AN,

dedicated to my favourite sergeant moon child cloudedsighs.

always in support, forever in gratitude <3

- - -

I knew I shouldn't have said that. I should've left him alone, moved on to my food, and kept him out of my mind. After all, I had expended my use. I was done with the job.

But the pity grew without my permission and I blame being hungry, half filled with alcohol, and partly the cause of said breakup. And then he just had to remind me of myself at the first heartbreak I'd ever had.

Yes, wallowing in your pain, letting yourself heal was good. Shutting yourself from the world, clutching the tatters of your broken heart in a corner... Yes, that was also an option.

But if I had the chance to look at that girl now, the one that felt like the world was ending from her first heartbreak, the one who had trusted her very fresh heart for love to a guy who knew how to make putty out of people and didn't know how to handle holding one- I would've come up to her and slap her. Make her come to her senses.

Harsh truths are far more merciful than glossy, sweet lies.

A day after, with my senses full, not shadowed by wine or hunger or pity for a boy whose heart I shouldn't even console, I regretted planting that little bit of comment. Though we didn't say anything else after- you couldn't really blame the guy, but he had left not soon after. He said he wasn't hungry, just wanted to be alone.

I was sure he was just going to wallow by himself, like what I did, and again, I was far too busy to care about anything else to really think about the way he looked as he left...

Surely... he wouldn't think of it as trying to get back at Els?

The thought churned unpleasantly in my stomach.

"Shit."

I hauled the bustier I was meding, carefully packing it away and leaving my name on it, then I took my bag and set off to find Claudia. She could help me decipher whether our Bucky Choi would be inspired by my little comment.

It wasn't hard to find Claudia.

Sometimes, she even finds me first.

She hit my shoulder with her own as she matched my step. It was sometime before lunch now, two classes down for me including getting complimented for my eco-friendly fashion presentation, which left me in a good mood despite the little nagging thought.

She analyzed me thoughtfully, watching for signs of- honestly, I had no idea. But she nodded nevertheless. "So... about- "

" - I might've planted a pretty bad idea in his mind," I blurted.

She stopped, checked my face again, and sighed. "Tell me everything."

And so I did. Truthfully, there wasn't a lot to tell. There was a lot of silence and drinking wine after I had told him. Then he was gone and I stayed to finish my meal. Though I did get a lot of pitying looks from other tables. One of them even went so far as to come up to me, patted my arm, and muttered about young men nowadays. Very rude. Leaving a lady all by herself... I was even sent a slice of a fashionable blueberry cheesecake. It was pea-sized enough that I could digest it with the thick amount of steak I devoured.

I had talked, she had listened, and we both walked to the truck stops. The school opened up a section for them in between two buildings. With enough complaints (7,000 signatures as a matter of fact), the school gave up enough budget for a few tents and some tables and chairs.

As we came around the corner, I was finished and Ross Beauchard, one of our little friends, was already at our usual table, waving as he spotted us. I waved back but Claudia was quiet, swallowing the information as we headed to our favorite taco truck.

Enzo knew what our orders were and winked as we approached. Even behind four people, the ability to still flirt despite the space between was a considerable feat.

I sighed. If only I wasn't on sabbatical...

Audie opened her phone's camera to check her lipstick. "Oh, you can't go after Enzo anymore."

"What? Why?"

"He's gay," Claudia muttered without much interest. Too much apathy for a reply.

"Aw, really? But what's with the winking?"

"Apparently he does that for the female customers. He knows he's good looking. We all know he flirts with anyone, but apparently Ross already claimed that ass."

"Who's ass?" We moved ahead, and Enzo had our orders ready. He inquired with a charming smile.

Claudia paid exactly and smiled just as charming. Then her expression turned flat. "Yours. By Ross. Try again next time, maus, and maybe at least offer to pay for the first date, hm?"

At his shocked stare, we spun and left. He called after us, but Claudia didn't mind, already unwrapping her tin foil.

"That was harsh," I commented. "He might not have come out yet."

"Oh, he did. When he blew me off. To get to Ross. Apparently, he's already well known in other places but this school. I didn't care that he was gay, or that he immediately left as soon as Ross answered his call, but I do mind jackasses."

"Ah."

Claudia was sweet and logical. She believed in the best in people and she was sensible... until you break her trust. Or her heart. And then there was nothing more you can hope, but when she does get back at you, she'll be a little bit more merciful.

So far that hasn't happened.

"Hello, ladies." Ross, vain and beautiful and incredibly drool-worthy Ross, waved his fingers as he continued to take some sort of nap with a huge bag of sour cream potato chips as his pillow.

"Move, we have a crisis."

"What crisis?"

"It's not a crisis," I assured him, then looked at Claudia, stomach twisting. "Is it really a crisis?" Shit.

