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KABANATA 30

Still you

They say, there will be a time when you are forced to follow your heart away from someone you love. Alleyah, needs to choose between the two person who are both important for her.

Sometimes picking which one to pick is really a harder decision. You can't pick both, kailangan marunong kang pumili ng mabuti kung ayaw mong magsisi sa huli.

Alleyah wants to choose her happiness but she did think all of the sacrifices her family was given on her. They are always wants what's the best and makes her happy. They are always choosing her happiness.

Sa katunayan, madali lang sana ang pumili between her family and Dale but they are both important for her. They gave her both love, happiness, and comfort.

Totoo nga ang kasabihang blood is thicker than water. But Dale is not just a simple water. She's more than that.

Buntong hiningang nilisan ni Alleyah ang tabi ng bintana saka pumwesto sa sariling kama. It's been three weeks since Alleyah and Dale broke up. She's still cannot process everything.

Halos gumising lang siya ng umaga upang huminga. Dale is her home now she lost it, she felt like a homeless.

Hindi niya pa mabisita ang Kuya Leo niya. Dahil wala siya sa wisyo kung tutuusin. Hindi siya makausap ng matino ng kaniyang pamilya. Walang gabi o oras man siyang hindi umiyak.

Walang araw na hindi niya namiss ang binata. Wala siyang maayos na kain maging tulog. Sobrang laki ang binawas sa timbang niya magmula ng mangyari ang break up nila Dale.

The only keeping her sane was the ring Dale gave her. She wore it when she left that restaurant where they broke up.

Hindi niya iyon inalis man lang kahit naliligo siya. Pagod na ang buo niyang katawan. But the pain her whole body felt was nothing compared to what she truly feel inside. Dumiin ang kaniyang pagpikit at pinilit ang sariling matulog.

Another painful nights she will experience. She had an insomnia dalawang linggo na ang nakararaan. Nagpabili na siya ng sleeping pills upang pilitin ang sariling makatulog pero halos dalawa o tatlong oras lamang ang kaniyang tulog saka muling iiyak at tutulala.

Muli nanaman siyang naiiyak ng makarinig ng mahihinang katok sa kaniyang pinto. Pagod na tumingin lamang siya roon at hinayaang pumasok ang kung sino man iyon.

Hindi naglaon ay bumukas iyon. Si Sierra. Madilim ang buo niyang silid tanging ang mga ilaw lamang sa labas ang nagsisilbing liwanag sakaniyang buong silid.

"Alleyah..." malumanay na bigkas nito at kumakapa sa dilim. Hindi naglaon ay lumiwanag ang kaniyang buong silid dahil binuksan pala nito ang ilaw. Mariing napapikit si Alleyah at sinasanay ang mga mata sa liwanag.

"Pasensya na at binuksan ko ang mga ilaw. Natatakot ako na baka madapa sa sobrang dilim ng kwarto mo." anito at naglakad palapit sakaniya.

Napaayos siya ng upo sakaniyang kama at nag-aalalang napatingin dito.

"Bakit pumunta ka pa dito? You should take a rest. Masama sa buntis ang nagpupuyat." kabuwanan na nito ngayong buwan at anytime manganganak na ito.

Ngumiti itong umupo sa may gilid ng kama malapit sakaniya.

"How are you?" Sierra asked with full of concern.

Inayos niya ang sarili sa may kama at nanghihinang niyakap ang mga tuhod at nakatungo.

"I'll lie if I tell you I'm fine but I'm not. I can't be fine." nagsimulang manubig ang kaniyang mga mata.

Sierra sighed as she reach her hand. She pinch it lightly. With that she burst into crying out loud. Umakyat ng kaniyang kama si Sierra at niyakap siya nito. Alleyah cried on her shoulder.

Sierra understand her the most. Nakasama siya nito ng halos mag-iisang dekada na rin kaya alam nito kung ga'no kasakit para kay Alleyah ang pumili.

