Tstchem leshalom

          "I WANT to get straight to the point, Miss Mendoza. I want you to stay away from my son." It's not a statement but a command.

My hands turned into a fist. Her being here doesn't sit right with me, and I'm right. Hindi siya nandito para makipagkwentuhan sa'kin, dahil nandito siya dahil sa ibang dahilan. My heart started beat frantically. Hindi maganda ang paraan ng pagtibok ng puso ko, masyadong mabilis at mabigat 'to.

"Zachariah is just starting to build his name. He just graduated last month, and before he becomes a prominent architect, he needs at least two years of apprenticeship in an architectural firm. Do you have a hunch now kung saan patungo ang usapan na 'to, Miss Mendoza?"

Napayuko ako at hindi na napigilan ang pangingilid ng mga luha ko. I bit my lips to stifle my sob, but I failed.

Dahan-dahan akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kamay niyang kinuha ang kamay ko at mahigpit na hinawakan. "Hija, understand me. I just want the best for my son. You're both young. Hindi niyo pa nga masyadong kilala ang isa't-isa. I'm sure makakahanap ka pa ng ibang lalaking magmamahal sayo."

I shook my head as tears continued to fall from my eyes. "Mahal ko po si Zachariah, Mrs. Silvestre."

"I know," She sighed. "Pero mapapakain ba ng pagmamahal mo ang anak ko? Hindi ko rin matatanggap na ang isang hindi galing sa prominenteng pamilya gaya mo ay ang girlfriend ng anak ko."

Napasinghap ako at hindi na napigilan ang tumitig sa kanya. Patuloy sa pagtulo ng luha ang mga mata ko. It hurts to hear something insulting about you, especially if it's from your boyfriend's mother. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa mga sinabi niya.

"H-Hindi man po ako galing sa mayamang angkan pero pinakalaki po ako ng magulang ko na puno ng pagmamahal at may busilak na puso." I took a deep breath, my hands trembling: I used my nails to dig into my palm to stop it from shaking. "H-Hindi ko rin naman po pinipigilan si Zachariah sa mga pangarap niya—"

She cutt me off and gave me stonic gaze. "You're a distraction to my Son future! Zachariah will never decline the offer of his dream company, but since he met you, he has set aside his dream anymore! He wanted to stay here because you're here!" She gritted her teeth.

My lips quivered, and my sobbing got even louder.

"Zachariah's refused to grow because of you. He's throwing his dreams and plans he has been waiting for so long just to be with you. You're not good for him. You're a hindrance for him to achieving his dream!"

Am I really a distraction and a hindrance to his dream?

She postured herself and gave me a stern look. "If you really love my son, break up with him. Hayaan mong maabot ng anak ko ang mga pangarap niya,"

Maybe she's right.

Hadlang ako para sa mga pangarap ni Zachariah. I'm a toxic apple stopping him to achieve his dreams.

I closed my eyes as tears kept on falling from my eyes. I need to do this even if it's killing me. Para naman 'to sa kapakanan ng lalaking mahal ko.

"P-Pumapayag na po akong hiwalayan si Zachariah..." I trailed and looked directly into her eyes. "But give me seven more days... seven days to be with him. Pagkatapos ng pitong araw, nangangako akong hindi na magpapakita sa kanya kahit kailan. S-Sisiguraduhin ko rin na lilipad na si Zachariah papunta sa San Francisco," sabi ko sa matapang na boses kahit kanina pa naninikip ang dibdib ko.

Isang tipid na tango lang ang naging sagot niya bago tumayo. Napadukdok na lang ako sa lamesa at doon napahagulgol. She wants me gone. She wanted me to stay away from her Son life, and she successfully did.

"Ah! Faster!"

My boobs were moving as he slammed himself harder and faster. Bumaba ang labi niya sa dibdib ko at sinakop iyon na parang gutom na sanggol hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng puson ko.

I screamed too loud when I felt  my fourth release. He continued moving assertively until he let out a low, raspy groan as a sign that he's about to explode.

"Ah! I love you so much..." He didn't pull out and just exploded inside me. I could feel the heavy warm liquid rushing inside my womanhood. Mabilis niyang sinubsob ang pawisan niyang mukha sa leeg ko nang matapos.

Dahil sa pagod ay agad akong nakatulog.

I woke up after a few minutes. Nakabalot na ako sa comforter habang nakaunan sa braso niya. I caught him watching me while I was in a deep sleep kaya bahagyang nag-init ang mukha ko.

