~Emerald~

autodidact /●n. a self-taught person

Life had taught me that expectations lead to disappointments.

But I was an autodidact in learning that listening to your turncoat heart is even more dangerous to your emotional health.

I wish I hadn't put my job and my reputation at stake, just like that. Just for him. He was nobody.

Yet the feeling of not pursuing what my heart wanted, made me feel like I was betraying myself.

~Kaylen~

"Daddy," I whispered into the phone.

"Hey, baby," he whispered back, speaking each word softly and with so much care and love.

"I can't--"

"Shh. Just put the phone on speaker and pull up the sheets," he said.

I smiled despite the gloomy state of mind I was in and did as he told. Putting the phone on speaker and keeping it on half-an-arm's length from my pillow, I pulled the blanket over myself and closed my eyes, just as my dad's sweet voice entered my ears.

"Lullaby, and good night, in the skies stars are bright.
May the moon's silvery beams bring you sweet dreams.
Close your eyes now and rest, may these hours be blessed.
'Til the sky's bright with dawn, when you wake with a yawn.

Lullaby, and good night, you are daddy's delight.
I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms.

Sleepyhead, close your eyes, for I'm right beside you.
Guardian angels are near, so sleep without fear.
Lullaby, and good night, with roses bedight.
Lilies o'er head, lay thee down in thy bed.

Lullaby, and good night, you are daddy's delight.
I'll protect you from harm, and you'll wake in my arms.

Lullaby, and sleep tight, my darling sleeping.
On sheets white as cream, with a head full of dreams.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes, I'm right beside you.
Lay thee down now and rest, may your slumber be blessed.

Go to sleep, little one, think of puppies and kittens.
Go to sleep, little one, think of butterflies in spring.
Go to sleep, little one, think of sunny bright mornings.
Hush, darling one, sleep through the night,
Sleep through the night,
Sleep through the night."

Halfway through the third time he sung, my tears were dried and I was out like a little child.

~

"He's hot," I heard someone whisper from behind me as I sat in the class, next to my friend, Stella.

"He really is," said Stella, whispering so only I could hear and then finally looked up from my book to the man in front.

Mr. Blake.

He was so gay. And hot.

He literally came on to me, throwing his lips over mine, as if begging me to take him right there and then. If he hadn't pushed me away, I think I would've done just that.

It wasn't expected at all though. That guy was rumored to be dating Prof. Christie a couple of weeks ago. Then how could he suddenly want to make out with me? Oh well, he could've been bi, pan, or a closet case. Who knows? And I was an autodidact in knowing that one should stay away from the questioning ones. In my case, it wasn't because I could get my heart broken—my heart was smart enough to not get involved—but because I didn't want to have them spread rumours about me. It had happened to me once in school and I wasn't very keen on having history repeated.

Mr. Blake seemed like he regretted that little kiss we shared, or maybe wasn't into being a sub because he snapped as soon as I trapped him against the wall. But I wasn't crying over him. I could get a similar (or better) submissive for myself.

It had been a while I had gone over to the club anyway. I could use a good lay and there was no issue in even hiring someone since my allowance was pretty nice.
It wasn't really an 'allowance' since I actually worked for it. Ever since papa took over grandpa's architectural firm after his death two years ago, he had been making me help him in designs and stuff and I got a hike in my allowance in return.

Coming to my sex life, I wasn't a heart-breaker, unlike what my papa used to be as I had figured out from the stories dad kept telling us every now and then. I always made it clear to my bed buddies that there would be no strings attached. So it was a win-win situation, no problems at all. I didn't want to end up my like my father. That was my worst nightmare.

He fell in love, only to realise he couldn't handle it. So I deduced that it would be better for me if I didn't let myself fall in love. I couldn't take responsibilities; especially someone else's.

~

I wanted to go to the club. I so wanted to go to the club but the only three friends I had— Stella, Marcus and James— dragged me to this party. I had whined and protested my best but they promised they'll find me someone to have in bed, so I gave in.

Now I was leaning against a wall in the corner, sipping on my beer while everybody was dancing and grinding and smoking stuff.

"Hey," I heard a cute voice say and looked to my left but found no-one. Then suddenly someone tugged at my pants and I looked down to find a small little boy who was probably only five years old.

"Hey, there." I greeted, bending down to his height with a chuckle, wondering what he was doing at such an adult party.

"Can you help me find Mandy?" He asked, looking a little troubled.

"Who's Mandy?" I asked him.