Naranasan din ni Sierra iyon. She was also in her shoes before. Ang pinagkaiba lang nila, Sierra had no one to stay by her side when she is so down. Sierra did almost killed herself but before she could do that she found out that she's pregnant with George's child.

"You can overcome this, Alleyah. Just don't loose hope." anito.

Hindi niya alam kung gaano siya katagal na nakayakap kay Sierra. Basta ang malinaw ay hindi na siya makahinga sa matinding pag-iyak. The emotions were unstoppable. Everything hurts.

"Everything happens for a reason. Kung kayo talaga ni Dale ang para sa isa't-isa, kayo talaga. Tahan na."

Napipilitang bumitiw si Alleyah rito. Buntis si Sierra hindi niya ito pwedeng masyadong pag-alalahanin.

She smiled weakly. "Thank you, Ate Sierra." aniya at pilit na hinihinto ang pag-iyak.

Nakangiting inayos nito ang nagkalat niyang buhok sa mukha. "Parang eto lang, matagal na kitang kilala, Alleyah. Alam kong malalampasan mo rin ito." anito.

"You better sleep now. I'm sure Kuya George will look for you." aniya.

"Actually nandiyan lamang siya sa may pinto. He asked me if I could talk to you."

"Si Kuya talaga inabala ka pa. Sige na, Ate matulog ka na." aniya.

Sierra smiled for the last time before she stood up. "Huwag mong masyadong dibdibin ang problema mo Alleyah, you can call me anytime. I'm here to listen." anito saka na umalis.

Naiwan siyang nakatulala sa nilabasan nitong pinto. Maybe she's right. All she need to do is to move on. Start a new. But no, she can't.

Hindi niya pa kaya.

Nanghihinang napahinga siyang muli sa kama. Hindi niya ramdam ang antok. Kumuha siya ng isang tableta ng sleeping pills sakaniyang cabinet at nagtungong ibaba.

Pagkarating sa kusina ay kumuha siya ng isang basong tubig saka nilunok ang sleeping pills na kinuha. Muli nanaman siyang natulala sa may kawalan.

Kailan ba siya masasanay?

Maybe one of this day she'll pay a visit to her Kuya Leo. Akma na siyang aakyat at magtutungong silid ng biglang magring ang telepono ng kabahayan.

Wala ng kasambahay na lumilibot sa unang palapag ng bahay dahil hating gabi na. Sigurado siyang nagpapahinga na ang mga tao sa bahay.

She had no choice but to answer the phone call. Sino naman ang tatawag sa landline ng bahay ng ganoong oras?
"Hello?" she answered.

Ilang minutong walang nagsalita sa kabilang linya. Buong akala niya ay na-wrong call lang at akma ng ibaba ng may mahinhing babaeng nagsalita sa kabilang linya. And it's so familiar to her.

"Hello, this is Loren's residence, may I know who is this?" she asked.

Her brows furrowed when the lady on the other line started to sobbed.

"Hello? Who i-"

"Alleyah, it's me... Diana." she said in between her sob.

Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ni Alleyah sa narinig na pangalan ng dalaga sa kabilang linya.

"W-Why are you calling our landline?" kinakabahan niyang wika.

Humigpit ang hawak niya sa telepono. She can taste the pain again even if it's not coming out on her mouth yet.

"It's about Leo..."

Nanghihina ang kaniyang mga tuhod sa sinabi nito. Sabi na, tungkol sakaniyang Kuya Leo ang pag-uusapan nila.

"C-Can you have time tomorrow... I can't explain it thru phone call." naiiyak nitong wika.

Right, they need to talk. All in all, she wants to know why they all end up like this.

"Tell me where and when." aniya.

Diana tell her where and when they'll meet tomorrow. She wants to know the truth. Isang side lang ang kaniyang narinig she wants to know Diana's side.

After the phone call nanghihinang napasandal si Alleyah sa may pader katabi ng telepono. She's afraid to know the truth.