"How do you feel, my love? Did you have a nightmare? You were crying, and you kept calling my name." He kissed my forehead and caressed my cheeks.

Napakurap-kurap ako at hindi agad nakasagot. Pati ba naman sa pagtulog umiiyak ako? Akala ko kapag nakatulog na ako hindi ko na maramdaman ang sakit, pero nagkamali ako. Hanggang sa pagtulog pala, hindi nawawala ang sakit.

"Maybe it's not a nightmare but a wet dreams." Zach teased me while his eyebrows were wiggling.

Pinamulahan ako ng mukha dahil sa sinabi niya. I pinched his abs because of his mischievousness.

He just chuckled and pulled my head to lean on his chest. Dinig na dinig ko ang tibok ng puso niya kaya napapikit ako at pinakinggan 'to. Hindi ko na naman napigilan ang pangingilid ng mga luha ko.

"Wait for me here, okay? I'll prepare our food," Zach whispered, then kissed me on my lips before he left the room to cook.

I let out a deep sigh bago siya sinundan sa kusina. I bit my lips and quickly went near and embraced him tightly from behind. I hid my face on his back and hid my teary eyes.

I still have four days with him. Apat na araw pa, Ariella. Sapat na siguro iyon para maparamdam ko sa kanya kung gaano ko siya kamahal.

"Nanlalambing ata ang girlfriend ko, 'ah."

I nodded. "Hmm... I-I want to watch you cook," sabi ko.

"Come," He removed my hand from his waist, pulled a chair, and placed it next to him for me to sit there. "Sit your delicate ass down and watch your boyfriend cook for you," he winked at me.

Zach was humming a little while cooking. He was only wearing his black boxers; his biceps and defined back were flexing every time he moves.

I plastered a smile when he glanced in my direction. He puckered his lips and bent down to kiss my lips.

"Sarap," he gave me a winked.

Habang nagluluto siya ay nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. He glanced at me and leaned closer to kiss me again on my lips. Ngumiti ako at hindi nilubayan ang mukha niya hanggang sa matapos siyang magluto.

Once I broke up with him, I would miss this kind of moment with him. Him cooking for me. Him driving for me. Him being clingy to me. Him being not afraid of how a baby he is whenever he's with me.

Napatingin ako sa kanya at napangiti kaagad nang kumuha siya ng kutsara at pinatikim sa akin ang menudo na niluto niya.

"This is your mom's recipe. She told me that asides from adobo, this is one of your favorite food." He playfully wiggles his thick eyebrows.

I gave him a thumbs-up when I tasted the food he cooked. "Sarap! Galing mo na magluto, ah?"

"Mas magaling ka pa rin, love."

Napangisi ako. "Alam ko. Wala naman atang makakatalo sa'kin," pagmamayabang ko.

He gave me a playful smile and then continued eating. "I know someone who cooks better than you!"

"Aba, sino yan at para mahamon ko ng one o one?"

"Your mom," he chuckled, making my lips part.

Umiling ako, natatawa. "Wala na. Talo na ako," I playfully surrendered.

We ate the menudo he cooked, and my heart softened when I saw his smile while watching me eat what he cooked. I let him take a video of my first bite, even my reaction to it.

We both washed the dishes after eating. Pagkatapos ay nanood kami ng movie sa living room habang kumakain ng Ice cream. Siya ang pinapili ko ng movie dahil ako palagi ang pinapapili niya. My lips twitched and formed a smile when I saw what he chose. It's my favorite movie! Lahat ng mga paborito kong movies ay pinapanood niya dahil gusto niyang pareho kami ng favorite. Gaya-gaya, 'eh.

There were no dull or boring moments with him. Kahit simpleng pag-uusap lang at panonood kasama siya ay masaya na ako, masaya na kami.

If I only had magic to stop time, I would use it right now.

Nang lumingon ako sa kanya, I caught him staring at me. Imbes na mahiya siya o mataranta dahil nahuli ko siyang kanina pa nakatingin sa akin, he flashed a smiled.

"Uy, matutunaw na talaga ako niyan." Biro ko.

"You're so beautiful I can't stop staring at you," he said and reached for my hand and kissed it.

Ngumiti ako. "Saan ba tayo pupunta?"

His lips twitched. "Brunch with my brother,"

"What? Ipapakilala mo na ako bilang girlfriend mo?"

