╔⊶⊶⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷╗

002

╚⊶⊶⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷╝

i tell you to enjoy life
i wish I could but it's too late

"𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐓 right now?" asked Zoya Uma, doing a little twirl for Jean Scott outside of her sleek silver (nearly pale blue) 1983 Austin Maestro. Zoya's cheer outfit flared out as her hips and she'd rolled up the costume to the point where if she bent down even the tiniest bit, Jean and the entire school would be able to see her neon pink underwear. "Like, I could get reprimanded short or Patrick McKinney's eyes will finally pop out of his head short?"

"If you come into the pep rally like that," chuckled Jean as she adjusted her backpack on her shoulder, "he might just say fuck it and take you to that nice Italian restaurant in town."

"Can you two stop about the skirts and Patrick for one second?" said Lucy Graham, leaning against the back of the car and not so subtly searching the packed parking lot for a certain girl in marching band attire while also holding up her book for cover. Her cheeks were dusted pinker then normal and even her lips were glossed.

The big pep rally was bringing out everyone's need to be perfect. Even Lucy's hair was pulled back from her stunning face in a long ponytail that rode all the way down her back.

"If you're looking for Robin..." murmured Zoya with a grin. "...then you should know she's already inside, saw Steve drop her off, maybe, five minutes ago."

Lucy clamped her book shut and dropped to pick up her back by her feet. Her cheeks were flushed deeper when she turned and scowled at the two girls. "And you waited that long to tell me?"

"By then you were actually reading, Luce!"

"Doesn't matter," she spluttered, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "Jean, come on, let Z play with her skirt so we can get good seats with Chrissy."

Jean started walking over, grinning over her shoulder to Zoya as she said, "She wants to be eye-level with Robin, so hurry up. Patrick will see your ass if you actually get moving!"

Zoya sighed deeply but nodded, grabbing her bag and keeping it held by just the strap in her fist as she locked her car and fell into step with the two other girls. If Jean was going to be honest, she'd been hoping they wouldn't have to step foot into the gym at all. Chrissy Cunningham's boyfriend, Jason Carver, was going to have a little speech and Jeanie didn't want to hear a word of it.

She'd rather have her ears bleed.

The gym was packed and awaiting the big basketball game later tonight. There was a huge orange banner adorned with green and white balloons with cursive green letters done specifically by the cheerleaders that read 'Hawkins Tigers Can't Be Beat!' They'd spent the whole week preparing and adding glitter and cute little tiger paws to the banner and it was beautiful as it stood out behind the cheerleaders stretching.

There was loud chatter from the bleachers and Jean tossed her bag down beside Lucy and Zoya's before running out onto the court. She was tossed a pair of pompoms from Katie, a junior, and Jean raised them in the air and did a show of shaking her hips to cheer loudly.

Once Zoya and Lucy ran over, the girls got in position as the loud horns and drums from the band began to beat as the cheering got louder. Someone dressed as the tiger mascot was dancing in front of the jumping students shaking their own budget versions of pompoms.

Jean stood on one side of Chrissy and put a hand on her hip and the other in the air, swaying her hips from either side. She gave the crowd a flirty pout (because she thought it was fun) and thrusted her other hand into the air, shaking and twirling. Every pump of her hand made her breath sharper because it was nearing the speech and Jean had heard the rough draft thanks to Chrissy.

She focused her eyes on where Mike, Dustin, and Max were standing in the bleachers and Mike raised a small hand, giving her a wave. She returned his subtle greeting with a kick of her leg in the air and more shaking of her poms.

In front of her a few guys did flips and cartwheels and behind her Katie was tossed into the air and soon their performance was ending. The band was getting to their conclusion and Jean was pushing her hips back and moving them in a slow circle. Once the horns, trumpets, and flutes lowered from mouths and the drums gave their last beat, the cheerleaders can forward and cheered loudly as they made it to their seats on the first row of the bleachers, front and center.

Jean sat down heavily in her seat as the basketball coach took the microphone and announced loudly into the cheerful gym, "And let's hear it for our Tigers!"

Two of the boys who'd done their expert flipping held out the second banner they'd made. It was brown and exclaimed excitement for the game and a celebratory treatment to the team as they made it to the championship but once the coach placed the microphone back on the stand, the players tore through the banner and the crowd erupted.