Maraming katanungan ang pumapasok sakaniyang isipin. Natatakot niya na baka ginawa talaga ng Kuya Leo niya iyon. Na baka he's really guilty for doing things like that on Diana.

Huli niyang kita sa mga ito ay maayos naman ang pag-uusap ng dalawa. Why the hell did they happened to be like that?

Mas lalo siyang hindi makakatulog ng dahil roon. Bahala na, hindi siya pwedeng magin duwag. Kung ano man ang sasabihin nito tatanggapin niya ng buong buo kung ano ba talaga ang totoo. Hindi siya pwedeng maging bias dahil dawit ang Kuya niya. If he's proven guilty then he must really deserved to be in jail. And if he's not then he need to be free as soon as possible.

Lahat ng iyan masasagot bukas na bukas din. Ramdam ni Alleyah ang pagkirot ng ulo. She must be really stress this past few days.

Hawak ang sentidong naglakad siya patungong silid. Dama na niya ang epekto ng pampatulog na kaniyang ininom.

Alleyah jolted when she felt her stomach stirred when morning came. Dali dali siyang bumangon at mabilis na tinungo ang banyo.

She kneel down before aligning her head to the hole of the bowl and throwing everything she eat though she just eat a least amount of food last night. Halos isuka na niya ang bituka niya.

What the hell is wrong with her?

When she finished vomiting she flushed everything before standing up with her shaky knees. Lumapit si Alleyah sa may lababo at kumapit roon bilang suporta sa nanghihinang katawan.

She took a glimpse of herself at the mirror. The one staring back at her is very pale. She have a very healthy eye bags and she looks fragile... and sad.

Hindi niya sigurado pero siguro epekto iyon ng lagi niyang pagkain ng konti o kung minsan ay halos hindi na niya galawin ang pagkaing inihahain sakaniya.

She shut her eyes tightly. Kumikirot ang kaniyang ulo. Masyado niyang dinibdib ang mga pangyayari kaya pati katawan niya ay malapit ng bumigay.

Anong oras na ba? She's going to meet Diana today.

She sighed saka nanghihinang naglakad papuntang kaniyang kama. Maaga pa para sa usapan nila kaya magtutulog muna siya ng ilang minuto.

Strange because this past few days when she wake up even it still dawn she can't sleep anymore but now.

Never mind.

Nagising si Alleyah sa mga katok sakaniyang pinto. Nanlilisik ang matang tumingin siya roon. Who the fuck will knock on her door at that time?

Padabog na tumayo siya ngunit agad na kumapit sa may dingding. Nahihilo siya.

"Damn..." she cursed as she walk slowly towards her door.

Alleyah open it. It's one of their maids. May dala itong tray ng pagkain.

The maid smiled. Akma siyang ngingiti ng biglang bumaliktad ang kaniyang sikmura ng makita ang hawak nito.

Dali dali siyang tumakbo ng banyo kahit ramdam ang pagkahilo. She vomit as if her throat will come out from her mouth too.

"Ma'am, ayos lang po kayo?" natatarantang wika ng kasambahay sa may pinto.

After she vomit at nanghihinang napasandal siya sa may dingding ng banyo. She weakly flushed everything.
Dalawang beses na siyang nagsuka ngayong araw. Anong nangyayari sakaniya?

"Ma'am, okay lang po ba kayo? Tatawagin ko po si Ma'am Abigail."

Mariin siyang pumikit bago napagpasyahang tumayo. Binuksan niya ang pinto at nakita ang nag-aalalang katulong.

She was about to tell her that she don't to call her Mom when she smell a disgusting smell inside her room.

"What is that fucking smell?" galit niyang wika.

She roam her eyes around. Natigil iyon sa tray na hawak ng kanilang katulong. Nangasim ang kaniyang mukha.

"Throw that away, Yaya. Fuck that smell was so disgusting as hell." aniya at tinuro ang tray na dala nito kanina.

