GIBSIE
DECEMBER 17TH, 2004

I CRAWLED THROUGH HER WINDOW RIGHT AROUND ELEVEN O'CLOCK. Michelle's room was dark, but ever since that first night, the window has remained unlocked. At least, until I climb through it and locked it behind me.

I couldn't see whether she was sleeping or not—it was too dark to see anything and she wasn't making any noises. It wouldn't be the first time I got here too late and she was already passed out (it's happened only three times before, one of which I accidentally woke her up).

I kicked off my shoes, pushing them by wall where the window is so nobody tripped on them in the morning (again). Then I pulled off my sweat-shirt and threw it on one of her chairs before I climbed into the girls bed.

Michelle was there. She was lying under the blankets facing the wall.

I carefully pulled the blankets back, making sure I didn't pull them off of her as I slowly slid under them. Once I was under the blankets, I wrapped my arm around her waist and rested in the same position I had slept in many nights before.

I wasn't sure she was awake until her fingers tangled themselves in mine.

She didn't bother to turn around and face me as she whispered "Hi."

I took in a deep breath, pulling her as close as possible before I let myself reply. "Hi."

Her room smelled the same as it always has. Like some sort of mix between strawberries and lilacs.

She must have recently taken a shower because her hair was still a little damp and instead of her usual sent of some sort of mix between strawberries and lilacs, it was watermelon—or cookies, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure which one I like better.

Somehow, I had completely missed Michelle turning around because when I snapped back into reality, I was staring straight into her eyes.

She had that look in her eyes that looked oddly similar to the way a teacher would look at me just before they yelled at me for doing something.

Oh no.

I'm in trouble.

"You can't do that." Her voice was serious, leaving completely no room for me to assume she's joking.

I honestly I had no idea what I was in trouble for. So I tried to stop myself from immediately getting defensive and kept my tone quiet and soft "Do what?"

Michelle tilted her head slightly, her hand sliding up to my face from wherever it had been before. "The lunchroom." Her thumb began sliding across my cheekbone and I felt myself lean into her touch.

Her voice had gotten quieter, the slight anger that was there moments ago now gone.

"What about it?"

"You can't just go around hitting people—"

I wasn't gonna hear this "Michelle, he hit you."

She shook her head "No, he didn't."

"Close enough."

"Gerard." Michelle sighed and every single word disappeared from my vocabulary. "You can get in serious trouble for stuff like that."

It would totally be worth it.

"I threw the first punch, alright—"

"But, Michelle—"

"Stop interrupting me."

I think my mouth actually stopped working. I tried to talk, but a part of me was worried she was about to talk and then I'd interrupt her and she'd be mad at me and the last thing I want is for her to be mad at me.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want you to be getting in trouble for me." She let out a deep breath, her other hand slid up and mirrored the one already on my face. "Let me deal with the problems I cause because if you get suspended or expelled or kicked off the team—that could ruin your future."

Like I'd actually care about that more than her.

"Same goes for that lying bullshit you did in the office. Once again, if you got caught, you could be in serious trouble, Gerard. I don't want to be the reason behind all that." Her hands tightened around my face only slightly as she shuffled forwards. "But, despite everything I just said." She paused and let out another deep breath only this time it seemed more because she wasn't exactly sure she wanted to say what she was about to say. "Thank you. . . For helping me. Even though you shouldn't have."

Anytime.

Dropping one of her hands down to my neck, Michelle backed up slightly making me miss how close she was moments ago.

"Alright. I'm done, say what you want to say." Weirdly enough, after she said that it was very easy to form simple sentences.

"Michelle." This time my hands were on her face. "You probably won't like what I'm about to say, but I'm gonna say it anyways, okay?"

I don't know why I added the 'okay', I didn't have to ask permission. Even though I know that, I didn't continue until she nodded.

"I'm not gonna stop hitting people for you. Sorry, not sorry. Honestly, I'd gladly hit Nathan again—hell—I'll hit him twenty more times because he shouldn't have hit you."

Michelle went to say something, but she immediately stopped herself and let me continue.

