Campus has been a mad house. 

Girls are running around like chicken without heads. Some guys too. Everyone is looking for the Gilded Rage tickets. Before class, between classes, after class, sometimes the middle of the night. It's like some candy heart craze. Mania. Meanwhile, I'm just replaying my kiss with Harry over and over in my head.

"You're not even listening, are you?" Nikki is sprawled across my bed, staring at me. "Earth to Elle?"

"Oh, sorry." I shake my head. "I'm listening. You want to..."

"Get dresses. For the dance. Jeez, girl," Nikki sighs.

"You'd be like this too if you made out with Harry," Lucy quips.

"Thanks for the defense." I joke.

"Ah, yes, but us mere mortals are left to make out with other mere mortals. That and go dress shopping. Come on. After class tonight?" Nikki begs.

"Fine," I give in. "But I have to be back for..." I trail off, careful not to give any actual reason.

"Yes? For what?" Chloe raises her eyebrow. "Or for whom?"

"Stop," I whine, but can't help the smile creeping over my lips.

"You're meeting him again? Tonight?!" Nikki exclaims, sitting up in my bed.

"Maybe," I smirk. "Maybe not. But yes to dress shopping."

"Does this mean you're going to the dance, then?" Lucy asks from my desk chair. She's twisting her hair around her finger.

"I think I have to. I'm supposed to see Shawn there." I sigh.

"That's right. What about golden boy?" Nikki teases.

"I don't know. I like Shawn. Really, he makes the most sense. We're friends and it's comfortable and I'm not sharing any more of this with you guys!" I laugh.

"Suit yourself," Nikki says. She hops down from my bed. Chloe follows her to the door. She turns in the doorway. "Meet in the quad after last class? I'll drive us to the mall."

...

I've never selected a dress quicker in my life. Well, I only ever went to three dances before, but all three times I was as indecisive as April weather. Things seem to just be on my side this week. We walked into the first boutique shop in the mall, and I fell in love with the second dress I saw.

It is mauvy pink and kind of a satin velvet poly fabric. Deep plum beads are embroidered into the V-shape neckline. It flows away at the waist, so it's not too formfitting. I tried it on, and Nikki and Chloe and Lucy all gave their praise and approval. But the whole time I was looking in the mirror I kept thinking Would Shawn like it? Would Harry notice me in the crowd? And what about Jake?

I can't unsee Jake's eyes the night he left me standing in the yard by the heat lamp. He looked so hurt –so broken. I wanted to pick up his pieces. I still want to. As great as my kiss with Harry was, I keep thinking what would it be like to kiss Jake? To kiss the arrogant, cocky boy who smacked me in the face with a snowball and then walked me home and then sent me a condom gram and then called me out for playing with Shawn and Harry. To kiss the boy who rereads The Catcher in the Rye in rainy coffee shops.

"I've already found three boxes. But all were empty. Well not empty. They had those dumb heart candies in them," Lucy says.

I nod, pulling my wallet out of my bag to buy our salads and green teas in the food court. Nikki and Chloe are still dress shopping. They've almost covered every place in the mall.

"You found any? Are you even looking?" Lucy asks.

"Not really," I shrug. I'm not looking.

"Suppose you can just get tickets any time you want now, huh?" She winks at me. The ham is dangling from her fork.

"Luce, please." I roll my eyes.

"Is it Shawn?" She asks. "You feel bad because of Shawn?"

"What? No." I lie. Partially lie.

"Is it Jake?" Lucy asks, eyes narrowed. I almost choke on my own Cobb salad.

"Lucy!" I hiss in a whisper. "What?"

"You should see your face, babe." Lucy laughs.

"What do you mean is it Jake?" I repeat.

"I saw you at the frat house. Out back. Looked like you were talking to someone and then Jake showed up." Lucy shrugs, tagging a swig of her iced tea. "Well, the other guy left and then it was you and Jake. I knew it was him because of that shirt he always wears. Plus, I'd just seen him go outside."

