Note:This Chapter takes place is mostly a flashback as Patel repeatedly explains what he went through to different members of the crew.

Patel stands in front of Daniel & Lucy the three sit at a coffee shop the day after Patel arrived in Kuoh, the siblings sit in front of the man with Daniel drinking Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino, Lucy drinks an Iced Matcha Tea Latte, Patel doesn't have a Starbucks cup, instead he sits in front of the pair with three glass bottles, the first BEEFEATER gin, Icelandic Mountain Vodka, and lastly Jack Daniel's whisky.

This is the story... About a world of adventure, a sea "full" of excitement, and a man full of drams... And a passion that seeks to drive him to the- Wha? Hey, what are you doing? No. No! Nooo!

"This isn't a shitty show! Now get the fuck out of here! Ahem. Yeah, this gonna be weird."

Cut...

I stand in a room with my boss and my brother as we look at the phone and I glance at my brother Erik annoyed.

"So he killed them both?" Erik asks.

"No, from what I heard, the police girl killed the female..." I say.

One week earlier

"Now, I get what your thinking. "What the fuck am I reading?" Well, it started on a midnight stroll. The air was clear, the moon, full, and I was forced to babysit the resident pain in my ass, Alucard."

"Shut the fuck up, Patel. I was dying to sink my teeth into something. Get it? Because I'm a vampire... mwahaha it's funny."

"Eh, 4/10."

"So, you came. Too bad your far too late." Some dumb mother fucker said standing in front of me and the monster standing next to me.

"What?" He asks.

"Everyone else is already dead. Except this little tart."

He shows off a large group of ghouls before raising a police girl with rather large "accessories". I glance over to Alucard and nod at him before walking past the dumbass priest and one by one, kill the ghouls using my sword. I should explain it's special power, my sword, absorbs the souls of any creature it pierces, even from soulless ghouls it'll take the souls from the afterlife and trap it inside the blade. I can then release them out into the open and use them to fight my enemies. After killing the ghouls a gunshot rings out and I look back seeing a whole through the police girl's chest.

"Well, What now, how are going to explain killing a police girl?" I ask.

Alucard stares down at the girl gurgling in her blood. "Aw, jeez, you look like a puppy, a blond, eviscerated puppy! Christ! Fine! I'll help you!"

"Welp, my report just got longer." I say placing my hands on my hips.

"But only because you got nice tits."

My head snaps towards Alucard. "The fuck. "

He then goes down and turns her into a vampire as I groan pick her up and carry her back to HQ. Once back I'm forced to wait in a room as she sleeps not being allowed to leave until she's awake. When she finally does wake though...

"Ah! Wh-Where am I?"

"Hey you, you're finally awake. Walked right into that ambush." I say with a soft, maybe off-putting, smile.

"Who are you?.

"Ugh, uncultured. I'm Achilles Carpi Patel. An... employee of the Hellsing Organisation. And you, Police Girl, are now one of us. I'll let my boss explain, I'm going to take a nap. Sir Integra! She's all yours!"

"Thank you, Achilles. Why hello, Police Girl." I walk out of the room and find a simple wall curl up and sleep not caring for what's going on. Then comes Alucards report.

"So that's your field report?"

"Yup." Alucard says over the phone.

"You went on a walk with Achilles through a forest at midnight..."

"Yup."

"You killed a homicidal vampire priest..."

"Dead."

Integra sighs. "And then you turned someone into a vampire... who happened to be a big-tittied..."

"...Police girl." The pair both say in unison.

"Yes! It's like I didn't just get through explaining this! Now, if you don't mind... I've got things to do."

"Things?" I ask. "What things? You don't do things."

"Yes I do. I take enthusiastic walks through the woods."

"And kill homicidal vampire priests."

"Very enthusiastic walks." You could fucking hear the smile through the phone.

One week later

"So that's your field report?" Integra asks.

"Yup."

I sigh. "Let me get this straight. You broke into the house, and shot him thirty-six times?"

"Thirty-seven, actually."

"And took out his partner." Integra interjects.

"To be fair that was the police girl... with the big titties."

"You need to stop going on walks."

"And you need to hurry up and hook up some good damn DSL in here."

"Ugh... Listen you and the brothers have an assignment in Ireland."

Alucard perks up. "Ooh, I've never hunted a leprechaun before. Do you think if I shoot it with my gun, lucky charms will explode everywhere?"

"Sweet Christ!" My brother says holding his head in his hands dumbfounded.

"Just get to Ireland, kill the vampires who've taken over the hospital, and bring the Police Girl with you."

"Ah, come on, I have to bring her everywhere." Alucard says annoyed.

"Ah ah ah, none of the sass!"

Alucar speaks; mockingly. "Yes, mom~!"

Italy

Two men stand together as a third man approaches from nearby one a tall blonde and the other a slightly shorter man wearing a navy blue trench coat. Anderson and Nelson.

"So what can I do for you, Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'CarrolO'Reiley'O'Brian'O'Sullivan..."

Nelson chuckles. "Oh, who is also Italian?"

"Tell-a-me, Anderson, Nelson. What is your favorite thing to do?"

"Spreadin' the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world. Teachin' peace and love for all." Anderson says with a smile on his face.

"And-a killing-a vampires?"

"Ah, just try to fuckin' stop me." Anderson's smile grows wilder.

Nelson smiles softly. "Don't stop me."

"And what about... Protestant's?"

"Second verse same as the first... Now put me on plan so I can put 'em in a hearse!"

Later in Ireland

This is rather dull. Brother and Alucard get to enter all by themselves. Meanwhile I'm stuck out here with the police girl.

"Do you ever say no?" The Police Girl asks me.

"No."

"You-You just did."

"No."

"Hey, Police Gurl! Police Girl! This is awesome! You should totally join in. Seriously, there's like 80 zombies in here. Just one shot in the head and they explode! It's like "House of the Dead," only like, 100x more awesome!"

I glance over as she breaks through the door. Finally! I barge in after her as she begins killing some zombies as I stab into them with a smile on my face. Until we're done and I look back at her. Huh, she did that rather quickly.

"Sweet Black-fucking-Sabbath... If I wasn't holding out for that beast of a woman, Integra, I'd fuck the red right out of those eyes." Alucard says.

"Aye. If hadn't stopped after Yumi. Damn." I say staring.

Erik scoffs. "Grow up you two." She's then impaled my many bayonets as I block a sword nearly stabbing into me. Until I sniff the air and Alucard smiles.

"Huh?"I mutter. "It suddenly reeks of hypocrisy in here."

Alucard turns behind us. "Oh, if isn't the Catholic Church. And what's this? No little jimmy glued to your crotch?"

I chuckle. "Progress." I say smiling.

"God damn it you two." Erik says.

"Ah, and look what we have hear, a bloody heathen! And two Protestant bastards!"

