San and Wooyoung were walking around in the mall, and since Wooyoung offered San a boba drink, he accepted. The other also bought San a plushie, a 'shiber' to be exact. So now San was drinking a boba drink and holding a shiber while walking, and he had to admit, it felt good.

Not just the boba drink, but having Wooyoung back around. He couldn't help but stare at the other sometimes, thinking he must be dreaming. 'Wooyoung wasn't actually here, he was just dreaming, Wooyoung was still gone into rehab and wouldn't come back.' That's what his thoughts were. He thought that his was in a deep sleep, maybe even dead, but he didn't mind, as long as he'd stay beside Wooyoung.

He actually never knew if Wooyoung had changed, he couldn't figure it out. He was acting like it, but he felt uneasy whenever he looked at the other. He still looked the same, silver hair, sun kissed skin, muscles and ethereal features, it was all still there. He then wondered if he'd had changed, maybe he'd gotten taller or shorter, maybe his hair was a bit faded, and maybe he looked like rag doll from all the running around and restless nights he had when the other was gone. He just didn't know, and it was eating at him.

The other seemed to know pick up on the tension around the male, and looked for somewhere to take a resting place.

"Let's go sit at the cafe." Wooyoung suggested, and San snapped out of his thoughts as he looked up to meet brown orbs staring down at him.

"Ok." He said quietly as he drank his boba.

As they sat down, San noticed that Wooyoung had a ring on his finger, and his heart fastened the slightest.

"You still have it." San whispered, and Wooyoung looked up confused for a moment. He then looked to where San was looking, and gave a soft smile.

"Of course, it's our promise ring." Wooyoung said so casually that it almost scared San.

Wooyoung never wore there promise rings that they got after dating, he would always take it off and leave it at home. San always wore it, wether it be to sleep or outside, he'd always have it on. It reminded him that he made a promise to the other, and to San promises are special.

Wooyoung broke many promises, but that didn't mean San didn't love him. He could never stop loving Wooyoung, no matter what circumstance, even if the other kicked it out and called him harsh words, he'd stay. The only reason San could think of as of 'why?' is because he believed that Wooyoung still had a warm heart, and good nature. Even if he didn't show it, San knew it was there, it was just scared to come out and reveal itself in fear of being taken advantage of.

He'd never take advantage of the other, he could never forgive himself if he did. Of course, the other has taken advantage of him, but that didn't mean anything to him. He was to deep in love to notice how much he was breaking himself just to build the other up, that he didn't care. He didn't care if the other didn't love him. He didn't care.

All he cared about was Wooyoung.

"San!" A voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he jolted to look up at the others concerned eyes.

"You've been spacing out lately, what's on your mind?" The other asked in a soft voice.

"It's nothing." San whispered as he stared down at his now empty boba cup.

"San, talk to me. I'm here for you." Those words rang bells in his ears, and he couldn't help but feel himself getting stressed again.

"It's nothing Wooyoung, it's nothing important." San whispered under his breath.

It was silent for a split second, but before he knew it Wooyoung had gotten up and taken San by the wrist.

They were now rushing to the exit.

"Wooyoung wait we're in public." San tried to say as he pulled away, but the other simply ignored and tightened his grip. San wasn't strong, so he had no other choice but to follow the other.

They got the car and San simply watched Wooyoung get in, he did the same, noticing the angered tension. It felt like deja vu almost, whenever they'd go out it never end well. Wooyoung would always leave angered to the point where San simply slept on the couch, afraid of going into the same room with the other.

They got into the car, and Wooyoung started the car as he drove almost angered. The silence was suffocating San.

They finally got home, but as the car stopped and the power turned off, nobody dared to get out of the car. San felt his heart race and his anxiety fill his insides.

"I don't get it." Wooyoung suddenly said, and San looked down in shame, knowing the next words would be harsh towards him.

"I come back for you, and then worry about you. I go out, I let you buy things, and you won't even talk or look at me properly!" The other raised his voice and San flinched, he wanted nothing more than to just get out of the car. He felt sick almost, then he realized, nothing ever really changed.

He was still a problem, he'd always been and he knew it. He couldn't help it though, he couldn't. He always felt himself fall into an empty dark endless hole, filled with negativity and thoughts that he'd experience on a daily bases. It was a living hell to him.

He felt tears prick his eyes. 'What a crybaby you are, stop crying.' He pleaded in his mind, but non the less a tear fell and landed on his lap. He covered his face and that's when he heard the other.

"San-"

"Shut up Wooyoung just shut the hell up! I'm sorry I'm this way but I cant help it dammit! I hate myself just as much as you do so just shut up!" San yelled, and opened the door so hard that it flew and he ran into the house. He heard yelling behind him, but didn't stop until he ran into the bathroom and locked the door. He then leaned his back against it and fell to the floor as he cried.

He sobbed harshly, feeling himself hurt inside. Tears streaming down his cheeks as he let out painful noises. He hated himself, he hated himself so badly that he didn't want to be himself anymore. All he ever did was mess up, what was the use of messing up others lives? He didn't understand it, he never did.

He then heard knocks on the door, almost desperately trying to open the door.

"San, open the door!" The other yelled from the other side.

San only kept crying, ignoring everything around him as he focused on self hatred and negativity. He let it get him, and take over his thoughts as his body shook harshly with every cry of pain.

'Mistake'

'Crybaby'

'Ugly'

'Fat'

'Desperate'

'Stupid'

'Clingy'

He told himself such harsh words and agreed to every single one of them, because he all thought it was true. He couldn't do anything right anymore, he was so useless.

"San, open the door please." A soft voice rang in his ears, and it sounded so desperate that it broke his heart. His breath was uneven as he wiped his eyes, and tried to calm himself. He sniffed and wiped the last of his tears as he sat there.

"Please San, let me in." He heard and felt himself give in. He unsteadily stood up and used the sink for support as he unlocked the door slowly.

Not even a second passed and the door flung open and arms embraced him. He felt himself give in and hug the other back, feeling tears well up again.

"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry." He heard whispered apologies as arms tightened around him. "I never meant to say those words I promise. I'm so sorry." He felt a kiss being placed on his temple, and his body was still shaking from the harsh sobbing.

Wooyoung pulled away for just a moment as he cupped San's cheeks and wiped the newly fallen tears away with his thumbs.

"I'm sorry I made you cry- I'm sorry." They embraced again and swayed almost as they just hugged in comfortable silence.

After awhile of just 'sorry's' and comforting, Wooyoung led San back to their room. San looked and felt exhausted, and they joined each other in bed. San didn't know what to think, so he closed his eyes and let his jumbled up thoughts go to war with themselves.

Wooyoung on the other hand held San tightly by the waist, feeling guilty for his actions and meaningless words said earlier.

It made him think.

He was suppose to have changed, and he thought he did, but he couldn't help but feel that same feeling he felt before he went to rehab. That feeling of fear, and loneliness. That feeling where he thought he'd always have to be independent, and he didn't need anyone.

Truth be told, he did need someone.

He gently shoved his face in the crook of the others neck, inhaling that same scent years ago that kept him lurking for more, and gave a soft sigh. His arms tightened around the other just the slightest as he held him close. Body heat felt so good to him, and he was glad that he wasn't sharing it with anybody else but San.

He wouldn't want to share it with anybody else, and he wouldn't want to share his love with anybody else.

Because he was already in love with Choi San.