-------------------

"It doesn't mean much, it doesn't mean anything at all

The life I've left behind me, is a cold room

I've crossed the last line, from where I can't return

Where every step I took in faith betrayed me

And led me from my home"

-------------------

The eery candlelight flickered, leaving the elf in an unsteady bath of light. He lounged in his chair as he drew his eyes around his room dismissively, focusing only slightly on his disheveled surroundings. Lazily, he touched the bottle's lip to his own and took a swig.

Another night in quiet, he thought. An entire week since Hawke had forced him to stay under virtual house arrest. He took another swig and savored the taste.

It tasted like something he knew well; a gentle and caring flavor. He brought the bottle to his nose and took a light, prolonged whiff. The soft scent of embrium tickled his senses and filled him with a sense of longing.

His heart ached...and it was times like these when he wondered most...why was it that he had walked out on you that night, even when he could have stayed? Hesitance and fear had engulfed him, he knew, but even that would not usually make him act so brashly. Even through the uncertainty in his mind, he wondered...why?

Even he, the holder of the emotions was unable to comprehend the meaning behind his actions that night or fully understand why he regretted them so much.

Perhaps it had been the sudden flooding back of his memories or maybe it was that the idea of attaining something he had yearned for from far away for so long was too much...and it scared him...maybe he had been in denial and refused to believe he had the capacity to love a mage.

He had given her a reason, but even he didn't know if it was the truth.

Silently, he sat as the delicate aroma surrounded him. A chill ran down his spine and he swallowed thickly, eyes closed as he led a hand to his protruding groin. "...Hawke..." he groaned softly, breath hitching in his throat.

Opening his eyes, he almost expected her to be right there. Yet contrary to his expectations, his eyes met only with the candle-lit ceiling. He quietly uttered a curse and once again lifted the bottle to drink.

To think only the smell and taste of her could make him like this...it made him scoff at himself. For him to be in love with a mage: someone he abhorred so much?

It was preposterous.

But it was happening.

He ran his fingers through his ghostly hair and slumped in his seat. "How ironic that the one I long for would be a mage of all things...to think that magic would corrupt even my heart..."

Reaching for another bottle, he popped the cork and sipped. Tonight, he would drown himself in spirits -- for nothing else would ease his incessant longing.

-----

The bottle shattered on the floor, his grip now too lax to hold anything properly. Slowly, he leaned forward and sprawled himself on the table.

How much wine had he drank? How long had he been drinking?

How long would it be before she released him from her spell?

He heard a noise and turned his head towards it. There, he saw her silhouette in his doorway, walking towards him as his consciousness hazed in and out.

With great difficulty, he lifted himself off the table and reached for another bottle next to where he sat. "Don't you think you've had enough to drink, Fenris?" you asked, picking up one of the many empty bottle scattered on the floor. "Your floor's covered in empty bottles."

Squinting slightly at the bottle in his hand, he reverted to his original sitting position and removed the cork. "No," he answered, drinking once again, "there's not nearly enough wine in the world to satisfy my thirst."

Taking note of his odd behavior, you pulled up a seat on the other side of his table. "...Then...are you mad?" you asked him softly.

His response took longer than usual and you were left to stare at him in the candle glow. "Is there reason not to be?" he retorted finally, retaining a collected front through the alcohol. "You have locked me in this mansion with magic, allowing only yourself passage in or out." He stood, placing the bottle on the table and flicking his eyes up at you. "Magic corrupts everything it touches -- you are no exception, Hawke. Your innocence is merely a mask you use to hide the abomination you truly are...you are the same as them -- you are a mage." He now stood over you, staring down at what he saw to be something evil. "No mage can escape what they truly are," he murmured, diverting his eyes from yours, "you have proven it to me..."

"Fenris..." you whispered pleadingly, reaching out for his arm.

"And yet," he continued, as if your voice and actions were merely illusions, "I feel as if I couldn't be without you."

Surprised, your eyes darted to his. His gaze was so resolute, it made you doubt whether he was really drunk. "...Wh-what do you mean...?" you finally stuttered.