"I don't want to hear that 'he didn't hit you' bullshit because it was enough. The way he grabbed you was damn close enough." I lifted my hand, brushing a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll let you solve your shit—I won't lie again if that's what you want, but the moment any guy puts his hands on you I'm getting involved."

Despite the fact that she clearly didn't like the ending of that sentence she nodded "fine," she leaned forwards again "but I mean it, no lying to authority figures for me."

"I won't." I lie.

"Okay."

"Okay."

I felt a little bad for lying to her in that moment, but it was what she wanted to hear and I would try not to lie. Problem is I know when it comes down to it there is no way I'll throw her under the bus.

Michelle sighed, leaning forwards and pressing her forehead to mine, completely unaware of how fast my heart began to beat. "So, besides the whole 'Breaking boys noses and getting a week's worth of lunch detention' how was your day?"

Trying not to focus on the fact that her face was incredibly close to mine, I shrugged "Boring. I forgot how unentertaining my life was before you got here." I tried to keep my voice steady, but I'm pretty sure I felt her nose brush mine.

"I doubt your life was unentertaining." Michelle hummed. "I've heard plenty of stories about your adventures."

She was right, my life wasn't unentertaining, but nothing really seemed all that important now that I had memories with her. She just made everything better.

"My adventures?"

Michelle laughed softly. "Oh, yeah. Haven't you heard? You're the talk of the ladies—well you and your figurative brother."

"Really?"

She nodded and this time I'm definitely sure her nose brushed mine. "Yeah. I heard you and your pals practically spent every night at some random parties. Where you would each end up disappearing with different girls after—maybe—twenty minutes."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't believe everything you hear in the girls bathroom."

That earned an actual laugh from her. "What makes you think it was the bathroom?"

I shrugged, my fingers twirling around the end of her hair. "Where else would you hear all the gossip, I'm with you everywhere else. Except gym, but nobody really talks in gym, it's mainly just groaning."

She went to argue, but she must have realized I was right before her mouth immediately snapped shut.

The hand Michelle had been resting on my neck found its way back to my face and her thumb immediately began to slide against my cheek like it was some sort of reflex. "So if that's not true, then tell me what you and your buds did before I got here."

"Pretty much the exact same thing we do now." I mumbled, my eyes fighting to stay locked on her. "School, practice, Biddies, then Johnny's and occasionally we would go to a party, but not that often because Johnny gets super annoyed with parties really fast."

"Probably because he has had that leach attached to him for the past—what?—seven months?"

For half a second I was worried she was referring to me, but then common sense slapped me across the face and I was reminded of the annoying raven haired girl who's been following my best friend around for almost a year now.

"He actually didn't mind Bella until around Halloween."

Michelle groaned "I hate her."

I bit back a laugh "yeah, I know."

It was pretty obvious. Michelle had only met Bella twice and both times it had been after Halloween when Johnny didn't really want anything to do with her. Bella had been her usual annoying, whiney, personal-space-invading self and had spent almost twenty minutes trying to convince Johnny to go somewhere else with her before giving up and cursing him out. It had very clearly made Michelle—along with everyone else, including Johnny—uncomfortable, but it also seemed to make Michelle mad.

She looked ready to punch Bella, but also throw up.

"Hey Gerard?" Her voice was back to a whisper, like we were six years old, hiding under the blankets so that she could tell me a secret.

"Hey Michelle?" I let her hair fall from my fingers and I brought my hands back up to her face.

She stayed quiet for a few seconds for a reason I don't know, but then her hands slid down my face, now resting by my jaw. "What's your favorite color?"

I was completely taken aback by the question. My eyes snapping open—because at some point they had managed to fall shut without my knowledge. "What?"

Michelle's eyes slowly fluttered open, meeting mine. "I don't know what your favorite color is and I feel like that should be something I know."

Oh. "I don't think I really have a favorite color."

Michelle's eyebrows pressed together and a frown slipped onto her lips. "Really?"

I didn't like how sad she seemed about that.

So I paused for a second, waiting for the first color that came to mind that might have even the smallest bit of importance, and when my mind finally settled on it I said "I suppose I kind of like yellow."