"Excuse me! But I'm a fuck mothering vampire! I killed a lot of people to get this tittle! I deserve to be called such."

I raise my hand. "Also, I'm orthodox."

Erik looks away. "Atheist."

"Well then, mind if I ask you your names?"

"Only if you give yours first, papist."

"Fine I'll give you the courtesy. The names Alexander Anderson!"

My eyes widen for a moment, "Oh, fuck all kinds of duck."

"You have been chosen to reveal my existence to the world! You will witness what happens here today, and you will tell of it later. Except you won't...'cuz I'll have killed ya!"

"Wait AA?" Erik asks. "Oh fuck, he's Iscariot. Alucard, were not supposed to fight him. Remember, Integra said no fighting the Iscariot's."

Alucard scoffs. "Oh, fuck off."

"Also, can we discuss that "brilliant" speech. Unoriginal too. That's totally from "Bokndock Saints"." I point out.

"What? No it isn't? I came up with it a week ago!" Anderson says.

"Whatever. We're here for the vampire."

"The only vampire left here is your sorry pale ass."

I glance back noticing the police girl who's been choking and gagging for about a minute or so now.

Alucard speaks to her; nonchalantly. "Yeah, Yeah, give us a minute." He then turns to Anderson. "So what do you want anyway? The nearest elementary school is at least ten kilometers away."

"It is your corrupt acclaim! It is your evil that will be sought by me with every breath!"

"Boondock..."I begin.

"...Saints!" Erik roars.

Alucard chuckles. "Seriously, you must watch that movie religiously! Get it?"

"The school quip was better."

"Okay, you know what? Fuck it. Knife."

Alucard tilts his head confused. ""Knife"?"

Erik and I draw our blades at the right moment to avoid being stabbed by a bayonet as Alucard takes one right down the throat.

"Boom. Headshot." He hits Alexander in the head as he falls backwards and Nelson facepalms. "Well, now that that's over, how about we go back to my place and have a bowl of my favorite cereal, "Count Choc-""

He's head goes flying off as I'm thrown out the window, oh, I'm gonna be all day with this. Turning swiftly I raise my sword and summon a large horde that I use to break my fall before placing them back into the sword. I then glance up seeing Erik hanging from the window. I groan and hurry back up as I notice the other man that was with Anderson watching me as I get back to the window and drag Erik back in.

Erik dangles precariously. "Took you long enough."

"I could've left you there."

"But you didn't."

"How are you the older brother?"

"Cause fuck you that's how. Also, half brother, different fathers."

"I don't care." I say standing up. "Come on we should find the Police Girl."

"Should we?"

"Yes... Maybe Alucard." We then begin walking as gunshots ring out nearby as we turn a corner to find Sir Integra standing there.

"Well, aren't you the naughty one!"

"Don't make me shoot you in the fucking head!"

"Doesn't work. Alucard tried." I say.

"What the hell do, you want you crazy Protestant bastard?"

"I'm a woman."

"Call yourself whatever you want, you crazy Protestant bastard."

"You do know this is a grave violation of our agreement."

"And what part would that be?" Anderson says.

"The part where you're here, fighting my men."

"I have no idea what your on about!" He tries to get to her as me and Erik stop his charge our blades locked with his. "I'm just here doin' my job! Killin' vampires, and werewolves, and leprechauns."

"Don't forget fairies. Do you think if I cut open a fairy I could get high of its dust?" I ask.

Erik sighs. "Oh my non-existent god."

"I never found me a leprechaun, but do you think if cut one open with my knife, it would spill out lucky charms?!"

"Just shut up! Where the hell is Alucard?!"

"Give it a minute." I say.

"Oh him? I killed him!"

Erik glances to me. "Killed him?"

"Cut off his bloody head!"

Integra smirks. "Oh! Well, that's step one. What about two through ten?"

"Ah, Christ!"

"He's back... the fucker."

Alucard finally finishes reforming. "You done goofed."

"How the blood-soaked Protestant Hell did you do that??"

"Fuck you that's how."

"You know what? I've had enough of this. To hell with all you dirty heathens! Nelson, leave!"

"Eatme!" Alucard shouts.

"Don't forget to write!" I say earning a slap to the back of my head by Erik.

The Police Girl collapses to her knees. "Oh... oh my God... We survived!"

"So...?"

Integra looks at Alucard. "What?"

"May we go after them?" I ask.

"No."

"Aww, come on!"

"No, and that's final! We've got bigger things to worry about. Whoever's behind these vampire attacks, it has to be some kind of large organized group."

"Like the Nazi's?" Alucard asks.

"That would be retarded."

I chuckle. "Yeah, "Retarded"."

Scene change

"Gentleman... ve... are Nazis..."

"Sieg heil! Sieg heil!"

"Und we... will have var~"

"Sieg heil! Sieg heil!"

"Und we... Und we... Achoo!"

"Gesundheit! Gesundheit!"

Episode 1 End.

Patel sits in front of Xenovia, Irina, and Gale in the church, or rather they sit in front of him as he stands behind the destroyed alter of the ruined church in Kuoh.

In Story

Sleeping in a nice cozy room is a young male. In his young adult stages he lays on his bed comfortably, that is until his phone goes off and automatically answers as he's suddenly a part of a group call with Sir Integra (w/ Walter), Alucard (w/Seras), and Erik.

"Ohh... fuck...I had beer. Hello?" He asks.

"Hello, How was your Mission in Japan?"

Achilles shrugs. "Oh, I'd say, 99... point 9 percent done. Alucard, did you finish it."

"Ha." Alucard laughs.

There's a brief flash of a zombie standing outside the gates of a school in Tokyo, before it can do anything it's shot in the head, sitting in a building with a sniper is Chisaki who sighs. "T-Virus has been neutralized. Now to finish that immortality concoction."

"Sup, bitch?" Alucard says with a smirk.

"I need to talk to you about some important guests coming today."

"Are they hookers?" Alucard asks.

"Is it the Beer companies?" I ask at the same time.

"No."

"And like that you've lost me." Alucard & I say in unison.

"They're our financial suppliers."

"Oh shit, they must hate us." I say.

"They do. That's why they canceled our budget." Integra says angrily.

"Ooh that's bad. We need that, right?" Alucard asks. "Achilles, we need that right?"

"Yes. We do." I say.

Walter also speaks. "Yes, very important."

"Thank you, Walter."

"Of course sir."

Wankers.

"Over the last couple of years, we've had some... expensive claims."

"Like what?" Alucard asks.

"First off- property damage."

Alucard hums, "Good times."

"Dozens of noise complaints."

Cue my alarm system going off blasting Slipknot through a stereo system as if it was Present Mic shouting in MHA. "Ok." I say.

"Killing at least a dozen innocent people."

"Oh so did Anthony Hopkins, and he got a fucking Oscar for it!" Alucard shouts.