The marching band began their drumming beat as Jason Carver, blonde and handsome and all Chrissy's, came to the center of the gym. The rest of the team ran out behind him in their uniforms and green track pants and Jean stood up to wave her arms In the air and scream.

"Yes! Go Lucas! Let's go!"

Lucas Sinclair was smiling brightly and when he saw her jumping up and wildly waving her hands at him, he grinned even more. He was a freshman benchwarmer but on the team nonetheless. There was a sense of motherly pride rolling through her as she watched him jog into line with his teammates. She remembered, not too long ago, when he was shorter than her and used to wear camouflage bandanas and carry around his slingshot on his hip like a sword.

He was the second kid of the bunch Jeanie began to babysit for, after a glowing recommendation from Claudia Henderson (if only the poor woman knew that Jean was just feeding the boys hero complexes and joining in on their crusades). Jean also, on some occasions, babysat for Erica, Lucas's younger sister. She didn't do it often but the girl had fire and spunk which sometimes came out of nowhere and threw Jean for a loop.

Now that they were all older, she was afraid to admit she missed babysitting and hanging out outside of D&D and whatever monster hunting activity they were planning for next. She liked just ordering pizza, watching a movie, and helping with homework. She liked the domesticity of it all because it was the only chance she'd get for something normal.

Jason took hold of the mic stand, gripping it like an older rock, swaying it to the side as he cheered. "Good morning, Hawkins high!"

The crowd cheered and he took the mic from the stand and approached slowly.

"First off...hey," said Jason with his movie-star smile and his perfectly positioned hair. "First off, I'd like to thank each and every one of you. Without your support, we wouldn't be here. Give yourselves a big hand!" Clapping erupted and Jason watched on like a proud star. "And of course, of course, I have to give a special shout-out to the best and prettiest fans of all time," the girls on either side of me began to shake their poms in their laps, "the Tiger Cheer Squad!"

Jeanie hopped up and spun towards the crowd, shaking and cheering before Lucy pulled her back down by her skirt.

"Chrissy..." started Jason and the girl on the other side of Jean froze softly in anticipation. She looked so beautiful today that it was no surprise Jason was staring at her as intently as he was. "Chrissy, I love you, babe."

Chrissy pressed a kiss to her hand and blew it to him as Jason captured it against his chest. The crowd ooed and awed and Jean wrapped an arm around her friend, swaying gently.

Jason took a few slow steps back, clearing his throat softly and the noise echoed in the gym as everyone quieted down. "You know...I think I can speak for all of us when I say it's been a tough year for Hawkins."

Jean's arm dropped from Chrissy's shoulder.

"So much loss," continued Jason. "And sometimes I wonder 'How much loss can one community take?' In dark days like this, we need something to believe in. So, last night, when we were down by ten points at half to Christian Academy, I looked at my team," he pointed to the boys behind him, "and I said, 'Think of Jack. Think of Melissa. Think of Heather.'"

The blood seemed to drain from Jean's face, her mouth going dry.

"'Think of Billy,'" said Jason and Jean felt sick. "'Think of our heroic police chief, Jim Hopper. Think of each and every one of our friends who perished in that fire. What did they die for?! For us to lose to some–some crap school? No!'"

The students shouted back, "No!"

Jean didn't like the way her heart was beating so quickly in her chest, echoing out inside her head. Pulsating and throbbing to every beat.

She thought she'd be ready to hear their names, she'd been hearing them for long enough as it was but something about it didn't seem right. What did Jason Carver have to say about Heather? About Billy fucking Hargrove?

What right did he have to open his mouth and use their names as encouragement and a threat to win the game that, in the long run, would mean nothing in the face of their deaths.

Jason was still talking and Jean caught the tail end of his speech. "'Let's win this! Let's win this for them!' And that's exactly what we did!" People were cheering, jumping in their seats because it didn't mean anything to them because they didn't see it. They weren't there to see the gray blood and to see the bodies mashed up and slithering across the ground. "We embarrassed those candy-asses in their own house, and now tonight, tonight, we're gonna bring home the championship trophy! Let's go!"

