I pride myself in being an upbeat person. No matter what troubles I faced in the past, I always did my best to stay positive like my parents taught me. Those two are the definition of sunshine and constantly have rainbows shooting out of their asses so it's only fitting that I'm the same.

But these days it's like there's a constant dark cloud hanging over my head.

I'm officially a month into my move to California and it's nothing like I thought it would be. Not by a long shot. I haven't made a single friend, my bakery is in the absolute dumps, and this city doesn't feel anything like home. I just feel so...alone.

Admittedly, I also feel like a failure. I remember being in my teens and early twenties and having no clue how to handle life or knowing where mine would end up. My only consolation was that I'd have it figured out when I was in my thirties. I'd have it all put together, you know? Steady job, a boyfriend or a husband, maybe kids, and flourishing in all aspects. But I've come to learn that your thirties are nothing more than a repeat of your twenties, just with more knowledge and independence. I can't believe I used to think of thirty-year-olds as adults who had everything figured out. Ha. Talk about a scam.

Because the truth is I don't have anything figured out. I don't know if my bakery is going to make it or if I'll be forced to shut it down. I don't know if I can handle being away from all my family and friends in Minnesota anymore. I don't know how much longer I can wake up everyday with a lump in my throat because I have nothing to look forward to. I'm swimming in this in between of unanswered questions and loneliness and it makes me feel nothing like the adult I am. I just feel lost, like I want someone to hold my hand and figure things out for me while I take a break. But the thing about being an adult is you can't catch one and you are the only one that can save yourself.

My shoes pound against the pavement with each step I take, running steadily. I breathe through my nose, exhale through my mouth, and try to concentrate on the beat of the song blasting in my ears. I run as if I'm trying to leave my problems behind and maybe I am. But I can't no matter how fast I go so I just go faster because I'm not ready to accept that yet. I'm not ready to accept that I'm the only one whose life is falling apart while everybody else is holding steady. Talk about the suck of all sucks.

"Sierra!"

I make a face, taking out one earphone and looking at it as if it just spoke to me. I'm pretty sure I just heard my name. Then I try to figure out if my name was in the song or my subconscious made me believe someone was calling me, because it tends to do that a lot when I'm listening to music and I hate it.

I put the bud back in again and pick up my pace once more. It's another few seconds of nothing until—

"Sierra!"

"Damn!" I take out both my earphones and stop my run short, panting heavily in the middle of the park trail. "What! What do you want from me! You might as well take a piece of me too, buddy!"

In hindsight I realize how crazy I look, shouting at my earphones in the quiet San Francisco streets, but I'm too fed up to care. I've reached an end of my limit I didn't even know existed.

"Sierra?"

"Ahhh!" I jump about a feet in the air and turn around, gaping at Holden who's making a face that says he's less than impressed. His eyes flick between me and the earphones I'm clutching in my hands and I feel my face grow warm self-consciously. "Stop doing that, Satan!"

I swear for a moment his mouth twitches at the use of my nickname for him. Though I refuse to label it as a nickname because nicknames are supposed to be cute and Holden is anything but. "Stop doing what?"

"Sneaking up on me and making me look stupid!"

"I'm pretty sure you've got that second part covered without my help."

I growl low in my throat. Ass-face. Without another word I give him my back, moving into a light jog so I don't have to deal with him. It's too early for his shit.

"Wait," I hear him call and a moment later he falls into step with me. That's when I notice he's also in running gear and keeps up with me no problem. He grabs my shoulder to stop me and makes me face him. "Wait. That was uncalled for."

I feel the way my brows jump to match the incredulity I feel. "Look at that—the first decent thing you've said to me all month. Are you dying or something? I should be so lucky."

The muscle in his jaw does that pulsing thing again that—admittedly—is hot, but this time he doesn't look angry. Kind of amused. "I need to talk to you."

"You don't," I respond evenly. "We have nothing to say each other. You made that clear three weeks ago. Bye now."

"Sierra." His hold on my shoulder tightens before I can move away and I huff, smacking it off. His hands go up. "I just need a minute."

"No," I say slowly, like I'm talking to a toddler. Hell, I kind of am. "N-o, Holden. Is that too complex for you? Noooooo."

He's definitely not amused anymore. More like exasperated. "Sierra."

He takes a step forward and I have no idea what happens to me. Something about his proximity triggers my flight or fight response. And since I can't fight for shit, I take off running.

Like, I legit run away from him.

A full-on sprint as if my ass is on fire and Holden is holding a bottle of gasoline. It's so dramatic but hey, it works.

Until I hear him running after me.