Maybe it was because of that song I constantly hear on her radio.

Maybe it was because of the way her eyes shine a darker yellow anytime she looks in the direction of the sun.

Maybe it was because of that yellow sweat-shirt she had been wearing on top of her uniform—even though you're not supposed to do that—the first time we met.

I don't actually know.

But they were all pretty good reasons.

"Yellow?" She repeated the color and I nodded. "Like the song?"

I am not surprised that that was the first thing she thought of.

"Yeah, Michelle. Exactly like the song."

Finally, Michelle's frown disappeared and was replaced by a bright smile. "I love that song." She whispered, the ends of her fingers tangling in my hair.

"I know."

Michelle's smile faltered only slightly. "You know so much about me, but I feel like I know nothing about you."

"There's not much to know about me."

"There's plenty to know about you."

I sighed. I honestly didn't know what to tell her because there wasn't that much to know about me. She knew I played rugby, she knew Johnny was my best friend, and she knew about my evil cat. But that was pretty much all there was to know about me.

"Tell me more."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know." Michelle paused, her eyes drifting to the empty room behind me. "How did you and Johnny meet?"

Good question, I love talking about Johnny. "He sat next to me in class on his first day. Was a lot nicer to me than any of the other lads."

"Hmm." Michelle nodded, running her hand through my hair. "And have you guys been best friends since or was it more of a gradual thing?"

"Since that first day." I stated "he had sat with me for only five or ten minutes before he asked me if I wanted to be his best friend."

A smile tugged on Michelle's lips "he asked you to be his best friend after five minutes? He's very straight forward, huh?"

I nodded "yeah, or maybe I'm just that awesome."

Much to my surprise, Michelle agreed "yeah, you are." She paused, her eyes dropping maybe an inch for barely a second before they snapped back to my eyes "I wanted to be your friend after knowing you for barely five minutes, too. I guess you're just an easily likable person."

"You think so?"

"Yeah."

"I wanted to be your friend after only knowing you for five minutes, too, by the way."

"Really?"

"Why do you think I started talking to you?"

She shrugged "I don't know, I guess I never really thought about it."

Then she went quiet, I'm not sure why though. One second she was talking, then the next the only sound in the room was our harmonized breathing.

She kept her eyes locked on mine as her finger twirled around a strand of my hair.

Michelle let out a sigh, her hand sliding back down my jaw, stopping by my chin. "Why do you keep coming back?" She asked, her thumb tracing the small cut on my lip I earned earlier.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," she paused, her eyes drifting back to the empty room behind me as she thought for a second to gather the words to form her next sentence. Then she looked back at me, her eyebrows knitted together. "Why do you keep coming back to my room every night?"

Oh God.

Did she not want me here?

Immediately, I felt myself leaning back, untangling myself from her. "Do you want me to leave?"

A look of panic quickly spread across her features as she jumped up and practically dragged me back onto her bed. "No." She repeated over and over again until she had my shoulders pinned to the mattress. "No. That is not what I was saying."

There was a moment of silence pass between us before Michelle sighed, releasing my shoulders and sitting up beside me. "Please don't leave."

"Okay." I was quick to say, pulling myself up so that I was sitting in front of her. "I won't."

"I just—" she cut herself off with a sigh. Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes. "I just wanted to know why you keep coming back. I wasn't trying to tell you to leave. I do not want you to leave."

Reaching forwards, I pulled her hands away from her eyes before she could damage them with the amount of pressure she was using.

"I don't really know the answer to that question." Not wanting to release her hands, I wrapped my fingers in her's before forcing myself to continue. "I just. . .needed too, I guess."

A small wrinkle formed in between Michelle's eyebrows and she tilted her head slightly. "What do you mean by that."

"That I. . ." haven't had a good nights sleep in my own bedroom since I was seven.

I sighed, dropping my head.

I can't say that.

She'll ask too many questions.

"I don't know, Michelle." I breathed out, knowing that no matter what I said she would have too maybe questions.