"And... All of the sexual harassment."

"I'm not apologizing."

"I don't know if you need to." I say to Alucard.

"Listen, I know this is asking a lot, but..."

"But...?"

"I want you all to keep yourselves locked in the basement and your rooms until all of them are gone."

"I get the distinct impression you're embarrassed by me."

"Probably." I hum.

"Nobody asked you, K-pop."

"Fuck off, Bieber." Alicard & I shout back and forth.

"Alucard, Achilles." Integra says annoyed.

"I'm gonna go with no..." Alucard says.

I shrug. "Gotta agree."

"This is important and I don't need you causing a scene."

"I don't have to take this! I'm going for a walk."

"No, you don't!"

"Oh, what are you gonna do? Grab that guy who can't stop me?"

"You called?" My brother and I say in unison.

Alucard huffs. "Pfft, As if."

Integra sighs audibly before speaking. "What do you want?"

"What?"

"What... do I need to give you to keep you down here for the evening?"

"I'm going to need a new gun. Also one for the police girl." Alucard says.

"But I already have a gun." Police Girl protests.

"Get That bitch a cannon. Bitches love cannons."

"Anything else?"

"A 70-inch... plasma widescreen TV."

"Really?" 8 tetra asks dumbfounded.

"With Netflix."

"Should it also be 3-D?"

Alucard shouts into the phone angrily. "No that's a stupid fucking gimmick and everybody knows it!"

"And you, Achilles?"

"Ten 6 packs, a rifle, and a Remington 1911 R1 with suppressor for both."

"Okay."

Time Skip

I sit in my room cleaning my sword as I whistle a tune to myself. It's not any tune you'd find in a song, but, just a tune, I enjoy sitting around and drinking my nice corona beer. That is until, he gets a call from Integra not to mention the lights bugging out.

"Yes?" I say nonchalantly. I then hear an explosion. Oh, something blew up the escape chopper.

"Achilles, Erik, Alucard, get up here now! 8m locked in with the committee on the third floor and-!"

Alucard speaks; interrupting Integra. "Okay, see, I'm going to have to stop you right there. You see, we're under direct orders from our boss - who is also a total bitch, by the way - that we are not to leave our rooms until such time as the committee has left the building. We were even bribed. Imagine that."

"Alucard, you vampiric asshole, I will-!"

"Sounds Great, But I'm gonna have to now. I just queued up an episode of "Adventure Time " on Netflix. Bye~ *Adventure time plays in background*" He hangs up.

"Walter!" She shouts.

I then groan hanging up after Erik as I jump from my bed to the vents and crawl through up to the third floor before kicking out the panelbeing the first of us to arrive.

"I was enjoying a good time, thank you." I say landing on the floor.

"Alright, Walter And his assistants should be here any second now."

"But if there's no way to get upstairs how are they going to- Ah!" Penwood shouts as the vent finally hits him in the face.

I then look up only for the Police Girl to fall on me with her ass landing on my face followed by Walter landing normally then Erik landing next to me. I push her off before I stand grumbling. Though, they were soft.

"Good to see you, Walter."

Walter walks over to Sir Integra. "Of course, Sir."

"The first two floors have been entirely overrun. Communication with the outside have been cut off, we lost all our men, and Alucard is being..."

"Alucard?" Brother asks.

"A total ass, yes. Now tell me do you have any plans?"

"Of course, Sir. I shall do exactly as the butler does... and tidy up."

I grin putting a hand on the hilt of my blade. "Then lets get started. I've been waitin to plunge my sword into some ghouls." We exit the room as I'm handed my new pistol and I smile and begin to laugh evilly. "This will be fun."

We then enter a hall as Walter kills some ghouls to the guy asking what the fuck it was. "Hello. My name is Walter C. Dornez. Ex+Vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing Organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash... and I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself."

I step forward hand firmly on my hip, posing like a true mafioso. "Hi there. Name's Achilles Patel, Vampire Hunter, and employee to the Hellsing Organization, bruv. I hunt Vampires, Werewolves, Leprechauns, Fairy's, and whores who need to check their privileges, like you."

"Well, ain't you just the textbook fuckin definition of classy! But guess what, Jeeves, that garrote wire won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, Alfred? "How thick is it?" Well, half as thick as mah dick! So thick enough that you need a fuckin' anti-tank rifle to pierce it, and I don't even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass."

Walter smirks. "Police Girl, If you may."

"Bitches love cannons!" We step aside as she fires a single shot that tears through three layers of the armor and soldiers. Well shit.

"Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle."

3
2
1

"OH FUCK, THATS AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!"

She fires another shot as Erik and I dash in after it explodes clearing through many different ghouls without even trying. I turn back and walk back as the Police Girl takes him down. "Arm bars everywhere!" She shouts.

"Let go of me, stupid bitch!"
Walter looks at Police Girl. "That's quite impressive. Where did you learn that hold?"

"Oh wow, it's almost like I'm a police girl or something!"

"Sarcasm is unbecoming of you, love." I say.

Walter hums in agreement. "Quite."

"Wow. Gee willikers, mister. I sure am sorry for slaughterin' all your guards and tearin' up your mansion. I promise I've learned my les-" Walter stomps his free hand as I break his left leg. "Ah! Fuck! Take a joke, asshole!"

"And everything you say just pisses me off. Now you're going to tell me everything I want to know."

"Alright, alright. What you do is... is;  You go down to the local pharmacy ask for something called "Viagra" and it'll help you go fuck yourself!" I turn hearing more ghouls appearing. I rush towards them cutting them to pieces when the Police Girl speeds past me and Erik. I then glance at Erik and turn back as Jan slams against the wall. "Fuck! Ahg, where the fuck did myghouls go?!"

"Dealt with. Quite brutally I might add." Erik says with a bit of pep in his voice.

"Well, least I'm gonna die with a raging boner."

"All right, shit-for-brains, you're going to spill every single thing you know or I'm gonna have Walter and Erik here peel your dick like a banana!" Integra shouts.

"I don't know what's fuckin funnier. The fact you think your titless ass intimidates me, or that you think my boss would let me if I did. AND NOW IM ON FUCKIN' FIRE! SO ITS FREE GAME! The one who sent me... WAS...! Nazis...!" He then falls apart into ashes as I stab the ashes and absorb his soul into my sword.

Integra looks around at us. "I heard George Lucas. Who else heard George Lucas."

"I heard Vic Mignonga."

Erik shrugs. "I heard Vince McMahon."

"I heard Miami Heat." Walter says surprised.

"I heard the Mötley Crüe with my vampire hearing."

Erik takes a second. "Uh, Where is the big brother?"

We all head back to the room and we check on Alucard's room to hear him chowing down on the older brother.

Penwood looks at us all listening unimpressed. "Who... is that exactly?"

