six minutes and just embrace death. "I had drama today."

Dan raised his eyebrows, "I know. You have drama when I have art. I just had art."

"Yes." Chris nodded, already well aware that Dan knew more about his life than he did, which wasn't really due to anything weird, but just to the fact that Dan actually had some self discipline and organisation, where Chris had the ability to make terrible puns and come up with a terribly sarcastic answer to everything. "Well, you know who's in my drama class-"

"PJ." Dan answered without even looking up from the maths homework he found himself rather frantically copying into his book.

"Yes." Chris continued, perhaps concluding that frantic neurotic homework copying Dan wasn't the best Dan to strike up a conversation with, but truth be told, he felt kind of awkward sat on that bench in silence, so he continued regardless, "anyway, so he talked to me today. He kind of had to talk to me because we were doing a play, but still, it counts, he talked to me - remember that, Dan. PJ Liguori talked to me, it was lovely, I went all flushed in my cheeks and I got a bit sweaty but don't tell him I said that-"

"Chris, I've never had a conversation with PJ in my life, I'm not going to go up to him and tell him that you got sweaty when you spoke to him earlier today." Dan looked up from the maths homework at that, letting out a sigh, "I think you might be overthinking everything, you know? Just go up to him and tell him you like him."

"But I don't like him. I mean I like him, but not in a gay way, I mean look at me, Chris Heterosexual Kendall, I even kissed a girl once when I was twelve, you know?" Dan wasn't quite sure as to just what the fuck Chris was saying, but then again, neither was Chris.

"Well..." Dan let out a sigh, "tell him you'd like to hang out with him in a friend way then, whatever. Get his phone number, maybe?"

"But that's a bit gay, don't you think?" Chris asked, looking far, far too into this.

"And getting flustered over talking to him isn't. I have your phone number. That isn't a gay thing." Dan finished the last few questions and handed the sheet back to Chris. "PJ seems like a nice guy anyway, he wouldn't be weirded out, I mean, he still talked to you after you dressed up as tortoise, so I'd say he likes you better than seventy percent of our year."

"Mmm..." Chris sat there, twirling his hair around his finger, "he is nice, isn't he? He's got nice eyes."

"So, yeah, he's not gonna-"

"Nice smile as well. Got nice hair too, I really like it, curly hair. Shame you straighten yours, curly hair is cute."

Dan just sat there for a moment, suddenly reminded of Phil and his ferret, Susan, and in that moment he couldn't care less that Chris wouldn't stop going on about PJ as if he was the second coming of Jesus Christ himself.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Dan let out a sigh, fixing his hair as he spoke.

"Who's everyone?" Chris asked, finally shutting up about PJ in order to look far too much into everything Dan was saying.

"I just meant... I mean, I've heard people say it to me a lot recently." Dan found his cheeks burning up despite his every effort to keep his calm.

"Hmm..." Chris let out a sigh, leaning back against the back of the bench. "You need help with a tortoise costume, Dan?" He added, a smirk upon his lips.

"What does that mean?" Dan's cheeks flushed red as he let out an awkward laugh/cough/splutter.

"Exactly." Chris smiled, laughing as he sat up a little.

"Exactly what?" Dan continued, his expression continuing to contort further into one of confusion.

"Exactly what you're thinking." Chris finished, getting up as the bell rang out, "come on, we've got maths now, haven't we, Howell?"

"Yeah." Dan nodded, biting his lip.

"I swear to god, you know everything. It's wonderful. I don't have to think about anything anymore." He burst into laughter, watching as Dan grabbed his bag, before they made their way over to maths, continuing their vague attempt at conversation as they went.

"What do you think about then?" Dan found himself asking, "or do you just sit there, thinking about nothing?" He found himself rendered uncomfortable by such a notion, admitting, if only to himself, that it did indeed terrify him just a little.

"Giant tortoises, and how endangered they are. And how we must protect them!" Chris exclaimed, his words over animated, and perhaps a little ridiculous in nature, well, to Dan, at least, and it wasn't like he didn't care about endangered tortoises, just not as much as Chris liked to make out that he did.

"Right." Dan nodded, only then following Chris' gaze, having noticed that he wasn't quite looking at him anymore, and there, just a few metres behind them stood PJ Liguori. Dan gave up all hope on being discreet, because well, Chris had already done that for sure, and turned and looked, to see PJ looking right past him, waving.

Dan's eyes widened at that, turning back to Chris, but to see him turning back too, and just like that, the both of them were stood, staring at some girl with a streak of blue in her hair, stood at the end of the corridor. Dan thought perhaps that she was called Francesca. He wasn't sure, though, and he didn't get the chance to ponder it, before he felt Chris tugging on his arm and pulling him down the corridor.

-

Dan thought a lot.