Surely Fenris remembered that night...he had to. After all, you wouldn't be able to forget it; not now, not ever. He was the one that walked out on you that night, saying that he couldn't do it...so why was he saying these things?

"...It is a feeling I am unable to explain," he stated, beginning to pace around the room, "I've thought about it, but nothing comes to mind other than something I thought...impossible..." He paused in front of you before moving his lips once more. "I would never have considered this before, but...you have changed me, Hawke...because of you, I have done things I never thought possible, fought for people I would have slaughtered...and fallen in love with one of them..."

You watched his forest-green eyes glide to yours from under his snow-white eyelashes as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours softly.

After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled away and you dreamily opened your eyes. "...You're drunk, Fenris," you whispered, smiling shyly to conceal the blush surfacing on your cheeks.

"You'd be surprised, the things that happen when I am," he replied smugly, running his fingers through your hair and brushing the tips against his lips, "there are things best saved for when you're drunk...things you'd usually refrain from doing because of reason; things you'd usually justify."

"Like confessing your love to a mage?"

He chuckled a little. "Yes..." he murmured, "Exactly like that..."

Trailing off, he let your hair feather from his fingers before standing up straight. "Before..." he began, taking a deep breath before continuing. "That night...the reason I left -- it really wasn't because of you...I...It overwhelmed me...the memories, the anxiety, the fear...I-I couldn't take it...I -- The possibility that I could love a mage, the flooding back of my memories..." He stared into his palm, then crumpled it into a fist as he tore his eyes away. "...I was afraid...not only because you are a mage but also because of my feelings...I have...never experienced them before. To me, these emotions are something to be feared." He paused, lowering his gaze. "Never before have I thought of a person the way I think of you...you are the first I have allowed so close...and it frightens me..."

Gingerly, you wrapped your hands around his and kneeled before him. "We can work through this," you assured him, "I know it."

"...Twice have you offered me those words," he informed you, an awkward smile grasping his lips, "my thoughts were in disarray last time, but now it feels...reassuring. Perhaps what you say is true: we can work through this...and I am willing to try."

Once again, he leaned down, this time lifting your chin as he led you into a kiss. "Wait," you interjected, stopping his lips with your finger, "you won't forget about this in the morning, will you? I don't want to be the only one who remembers when you don't..."

"There are things even alcohol cannot dull -- this night is one of them."

You smiled, removing your finger from his lips. "You aren't really drunk, are you...?"

All you received was a husky chuckle in response.

-------------------

"You take me in, no questions asked

You strip away the ugliness, that surrounds me

Are you an angel? Am I already that gone?

I only hope that I won't disappoint you

When I'm down here on my knees"

-------------------

Silently, he carried you to the bed despite your joking offer to carry him. It was almost unbearable, yet neither felt the need to speak.

He gently placed you on the messy bed sheets coated with mixed scents of him and embrium. The overpowering scent of the flower revealed much about what he had been doing alone for the past seven days.

You stared up at him with guilt, yet it was quickly swept away as he carefully caressed your face. Allowing a smile to surface, he took your hand in his.

Here he was again, gazing deep into your soul with his captivating foresty eyes that made you wonder if this was reality. You slipped your arms around his neck and slowly placed your head beside his, embracing him. You wanted to affirm his existence -- to make sure that he was real...that it wasn't just a dream. You wanted to be assured that he wouldn't disappear again; that he wouldn't leave. He wasn't going to walk out of your life as he pleased. He'd promised and you believed he wouldn't betray your trust.

Distancing yourself slightly, your hands traced the lyrium tattoos glowing under his armor, your mind secretly relishing in the familiar heat. They pulsed lightly at your touch, faded blue glowing more radiant each time as though they could sense the magic running through your veins.

Your eyes followed the intense glow to his own as you drank him in and you noticed a stirring lust in them, clear despite the intoxication. The intensity of his gaze almost made you want to turn away ashamed, but the lingering desire imprisoned you...made something inside you shiver.

The first word spoken was his name: "Fenris". It was different from how it normally sounded when it escaped your lips. It was filled with such desire...such impatience...such needy yearning. It sent chills down his spine. So gentle was the sound, so fiery was the passion, so beautiful was the voice...if falling to temptation was a sin, then he would gladly travel to the Void and back just to hear it once again.