"Uh—huh." He pinched the bridge of my nose. "And next time, You will meet my parents," he winked at me.

"Ah, talaga?" I taste the bitterness in my tongue.

"Yup. They would love you for sure." He assured me.

No, Zach. Your mom doesn't like me.

Sa mga sumunod na araw ay mas nahihirapan akong umakto na parang wala akong problema. Na ayos lang ang lahat. 

How could I live without him? Hulog na hulog na talaga ako sa kanya at hindi ko alam kung paano makakaahon kapag nawala na siya sa'kin. Bakit ba kasi kailangan mangyari ito? Hindi ba pwedeng maging masaya na lang kami palagi?

"How many kids do you want to have in the future?" He asked, catching me off guard.

We were both naked under the white sheets because we just had our third round of making love. Before ending up in his bed, we had a date in a 3d museum somewhere in Cubao. Nang matapos doon ay nagpunta kami sa arcade at doon nagpalipas ng oras hanggang sa magutom kami at kumain sa Jollibee.

I snuggled him. "Apat. Ikaw?"

He stroked my hair and kissed me on my forehead. "I want four because you want four,"

"You see me in your future?"

His eyebrows creased. "Don't you see me in your future, love?" he cutely pouted.

I held his jaw and kissed him. "Huwag kang mag-alala at nakalista kana sa future goals ko," I winked at him.

Before our night ended, we decided to paint again. We both painted the things we were reminded of by each other. He sketched a beach with a sunset before he painted it while I painted my dream house.

"Hmm? A house? The first thing that comes to your mind when you remember me is a house?" he asked me curiously and confusingly.

Tumango ako at ngumiti. I cupped his face and kissed him on the tip of his nose. "Because you're my home."

Napahawak siya sa dibdib at napapikit bago ngumiti. "Fuck, kinikilig ako, love." 

I chuckled lightly and ruffled his soft hair. "Alam kong matagal pa pero gusto kong sabihin sayong proud na proud ako sayo," I felt my eyes moistened. "Chase your dreams and be a successful architect just like you wanted. Then, build your own firm, okay? I'll pray for your success," sabi ko, nakangiti kahit pinipiga na ang dibdib ko sa sakit.

He nodded and cupped my face. "I'll chase my dreams with you," he uterred.

Huling araw. Natulala ako when the sky became heavier all of a sudden. Mula rito sa bintana ng condo ni Zach ay tanaw na tanaw ko ang malalaking butil ng ulan na pumapatak mula sa langit. Even the sky knows when someone is in misery.

Suminghot ako at agad pinalis ang mainit na luhang lumandas sa pisngi ko. Hindi ako pwedeng magpahalata sa kanya. I need to be strong and act as If I am okay because this will be our last day.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang patakan ng halik ni Zach ang labi ko. "You look like you're about to cry," he whispered. "Tell me, What's bothering my love?"

The pain on my chest strike again.

This man, I really love him, even though I wasn't supposed to.  I didn't mean to fall for him from the beginning. I've tried so hard not to fall for him... But I was stuck.  Even without him being my fuck buddy, pakiramdam ko magkakagusto pa rin ako sa kanya. Hindi nga lang kasing lalim ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. I feel like I'm drowning with my own love for him, and I'm having a hard time to saved myself.

Umiling ako at niyakap siya. "Ayos lang ako," sambit ko habang pinipigilan ang mga luha ko na tumulo.

I know he wasn't convinced, but he just nodded and gave me a small smile. "Te amo más que nadie."

NAPATULALA ako nang makita ang dalawang ticket na nakacrumple sa basurahan sa tabi ng study table ni Zachariah. It was his plane ticket... Magkaiba ang date. Magkaiba ang oras. But It only means one thing, He really ditched his flight because of me.

Dahil sa'kin nadedelay ang pag-abot niya ng pangarap niya. Dahil sa'kin, nasisira ang mga pinaghirapan niya! Kinagat ko ang labi ko at napahilamos na lang sa mukha ko na ngayo'y basang basa na ng luha. Pakiramdam ko'y sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa sobrang bigat at sakit nito.

Nasa ganoong sitwasyon ako nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto sa banyo. Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Zachariah na nanlalaki ang mga mata habang nakatingin sa'kin.