One of her hands dropped from mine, disappearing from my senses for a moment before I felt it run through my hair.

"Can I tell you something." She whispered, her hand sliding down to my jaw, tilting my head up so that I was looking at her again.

My eyes landed on hers and I was immediately rendered speechless. I think the air in my lungs was actually stolen from me.

And it wasn't because she had really pretty eyes—she did—but because of the way she was looking at me.

Which sounds stupid, I know.

But it was just different.

It was like she understood everything I've never said aloud.

Knowing that I hadn't yet answered her because I had been wrapped up by the look in her eyes, I weakly nodded.

"I don't think I had had a good night of sleep in almost a year before I dragged you into my bedroom." She shook her head slightly as if she was denying a thought. "I had almost forgotten how peaceful it was."

Now I was sure the air was gone.

She did understand.

I felt myself nod, maybe weaker than I had a second ago. "I think I get it."

I think? No, I know.

"Yeah?" She whispered, her thumb sliding along my jaw. "You do, don't you?"

And that was it.

No more questions.

No looks that forced me to open up and spill my secrets.

Nothing.

Just the faint feeling of her thumb tracing my jaw.

I think Michelle has had me in the palm of her hand since that first day, but now I felt like she was growing vines in me. Spreading throughout my skin and around my body and there was nothing I could do—or wanted to do—to stop it.

My thoughts had become consumed with her.

She was all I thought of.

Anytime I was away from her, I thought of her.

Anytime I was next to her, I thought of her.

Her hair.

Her eyes.

Her smile.

Her laugh.

Her skin.

Her hands.

Her legs.

Her.

She has turned into this obsession where I have to think of her at every moment or else I lose sight of what the point of my life is.

I wanted to spend all day with her.

I wanted to spend all night with her.

I wanted to spend every moment of my life with her.

I didn't even care about anything else while I was sitting, standing, walking, or even just breathing beside her.

It was her.

All I cared about.

All I thought about.

All I needed.

I don't understand how I had gone on for so long without her, but I don't think I want to do it again.

I had been so wrapped in my own thoughts that a barely even noticed that my free hand had raised up to her face, hooking below her chin so that I could pull her closer.

I don't know why.

I think my hand had acted without me telling it to.

I felt Michelle lean closer and my heart sped up so fast I might as well have been having a heart attack.

She was close.

So close.

She was looking at me with those mind entangling, beautiful, brown eyes and it made me want to hit myself.

Because I couldn't do it.

I couldn't mess this up.

I wanted to kiss her.

I really really did.

Obviously.

I mean, why else would I have pulled her closer.

But I couldn't—shouldn't.

I can't ruin this.

If I kissed her, things would change. For better or for worse, I don't know. But I don't want to risk it failing and me losing her.

Michelle has become one of the people I can't see myself living without. I've only known her for three and a half months and somehow she has found a way to be one of the most important people in my life.

I hate myself for this.

"I should probably go home" I didn't want to, I wanted to stay here, but I think if I don't go I might cave into all the thoughts running loose in my mind.

Please don't be mad.

I felt Michelle nod, her nose brushing mine as she did so. "I know."

Don't do it.

Don't go.

Despite how badly I wanted to stay, I pulled myself away from her, but just before I could manage to stand up, I looked back down. She hadn't moved an inch, even her eyes were still locked on the area where I had just been.

I just told her I wouldn't leave, but now I'm leaving.

I knew I shouldn't have, but still, I leaned back down to the girl, placing a soft kiss on her forehead "See you around, Michelle."

AUTHOR TALKS!!
So, quick question. What's a reasonable Christmas gift to get someone you've only known for like four months, but you also happen to be in love with? (This definitely has absolutely nothing to do with Gerard and Michelle.)

PLEASE DON'T BE MAD at Michelle for the first part of the chapter when she's telling him that she doesn't want him getting into fights for her and all that. Girl has trauma that I have yet to reveal.

I hate and love this chapter all at the same time.

Did I finish the chapter or did the chapter finish me? (Hint: it was the second option.) (this chapter stressed me tf out.)

My girl cannot stay still to save her life.