Her head was still pounding when she got to her feet as the basketball team ran forward to clap and cheer and jump about like Jason just hadn't used Heather's name to entice a win. Heather, who had been friends with Jeanie since elementary school. Heather, who had been quiet for the first part of high school until she joined cheer and found her calling through academics. Heather, who could throw back shots of vodka and still be able to walk in a straight line. Heather, who had given Jean a friendship bracelet the summer she returned from camp.

Heather, who had been Jeanie's best friend. Heather, who had turned rotten and filled with maggots and bad flesh.

"You shouldn't have followed me," whispered Heather, standing in the women's bathroom. It smelled like chlorine and it almost stung Jean's nose as she stood there across the room with her arms crossed.

"I've been worried about you," said Jean with a frown. "You've been, like, distant and cranky and usually I know why you're cranky because I am too but this isn't you."

She'd followed her into the bathroom after watching her from her beach chair. Heather looked almost painfully normal, her eyes rimmed exhaustion red and just a little too wide and empty, her smile strained as she regarded the people around her from her post as lifeguard. Her skin was pale and clammy, glistening with sweat not from the heat.

"I called you last night," urged Jean, taking another step forward in the awfully empty bathroom, "and you didn't answer and you always answer my calls. So, what's up? What's going on with you?"

"You should stop asking questions," said Heather, taking a predatory step towards her. "And you should stop following me. Stop being curious."

Jean's brows furrowed. "Heather is...is something going on at home? You can tell me–"

Heather slammed Jean back against the cold wall and a gasp left her from the impact. The girl had her arm pressed across Jean's chest, holding her trapped. She leaned closer and there was a moment when Jean thought she was going to bite her, maybe just shred her to pieces somehow, but there were wet feet hitting the floor and Heather was releasing her.

Jean dropped down from her toes, not even aware Heather had gotten her so far off the ground with such a powerful shove. She opened her mouth, desperate to say anything to her friend but she walked past her coldly and left as a woman and her younger child came waltzing in soon after.

There had been no life in her eyes. There had been no spark or usual joy. It had been empty and void of any resemblance to the girl who had once been there before.

There was nothing there.

She was on her feet and moving quickly towards the exit through the eruptions of cheering and shouting for the game. When she got through the big doors and the fresh air captured her lungs, she pressed herself against the brick wall of the gymnasium and sucked in the air like it was water and she was in a drought so horrific that only a droplet of something cold could save her life.

She'd known about the speech, not a lot of it, but the gist of what was going to be said. She just didn't think he would say their names. She thought it was going to be about loss but nothing specific, just the fire (but it wasn't a fire) and that would be all. Just something inspiring to throw in the faces of the student body who were riding the basketball team's high.

Pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes, she sought out smoother breaths and a way to force herself to calm down. When the eye thing didn't work (which is usually never did) she had to reach down and pinch her thigh. Distracting herself by the strange pain of her nails digging into her flesh was sometimes enough for her mind to wander off again.

Forcing herself to feel something other than the shattered feeling that like to break and bend inside her chest. Sometimes, she'd feel a phantom pain across her hip and have to clamp down a hand over where that skin was still raised and still angry to get herself to feel something that was real and not at all split in two.

Sometimes, when she wasn't paying close enough attention, she'd press her hand there and feel blood. She'd feel the warm liquid squirting and oozing. She'd seen blood coating her hand, dug deep under her fingernails. She could trap herself in that vision for hours at night, lost in a loop of everything that happened and everything that she had seen.

When she was just about ready to slide down the wall and stay there until the pep rally ended, the door opened softly and closed with barely a sound as Lucy stepped out into the sunlight. She knelt down beside Jean because it turned out, she had let herself crouch down against the gravel.

"Hey," breathed Lucy, softly brushing the hair back from Jean's face, "it's okay, just breathe."

"I'm–" Jean nearly wheezed. "–trying."

"In your nose," said Lucy, her hand now planted firmly on Jean's shoulder. She was good at this, ever since the mall fire (the Mind Flayer). If she had been there...Jean didn't think she would've come out of it whole. "And out through your mouth. Let's just get three, okay? Slow."