"Oh, that's Alucard, the one we talked about earlier. This is what happens when he has to entertain himself. Oh, so what was that issue about funding?"

"Issue?" Penwood asks.

"What issue?"

"Shut up and take our money!"

Time Skip

"Ah, and just like that, everything turned out alright in the end." Alicard says with a satisfied tone,

"Yes,everything turned out fine... except that 90% of our staff were killed, turned into ghouls, then killed again by the Police Girl in a blood rage not to mention the brothers kill count."

"Whats a blood rage? And why don't I remember anything?" Police Girl asks.

"I still won." I say gloating.

"Shut it."

"That reminds me - for whatever reason, did we ever find out who sent them?"

-silence-

"It was the Nazis, wasn't it?"

"No." Integra says immediately.

"Bet you I'm right."

"Bet you you're wrong."

"Bet you you're a skank."

Integra shouts. "Bet you you're an asshole."

"Bitch I eat people!"

"Honestly, who throws a shoe?" I say breaking them up.

"What?" Brother asks.

Episode 2 End.

Now Achilles sits with Azazel at the Governor-General's apartment, the two drinking and massively drunk.

My eyes shoot open and I groan slightly, oh wait... It's orientation day... I shoot from my bed and get dressed quickly before rushing out and see Sir Integra leading around a group of mercenaries.

"Hello?" I say slightly confused by the presence of people outside my door.

"Men, this is Achilles Patel, one of our top tier fighters, and if you have an issue at any point bring it to him and he'll be blunt about it."

"As in I'll tell you to grow the fuck up. So anyway, What's with the pride meeting?" I ask.

Integra sighs. "They're a mercenary group contracted to replace all the soldiers we lost during the Valentine brothers raid."

"Right... alright fodder, just try not to die." I say turning back to the men.

"Everything you need to know was already in the briefing."

Alucard appears through the wall stunning many of the group, and making the men shout. "HEY KIDS, WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?!" His sudden appearance makes everyone shout the men for a solid minute.

"Stop screaming!" Integra shouts.

"So, what's up with the pride meeting?" Alucard asks.

"Beat you to the joke." I say.

"They're a mercenary, (blah, blah, blah)"

"Wait... are these guys French?" Alucard asks the rep questions here.

"We were forced to post mortality rates. They're the only ones who applied."

"What rates did you put? 100% of death?" I ask.

"Eighty, actually."

"Wow are really scrapping the bottom of the barrel here."

"Eh, I'd say third from bottom. Chinese, Iscariot, then French."

"Sir Integra, I apologize, I tried to stop him." Walter says running into the room we're all in. "But when I pleaded with him, he merely responded with, and mind my French - no offense - (Pip: Some taken) "Fuck the police". He then proceeded to tilt every painting he passed on the way here."

"Did you tell-?" Integra begins to ask, but Erik's screams of agony can be heard by anyone and everyone in the vicinity.

"Dear god, this is gonna be a day." I say looking to the side.

"Speaking Of headaches, a very curious letter arrived for you in the mail."

"Enrico Maxwell?" Integra mutters. "That filthy, slimy, arrogant, Italian PIECE OF SHI-!"

CUT

"Maxwell, oh it's been far too long."

Enrico smiles. "I agree. You're no longer that little girl I used to know. Look at all those lines on your face."

"And look at all the brown on your nose. How is the pope doing?"

"Better than your failing church."

"Well, not all of us can exploit illegals."

"But you don't waste time making money off RUPET MURDOCH!"

"Honestly, If you're going to have a dickfighting contest with a woman, you must have started with the worlds cruelest handicap." Alucard says starting with the insults. "Which I'm sure benefits the 9 year-old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican  jet."

"Which was paid for how?" I ask. "Oh right! Generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God... all over his back."

Enrico snaps his glasses in half. "Anderson!" He then appears in front of Maxwell as Alucard steps forward. I look toIngegra, Who stares a hole through Maxwell.

"Exactly as anticipated." I say with a grin.

"By who?" She asks.

"By me. Walter, you owe me fifteen."

Walter hands me the money. "Yes, Sir."

"Kiss the son lest he be angry, and he perish from the way... when his wrath is kindled but a little!" The pair stare each other down, ready to battle I roll my eyes and stand in front of Sir Integra sword gripped ready to be drawn.

"Right this way, Group B!" Police girl says standing between the groups.

Erik walks in the opposite direction still between us. "Group C, follow me!"

"That's right! Right'n front'a everyone else! You're 80! You're used to it! We're going to look at art and paintings, which I believe are also art. I don't know! I'm cockney! I'm uncultured!"

Alucard pulls his gun back. "Uh, well, my boners gone."

Anderson nods. "Aye. Kind of a mood killer."

"Wanna try this again some other time?"

"Of course! Kill ya later, ya monstrous heathen."

"You too, you catholic sociopath. Whoops, tautology,"

Maxwell stands there awkwardly. "You want some coffee?"

Integra sighs. "I'd love some."

I sigh and return home talking with Erik and the Police Girl. As I'm called into a meeting with Walter and Alucard, why is it always me.

"Did you know you have vacation days?" Walter says to us.

"I have vacation days!?" We say in unison. "You mean I can leave anytime I want and not get yelled at over the phone? Because seriously, it's always over the phone!"

"Mostly because I don't like to argue with her in person. I get a boner. It's super weird." Alucard adds.

"Uh...?"

Walter hums. "Quite."

"Well that settles it. I'm going traveling!"

"Yes, you can go anywhere you wish... except for Brazil. Sir Integra was quite insistent that you never visit Brazil."

"Wait... Alucard don't-"

"Taking the Police Girl, The Frenchman and the Brothers."

On the jet

I sit on the jet that somehow Alucard got for us, as Erik is busy eating snacks while Pip reads a newspaper and Alucard, relaxes.

"So Where is the Police Girl?" Pip asks.

"On you know, she's downstairs." Alicard says without a care in the world.

"You mean the cargo hold?" I say.

As we fly into Brazil im forced to cover my ears by Alucard shouting though it doesn't fucking help. "Jesus wants a hug!"

"There we are, a regular two bedroom."

"Hilarious. No, I want the penthouse." Alucard says.

"I'm... sorry, sir. Mr. Chevy Chase currently has that room reserved."

"I said... you want to give me the penthouse."

"I... want to give you the penthouse."

"And you want to kick out Chevy Chase because he's an asshole."

The Clerk with a dead eyed expression repeats everything Alucard says. "And I want to kick out Chevy Chase because he's an asshole."

"See this, Frenchie? I can make him say whatever I want. "White chicks" was amazing."

""White Chicks"was amazing!"

"Make him say that Corona beer gives you the Corona Virus." I suggest.

"Corona beer gives you the Corona Virus."

"Corona beer gives you the Corona Virus!"

Alucard grins. "He believes it too."