His hand brushed against your face, tangled in your hair, then slowly drew you closer to him until your lips touched. They parted, letting the first hesitant slip of tongue through before the kiss deepened and your tongues intertwined in longing passion. How long had you yearned for this?

Pulling him closer, you felt his hand probe at your collar, unfasten your robes and lightly drag along your bare skin. The sensation ran shivers down your spine and you, too, began to slip off his armor impatiently, feeling for buckles and buttons in the midst of heat and fervent kisses. One piece of armor slipped, then two, until there was no more separating you from one another.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, you breathed, letting your foreheads meet as you caught your breath. Your mind was an absolute mess and where your clothes were now was a mere afterthought floating at the back of your head. Hands skimming against the glowing blue once more, you felt a racing heart beat -- one you weren't sure to whom it belonged -- that swept away everything in your mind but him. You could see the way his eyes glinted with desperation and feel the way his lips curled ever so slightly with every move your hands made on his flesh. His breath staggered each time your nails lingered and his body tensed as if each movement was being engraved upon him. If there was ever a need for a spell that could make a moment last forever...Maker, it was now.

You wanted this moment to last forever and something in his expression made you sure he wanted that, too. Although somewhere in your heart you feared that it would turn out like before, you couldn't bring yourself to care. There was too much in this moment that you wouldn't mind dying for if it meant being with him even just one more time.

"It feels like a fool's request," he whispered quietly, expression soft and eyes slowly meeting yours from beneath his snowy lashes, "to ask that a moment last for eternity...but perhaps I would forgive even magic if it could make this one."

For him to forgive all his past hurts for this one moment...even he found himself wondering how he had let your existence grow this much in his heart. As he saw you smile from his words, his heart soared with a joy he had never felt before and once again, he found himself wondering how one person could bring him so much happiness and overshadow the pain of his past. He'd grown sentimental over the years...and he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

"...Then I guess we're both fools," you replied gently, "because I want nothing more than to be with you like this."

There were no words to describe how you felt and definitely none for what you had felt for the past three years. "I love you," you told him almost inaudibly, "I've loved you for all these years and I'm happy that you feel the same...all that waiting was definitely worth it."

You gave him a small smile, earning one in return, and placed your lips on his. His tongue gently slid into your mouth and once again, your mind went blank. Soon, moans and breathy grunts filled the room. Every muscle's tension became more vivid. With every move, the muscles tightened in your back. With every breath, your chest quivered and with every touch, your body twisted and turned with immense pleasure. You felt his hands glide along your skin, ghosting over all the right places and firmly pressing on others.

Somewhere in your mind, you were sure that Fenris had been born with the talent of pleasuring a woman effortlessly and when you looked at his face, you were only reassured.

A gasp escaped your lips when his fingers found the bud of flesh above your entrance and you couldn't stop yourself from writhing and moaning as he teased it relentlessly. His name escaped your lips like a mantra making it so that even one such as he found it hard to hold back. He felt like a child -- so incapable of holding back his desires -- but he couldn't gather the will to care.

"...Haw...ke..." he muttered, the usually smooth pronunciation of your name broken by arousal.

It had been so long since he last touched you. So long since last he tried to convince himself that you were something he could not have -- something he could not long for -- and having you tremble under him like this was nothing short of a dream. He could feel his emotions welling up in the midst of lust, driving his fingers to your entrance in a messy haze of desire.

Your breath staggered as they rubbed and ghosted over your moist center, each movement making you wetter than the last. Hands on his back, you unconsciously pulled him closer.

You wanted more.

And he was happy to give it.

Mirroring your yearning, he pumped one finger in and out, deeper and harder with each entry. You could hear your arousal against his finger and a slight blush rose to your cheeks at how wet you were. Embarrassed, you shifted to hide your flushed cheeks by the crook of his neck.

Fenris must have noticed because a moment after, you felt his lips on your cheek, tongue tracing a trail toward your ear, coercing a soft moan from your lips. "...It's...a little late...to be embarrassed, isn't it, Hawke...?" he whispered brokenly with a quiet chuckle, confirming your suspicions.