Dali dali naman itong kumilos at dinala ang tray ng pagkain palabas ng kaniyang kwarto. Her stomach calm down because of that. But the smell still remain inside her room. Patakbo niyang nilisan ang kwarto.

"Yaya!" sigaw niya patungong sala.

But that's her wrong choice dahil mas lalong lumakas ang masangsang na amoy na iyon roon.

She wanted to vomit again. So she did, agaran siyang nagsuka sa may lababo sa may kusina.

After that she called all the maids inside their house.

"Who the fuck cook that disgusting adobong pusit, huh?" naiinis niyang wika.

Nakikita niya palang iyon ay halos bumaliktad na ang kaniyang sikmura.
"Ma'am, ako po." ani ng isang kasambahay.

"Throw that fucking food right now, all of that. And don't ever cook that food again." napahawak siyang sentido dahil sa kakasigaw.

Never in her entire life na sisigaw siya ng ganoon dahil lamang sa isang pagkain. Fuck that adobong pusit.

"Opo, Ma'am."

"And please clean my room, the smell stink inside." aniya at sinandal ang ulo sa may sofa sa sala.

"Anak, anong problema?" Ani ng ginang sa may hagdan.

Nagmulat ng mga mata si Alleyah at tumingin sa nag-aalalang mukha ng kaniyang ina. Abigail walks towards her.

"Anong problema anak? I heard you shouting." Abigail caress her hair.

She smiled weakly. "Mom, who ask to cook adobong pusit?" she asked.

"Ang Ate Sierra mo gusto iyon, bakit anong problema?"

Napangiwi siya. Dahil lamang sa hindi niya gusto ang amoy ay ipapatapon na niya iyon? Gusto ng Ate Sierra niya iyon at buntis pa. Pero kasi... 'Yong amoy hindi niya kaya.

"Ayaw mo ba no'n anak? Tell me what you want?"

Mariin siyang pumikit at sumandal sa balikat nito. Gusto niyang muling matulog. Pero naalala niya ang usapan nila ni Diana na magkikita ngayon.

"Anything except from that adobong pusit. Doon na lang ako kakain sa may kwarto ko. I'm going out today."

"Okay. But mind you if I ask where are you going?" her Mom asked.

Naging mailap ang kaniyang tingin. "Uh... I just want to take some fresh air." aniya.

Tinitigan siya ng matagal ng ina pero maya maya ay ngumiti ito.

"Okay, take care."

Matapos no'n ay tinungo niya ang silid. Mabuti na lamang at kumilos kaagad ang mga katulong at nawala ang masangsang na amoy sakaniyang silid. God, that smell was so disgusting and she bet the taste too was so horrible.

How come gustong gusto iyon ng Ate Sierra niya? Uh, pregnancy hormones just made you do some weird things you never imagine you can.

Buti na lamang at hindi niya pa napagdadaaanan iyon. Hindi niya kayang maging magulang ng walang kaagapay. And she pictured Dale to be by her side when she'll get pregnant.

Babies means responsibilities.

Later on her food arrived. Nanubig ang kaniyang bagang sa nakita. Pancakes!

Gladly hindi naman siya nagsuka pa. Actually she more like to eat it. She should request this more often.

After she eat naligo't nagbihis na siya. She wore a black hawaiian dress. She pair it with a white doll shoes. She did a light makeup emphasizing her features. God, she need to put some more concealer under her eyes to hide her healthy eye bags.

She was about to sprayed Dale's scent when her stomach turn upside down. Fuck, bakit ang baho ng pabango ni Dale? Mabuti na lamang at hindi niya pa iyon nalagay sa katawan kaya itinago niya ulit iyon. Naaamoy niya lang iyon umaasim na ang mukha niya.

She hides it at the last part of her drawer. No, not again. The smell stink. Ang sakit sa ilong.