Pip rears back disgusted. "Eugh!" We walk to the room as we all hear a man spying on us but ignore him. "So, if zis doesn't sound weird... Would you... maybe like o get a drink later? Hit up a club?"

"You're not my friend, you're my body guard. Make it past two weeks, I might learn your name. Until then, your spare blood."

"Geez Fine."

I stretch a bit. "I'm down, I've been out of miller and bud for a while now."

"Also, Tell that guy to stop spying on me, it's creepy."

"Nah." I say finishing my stretch.

"Now that I'm all by myself... I can just kick back and relax."

He closes the door as Pip and I shrug and walk to a bar. Where the two of us drink for about two hours until we separate and I begin walking back until I see a news report on a monitor just outside our hotel.

"Shots fired from the penthouse suite on the top floor. The initial swat team has not reported back, leading officials to fear the worst. The terrorist trio inside is comprised of a young British woman, a Dante rip-off, and and some Ozu Osborn-looking mother fucker."

My phone then rings suddenly and it's Integra in a group call.

"Hello?" I ask.

"What. Did you do?" Integra asks audibly holding back her rage.

"Alright. But you can't be mad at us." Alucard says.

"What... Did you do?"

"Okay, first, After Achilles and the Frenchman left to drink I was minding my own business."

"Bullshit!" Integra roars.

"I was!." Alucard moans out.

Erik hums. "He was."

"And exactly what happened while you were "minding your own business"?"

"So while Erik was cleaning his sword, I was just chillaxin in my room like a baller, then all of a sudden these shucks kicked in my door! One of them yelled out "get on your knees!" And I responded with, "I'm not your mother last night." And they took exception to that. But you know how that song and dance goes. And Erik and I killed all but one of them."

"What happened to the last one?"

"Pussed out like a bitch!" Alucard shouts. "Silver lining - I can cancel my room service!"

"Oh, hold on getting another call. Hello?" I say.

"Hey, where are you?" Pip asks.

"Outside the hotel, why?"

"Wanna take out those officials?"

"Fuck Yeah. Meet me at the bar again."

"Okay." I go and meet with him as he brings gas masks and C4.

"Alors, que regardons-nous en garantie?"

"Eh, je dis le montant d'Alucard." I respond

"Lequel est?"

"Beaucoup. Juste beaucoup."

"D'accord...?"

As we arrive we spot guards being pierced by flag poles.

"Do you think Alhambra can take him?" An official asks.

"Calm down man, it's fine. I'm just focused on what I'm gonna do with my immortality."

"Jokes on you, I'm getting double immortality!"

"Okay that's stupid." I say. "Fuck em up!" Pip and I use our pistols with their silencers to kill each and every officer. In the tent along with the idiots. As we walk out we remove our masks and I press a button for the detonation as the tent explodes. When he lights a cigarette.

"Now, let's see what he thinks about having zat drink with me..." Pip says quietly.

"He still won't" I then stop as I get a notification from twitter, oh Alucard.

@TheCrimsonFuckr

It's Nazis. #calledit #bitcheslovecannons #fuckmotheringvampire

@ErikSans liked this tweet
@Patellakiller liked this tweet

It's fucking Nazis!

Episode 3 End.

Now Achilles is seated with Sona Sitri and Rias Gremory explaining to both girls why he's in Kuoh. Sona is fully invested in listening to his story, Rias, meanwhile is on the verge of passing out from his story.

"Say it." Alucard says over the phone.

"Fuck you." Integra replies

"After you say it."

"You're really going to force me on this?"

"Oh, you knew he would." I say with a scoff

"I'm at half mast! I need to hear this!" Alucard says.

"Fine! You were right!" Integra roars.

There's a brief moment of no noise before Alucard is heard orgasming.

"Alright Nope." I say as I end the call and begin to close my eyes when the door is kicked open and I grab my head in pain. No... We then get boarded on a Vatican jet and taken back to London where were taken to the royal palace.

"Hey, So don't get mad, but I think we don't have the song..." I say.

"What-What do you mean you forgot the song? OK, screw it, no screw it! Just- just take my phone and hit random. No, just hit random. Ok, three, two..." The door slams open upon the song starting, the song being Bitch by Meredith Brooks as we all stand together in dramatic poses. "Yeah, OK, turn it off, turn it off! It didn't work. It did not work."

"Following your example?" Integra says with a smirk.

"Ooh, catty! Oh, shit, is that Betty?!" Alucard says walking over to Queen Elizabeth.

"Excuse me sir, you're going to have to-!" Two guards walk over to Alucard.

"No, don't do it." I try to warn.

"Get out of my way!" He killed them. Alucard just swiped his hands and killed two guards. He walks up to the king and then kneels before her.

"Well, well, Well. If it isn't Allie. Your skin is as smooth as the day I felt it on my own."

"You know it. Reminds me of when I'd keep your bed warm during the blitz."

B"Those were better days. I was younger, beautiful..."

"Oh, shut up you old hag I'd still reck you like Diana!"

"Haha! Oh, you know exactly what to say to moisten me up."

Penwood recoils. "Gah, I can never have sex again!"

Bleh. Oh, that's absolutely disgusting. Disgusting.

Integra sighs. "Alucard, If you please."

"You're right. Enough focusing on the past. Instead let's focus on the past! Back in World War II, Walter and I were part of a top secret government operation called "Operation; Kraut Control",  Walter was 15, and I'm pretty sure if I'm remembering correctly, I was a girl..."

Reginald looks at Alicard confused. "Wait a second, but that implies that the Queen-?"

"Interrupt my story again Reggie see what happens." Alucard warns. "But yeah, we were under orders to stick it sideways to a group of Nazi scientist wack jobs interested in creating a vampire army. And did we!"

Integra smirks. "Seems like you missed a spot."

"Are you- are you gonna do this right now? In front of everybody?"

"The point is, enough members escaped and plan to finish their mission." I say taking a long drag of one of Pip's cigarettes. "Bloody Kraut's."

"Yes. They've established a base in Brazil and are using the name..."

"Millennium." A person speaks catching everyone off guard.

I jump back and aim my pistol at the cat-boy, I know you're a dude. "It's a trap!" I yell.

"Warten Sie! How du you say, "do not shoot ze messenger.""

"Ah the return of the why boner...with a vengeance." Alucard says in the background.

"How did he get in here?!" Integra asks.

"We had over a hundred trained guards!" Walter says.

"They we're ours?" Alucard & I ask at the same time. "Oh I mean oh my god, how did he get passed the guards?" We both try to cover for the slip, but I'm smacked in the back of my head by Erik.

"My commanding officer, Ze Major, would like to personally introduce himself, along with our wonderful organization." He places a screen on the table and then clicks a remote as nothing happens. "What?"

"Schrödinger?"

"Its not working Major."

"Did you click TV then power?"

"Oh vait, I'm on Video 2." Schrödinger realizes his mistake.