Certainly, it was. With no words to retort, you felt the blush on your cheeks deepen. "Oh...shu...sh..." you whimpered weakly, pouting as much as you could manage. "I...ah! Can be...as embar...rassed as I...want..."

You'd always felt naked around Fenris with how he could see through your actions, but when his bare skin was resting on yours, there was always that extra something that made your stomach flutter even more than usual -- especially when he was touching places nobody else knew. These were the only times you could lay yourself bare when you weren't used to doing so and throw away all the responsibilities of the real world. So yes, you were embarrassed...but it wasn't exactly like you hated it. On the contrary, you actually liked it a lot...

Suddenly, your stream of thought was interrupted as Fenris jerked his fingers up inside you. A surge of pleasure ran through you and you let out a garbled moan. You pressed yourself against him, turning your head to nuzzle his earlobe as a distraction.

His hot breath blew against the back of your neck and you ran your nails along his spine in ecstasy. He trembled and stiffened at your touch, hot breath staggering and catching in his throat even more than before.

"Hawke..." he breathed coarsely, placing a soft kiss on the side of your neck.

You understood what that breath meant -- you couldn't wait any longer, either. "Fenris," you breathlessly replied, "I want you..."

Swallowing thickly, he drew back, pulling his fingers out of you, instead wrapping them around his member. You grasped his hand in yours and guided him to your wet center. Feeling the tip of his arousal touch your moistness, you couldn't help but run your teeth over your bottom lip and shudder.

For a moment, the only thing that could be heard was the overlap of bated breaths, bodies tingling with anticipation. Then, a sharp gasp escaped your lips as he slid in. He grit his teeth gingerly, grunting, and took a deep breath...you were finally reconnected.

He pushed into you little by little, breath heavy with concentration. Looking into his eyes, you smiled, receiving a small grin in return. Gradually, he began to move. It was slow at first, both of you grimacing from the pleasure, yet not satisfied with stopping there. The pace of his thrusts slowly increased -- bodies getting closer and closer as he slid in and out faster and faster, earning cries of immense pleasure and desire. You shared messy kisses, hands pulling the other toward you -- struggling to get even closer. Even with him plunging in and out of you, heat mingling with yours, the distance still felt immeasurable. Desperately -- as if trying to meld with one another -- you pressed your bodies as close as they would get. You called each others names as if in a trance, nails and fingers digging into the other's flesh in a flurry of longing.

It was as if the world never existed. All you could feel was each other. All you could smell was his familiar scent. All you could hear was your names in your ears, shrouded in a symphony of arousal. The world didn't matter -- not at this moment -- reality be damned.

Fenris led his mouth down your neck to your collarbone, passionately kissing every inch. Meanwhile, you ran your hand up his spine, caressing his neck and settling in his hair. Moans escaped your lips; eager groans escaping his. You could feel the mounting tension in his body, tantamount to your own. The intermingled breaths grew strained with each inhalation, a tell-tale sign that both parties were reaching their limit. Each thrust more prominent than the last, every breath grew shallower with anticipation and inability to focus on anything but the intense pleasure. Unintelligible garbles flowed from your lips and his alike, reaching a peak together with the thrusting of his hips. Your bodies arched with tension, twisting and turning ever so slightly into the other. Your teeth caught your bottom lip and you gnawed on it in an unconscious attempt to stifle your cry.

When you had reached the end of your climax, Fenris pulled out of you and both of you collapsed tiredly, trying to catch your breath. You were exhausted, but it was different from the kind experienced after battle. It was so calming and feeling Fenris's weight against you, you couldn't help but smile. You wrapped your arms around him gently and felt him do the same. You felt at peace in his arms.

So much had happened lately, you hadn't been sure if you would be able to resolve anything, but knowing that Fenris would be by your side once again...gave you the confidence you needed to face it all. Nestled in his arms, you slowly, softly drifted into a peaceful sleep, finally free from all your insecurities.

------------

"Sweet surrender

Is all that I have to give

Sweet surrender

is all that I have to give"

--------------------