He was about to get near me when I stood up, at lumabas ng kwarto niya. Nagdire-diretso ako palabas hanggang sa maabutan niya ako sa living room. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko at pinaharap sa kanya. He cupped my face while looking at me confusedly and agonizing.

"Why are you crying, love? May masakit ba sayo? Tell me." He sounds deadly worried.

Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa mukha ko at tinulak siya palayo sa'kin. I looked at him directly in his eyes. "Z-Zach, maghiwalay na tayo," I said in a stern voice.

"What did you just say?" he asked in a calming tone.

"Maghiwalay na tayo."

He shook his head and smiled at me. "You're surely hungry, love. Kung ano-ano sinasabi mo, 'eh." He even chuckled at his own sentiments. Para bang sinasadyang magbingi-bingihan sa sinabi ko.

"Hindi ako nagugutom." Malamig na sambit ko. "Let's end this, Zachariah. Maghiwalay na tayo."

He's just looking at me, forehead creased and jaw clenching. I saw a glimpse of pain and fear in his eyes, but quickly looked away.

"Love, please naman. I don't understand why are you acting like this." Hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at pinaharap sa kanya. "Tell me, What's our problem, love? Did I do something wrong? Did I upset you? Tell me, please." Nagmamakaawang sabi niya sa'kin.

"Hindi mo ba ako naririnig?! Sabi ko maghiwalay na tayo! Ayoko na!" Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na magtaas ng boses. My eyes clouded in tears that any second would drop.

Umiling siya, nakangiti. "No one is breaking up. I don't want to break with you. I don't want to let you go." I spun myself to see his face drawn with seriousness.

My vision became hazy as my tears kept on falling from my eyes. His lips parted when he saw the tears falling from my eyes. His eyes became too gloomy, and the pain was perceptible.

"Hiwalayan mo na ako, please." Namamaos kong usual, halos magmakaawa na ako sa kanya.

He shakes his head, and his eyes begin to moisten. "No. Hindi tayo maghihiwalay. Stop this nonsense, please, love. I don't like this conversation."

"Tangina naman, Zach! Ang kulit mo naman, 'eh! Gusto mo pa bang lumuhod pa ako para hiwalayan mo ako?! Tell me! Luluhod talaga ako para makipaghiwalay kana sa'kin!"

He frustratedly raked his hair and bit his lower lip, trying so hard to stop himself from shedding tears.

"Give me one reason... One reason why should I break up with you?" His lips quivering, and his voice was begging for an answer.

Sobrang bigat at sikip ng dibdib ko. Napakagat ako sa labi at ilang beses na huminga ng malalim, kinakapos ako ng hangin sa baga ko.

"Because you're a liar! Sinungaling ka!" I yelled. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin na last month ka pa pala dapat nasa US?! You got accepted to be an apprentice to your dream company twice, yet you canceled your flight not once but twice!"

His lips parted. "H-How did you know about that?"

"That's your dream, right? To worked under Gensler! The top architecture firm in the world! Tapos sinayang mo? Para ano? Para sa akin? dahil sa akin? Zachariah, I told you so many times to chase your dreams! Nagiging hadlang na ba ako sa pag-abot mo ng pangarap mo?" Pumiyok ang boses ko.

"What? You will never be a hindrance. I don't want to leave anymore. I can get an apprenticeship here and be with you and—"

"Naririnig mo ba ang mga sinasabi mo? That's your dream before you even met me! Kung hindi tayo nagkita, kung hindi tayo nagkakilala... Nasa US kana sana. Nandoon kana at tinutupad ang pangarap mo! Don't choose me over your dreams, Zach. Don't ever choose me. It's better kung maghiwalay na tayo—"

"No! Stop what you're saying! My dream is nothing if I lose you! My success will be invalid if you leave me. Please, love, let's fix this, please?"

"Z—Zach!" I shouted when he suddenly fell on his knees and quickly embraced my legs, preventing me to go.

Mas lalo akong napahagulgol nang yakapin niya ng mahigpit ang mga binti ko. "Please, don't leave me... Huwag mo akong iwan, please." His voice cracked.

Tila tumigil ang mundo ko nang makita kong nag-uunahan tumulo ang mga luha sa mga mata niya. He was kneeling in front of me, begging me not to break up with him. Ang sakit pakinggan ng bawat paghikbi niya lalo na at ako ang dahilan. Hearing him cry makes my heart shattered into tiny million pieces. This is not what I wanted. It was never in my plan to make him cry, but I still did. Sinaktan ko siya.