"Nein Video 1."

Schrödinger clicks the remote. "Got it."

"Hello!"

Alucard laughs. "He's still so fucking fat! He's like a Nazi Louis CK! Wait, wait! No. No. Jim Gaffigan! Jim Gaffigan!"

"Ah, if it isn't the memorable Alucard, and the brothers red and blue, their provider Sir Integra, The Bean counters, und of course, and very interesting to see you by ze vay, ze Vatican. How does it feel to work with your sworn enemies Father Maxwell?"

Maxwell groans. "Not as painful as your obnoxious voice."

"Ah, come on, ve used to be friends with ze Vatican! Remember how you helped us in our escape from Germany? Uh-oh, I guess they veren't supposed to know about zat!"

"So that's how you knew about them." Integra says to Maxwell.

Maxwell looks down sweating slightly. "Yes."

"I'm sure you're chomping at the bit to find out vhat ve have in store for you, nein?"

"Nazi army." Integra says bluntly.

"Wow, just, kill all ze fun! Put ze fun in camps, vhy don't you?!"

I chuckle. "Yeah, you fun Nazi."

Integra scoffs. "Get to the fucking point!"

"Vell, mind me if it seems a little too American for you, but at some time, some place, somezing vill attack you. Maybe. Probably. Could be happening right now!"

"Fingers crossed!" I say with a chuckle. It should be at this point I inform everyone that Schrödinger is still in the room as is the Police Girl.

"Fräulein! Fräulein! Fräulein! HEY FRÄULEIN!"

Police Girl turns to the yelling Schrödinger. "Oi."

"Ve would make beautiful children."

Police Girl recoils. "Eh?!"

Suddenly the end of two pistols are placed into Schrödinger's mouth and he is subsequently shot.

Alucard turns to Police Girl. "Was that boy/girl bugging you?"

"Und like Zhat, the war begins!"

"Whoops.. Did I just accidentally another war?" Alucard says grinning.

"Be a dear, Seras, and boom the screen." I say.

"Police Girl." The gun rings out but my attention is diverted as Schrödinger!s body just vanishes.

"Huh. They would've looked rather nice, actually."

"Fucking gross. Take it from someone's, who's probably hit that." I say.

"Alright now, Alucard, clean that u- oh."

"Oh, wow, looks like she was self cleaning... and or magical." I say.

"Integra? Alucard?" Queen Elizabeth speaks.

"Yes, sugarlips?" Alicard asks.

"When you find him, and when you kill him, I want you to record it so I can fall asleep to it every night."

"Jesus fucking Christ I've missed you!"

Maxwell stands angrily. "Hey!"

"Oh shut up." I say my hands behind my head. Guess he didn't know about Asriel.

Time Skip

After the meeting with the bean counters, The Police Girl, Pip and I are sent back to the manor to guard it at all cost, while Erik is to defend Integra with Walter, and Alucard, well, will do Alucard business. I sit in the dining room with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a fine glass. As the Police Girl enters with Pip the two doing a sweep of the grounds, as well as checking on the rest of the mercenary group.

"Anything?" I ask.

Pip shakes his head. "No."

Police Girl salutes to me. "Nothin' Sir."

"Good. Good. Pip, care for a glass?" I ask.

Pip sighs sitting down next to me. "I could use it after today."

Police Girl looks at me. "Didn't you just get over your hangover, Achilles?"

"You can't get a hangover if you never stop drinking. Alucard, showed me that."

"How long have you been drinking?" She asks.

"Uh, Whats the legal age to drink in Russia?" Everyone turns to me. "Okay, so half that."

Pip raises a brow. "Nine?"

"Yup. Uncle Allie. So Police Girl, I've got a question, do you know what Alucard's top three things he's killed is?"

"No...?" She says, probably confused as to why I've asked.

"Third is the Turks. Second is Nazis, and can you guess the first?"

Police Girl shrugs. "Well his name backwards is Dracula, so... his father?"

"Nailed it. Like the fucking Romans."

Change character (Nelson)

I stand alone sword in hand. It appears as though the war will be much sooner than I thought. As Anderson and I get a call from Maxwell informing us of this.

"I see! Now it's open season for these heathen swine!" Anderson says.

"Alexander, Nelson, while I mirror your fervor to lay still upon the soulless jowls of the English Church we have a much bigger foe knocking at our door."

"Then knock at the door of Hellsing, and as the wolf huffs and puffs, we shall skewer those pigs ourselves!" I say.

"I do not know the metaphor on which you draw. But regardless, we must set aside the quarrels of our houses, and it's under the banner of God."

"Ah, I see! So this... is a crusade!" Anderson says cheerfully.

I smile with a soft hum. "Deus Vult." I mutter.

"No, no no, no-no-no! We don't say that anymore, we're calling it... Ah, damn, what do those American cows say?"

"Peace keeping?" I ask.

"Right! Now, shall we... keep the peace?"

"For Millennium!" Several grunts shout charging me.

I smirk as their cut in half, not even by me. "Only until it's time to slide in the knife." Anderson and I say in unison. I end the call and turn to my assignment partner.

"それで、ユミはあなたのキルカウントは何ですか?"

"私のキル数は現在15です"

"きちんとした。私の現在の金額は35です"

We return to killing these Nazi fuckers, preparing to rejoin Anderson in a bit.

Character Change Erik

Seriously, I'm stuck guarding Integra? I'm not going to see much action on an assignment like this. Well, anyways, we sit, or well Integra sits with Penwood and Reginald along with the defense base. As we discuss an aircraft carrier that appears to have gone rouge.

"We lost communication with the vessel eighteen hours ago. Currently, it's resting in the Atlantic 300 kilometers off the coast of Pauling."

"Have you acquired visual via satellite?" Integra asks.

"Yes, and they've left a rather cryptic message that we've yet to make any sense of."

The pass over a photo of the ship that has the words "The Cake is a Lie" in blood.

"Sir Integra, do you mind if I send a copy of this to Achilles?" I ask.

"Why?" She asks.

"He'll get it. He makes jokes about this all the time."

Integra hums. "Okay." I grab my phone and as quickly as I can take a picture and send it to him.

(Y/N)

I look to my phone as I'd received a message from Erik. Opening I see a photo some type of metal and blood saying "The Cake is a-" oh fuck off! Seriously? A Portal reference. This isn't fucking 2013! 20-goddamn-20! Fucking hell a more topical reference would be something corona related. And that's exactly what I sent him.

Erik

After receiving the message. Erik decides to recite the message to the room. "Ahem. He says and I quote, " Oh fuck off! Seriously? A Portal reference. This isn't fucking 2013, it's 20-goddamn-20! Fucking hell, a more topical reference would be something Corona related." End quotation." He says in the most deadpan voice he can.

"When were done today, I want a word, with your brother."