She forced herself to nod, doing as she was told. Sucking in a slow breath through her nose, feeling it fill her restricting lungs before exhaling just as slowly. She did it again, holding the breath longer each time until her breathing was even and her head didn't feel like it was spinning out of control.

Lucy rubbed her back and murmured, "I can't imagine what you're going through, Jeanie, but I can go back in there and give Jason a piece of my mind for that speech–"

Jean shook her head, licking her dry lips. "He'll–he'll get a mouthful from Chris later, I'm sure."

Hooking her hand under Jean's armpit, Lucy pulled her to stand. This was just the type of girl Lucy was behind the rosy cheeks and strawberry scented lip gloss. She cared so deeply that Jean wouldn't be surprised if her heart was three sizes too big just to carry around all that love. Jean suspected Lucy would be a fantastic mother some day, just by her natural instinct to rush to help.

She knew...god she knew that if Luce had been there when the Mind Flayer attacked, she would've run in without a second thought. She would've done anything for her friends and for those kids and that's what terrified Jean. Her friend didn't know when to stop caring, to cut off that cord inside her chest that pulled her to where her friends all were. She was drawn towards suffering because she thought she could end it.

But this was the type of suffering that had no end in sight.

Jean fell into easy step with Dustin Henderson as he walked down the hall towards the cafeteria. They were both going to the same place, coincidentally. She'd just gotten out of class and had seen him as the bell rang just as fate made it so. She nudged him gently with her shoulder and he rolled his eyes at her.

"What?"

"You know what."

He sighed, deeply, before finally looking at her. "What is it, Jean?"

She pouted, clutching her books tighter to her chest to murmur, "You never call me Jean, where's my Jeanie, Dusty boy?"

Dustin rolled his eyes again, adjusting the cap on his head. "If you're bothering me because you heard I got Twinkie's in my lunch box, you are sorely mistaken."

"Then what about those Famous Amos cookies I've seen you parading about?"

"Those are already taken, my friend."

She pouted, pursing her lips and sticking them out so they would wobble and tremble. When he wouldn't take the bait, she dropped her books in the hall (the sound echoing against the lockers) and she clutched at her chest. Stumbling against him, he let out a yelp, but still she persisted.

She threw a hand over her forehead and cried out, "Oh! You've hurt me so, my Dusty boy! My sweet, darling, Dusty boy! If I do not get the most delicious, most scrumptious, bite of cookie," she eyed him from behind her hand for a second to add in a deeper voice, "or Twinkie," she closed her eyes again, "then I will perish in thy arms!"

He was smiling and she always loved his smile when he finally said, "You'll get two if you shut up and grab your books already."

She crouched down immediately, scooping them back up into her arms and giving him an agonizing moan at how heavy her Biology textbook was until he took it from her. "You know," she said to him as they continued past onlookers who only rolled their eyes at her dramatics but were also increasingly more interested in her display, "you're my favorite out of all of Eddie's little minions."

"It's because you knew me first," he said with another eye roll.

She feigned shock. "So not true."

An arm wrapped around her shoulders. "What's not true?" asked Zoya, eyeing Dustin skeptically before whispering to him, "Is she bothering you again? If she is, I can get that restraining order we've been talking about. It'd be so easy–"

"He said he's my favorite only because I knew him first," said Jean and Zoya gasped, hand clamping to her mouth.

"You did not."

"He did! He did!" She whirled on Dustin. "Tell her what you told me, you traitor!"

"You only say I'm your favorite because you knew me first and," he gave her a playful grin, "and because you know I'll give you whatever snacks I have in here!" He patted his lunchbox proudly.

"My favorites go in order of this," she told him, holding out her hand and ticking out each member with her fingers. "Dusty, my sweet darling favorite boy, then Lucas, then Will, then Mike, Jeff, Gareth, and Arvin."

"Love that the kids are all first," said Zoya, "but Will doesn't even go here anymore."

"He's an honorary minion whom I still cherish deeply."

Dustin rolled his eyes as they finally entered the cafeteria. It smelled like pasta (there was always pasta with bright red sauce that made Jean nauseated to look at. it was red like blood). He tucked Jean's textbook under his arm and said, "Then where does Eddie land on this infamous list? Surely he must surpass me, your favorite."