Umiling ako at pilit na hinihila siya patayo. Mas lalong dumami ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. "Zachariah, don't do this, please! Don't ever beg!"

"Wala akong pakialam! So, what if I'm begging right now? I want you to pity me! I'm on bended knees right now, begging you not to leave me. Mahal na mahal kita, eh."

Gumagalaw ang mga balikat ko dahil sa sobrang paghikbi. Kanina pa sumisikip ang dibdib ko at nahihirapan na akong huminga na halos hampasin ko na ang dibdib ko ngunit pinipigilan ko lang.

Napapikit ako ng madiin. You have to leave him, Ariella. Leave him even though it's hurting you. Even if it's painful and even it's killing you. You can't be a hindrance to his dream. You can't ruin his future.

"Ayoko na, Zach. Parang-awa mo na. Pagod na ako," sabi ko. "Isipin mo na lang na hindi tayo nagkakilala. Isipin mo na lang na hindi mo ako mahal. Kalimutan mo na lang na mahal mo ako para hindi kana mahirapan pa," Tears streamed down my cheeks, and my hands trembled.

Umiling siya habang nakayakap pa rin sa mga binti ko. "You can ask me anything you want me to do but don't ask me to unlove you. H-Hindi na lang ako magmamahal, kung hindi rin lang ikaw."

Nanghihina akong tinulak siya paalis. "Kung hindi mo kaya puwes ako kaya ko! Tutal nagsasawa na rin naman ako sayo! G-Gusto ko naman tumikim ng ibang putahe! Gusto ko naman tumikim ng iba!" I used my last card. Nakapikit ako dahil hindi ko kayang tumingin sa mga mata niya habang nagsisinungaling ako.

Ayoko. Hindi ko kaya.

Mabilis niya akong nabitawan at tinakpan ang magkabilang tenga. Paulit-ulit siyang umiling habang nakatingala sa'kin. "No! You're kidding me! Stop! Stop, please!"

Hahawakan niya sana ako ulit pero I stepped backwards which made him pale. Nanghihinang umawang ang labi niya. I saw him clenching his jaw while looking at me in pain.

I gave him a stonic look. "Itigil na natin 'to, Zachariah. You're better off without me." 

Bumagsak ang mga balikat niya at parang bata na napasalampak na lang sa sahig. He looked pained, and his eyes were red from crying. His nose was red, too, and his freckles were glowing because of his tears.

"O-One minute, Please. Just give me one minute to hug you, then I'll let you go." Nang tumango ako ay mabilis niya akong binalot ng yakap. "I didn't know you were this selfish... Sinanay mo akong nandyan ka palagi sa tabi ko pero gaya ng lahat, aalis ka rin. I even broke my own rules for you." Bigla siyang pumiyok. "Nevertheless, I still love you. Mahal na mahal kita," he whispered while his shoulders were shaking so badly.

Bahagya ko na siyang tinulak upang hindi tumagal iyon. Mas tumatagal, mas nahihirapan ako. "Take care of yourself, Zachariah." I smiled bitterly.

He looked at me... For the last time.

"Ariella," I slowly looked at him. His eyes gleamed with pain and hatred. "D-Do me a favor... Don't show yourself to me ever. I-I don't want to see your face anymore." His sharp words cut deeper than a knife.

I used my remaining strength to smile and nod.

As I turned my back on him, my last string of hope vanished, and my heart cried with painful beatings. I took in a deep breath before I moved forward without looking back. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at nilukot ang suot kong damit. I must do this, so I must completely let him go.

And from that moment, we were strangers again, but this time with memories.

The rain seems like sense of my sorrow. Hinayaan kong tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko habang naglalakad sa ulan. Wala akong pakialam kung magkasakit man ako pagkatapos, I deserved it all for hurting him. 

"Ariella!" Narinig ko ang boses na tumawag sa pangalan ko. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

I saw the anger in Dwight's eyes. Basang-basa rin siya katulad ko. Hindi ako sumagot dahil bigla na lamang nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko at napasalampak ako sa kalsada. Humagulgol ako ng sobrang lakas habang patuloy pa rin na naliligo sa ulan.

He immediately embraced me. "Tahan na," he uttered repeatedly. "Let's get out of here at baka magkasakit ka pa."

Before he could even support me upright, nabuwal na ako sa kalsada dahil mabilis na nagdilim ang paningin ko.

*****