"Sierra!" His voice sounds incredulous, the sound of his feet drawing closer. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Get away from me!" I yell back, running faster. I have no doubt how stupid we both look. We're the only ones on this park trail and the sun is barely up. Yet we're both running as if we're auditioning for The Fast and the Furious and it's not six in the freaking morning.

"Are you kidding me with this shit?" He sounds out of breath but still too close for comfort. "You're acting like a goddamn child!"

"Fuck you too, buddy!"

God, how long is this trail? How can it still be going on?

I just want to make it to my apartment and lock myself in there before Holden can get to me. Because then I'd have to admit how dramatic and dumb I'm being and be forced to have an adult conversation about it. No, thanks. I think I've established I've had enough of adulting.

"Come back, Sierra!"

"No!"

"Damn it," I hear Holden growl just as I'm about to round one corner.

The next thing I know a pair of big arms lock around my waist and then my body hits the grass, my breath knocking out of me. It doesn't hurt though. Despite the fall it was calculated enough that my body was maneuvered in a way that didn't take the entire impact. It wasn't a fall at all, actually. It was a very skilled tackle.

I was just fucking tackled. By Minnesota's golden boy.

What. The. Shit.

"You dick!" I screech and elbow Holden's ribs. He grunts but that's as far as my damage goes. "I can't believe you just tackled me!"

"I can't believe you fucking ran away." He grabs my flailing hands and pins them down beside my head, seething above me. "What is wrong with you?"

He asked a question. He so, totally asked a question. But my mind is drawing up all kinds of blanks here because I'm sort of internally gawking.

Holden is on top of me. He's literally on top of me.

His knees are braced beside my hips to lock me in place, his chest and face inches away from my own. His hair is kind of sweaty and falling over his forehead, briefly obscuring those blazing eyes directed at me. And he's panting so hard I can feel his warm breath flutter across my face every couple of seconds. It smells minty and clean and it's coming from a mouth that's unfairly plush for a dude. Why does he have such nice lips? Why does he have such nice everything? He was always good-looking but now it's just bizarre how fine he is and there's no denying that given how close we are right now.

"If I let go, will you run?" His next questions snaps me out of it. I really need to pull it together.

"Yes," I deadpan.

His fingers twitch where they're circled around my wrists. "Then I guess I'm not letting go."

"Wow. Good plan. Just hold me down on the grass while we wait for kids and families to show up. Imagine that. Hey, Mommy! Why do those two adults look like they're humping? Great conversation."

Holden's eyes fall shut and he pulls in a deep breath. I'm pretty sure he counts to three under his breath but I can't be certain. When his eyes re-open it's obvious he's forcing himself to be as calm as this situation allows.

"I'm trying to apologize to you." The words come gritted out like he's in pain. All I can do is blink at him, wondering if I heard that right.

"Say what, Satan?"

"That day in your bakery...I may have overreacted a little bit."

My mouth falls open, drawing his gaze down to it. But I only have room to process one thing at a time so I replay his words over and over again until they make sense. But they don't. They won't.

"Let me get this straight," I start. "You're...admitting you were wrong?"

"Yes," He manages through clenched teeth, meeting my eyes again.

"And you're saying that you're trying to apologize to me right now?"

"Yes."

"And you thought chasing me down at the crack ass of dawn in an empty park and tackling me like you're Ted Bundy was the way to do that?"

He curses under his breath and abruptly lets me go. Then he leans back on his haunches in a sitting position and looks away, breathing hard. "You make it sound so morbid. I run in the morning and saw you, saw an opportunity to apologize. But we spoke not even two words and you literally ran away from me. Who the hell does that?"

He kind of has a point. I'm not that far up my own ass that I can't admit how unnecessarily dramatic that was.

"You caught me by surprise," I try to defend myself anyway.

"And my presence registered thirty seconds into our conversation?"

"What can I say? I wrote you off so completely that even you being in front of me doesn't make sense."

I only meant it as a joke but Holden frowns like he took that personally. Before I can clarify, he moves on. "What I said was out of line. My reaction even more so. I could have handled that better."

"So you didn't mean it?"

"I did," He shrugs, honest as ever. "It just wasn't the way to go about it."

Okay. That still kind of stings. But if he can be an adult about this, so can I. I settle on a nod. "Well...apology accepted, I guess."

He nods too and scratches the light scruff on his face. "Sawyer suggested I make it up to you."

He did, huh? Suddenly his apology makes a lot more sense and I raise a brow. "Did he also suggest you apologize?"

"Yes." More unfiltered honesty. "But nobody makes me to do anything I don't want to do so it was still my choice."

All that arrogance. I change the subject. "And how do you plan on making it up to me?"

"I did think of something but it's more like an exchange of favours. A deal."