"He doesn't count," said Jean with a firm nod. "He surpasses everyone, even God."

"Man," whispered Zoya in her ear, "you've got it bad, Jeanie Scott."

Jean elbowed her friend back in the ribs and Zoya let her go, laughing as she clutched her side to fall into the open seat at their table. Lucy was already there, sifting through her calculous notes. She had an exam next period and barely even glanced up to smile towards them.

She wrapped a comfortable arm over Dustin's shoulders and tried to hide her inner pain at how he was getting taller and asked in a whisper, "You get that Latin grade changed yet?"

He glanced at her, his eyes narrowing with secrecy.

"I'd hate for your mom to ask me again to tutor you," she murmured. "I can't keep lying to the woman about what we're actually doing, which is most definitely not Latin."

"If she ever found out you actually take French..." he chuckled before nodding slowly and adding, "But, yeah, I got it changed."

"Damn, that girlfriend of yours is talented. You think she can change my bio grade?"

"Sorry, Jeanie, but she only does irreparable things for me."

She dropped her arm from his shoulders to once again clutch at her chest to exclaim, "Oh, to be young and in love."

"You sitting with your clique or with us today?" asked Dustin as they arrived at his table. He had a hand on his hip and gave her his best annoyed look but it simply was too adorable. She reached forward and patted his cheek and reached around him for her textbook.

"Depends," she drawled, "am I really getting one of those cookies?"

He laid his lunchbox out on the table and opened it, revealing only a sandwich, some chips, and a can of soda. She leaned closer and let out a soft gasp before looking at him and glaring.

"Where are the cookies, Henderson?"

"Gave them to Eddie already," he said with a shrug.

She clasped a hand over her chest with another gasp. "So you've been lying to me?"

"I lie because I love you, Jeanie," he said with a goofy grin that made her roll her eyes (but on the inside her heart was doing happy little flips). "So, sitting there or with us?"

"Probably there," she said with a sigh, jutting her thumb back at the table full of jocks and cheerleaders waiting for her. "Big game tonight and all."

He sighed, deeply, which told Jean that he clearly wasn't happy with her decision but what he said next left an unsettling feeling in her gut. "You can't keep pretending you don't know him when you're here, you know."

"Huh? I–I don't do that–"

"People are going to know, sooner or later, that you're friends."

"Dustin, I don't care if people know!" She was lying, she was a liar, why was she lying?!

He rolled his eyes. "You're not afraid to be friends with me but Eddie makes it different?" He shrugged, sitting down heavily in his chair. "You gotta stop caring about what those idiots over there think about. If Zoya and Lucy are okay with him, then why wouldn't them?"

"Because they're awful," muttered Jean, glancing back at where Jason Carver was now wrapping his arms around Chrissy as he sat down. The jocks, the basketball players, were their own cult of sweating assholes and douches who thought they were too big for a school and place like this. "They don't like different."

"But you're different."

She shrugged, taking a step back. "What they don't know won't kill them."

"Yet."

"I'll see you later, Dustin."

Okay, so maybe she wasn't perfect and she was just the right amount of bitch when needed to be popular, but she was worse than that. It was a fear, settled in her stomach, that if she allowed the world to see her wrapped around Eddie 'the freak' Munson's finger, he'd become a target for whatever monster would brew into existence next.

Isn't that how it usually goes?

The monster targets its prey's favorites, its most desired, and then slaughters them or captures them to make a point? Jean didn't know a lot about The Upside Down and the dark creatures that withered and moaned inside, but she did know how villains and monsters worked. She'd read enough serial killer novels and watched enough horror to get the picture.

If she let the world know how much Eddie 'the freak' Munson meant to her, all those monsters and beasts would tear him from this earth before she'd even get the chance to cry out for them to stop.

Or maybe she was just a coward and didn't want to be perceived differently. It was one of those, for sure.

She crossed the cafeteria, smiling as Lucy finally looked up from her textbook to pat the open spot on the other side of her. "Saved you a seat, Jeanie!"

Jean let her books fall heavy on the table, catching the narrowed eyes of Jason who leaned forward to ask with a sneer, "Still babysitting the freaks?"