Claudia shook her head, smiling a little. "No. I just needed fat ass over here to move his glorious cheekbones so I could have space for my books." She placed not just her bag, but pulled out her laptop and a bunch of books, tearing through her burrito.

Ross narrowed his eyes. "Mean. Want some?" He offered the chips. I only took a handful because I wasn't much of a sour cream fan. I preferred the cheese or the original, but Ross liked it enough to hurt his cheeks, grinning through the impact like a sadist.

His candy of choice during hell week were bags and bags of airheads.

Claudia wholeheartedly ignored it because she refused to eat any type of food that is packed and put in plastic. Then turned to me, eyes big and smart. Plus with glasses and some sort of floral button up, short sleeves, tucked into her jeans and heeled boots - Claudia pretty much looked like some sort of sexy therapist.

"When I said the guy's different from Ella- I meant it. He's kind and sweet and far too innocent for this harsh, harsh world. Full of people like Enzo Ramirez and Ross Beauchard."

"Hey, I already apologized for that." He pouted. "How was I supposed to know you liked him when he went to the club and started hitting on me? Bleak prospects and he liked me, didn't want to end the night so dour. What was I supposed to do?"

"Pants off before wits on, of course," a voice, deadpan and cool, said. None of us turned for the familiarity of Esther Zhang sliding beside Ross, going as far as shoving him until he glared at her. "Tat out before ask out."

Claudia and I snorted, but Ross grinned. "I should write that down, that's good."

Esther turned to him with her usual ardor of deadpan. Her pixie cut hair was getting longer now, pulled to one side in an arch. Her ear showed off her remarkable amount of piercings. With a dark red lip and a loose shirt that was 40% less opaque, Esther Zhang was a force to be reckoned with.

"Anyway," Claudia said aloud before the two could go on a rampage that could go on for hours, turned to me with her fork. "Bucky wouldn't be that type of guy. He probably just wanted to be alone."

"Oh, hey, I heard about that." Esther raised an eyebrow. "What happened to that not-so-date date again?"

The table quieted in anticipation.

I sighed and began painting the events of the night before.

"He sounds kind of sexy," Ross admitted with a lazy smirk as soon as I had finish.

"You did the right thing," was Esther's comment. "Better to slap him with the truth than coddle him."

"Only because you have no heart to speak of," Ross commented.

"And you're a dick."

Claudia ignored the two of them and caught my hand. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure Bucky wouldn't do anything stupid. And either way, Ella went out for the weekend early. Apparently her dad wanted to surprise them for some sort of trip to the Maldives. A reward for everyone in his family working hard." At my expression, she shook her head. "Don't ask. Just stop worrying. I'm sure it's nothing."

"If you want my piece," Ross called out, raising a hand.

Esther snorted. "Because that's always a good thing."

Ross ignored her. "He's just become a victim of our little gang. He just needs a bit of time to compose himself, I'm sure he'll be alright. I've seen him once. Ella introduced me at a party, and I agree with Claudia that he's... shall I say, too kind for the world? But that's so cliche. He just needs time to feel better- in fact, you being blunt might've done him wonders."

Esther snorted again. "Heartbreakers Club strikes again."

Claudia made a face. "Stop calling it a club."

There was a time, sophomore year, when a nasty rumor got around about Ross, then not a few days later, a public altercation that Esther had been in the spotlight of. Not to mention Ella's very public dating history. Of course, we weren't the only ones who had difficulty in the relationship department, but when the people in question are in a friend group, it was so easy to make a satirical laugh at them especially if you can make an inane joke.

Heartbreakers Club being the funniest one there is.

"You can't always ignore the funny rumors about us, Audie love." Claudia winced at Ross' sharp grin. "We're called the Heartbreakers Club for a reason."

The table was silent for a while before Esther spoke in her usual bluntness that eased everyone. "Stop making Heartbreakers Club happen, it's not going to happen."

Ross' sharp smirk turned humorous. "I will if you stop quoting Mean Girls."

Once the joking tone came back, I moved back to my food, trying to regain an appetite as a form of both self-consoling and moving on. If Claudia and Ross could unite in one opinion, I must've done a good thing.

Or not.

Bucky Choi, who I still hope is of sound mind and body- long limbs, sort of long-ish hair, and those angelic features twisted in a resting face - was leaning on my dorm room's door, on the ground with one leg stretched and one knee up.

I slowed, despite every bone in my body telling me I should walk past with a held chin, get to the emergency exit, and disappear.

But before I could seriously contemplate the exit, he spotted me and stood up. He was gangly in movements, like a puppet being pulled for a fresh show. Looked more human this way, which I appreciated and despised him for.

The more human he appeared to me, the more he was removing himself as Ella's ex to Bucky Choi in my head.

With a raised chin and the most soft look in his eyes- this, I marked as bravery and plead, all at the same time - he said, "I need your help."

German translations. . .

maus = mouse.