"She's my friend. This is her house." He said, glancing at the surrounding with a little frightened look in his eyes. Any kid would get terrified by this kind of a party.

"Wait right here," I told him and walked over to Stella who was busy talking to a girl animatedly in the middle of dancing drunk guys who were eyeing both of them hungrily.

"Stella," I called, tapping her on the shoulder and making her turn to me.
"Do you know a Mandy here?"

She shook her head with a thoughtful face then spoke, "Michael's sister's name is Mandy," she said.

"Now who's Michael?" I sighed.

"The guy whose house we're partying in," she said, rolling her eyes and turning back to her friend.

I went back to the boy who was still there, looking around nervously.
"Hey, are you sure she's in this house right now?" I asked.

"Yeah, she invited me." He said, now a little angry.

"Well, I guess she didn't know her brother will have his friends over. Where's your house?"

"Next block," he replied, wiggling his way through the mass, out to the gate. I followed.

"Aren't your parents going to pick you up?" I questioned.

"My dad doesn't know," he sighed and stopped at the gate. For a moment he stood there, looking out at the eleven o'clock dark street. He was afraid.

"Can you help me go to my house?" He asked, watching me— scrutinizing— as if he was trying to judge whether I was trustworthy or not.

"Sure," I replied with a smile and he nodded, leading the way.

Soon we were out on the quiet street, walking side by side and I was trying not to laugh at how I had ended up being that night.

"Hey, what's your name?" I finally asked him.

"Jordon Blake," he replied and I nodded before the name rang in my head.

Blake.

"Yours?" He asked.

"Kaylen," I replied, still thinking about my previous encounter with a 'Blake'. These 'Blake's were peculiar guys.

"Aren't your parents going to be mad?" I asked the little boy who seemed to be deep in thought as he walked by me.

"It's just dad. He'll be very angry." He replied and then quickly added, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Um," I contemplated, chuckling, whether to tell him I was gay.
"No, why?"

"My dad had one," he said, going back to his deep thoughts.

"Did you like her?" I asked.

"Yeah, but she doesn't come home now."

"And why is that?"

"They fought." He replied, sighing.

This kid obviously did not know how breakups work and I was not going to be the one to tell him that his dad's girlfriend was probably never coming back.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked him, ruffling his hair.

"I think Mandy likes me, that's why she called me home." He said, turning his head back to look at the house we had just come from, fading at a distance.

"That's great!"

"But she sits with Eric at lunch. Always."

I refrained myself from laughing at the frustration in his voice.

"Well, why don't you go tell her you like her?"

"Do you think she'll be my girlfriend then?" He asked, looking up at me with hope in his cute little face.

"Give her chocolates when you ask, then maybe." I smiled at him.

"Hmm," he said, going back into deep thought.

After a while of walking, Jordon pointed out to a cream coloured house a couple of steps away.

"That's my house," he said and we walked faster over to it.

We strode into the open gates and halted at the door. I was about to ring the bell but he stopped me.

"You can't ring the bell!" He panicked.

"Why not?" I asked in confusion.

"My daddy doesn't know!" He whispered.

"How did you get out in the first place?" I inquired curiously.

"The door! But it has an automatic lock and I don't have the key," he informed.

"Then how will you get inside?" I asked.

"Through the window!" He said in an obvious tone and pulled me towards the backyard.

I laughed. This was getting better.
He showed me a slightly open window, just about three feet high. He opened it and climbed in.

I waved him a goodbye and he grinned back with a wave in return. Turning around, I was about to leave when I heard a voice coming towards that very direction.

"Jorry?" Said a sleepy voice and my head whipped around to look at the little boy in horror. His eyes widened and he frantically began motioning me to get inside. Without giving it much thought, I did as he directed.

I entered the window he had opened fully for me and quickly shut it after. It was the kid's room for sure, looking at the yellow walls and the toys scattered around. We both stood there, looking around in panic. What were we supposed to do now? The adult part of me said, it would be better if I confronted the parent and tell him that I was just dropping off his kid safely. But the childish part of me said, go with the flow.

Right after some seconds, the voice came from outside the door of the room we were in.

"Jorry?"

We were so in trouble.

"Get inside the closet!" Jordon whispered, pushing me towards it. I didn't waste time in getting in and hiding there.

Soon, the click of the door was heard before a very familiar voice drifted from inside the room.

"Jordon? Who are you hiding in the closet?"

A/N: I love the Blakes so much haha.

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