"I'm gonna him kick down a flight of stairs." He says standing straight behind Integra.

Integra hums. "That works also."

"Of course, there was one other shot we had which looks to be someone sitting in the middle with a yellow parasol. Seems a tad random if you ask me."

Integra nods. "This person looks like they're begging for attention..."

"And they're about to get it! The special air service has deployed two platoons via helicopter! They'll have visual any moment now."

Erik begins humming jeopardy theme.

"Ma'am." Walter speaks up.

"Wait For it."

"We've lost both helis! And that was Portal, by the way. That's Portal. That's... what it's from..."

Integra stands. "Well, this has been fun. Always nice to play audience to this menagerie you call a military. Since it seems like you've got this on lockdown, I'll leave you too it."

"Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!! Uh, based on new information that has been presented to us, uh, we've decided we- require the Hellsing Organization and their services..."

"You know, it's amazing how much time and people we could save if you'd just ask us in the first place. Walter? Erik?" We both chuckle as we follow Sir Integra out of the room and away.

"Were talking a hefty game, Sir Integra. Three Hundred Kilometers into the Atlantic and they seem to be able to annihilate anything we send at them." Walter says.

"And there's no pint of sending a submarine, chances are it's a depth charge showcase down below it." Erik says crossing his arms.

"Can't go at it from the sides, can't go at it from below..."

Integra nods. "So our only option is to hit that son of a bitch from above."

"Well, we do have one option. However, it was decommissioned in 1998."

Alucard speaks just ahead of us. "The Lockheed ST-71 Blackbird. An advanced long-range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of Mach 3 and an altitude of 85,000 feet!"

"You sure do seem to know a lot about it..." Integra says.

"Do you even read my Christmas list!?!" I nod at this suggestion as I stay with Integra and wait. I feel like we all know what's coming. And it'll be soon.

No character

Achilles stands with Police Girl as they look out a window, looking at the red moon. Both knowing that something bad is happening soon.
Nelson is crouched with Anderson and Yumi behind him as they look into the sky.
Erik looks forward ready to protect Integra with his life.

Achilles sighs as he downs another glass. "We better not miss a damn thing."

Episode Four End.

Achilles sits with Clarissa, Skylar, and Tia as he explains his backstory to the trio in Daniel's house the night all four arrived in Kuoh.

Staring into, well, nowhere really, I await the arrival of the enemy as I dismantle my pistol before reassembling it in under a minute as vibrations ring out. Oh so it's begun.

"What do you mean, he's stuck on the boat?" Penwood shouts.

Integra sighs. "I mean he's stuck on the bloody boat! I need you idiots to send a helicopter after him and retrieve him."

"Can't he fly with his vampire powers?" Penwood asks.

Erik bursts into laughter. "Oh, you're serious... No!"

"No! He can't fly with his vampire powers!" Integra shouts.

"Then How did he get there?!"

Integra sighs. "In the Blackbird we appropriated"

"You stole the Blackbird?!"

"Would you just send the helicopter?!?!" Erik shouts.

"We can't! Our communications are down!" Penwood shouts.

"...What?" Integra asks.

"They have been for the last two hours."

"So you're telling me that, as of this moment, we have no access to Alucard. Communications with our forces and the outside world are down and the enemy could be knocking at our door?!"

The door is then politely kicked open as Nazi fucks enter the room. And aim guns at me before Erik can even draw his sword however what they hadn't realized is that he had his pistol aimed to kill anyone who enters upon his command.

Reginald stands. "Or! Perhaps the enemy was sitting beside you on the round table the whole time!"

"Oh, Reggie, this is adorable." Integra says with a smile.

"SIR. Reginald. Is my name. I have spent the last five years of my life, cleaning up after your pet vampire, and the younger brother. And now? It is time Sir Reginald is payed what he deserves."

"Talking in the third person are you?" Erik asks. "You're not Rock "the Dwayne" Johnson. Your dumbfuck, shit-for-brains Reggie. You're the last son-bitch who should talk in third person."

Integra laughs as Erik glances at her and Reggie gets annoyed.

"You know? I get it now."

Reggie raises an eyebrow. "Get what?"

"How Alucard, and Achilles feel! Just a little bit, anyways. But I must say, "Sir Reginald,"  it is quite impressive, that despite how hilariously amateur this little 'coup' of yours is... That you're still managing to hold that gun. " His arm then is cut off as the blood sprays out and many of the people who rushed in were cut into bits.

"Who wants Daddy's belt? Now think about what you've done." Walter says.

"Seriously, you didn't even give me a shot." I say looking at Walter.

"I do apologize sir Patel, but I did need to be..."

"No, you don't enter kill every fucker and leave me with none then apologize. You own it."

Walter hums. "Right, Sir."

"So, Sir Penwood. Are you alright?" Integra asks.

"Well, Reginald was actually my Brother-in-law. So... Currently... processing that."

The screens around us all blink red and quite quickly actually while my eyes widen and a smile grows evermore present on my face.

"Communications are back up! Everything is on Fire!"

"London bridge is falling down!" An operator shouts.

Penwood turns to the operator. "Falling down?!"

"Falling down!"

"London bridge is falling down, my Fair Lady! What should we do?!"

"We have to evacuate immediately. Penwood, you could ride with Erik and me. The rest of you? Carpool." Integra says.

"No. I'm not going anywhere. I know I'm not much of a man. I've had a silver spoon in my mouth since the day I was born. This position... it's not suited for a meek gentleman like myself. But I'll be damned I say, if I tuck my tail in between my legs at the first sign of peril! I thank you for your service, Miss Integra! But I-!"

"Here's a gun. There are twelve holy gullets. Save one for yourself." Integra says. They begin walking out as Erik uses his sword to return his pistol to him and load it. While placing his sword back in my sheath.

"I'll ready the rifle."

"Go ahead. Walter?"

"Yes, Sir Integra?" Walter asks.

"Ready the car. We've got a war to win."

Germans

"Ah, Buckingham Palace is burning. Und, so are my loins." The Major says.

"Ahem!"

"Ah! First Lieutenant former Olympic bodybuilder Zorin Blitz. Sorry, I was understandable caught up in ze moment."

Zorin grins. 'You Finally have orders for me, Major?"

"Ah, indeed, my dear Zorin! You have a very special target."

"Where shall my scythe be pointed?"

"Ze Hellsing Organization Headquarters."

Zorin's eyes widen. "Yes."

"Und you?"

"Yes!"

"Shall provide reconnaissance."

Zorin drops her cigarette, and starts getting frustrated as the Major has her calm down.

"Zere is no one more eager to see zem bleed zen I! But ve must be careful! Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, any woman who commands the respect of a best such as Alucard, is not to be trifled vis! Fantasized on a lonely Saturday night wiz a bottle of Chardonnay?  Most certainly. But not trifled viz!"

