San heard muffled noises, and slowly he felt his body and head ache. He winced when he felt the back of his head, and it felt fuzzy in the back of his mind. He gave a groan as he barely opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was darkness. He then slowly moved his head to the right, showing a small tube in his arm and bandages. He gave another soft groan as he realized he was in the hospital, he must've hit his head pretty hard.

He then looked to his left, and there he unexpectedly saw a passed out Wooyoung sitting in a chair with his head on the bed, and his hand holding his. He could tell because the moon shined brightly on the both of them, and there was the tiniest night light in the room. His heart raced a little at this, and he gave a soft smile as he weakly gripped Wooyoungs hand.

Wooyoung woke up almost immediately from that gesture, and looked towards San, eyes full of concern. He then saw San was awake and gave a sigh of relief.

"I thought you would never wake up." Wooyoung whispered as he stared at the other.

"How long have I been out?" San asked in a low voice, almost afraid to speak out.

"Half a day, your were unconscious." Wooyoung said, caressing the boy's soft hand.

San cursed under his breath as he leaned back and laid his aching head on the pillow again, closing his eyes.

Silence overtook the room.

"They said something else as well..." Wooyoung said in a small voice as his grip tightened on the others hand.

San opened his eyes to look at Wooyoung.

"What is it?"

"They said you were underweight, and that if you don't eat then you could have trouble with your own ability to get out of bed. They also said that your lungs were weak...from the smoking." Wooyoungs voice was laced with concern, and San gave a soft sigh as he looked at the others brown orbs.

"Wooyoung-"

"And don't you dare start with that bullshit of 'your okay'! I know your not okay and this makes me- this makes me lose my mind I c-can't handle this I-" Wooyoung buried his face in his hands, and San's heart broke at the sight.

"I cant lose you."

He heard him whisper, and felt guilt squeeze his heart as it shivered through his whole body.

He saw Wooyoungs body shake the slightest as the grip on his hand returned.

"Which is why your staying here, and getting the help you need." He whispered, and San froze at the thought.

'NO.' His mind screamed at him. It screamed at him to run, so far that nobody could find him and help him. He wanted help, he really did, but he was so scared of letting it open. He was scared that if he showed his vulnerable state everyone would take it for granted, he couldn't.

He wouldn't.

"No." San said.

"San I'm not asking-" Wooyoung started, but was quickly cut off.

"I know. I said, no. I'm not staying." San said as he tugged his hand away from Wooyoungs grip.

"San please- please just let me help you- let them-" Wooyoung tried, but San had enough as he annoyed.

"I SAID NO!" San yelled, and silence settled in the room. The tension was uneasy, and uncomfortable in the state they were in. San felt anxiety in his bones, and it eating at him. San felt guilty, but his walls were so large, so much bigger than him that he had no choice but to turn back and go the direction he's always gone.

In circles.

Always going back to his past, his memories, his old life, his problems that he never solved, everything was always running in circles.

Never ending.

"I'm sorry...I just can't." San whispered as he looked away from Wooyoung, ashamed as he can't be strong at the moment he needs to be. Ashamed to even face the other that he loved most. It was humiliating, and hurt him just as much as it hurt the other.

"It's okay..." He heard the lowest voice and dared to look over at the other, who was looking down at the floor, almost disappointed. It was far from that though, even though his face didn't show it, there was pain, and heart ache. San felt guilt rise in his chest.

"I understand." Wooyoung said, and San looked up at him, almost pleading to not leave.

"I just need some air, ok? I'll be back." Wooyoung whispered, and walked out of the room quietly.

San felt his heart break, and his walls build as if brick on brick, concrete on concrete. It was hurting him. The pain in his head was long gone, instead it was replaced by a heart pain. Guilt was eating at him, so hungry that it felt like an aching in his heart.

He felt tears prick his eyes as he lied on his side, and curled up in a ball. He covered himself till his nose, held his hand on his mouth,and silently cried. Hot tears running down his cheeks made it seem hot and stuffy around him, but he kept his mouth closed and noises down. Even if his throat hurt like hell, it was better than crying out loud.

Crying out loud for him was so humiliating, so babyish and back then would annoy Wooyoung. So he silently cried. Almost every night, he would curl up in bed with his ragged plushy, and cry so quietly that nothing could be heard but some hitching of breaths. Then he would fall asleep, exhausted, and ashamed.

He squeezed his eyes shut as more tears threatened to fall, but he didn't let them as he heard the door open. He quickly hid himself under the sheets and wiped his tears away with the hand that over his mouth. He bit his lip as his breath was unsteady, and his lungs burned for just a gasp of air.

He expected money being thrown at him, and then a quick goodbye from Wooyoung along with more harsh words. What he didn't expect was arms wrapping around him, holding him so close and tightly that he felt a chest collide with his back. He left his eyes closed shut as the blankets over him were pulled down slowly, and he felt panic of looking like a wreck in front of the other.

He felt a thumb wipe his tear stained cheek, and push a bang behind his ear.

"San, look at me." Wooyoung whispered, and San's body just refused to stop shaking. He slowly opened his eyes, and it almost hurt as the air collided with salt teared eyes. He slowly turned his frail body, to lie on his back, facing the other who was hovering over him.

He heard a breath come from Wooyoung, and stared up at the boy. He felt sorry for him, sorry that he had to come back to him, sorry that he wasn't cooperating, sorry that he was stubborn and just didn't know how to love himself.

He was sorry.

"I'm sorry." San's voice cracked as he felt guilty for making Wooyoung frustrated. He was the cause of Wooyoungs hard days, it was just a flip and switch.

"No no, it's okay. I understand love, don't be sorry." Wooyoung was quick to pick up on San's thoughts, and caressed his cheek.

San couldn't listen though, he was just to caught up in feeling sorry for the poor boy who had to take care of him.

'Burden'

His inside voice called him out.

It was hurting.

He felt tears prick his eyes again.

"No no shh don't cry, don't cry." Wooyoung quickly said in a hushed voice.

San felt himself drowning.

'Burden'

'Burden'

'BURDEN'

San covered his face he started crying, two arms encircled him almost immediately, making soft shushing sounds. San wrapped his arms around the other, crying in the shoulder, feeling guilty as he cried.

He cried and thought about how people saw him as a 'crybaby.' A worthless burden that just cried and gave up his own life for a love that didn't love him back.

He cried.

He cried and thought about the times Wooyoung did tell him he loved him, every single day, not a moment missed where the boys missed the other.

He cried harder.

He cried, thinking about his loved one hurt because of him. His actions. His words. It hurt him as much as it hurt the other.

He cried.

Thinking if the other actually loved him.

And drowned, as his head went under water, only seeing darkness as the small light got smaller.

As if it was never there, it vanished.

He saw nothing, he felt numb, and all he could think was 'it's not true.'

He does not love me.

A flower petal fell, the last one to be picked off the beautiful vine that the earth created for peace.

It fell.

And it turned cold, as if never beautiful. As if it had never been there to be on display.

It died, knowing that it's time was short, but beautiful.

It was gone.