So, Lucy saw us. Harry was the one who had walked away from Jake and me. I won't tell her it was him.

"Uh-huh. So, you saw us standing next to each other?" I ask.

"Oh, come on, Elle. There was definite leaning in. Definite lingering. Then he tore away all suddenly. Saw him back in the kitchen and he looked pissed." Lucy says matter-of-factly.

"Shit," I curse under my breath.

"I don't think I've ever heard you curse before!" Lucy laughs. "So, it's that bad then?"

"It's... I don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. You know it was Jake who sent me the condom gram." I take my straw between my lips and clench my teeth. Ugh.

"Jake did?" Lucy giggles. "Figures. Hadn't you just seen him with Tasha? Probably thought it was funny."

"Yea, then he told me to use it with Shawn or Harry," I say, rolling my eyes.

"No!" Lucy gasps.

"Yup! Then made a dig about how he wasn't competing with them. I didn't even know he wanted to compete. I didn't know I was anything to compete for!" I toss my fork down. My stomach can no longer handle the Cobb salad. It can no longer handle anything.

"It's Shawn," Chloe says, looking at my phone screen.

Shoot. Cruel joke, universe.

Dinner one night b4 dance :)

"Are you going to answer?" Lucy asks.

"Not right now."

"Are you going to meet Harry tonight?" She asks.

"I –Maybe." I shake my head.

"Right," Lucy nods. "Do you want to see Jake?"

"I haven't seen him since the party," I mumble.

"It's only been three days."

"I don't think he wants to see me." I shake my head.

"But that's not what I asked," Lucy says, shaking her head. "I asked if you want to see him."

...

"A dinner," Shawn says, smiling. "At least we've graduated from lunch."

"Yup," I smile feebly. Lunch or dinner, both beat a workout date.

He's just sat down across from me at the same table in the SAC. Our table. My hair is pulled back in a bun and I'm wearing a pink sweater. My eyes are concentrated on the candy heart box sticking out of Shawn's jeans. I wonder if Shawn knows about Harry. Or Jake. Either? Both?

"I've actually eaten already," Shawn says.

"Me too."

"Yea? How about we skip dinner and go for a walk? That cool?" Shawn asks.

"Yes, perfect." I nod. I don't think I could eat anything right now anyway.

"Great," Shawn says, standing from the table.

He pulls his book bag over his shoulder, and we walk toward the SAC stairs. We pass the lobby table where the Glitter Girls first set up the fundraiser for getting Harry's band.

It's not so cold out tonight. Icicles are starting to melt from the top of the quad gazebo, sparkling in the setting sun. Shawn leads us around the backside of the quad and on the path that leads to the fields and the football stadium.

"I have to be honest, Ellie," Shawn says, looking at me sideways. "This whole thing might seem sudden, but I don't know. I think I've liked you for a while."

"It doesn't seem sudden," I blurt. Don't panic. "Not too sudden."

The truth is I've been nurturing my crush for him since the sixth grade. I've played out multiple scenarios of our relationship unfolding in my head. Do I tell Shawn this? Do I admit to it when I'm not even sure how I feel anymore?

"Good. I've been wanting to say something since the end of the summer," Shawn says.

"End of the summer?" I ask, walking along beside him. We are on the open fields now, in front of the practice bleachers.

"Remember the party your parents threw? The Barbeque." He asks.

"Oh, sure. I remember the BBQ," I grin.

"I just wanted to kiss you that whole night. Then I drove you to school the next day. I kept chickening out." Shawn shakes his head, awkward.

"Chickening out? You?" I tease.

"I guess I was just worried about messing this up. Worried you didn't feel the same way," Shawn says, shrugging.

With his dark hair and deep eyes and perfect jawline, I'm not sure how any girl could not feel the same. I almost laugh to myself thinking of Shawn being worried that me, Elle, wouldn't feel the same.

"I've liked you since the sixth grade," I reveal, too quickly. Oh no!