"Wow. Even your apologies are negotiations, huh, Mr. Sports Agent?"

He ignores that remark. "I saw an opportunity and now I'd like to run it by you."

"What is it?" I cross my arms protectively. I can't help it. This is the first decent conversation we've had in decades and it's freaking me the hell out.

"The company I work for holds a lot of events for the athletes we sign. Things like charities and galas and red-carpet type banquets. We have one coming up next month and it's a pretty big deal. Point is, you could use a big deal for your business so I want you to cater the dessert table."

The surprises just won't stop with the devil today. I'm pretty sure my mouth has taken permanent residency on the floor. "You...you want to hire Sierra's Sweets?"

"Yeah." His tone is serious enough to suggest he's not kidding around. "There will be a specific theme and the order is going to be huge but those are all details we can follow up on another time. But are you interested?"

Am I interested? Of course I'm interested! It's on the tip of my tongue to say yes but...I hesitate. Because doing this means accepting help and I promised myself I would make it on my own here. I promised that I would exercise my full and total independence like the grown up I am and Holden's offer is starting to feel like a charity case the more I think about it. And I know that's exactly what this is—me overthinking it. But I can't help feeling like a puppy kicked into traffic and I hate that it's Satan of all people saving my ass. I don't want to owe the jerk anything or work for him for that matter.

"Well?" He pushes impatiently. He looks exasperated, like he can't believe I'd be dumb enough not to take this offer. Like he's doing me a favour. It is a favour but I don't want it to feel like one. I don't want his pity after I've made a fool of myself in front of him time and time again. Not to mention, he hasn't exactly been a swell guy this past month. All these icky feelings admittedly overshadow my logic.

"No," I find myself saying. My brain is going off like a siren, warning me of how stupid I'm being. I ignore it and smile politely. "No. I'm good."

I leave him gaping as I get to my feet and brush the grass off my legs, heading back on the trail and walking to my apartment. Every bone in my body is forcing me to turn around and stop being petty but pride is a powerful thing. Holden has always had this way of making me feel less than him and after the shitty month I've had, I don't want to be in his debt on top of it all. He said it's an exchange of favours but knowing him he'd hold this above my head for as long as he could. I'm going to make it someday but I would much rather do it without his involvement or help. Holden Rey is not about to taint baking for me too.

"Sierra." He catches up to me easily enough. The trails give way to the busy city streets and then we're both on the sidewalk that leads to our apartment building. I can't believe I just used our adjacent to Holden. Gag.

"Nope," I interrupt him before he can say anything else.

I walk up the short steps leading to the front lobby and make my way inside, bee-lining for the elevators.

"You're being unreasonable," Holden says from beside me. "Don't be stupid enough to pass this up."

"Calling me stupid isn't the way to get me to agree," I snap. "You must not be as good a negotiator as you think."

The elevator doors open and I step inside, Holden hot on my heels. I press the button to our floor—another our, urgh—and watch the numbers change as we go up. I can feel Holden's stare on me.

"What is this about?" He demands, finally breaking the silence. "Why do you always have to put up a fight when it comes to me?"

I was planning on ignoring him but no way can I do that now. I gawk at him. "Are you kidding me, Holden? Why do you always have to make it about yourself? I said no and that doesn't require an explanation."

"Except it does because I could see in your eyes how badly you wanted to take the deal. So what gives?"

I hate that he's talking about me like he knows me. It makes me feel irrationally defensive so I go back to ignoring him, grateful when the doors open once more and I feel like I can breathe. This time Holden lets me go and stays far behind as I unlock the door to my apartment and close it behind me, leaning against it before sinking to the floor.

I'm so stupid. So, so stupid. I just...don't know how to accept his help when he's proved time and time again that I can't depend on him. Now I'm seeing him after twelve years and what? I just blindly put my trust in him and believe he's being genuine about this? I don't know him anymore. I may have known him once upon a time but a lot has changed in twelve years and he's the equivalent to a stranger for me. A stranger that I have rocky history with so yeah, accepting his help isn't as easy as it looks. I don't care how dumb I must look. It's just how I feel and I can't help it.

There's a noise above my head and then a piece of paper flutters down into my lap. I lift the card up, turning it around and seeing Holden's name in bold letters on the front. It's his business card and he's circled his number in pen. Below it is a simple statement: just call.

I don't know if I will. Don't know if I want to. But I hold on to the card anyway because...crazier things have happened. Right?

__________________________

A/N

Sierra is so relatable to me. I have so much trouble accepting help from others, especially if they're someone I don't know I can depend on. I've been where she is so I find myself relating to her so much!

Also, these two kill me. It's literally always on sight for them the way they fight.

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Happy Reading :)