"But she is just Vun Voman!" Zorin shouts.

"Und a pair of brothers. Erik and Achilles Patel. The brozers white and red. Both siblings carry dangerous veapons and and are experienced at ze art of killing vampires. Both brozers has a vampire kill count of over 1000 and zey are both under 25 years of age. Und a Police Girl! Ze only living vampire sired by Alucard himself and protected heavily by ze brozers. Why? Is it her skill? Her unpredictable nature? Ze big titties? Maybe? Who knows? But I do not gamble viss maybes. You will act as a vanguard and survey zeir forces. Are ve clear?"

Zorin sighs dejectedly. "Transparently."

"Wunderbar! Now speaking of vich. Sargent Klaus? Have you spotted Frau Hellsing?"

"Ja, Major. Driving past Primrose Hill."

"Is it on fire?"

"It could be more on fire."

Erik

Erik & Integra sit in the car with Walter driving as Sir Integra is disgusted by the bodies laying all over the place.

"Attention... anyone listening? I'm not sure if I'm using this correctly... it's been ten years since I've had to operate an analog radio. I... am Sir Penwood. Vice Admiral of the British Security Council. I know things seem bleak to those who are still alive, but steady on. We are still fighting. Each and every one of us. We shall defend queen and country, against this decades-old Barbarism!"

The three then hear the sound of an explosion followed by a rush of footsteps.

"How valiant of you, Sir Penwood! Defending your post down to the last man."

"Ah, but that is where I must rebuke you... because where you see one man... I C4. When you get to hell, tell them, Penwood sent you! And then apologise on my behalf for the inconvenience!" There's the sound of a button's click, the three hear an explosion then static.

Integra speaks first. "Walter."

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Sir Penwood was a- Son Of A Bitch!" She shouted as the car had stopped violently as I looked forward seeing something horrible.

"Sir Integra. We have a problem."

"Oh my god, the road is on fire." Integra says.

"Unfortunately... That's not the worst of it. If you will excuse me, I have to meet with an old friend. You need to take the car, and make your way to HQ on your own. Or with Erik."

"Wow, you are a real work of art, you know that. That's two oldie."

Walter smiles. "I believe in you two."

"Water. There's something I want you to know." Integra says looking up at the elder man.

"This is no time for 'goodbyes,' Sir Integra."

"No, I- I don't know how to drive."

"That'll be my job, Sir Integra." Erik says.

"You have driven me literally everywhere since I was ten." Integra says.

"Oh. Well, perfect time to learn!"

Erik looks between the pair. "Do I just not exist to you two?"

Walter hums. "Quite, OC."

Erik lowers his hands his jaw dropping. "The fuck, dude."

"You come back to me. No matter what, understood?"

"Understood, ma'am. And Sir, Erik Patel. It was truly an honour working with you. I entrust you to take care of Sir Integra, in my stead."

Erik nods. "Yes, sir." Erik starts the car back up and begins driving as Integra takes a deep breath. As they're driving Erik notices a soldier and rams him before he speaks.

"What was that?" Integra asks.

"A pain in our- oh come the fuck on!" The pair are forced into a tailspin as one jumps on the roof of the car. Erik fires a singular shot of his rifle through the roof as Sir Integra and he exit together.

"Hans! Nein! And he vas having such a good day! He even got to burn down London Bridge! Sing the song! Everything!"

Integra takes a deep breath. !Congratulations. It took an entire an entire squadron of inhuman nigh-immortal fake vampires to hunt down and corner a 22-year old woman and a skilled 24-year old vampire hunter."

"Zat's a woman?!"

"She's 22?"

"I hope it's everything you've dreamed of. So have at it, then! Come and get the first real fight you've had in 50 years, you dickless cowards!"

"I'll stab you in ze-!"

His head is cut off followed by his body being impaled multiple times by bayonets.

"Gods assassin."

"Saint guillotine."

"Ze Angel's dust!"

"Judas Priest!"

"Wait, like, Ze band?"

"Zey were named after him!"

Anderson stands in front of Integra and Erik. "By Jove, ya fuckin' header of a woman! Surrounded by 50 vampire Nazis armed literally to the teeth, and what do you do? Ya get out yer fuckin car, pull out your sword, cut off one'a their heads and yell "Come at me you Kraut shits!" No wonder Alucard wants to plow that virgin soil! I'm thinking about growing me some flowers meself!" He Laughs.

Integra glares at Anderson. "Alexander Anderson. To what do we owe the unexpected pleasure?"

"Ah, yanno, just out and about with me posse!"

Erik's eyes widen. "Posse?"

Nelson lands next to Anderson. "We aren't you posse! And look, you know how that beast vampire of yours got his own pet vampire, well, we acquired s9me yungsters ourselves. Two of em. I'm sure you and you brother would like a word, Erik. And here's the real kicker, one of them German the others fuckin Japanese, and I'm a fuckin Italian! We've got ourselves an axis of righteousness!"

Anderson laugh's heartily. "Yumi! Say something in moonspeak!"

"はい" (Hai)

"And the German one's Heinkel. She shouts things. It's great."

Erik chuckles. "Let me guess. Pop pop. Watchin' heathen drop. Nice seeing you again."

Integra looks at Erik. "Again?"

"Uh, let's just say, Achilles and I ain't no Virgins. Nor are they."

Heinkel stares at Erik annoyed. "Erik."

Erik smirks. "Heinkel."

"Ze Iscariot's? We're not scared of you! Look at you! You don't even know how to use a bayonet!"

Nelson recoils. "Oh, that's not good."

"It goes on ze gun, idiot!"

"Now, If you'll excuse us, ya English cows, it's time for the Iscariot's to do your job for ya. And put these soulless babies where they belong! In the ground in case ya didn't take-!" Anderson begins to speak.

"Who are we?!" Nelson shouts interrupting Anderaon.

"The necessary Evil!"

Anderson sighs. "Why are we necessary?!"

"To purge the world of evil worse than man!"

Nelson glances back. "And why are God's chosen few, ordained to undertake this unholy task?!"

"Because no one else will!"

Anderson grins. "And because it's fuckin' fun!"

Nelson leads the charge. "Amen!"

The Iscariot's, and Erik rush into the battle as they all start slaughtering the vampires. Erik stands back to back with Heinkel.

"So where do we stand right now?" He asks.

"I work for Iscariot, and your an Atheist, What is there to stand on?"

"Just curious. Cause let's be honest, I'm still up for another round." Erik says slashing through another vampire.

Heinkel shoots a vampire. "No."

"Alright, alright. But... sync with me, for a moment."

She and Erik together tear through a whole portion of the squad by themselves as Nelson and Yumi work together.

"So does he know that Yumi and Achilles used to...?"

Heinkel shakes her head. "Nein."

"Understood." Erik nods. "Should we tell him?"

"Nein."

"Got it."

Chapter Five End.