"They're, like, fifteen, or whatever," said Jean, rolling her eyes. She pretended the pep rally didn't happen at all. "They don't need to be babysat, unlike you, Jason. Is that why you're being especially dick-ish? You need a sitter? I can give your folks a discount, fourteen–no–twenty an hour?"

He rolled his eyes back but his smirk stayed. "Just think it's brave, what you've done for them."

"You say that every time," she muttered back as Zoya pushed her half of her sandwich. Tuna fish (gross). "And I get you want to show off for your little cronies, but honestly, J, they're so far up your ass they don't care that I'm a world class babysitter."

She glanced towards Andy, who was trying to hide his grin so his great and fearful captain wouldn't see but she liked to taunt and she liked to make them feel like the assholes they were. They should be lucky to be in her presence, anyway. They didn't know how good she was.

"I bet Andy's just dying for a babysitter," she crooned, "right? You'd just love to be alone with me, too bad Jason's in love."

Chrissy offered her a bright smile, leaning into her boyfriend's touch as he played with the end of her ponytail. "I'd be the first one to call if you ever made your business public."

"It is so public!"

"Public for middle schoolers, yeah."

"I know the seniors desperately want a babysitter but the freshmen? The juniors?" Jean grinned. "I'd rather not see what the inside of Mark Moore's bedroom looks like."

Andy leaned closer on the table, eyes full of eagerness that Jean wanted to knock off his face. She wanted to rattle his eyes in his skull like dice. "How much is it for you to be in my bedroom?"

"Ask her that again and I'll bust your teeth in," snapped Zoya and Jean reached over Lucy's textbook to grip her friend's hand.

"She won't be the only one," muttered Lucy with daring eyes and Jean could've whooped and hollered. She loved her friends.

Andy only laughed, sitting back in his seat and shaking his head. "I've got a kid brother, in case you've forgotten."

"He's what? Nine?" said Jean. "And you're, what, Andy? A perv? A total sleaze?"

His hands clasped his chest with a grin. "I am what you make me."

She rolled her eyes and took a bite from her sandwich, ignoring the way she hated tuna and swallowed thickly. Her eyes wandered across the room to where Dustin was eating his chips and she suddenly wished she had snatched them from his lunchbox just to have something better tasting in her mouth.

She couldn't stand the pasta on the plate in front of Jason. Its red sauce was red and bright, thick with tomatoes that smiled and cursed at Jean from the plate. It was gore, hidden beneath an innocent surface. She knew if she got too close, it would crawl up her skin and wrap thick noodles around her neck until she died.

She looked up slowly from the plate and noticed the way Chrissy was blinking tiredly down at her book. She was studying for the same exam and there were small bags under her eyes nearly perfectly concealed by makeup. She'd been looking tired more often than not and while Jean wanted to ask about it, she couldn't in front of Jason and crew.

Jean didn't need them worrying about Chrissy, fussing and picking at everything. She didn't need them getting in the way when she knew her and the girls could take better care of it, like always. Jason had once forgotten their anniversary (one Chrissy was extremely excited for and got him a little bear with a heart and everything) and it took just Zoya to nearly slam him into the girls restroom to clear his clearly clouded mind. Although Jason was a dick, he cared for Chrissy in a way the girls never really could.

It was about love and marriage and a lifetime of memories to come and while the girls could give that to her, it was different. Their love would never end but Jason's? He could go off to college and find someone better or even decide he wanted to move away but the girls would always be there. Even if Chrissy married someone else, they'd always be there. Boys could come and go but sisters? They were here to stay.

Jean tried to keep her eyes down but she was noticing the tension in Dustin's shoulders at the table, Mike's were the same even hunched. But her attention was quickly drawn away when Lucas sat down next to her, his tray holding something that resembled beans or perhaps it was a sloppy joe, she wasn't sure.

"Don't you have a big campaign tonight?" muttered Jean as the boy picked at his hamburger bun.

"Game tonight, remember."

She gave him a worried look, pursing her lips because even his shoulders were tense but not for the same reasons the other two boys were. "Is this about the game or something more?" She brushed some lint off of his shoulder and he batted her hands away with a slight scowl. "Is this about...Max?"

"Jeanie..." There was a warning in his tone.

"You know I live across the way from her," said Jean in a low voice. "If something's going on...I can check up on her, day or night."