"Yea?" Shawn grins. His eyes go wide, looking taken aback, but pleased.

"Yea," I nod. "Maybe."

"Well jeez, Elle. You could have mentioned it." Shawn laughs.

"I could have. I've been biding my time." I smirk.

We're sitting on the bleachers now, which are almost entirely covered in snow. I don't understand this sudden divulging of secrets, but it feels normal. It feels right.

Shawn and I spend the entire time walking and talking and reminiscing about home, about high school and growing up. We are already making plans for next Christmas Eve. So much for skipping dinner to work on my three papers!

It's so easy with Shawn. The dance is 48 hours away and I am starting to panic. It's almost 10 PM by the time we start walking back to my hall.

"Save me a dance, then?" Shawn asks, eyebrow cocked.

We're standing out front of my dorm room. His fingers are laced through mine, and I can smell the same musky scent I did in my kitchen. Shawn leans down into me and I can feel myself stretching on my tiptoes. It's like the moment at the house party, the moment before Harry, before Jake. It's the moment we should have had.

Our lips meet and I am transported to a safe place –back to the first time we kissed –back to when everything was simple. Shawn's hand is still holding mine and I'm losing myself in him. I pull back to see him, to make sure I'm not dreaming.

I put my key into the lock and turn, starting to back into my room.

"I'll take that as a yes?" Shawn grins, leaning back against my doorframe.

"I like your chances."

Shawn smirks and turns away, walking back down the hall. I spin around and my room comes into focus. It's dark, apart from the glow of the string lights. Tasha is out. I drop my scarf and my keys on my desk and flip the switch on my tiny lamp.

"Shit!" I curse louder than I mean to.

Jake is sitting on the foot of my bed, his back leaning against the wall.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in here?"

"Tasha let me in earlier." Jake says a bit chillingly.

I make a mental note to explain to Tasha not to let strangers into my dorm room when I'm not here. No matter how charming they are. I'm about to make Jake leave when I walk in closer and see his blotchy eyes. I can smell liquor on him.

"Are you drunk?" I ask, walking closer. I'm only two feet from being in the empty space between his legs. I know I should be wary, maybe even worried, but I'm not. I'm ...drawn.

"Do you care?" Jake asks, his voice void.

"Yes! I mean–" I pause, biting my lip.

"Are you going to save him a dance?" He asks, doing his best to mimic Shawn's voice. If this moment didn't seem so intense, I might almost laugh at it.

"I –what?" So, Jake heard my entire conversation with Shawn. Did he see anything? I hate the thought of him seeing our kiss.

"Are you," Jake says slowly, "Going to save him a dance?" He leans up suddenly and moves closer to me.

"Jake," I whisper, reaching my hand out to his. He flinches at my touch but does not pull his hand away.

He seems broken. Drunk and broken. And sad. And Jake.

"I know I'm no good. I'm the opposite of good and that's all you see," Jake says, his voice strained.

"That's not true," I say, shaking my head.

I move my fingers through his and tighten my grip. He responds by moving closer to the edge of the bed. I am now standing in the empty space between his legs. The sides of his thighs are touching my hips. Jake's dark eyes are boring into mine. He moves a hand to my waist, and I can feel my breath quicken.

"Elle," Jake exhales.

I think about kissing Shawn only minutes ago. I think about kissing Harry Sunday night. I forget them both. Jake's other hand finds my cheek, moving my hair away from my face. He pulls me in, and I press myself against the edge of my bed, against his waist.

"Jake," I whisper.

"Not until you ask me," Jake says, his voice hoarse.

He uses his own words from the last time he walked me to my room. He said he wouldn't kiss me until I asked. I promised him he'd be waiting a while. I wet my own lips in anticipation. I don't know what it is about Jake, but I need him almost as much as I think he needs me.

I lift my hand and run it through his hair. I feel him lean into it as he closes his eyes. When he opens them, I stare directly into his face.

"Kiss me."