She just sprayed her sweet candy perfume. That would do.

After that she's ready to go. She get her white purse. She place all her needed things in there before she storm off her room. Pero may nakalimutan siya kaya agad siyang pumasok at hinanap ang nakalimutan.

Her ring. She felt naked when she's not wearing it. It's so precious for her. Then again she storm off.

Nakasalubong niya pa ang Kuya George at Ate Sierra niya. Inaalalayan ng Kuya niya si Sierra pababa ng hagdan. He's totally whipped parang noong dati lang sobra ang pagkamuhi nito sa dalaga.

Kids really have an invisible string to let the people connect to each other.

"Where are you going?" her Kuya George asked.

Alleyah smiled. "Gonna get some fresh air outside." aniya.

Ilang minuto rin siyang tinitigan ng Kuya George niya.

He sighed. "I heard you shouting earlier, what's the problem?" tanong nito habang inaalalayan sa huling baitang ng hagdan si Sierra.

"Careful..." he gently said.

Napangiti siya sa nakikita. She even imagine Dale holding her like that when she gets pregnant. Wait-the hell, matagal na silang tapos ni Dale.

She sighed. Pumait ang panlasa sa naiisip. Bakit ba hindi niya magawang makapag-move-on sa lalaking iyon?

"Uh... nothing." aniya.

"Don't do any stupid things when you go out, okay?" ani George at lumapit sakaniya saka hinalikan sa may noo.

"You okay?" maya maya ay tanong nito.

Of course everyone is affected on her actions lately. They're afraid since she experience worst when she got depressed.

She smiled as she look up to her worried older brother. "I'm fine, Kuya. Don't worry."

George sighed. He mess her crown and pinch her cheek lightly. "Kuya is here to listen. Don't think down of everything. Gagawa kami ng paraan para makalaya ang Kuya Leo mo."

She's waiting for more than that. She wants to be with Dale too.

She tried to smile para matago ang panghihinayang. Sana kapag napalaya ang Kuya Leo niya ay bumalik na sila ulit sa dati. Iyong pwede na uli sila Dale.

"I gotta go." aniya.

Humalik siya sa pisngi ng Kuya George at kay Sierra. She even touch Sierra's bump.

"Hey champ, Tita will get going. Please behave and don't give your Mommy a hard time." kausap niya sa sinapupunan nito.

"Of course, Tita. Magbebehave si baby." sagot naman ni Sierra.

"I can't wait to see you." malambing niyang saad.

"Hey, that's my line." ani ng Kuya George niya.

Natatawang umirap siya dito. "No one cares." pabiro niyang wika.

"Just go, pumpkin." anito.

"Pikon ka nanaman, Kuya?" natatawa niyang wika.

Hindi na lamang siya pinansin ng Kuya George niya at inalalayan si Sierra patungong kusina.

"Take care." anito.

"I will, grumpy man." aniya ulit saka patakbong tinungo ang labas.

Nakahanda na ang sasakyan niya. She felt like driving alone today. Mahirap na baka i-report siya ng driver sa mga magulang niya. Nabawasan na rin ang bantay niya. Dahil wala na siyang kahit anong threats na natatanggap kaya malaya na siyang gawin ang kung anong gusto niyang gawin.

But she don't felt her freedom anymore. Dale just had it. He's her freedom.

She sighed as she look at her ring. It is so pretty. She can't help but to admire the ring Dale gave her. It has a minimalist design but she bet it cost millions. She saw it online one time she search which store he bought it.

It's from Tiffany's. And mind you, it is a limited edition. A rare one. Like it was made only for those people who can afford it. Nalula nga siya sa presyo no'n.

Yes, she likes to collect luxurious things but not to the point na gagastos siya ng ganoon kalaki. She had her limit when it comes on buying.

"Please wait for me. We have a long way to go, please don't give up on me." she kiss her ring as muttered that three words that became her ritual.

"I love you." and it is always be you.
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