He shook his head but they were both pulled from their conversation as Jason pushed out from the table, his hands by his fists. "You want something, freak?!"

Jean cursed softly under her breath and turned her head slowly as the basketball team spat out insults like loser and dickhead. Standing on one of the tables with his fingers on his head to act like horns and his tongue out was Eddie (or more commonly known as the freak) Munson. He was wearing something incredibly dashing today.

His usual.

Hellfire Club member t-shirt. Faded back jeans with holes on either knee. Chain dangling from his belt. Bandana hanging out of his back pocket. Leather jacket under his jean vest. Rings on nearly every finger.

He lowered his hands from his head with his perfect smirk and watched as Jason turned around muting under his breath, "Prick."

Eddie only grinned back before turning back to stalk across his table and jump to the floor, yelling out something that Jeanie could hardly make out over the cafeteria chatter. She wanted to watch him more, even as he sat back down to pick at whatever snack he'd brought with him today in his baggie (it was the damned cookies she wanted) but Jason was pulling her back out of her stare.

"God," breathed the basketball captain with a scowl, "the freaks are just getting bolder and bolder. Haven't you noticed that? The way their group keeps...expanding."

"It's almost like the basketball team," said Zoya. "New people each year fill the spots. It's almost like...they're in a club."

"A club for the fucking losers in this school," said Andy with a rich scowl. Lucas was tense beside Jean and even her own shoulders were beginning to bunch into knots. "They need a place to go," he laughed, "and look where they all went, they're–"

"They're what?" hissed Zoya, her eyes narrowed dangerously. Even in her pretty uniform, she was just as deadly as a blade. "Because if you don't say along the lines of them being kids having fun and finding a good and acceptable outlet for their hobbies, then you shouldn't say shit."

"It's a club for freaks!" argued Jason, Zoya's head snapping to face him. Chrissy looked uncomfortable under his arm as he raged. "Dungeons and Dragons? It's a cult. It–it promotes violence and witchcraft and–"

"Murder," finished Andy.

"They're kids," said Zoya. "Who the fuck are they going to murder, Jason? Because it sure as hell won't be us."

(funny, funny, Zoya)

"You also gotta be careful about who you talk about," said Jean, her voice surprising her as she felt the eyes on the group turn to her. "The kids I babysit, they're like family, so what you say about that club," her eyes narrowed and Lucy lowered her book slowly to the table beside her, "you say about them, too."

"What do you say about the freak, then?" asked Andy. "Is he like family, too?"

She rolled her eyes as her chest ran hot. "God, you know what I mean, you dickhead." She stood, leaving her unfinished sandwich in her place. "I'll catch you freaks later."

"Hey," said Chrissy, moving her tray and holding it up, "will you clear this for me?"

Jean nodded, taking the tray and she felt Chrissy's hand press against her arm, pushing something under her thumb where it rested. Jean took whatever it was with a nod and gentle smile before hauling ass across the cafeteria, clearing the tray with the others and unfolding the little note her friend had given her.

It was clearly too important not to say out loud at the table with her boyfriend so Jean read carefully. She reread it three times just for good measure because this was a simple request that couldn't possibly seem correct. Not from her Chrissy.

can you get me weed from eddie?

Jean looked up slowly, gnawing on her bottom lip and found that Chrissy was laughing at something Lucy was saying and unbothered by what she'd written entirely. What was Jean supposed to do with this? There was absolutely no way he'd just give over some of his product when he could have Chrissy, queen of Hawkins, come and ask for it in person.

She tore up the message and tossed it into the trash as she walked past, keeping herself close to the wall as she made her way out. She was nearing Eddie's table and Dustin was looking right at her because he could never be truly subtle. Eddie was pushing both him and Mike towards the other tables but Dustin was still staring and she started to shake her head, bunching up her mouth to snarl don't you dare but Dustin was already pulling on Eddie's sleeve and he was looking her way.

She always felt completely helpless when his big eyes landed on her. They were filled with such warmth that she wanted to curl up inside their gaze. His lip curled just slightly up but he knew their gig. They weren't friends in these halls or even in the sanctuary of the cafeteria.

It's for his own safety. It's for his protection.