In general, really.

But more so, in particular, that day, in the hours that followed, and especially the first moment he really got to himself, to his own head, his own thoughts, and the quiet that walking the long way home through the woods got him.

His legs were nowhere near as thankful as his mind was, however.

But Dan did this enough to learn to live with it.

He had one headphone in, listening to The Smiths, which he'd dubbed his favourite band for the sake of having one to mind whenever anyone asked him for one, which had happened far more than he'd care for with all the 'icebreaker' activities the teachers had insisted that they partake in at the start of term.

Dan would probably rather stand on a glacier and have the 'ice break' than stand up and tell his English class that his name was Dan and that his favourite colour was black and his favourite band was The Smiths, for the seven thousandth time.

His iPod began to play 'Bigmouth Strikes Again' as he made it into the woods, his mind racing with thoughts - the kind of thoughts that compelled you to think them, even though you really know you shouldn't.

He tried his best to keep to the path as his head began to spin with thoughts of Chris, with thoughts of PJ, and the girl who may or may not be called Francesca, and with the thoughts of way the Chris had grabbed his arm and nod said much for the next hour. He thought about the things he knew Chris didn't want him to think about - the things that evidently weren't his business, venturing into the world outside of his own head and knowing he'd regret it.

And he did.

Just as his thoughts got the better of him, and just as they sent him walking straight into a tree.

And Dan had to admit this certainly wasn't one of his better moments.

Not that his better moments really came in abundance as it was.

And as he sat on the floor, curled up, clutching his head, and trying his best not to cry, because okay, not only was the act of walking into a tree rather embarrassing, but it hurt one hell of a lot, he came to take note of the footsteps beside him, and the voice and the hand on his shoulder that followed.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Dan's head snapped up, just like that.

His eyes meeting the ones of a boy stood beside him. A boy. A boy all too familiar.

"I just walked into a tree." Dan announced, laughing a little.

"I saw that." The boy smiled, sitting down beside Dan. "I'm sorry you keep getting injured every time we meet, it isn't intentional, I promise."

Dan smiled a little at that. "I really don't think you could have controlled me walking into a tree, if you tried, Phil. It takes a lot of skill to me as much of a clumsy piece of shit as I am."

Phil laughed, "last time was Susan's fault, though. And she is sorry." He continued, sitting up a little.

"Good to know." Dan nodded, looking Phil over, raising his eyebrows a little at the choice of shirt: entirely too colourful for Dan's liking, but seemed to work well enough on Phil, in fact, everything seemed to work well on Phil. "Nice shirt." He noted.

Phil laughed a little, "it's my friend's." He began to explain, "well, long story short, I ended up pouring yoghurt down myself at college today. It wasn't the best of experiences."

"Oh." Dan nodded. College. He'd known Phil was older than him, but it still left him feeling rather awkward and out of place, sat there in his school uniform. "I spilt water all over my maths homework today," he found himself saying, and for a reason he couldn't quite place, because he was sure that Phil wouldn't give a fuck about his maths homework, but he did. "I ended up copying my friend Chris' though, so it was okay."

"He's a good friend for letting you copy him." Phil nodded, smiling as he got his feet, watching as Dan did the same. "Unless he's horrible to you, and in that case forget I said anything-"

"No, don't worry, he's nice. He's Chris." Dan said as if his name might convey the entirety of his character with ease. "I'm a bit worried about him though." Dan found himself saying, "but I can't tell him that I'm worried, because, well, he'll just... he's not the kind of person who'd appreciate that."

"Why are you worried about him?" Phil asked, looking at Dan as if he actually cared for every word he had to say, and he did.

"He has this crush on this guy called PJ, well, he insists he doesn't, but he's pretty obvious about it, and well... it might not mean anything at all, but I think this guy might have a girlfriend or something and I just don't want him to get hurt." Dan admitted, looking up at Phil sheepishly.

"Could he not just trying talking to PJ?"

"Oh trust me, I've suggested that, but it seems like anything is easier for him than actually going about things the simple, straight forward way."

Phil laughed a little, "it's different though, isn't it? When you like someone. You just really can't just tell them, because they're the whole world to you, and you're just so terrified as to what would happen if the world stops spinning."

Dan paused for a moment, nodding, not that he'd really had any form of meaningful crush on someone. "I guess. I don't know first hand, but I guess."

Phil smiled, "I hope you find someone, Dan, I really do." He pulled his phone from his pocket, checking the time, "I've really got to get home, you could walk as far as you go with me, if you want?"

Dan nodded; he had to get home too. "I'd like that."

And just like that he had more things to think about than Chris.

-

so hey i didn't abandon this fic !!! ayy ay well done me what a lad. anyway vote & comment if u want !!! lov u guys !!!