"But isn't the beast conquered?" cried her brain but her heart shook its head.

"No," it cooed, "not really, it never will be. Not really."

She motioned with her eyes to the door, sending them back and forth as she walked past, urging him to understand. There was a knowing look in his gaze and even as he was still smiling at the boys, his eyes read a different story.

I'll follow you.

She took off out of the cafeteria, books tucked tightly under her arm as she made a break towards the parking lot. His van was there, somewhere. He liked parking it near the fields that lead to their secret spot. Hidden just beyond the lot and the gym, straight down a path into the woods where their picnic bench awaited.

But she wasn't going there. Not yet.

She was going to hide in his van until he arrived.

There was a strange anxiety crawling under her skin as she rested against the van door, it'd been there since the pep rally. Lying dormant under her chilled flesh, itching and scratching at her muscle wishing to be let free. It wanted out, it wanted to split the skin of her scar and come crawling through her tendons, shredding and slicing. She knew it was because Jason had said their names, names she wouldn't ever say out loud.

They were cursed and sacred and too painful to ever be muttered before a crowd of rowdy students. They were too heartbreaking to be used as a means to win, to spark competition. They were dead, they weren't supposed to be the faces of the basketball team's win.

(or maybe Jeanie was just being crazy. maybe she just wanted a reason to be angry)

There was a knock against the hood of the van and she turned quickly, watching as Eddie rounded the side; his hand sliding over the warm metal of his vehicle. No one could see them from this angle and it made it feel secretive, like they were converging over something important.

His brows were knitted together as he approached. "You okay?"

The sound of his rings battering the van made her insides run hot. "I need, like, a G."

His brows, if it were even possible, knitted together even more.

"Something..." Her leg was bouncing, jiggling with her nerves and she did her best to stop it by gripping the handle of the van to distract herself. "...something that can help you sleep."

"Just a G?" he said, glancing to the side where a smile split his face. "Weren't we just going to smoke a G later?" His hand left the van and she wanted to feel it on her face, she needed something to calm her down. Why would Chrissy need this? What wasn't she telling her? "You looking to get high at school, Jeanie Scott?"

His voice was warm and she nearly melted in his brown eyes (because he had that effect) but she held off. "It's not for me, actually."

"Who's it for then?"

"Um...no one special."

He leaned forward, eyes narrowed. "Jean..."

"It's a special delivery, can't tell you."

"Is this for a secret lover? Are you..." He let out a little gasp, hand going to his mouth. "...are you cheating on me?"

"I just need a gram, okay?" she urged further, feeling her own worries come creeping up her throat. Why did Chrissy even need any of this? Jean had noticed the tired looks in her friend's eyes but what had she not noticed behind her haze of self-centered thoughts? "Only a single gram."

"I don't know..." he trailed off with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's only fair that I know who I'm selling to because if it's some dick on the basketball team then–"

"They're not on the basketball team!"

"–then I'd want them to look me in the eyes and ask for it, not using you as their little druggie errand girl."

"Eds," she whined, looking up at him with her best puppy dog eyes (and hers were always the best). "Please–"

He leaned against the van. "No can do." He crossed his arms and for a second, she saw his shirt nearly peak up behind his belt buckle. "Unless you tell me who it's for. If it's for some guy you're trying to impress, it's okay, you can tell me."

She ignored the hurt in her chest that he would think there would be anyone other than him and kept her eyes on him so he wouldn't see the hesitant ache.

His brows rose at her silence. "Oh? So it is for a guy?" She started to shake her head and he only grinned back at her. "Well, now I have to meet him. Bring him to the spot after school."

She pressed her lips together firmly and gave him a nod. All she could do was hope the look on his face was just as surprised as he had been when he found out she was his neighbor when Chrissy Cunningham walks up to him for a gram.

She just wished she had a camera to capture the moment.

AUTHOR'S NOTE━━sorry for the long wait!! went on vacay and didnt have any time to update!! also very much struggling to write bc i want this to b good for yall!! ill probs go back and edit this to make it better ahhh

let me know what u think so far <333 

pls pls dont b a ghost reader comments r big motivators!!!! 

vote/comment and maybe something cute will happen between jean+eddie hehe