26. Naya hai, par khubsurat hai. (It's new but it's beautiful.)

•°•

- priya -

Last night was hard on Aditya. I didn't need him to tell me to know, it can be seen on his face. He has been quiet for most of the day. He didn't even go out to have lunch with everyone else. I had to bring him his lunch in the room. He reasoned he has so much work and can't afford to waste time. Post an hour after lunch, he went back to reading his book. The work forgotten.

I think it's his escape. Like work is for me. But unlike me, who's scrambling around to get it done, he just sits by the window, under the gentle rays of the sun, with his head tilted on his fist as he reads with all emotions known to life. There's a frown, a smile, a furrow of his brows, disappointment, intensity, arrogance, pride, everything. And it's so fascinating to watch him read. He is beautiful.

I wish my escape was so peaceful, so calm, so serene, so stunning.

I couldn't forget the events of last night. After what Meghna said, he had left unceremoniously with the car keys. His mom had asked me to go after him, which I was planning to anyway since I didn't want him driving in his current state of mind. But my prediction was wrong. He didn't need the car to race down the road to help him forget his frustrations, he needed the car to hide from the world and let it all out.

I wanted to step inside but I stopped myself. He needed the time alone, to have the breakdown. I could tell he has been tensed for quite a few days. Maybe the decision of moving out was one of the reasons. He doesn't let me know what's going on inside his head. He acts his usual self, flirty, cheeky, treading between shyness and confidence. It's only when it gets too much does he snaps. It has happened before on New Year's Eve. Neither then was I able to figure out what's wrong, nor now.

Whenever he is with me, he leans more onto the romantic side. And I absolutely adore it. But not when he does it to distract himself or forget his stress.

I know it'll take time for him to open up to me. I can't expect him to be emotionally vulnerable in front of me right in the first month of the marriage. A relationship takes time, and I have a lot, when it comes to him, I have a lot.

He shifted in his seat, the sound caught my attention. I watched as he read intently, with all focus, the side of his forefinger stroking his bottom lip. The same hand curled into the fist, resting against his cheekbone. I sighed.

I can't even put in words how much I like his proximity. It shuts me down. When he comes so close that I can feel his breath on my skin, that's my favourite part. Initially, I couldn't understand my body's reaction to his closeness. Then I blamed it for being untouched for thirty years. But there were so many men I could have had when I was in my prime, more handsome than him, yet no one ever made me feel the things he does. The attraction between us is so intense it's like I'll combust in flames if he were to cross the dangerously thin line we trod on.

Yesterday, when I made that shameless sound, it shocked me to the core. All he did was say a few words and press the tip of his nose beneath my ear, yet it had brought an unwonted sensation throughout my body, throwing me into a completely new dimension of intimacy I wasn't aware of.

I crave him close, yet it puts me off every time he breaches the safe line. I don't know where to put my hands, what to say, how to look, or what to do. He does it naturally. I can't believe he has never had a woman in his life before. I mean, I don't really know, I'm simply assuming it from the conversations we've had until now.

He doesn't make sounds as I do, he speaks, and at the same time, he handles me gently, touches me in the right places, and all that leaves me in a breathless, frazzled mess. The way he is so composed and in control of the moment, makes me nervous. I don't know what he expects of me. To do the same advances? I'm not bold enough. Or to just accept the changes he is bringing in my body? I can't. Anything new, that I haven't had experience with, makes me anxious for I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. What if I do something silly?

I can't understand how he does it so naturally.

Is it the books? He did say he reads books more than he watches movies.

I turned to my laptop, opening up a new browser window. My fingers hovered on the keyboard, thinking of what to type.

Books on intimacy.

The search led me to different books and articles. Mostly books, since that was the main keyword. I couldn't even look at most covers and their titles. They were both conspicuous and obscene. I stirred away from the dark side, yet there was absolutely nothing I could find. The majority of them focused on sex, which made my eyes pop in shock because that was the last thing on my mind, and the remaining focused on guides for men on how to pleasure a woman. No wonder Aditya knows what he is doing, they have books on how to fluster a woman, but all I could find were She-Dom and The Art of Seduction. Exiting the stupid site, I slouched in my seat.

I looked back at him. He had his eyes closed as he soaked under the rays. The tip of his tongue darted out to lick his lips, leaving them wet and sparkling in the sunshine. I swallowed, immediately looking away.

God, I need to focus.

I've never ever indulged myself in the physical pleasures of life before. But every time my eyes land on him, that's all I could think of. And it has been the case since I saw him half-naked for the first time.

I've always heard Preeti gush about six-pack abs and muscular body. About ogling at men that are big and... what's that word? Macho? Something like that.

Aditya didn't fit in that category.

He is lean, tall, and has zero abs. But he has shoulders so broad you can rest your head on them and yet you'll still have space for another. He isn't muscular by any means, yeah he has a bit of muscle in his arms, but that's common. There's nothing about his body that can be compared to the men girls usually freak about. But the moment I saw him taking off his shirt, my hands trembled and my nerves went on an overdrive. It didn't help when I got the chance to touch that body. The way he had relaxed completely, with his head on my lap, eyes closed, and sighs falling past his lips, I had felt something I hadn't expected to feel. A physical urge.

I didn't know what to do with it. I had never felt it before. So I channeled it towards the reason for it, his body. I hadn't expected him to notice the change. It wasn't anything noticeable. The way I had slowed down to feel him more, the dips and the slopes, and everything that I had access to at that moment. But he did, and I was so embarrassed.

Wait.

I went back to remembering the details of his body despite trying to focus on my work.

Shaking my head, as though that'll physically drive away all the explicit thoughts about him, I forced myself to get back to work.

I managed to finish the task at hand without getting distracted again. I had to review a few proposals for the next event, draw out conclusions, and suggest changes wherever required before mailing the team leaders about the same. It was five pm when I finally stretched my arms, cracking the bones that had stayed in a cooped up position for far too long and giving the cramped muscles the much-needed relaxation.

I heard Aditya wince and spun in my chair. "What's wrong?"

"Your bags!" He grunted, rubbing his toes where they must have stubbed. He looked in pain.

"Sorry, I didn't know where to put them." I got up hurriedly, pushing the bags back into the corner. After we had transferred my stuff neatly into the cupboard, the empty bags had no place to stay. "Where do you keep yours?"

"Mom and dad's bedroom has a huge wardrobe so we keep all the suitcases there. But I don't think there's any space left anymore." He sat back on the couch, examining his toes and rubbing them gently. Now he was just being a baby about it. I held back a scoff.

"And what about mine?"

He shrugged.

I sighed, looking around the room in search of a safe and isolated place to keep them. My eyes locked on the top of the cupboard. It was wide enough to hold the bags on top of each other.

"Here?" I pointed.

He followed the direction, humming thoughtfully. "That's big enough to fit your bags."

I smiled, waiting for him to get up and put them.

"Use the stool that's in the kitchen to help yourself." He said nonchalantly, prodding at the broken nail of his toe pinky. I looked at him with incredulity. He can't be serious!?

"Me-Mein? (Me?)"

He met my eyes, smiling sheepishly. "I've fear of heights."

"It's not even more than eight feet!" I stated.

He rolled his eyes. "It's still tall enough to fall and break a bone. Not taking the risk."

I gawked. "And it's okay if I do?"

He looked up at me. "Are you saying I should do this because I'm a man?" He asked, then gasped dramatically. "That's sexist, Priya."

"No! I- ugh!" I tried to get back at him with a smart comeback but failed.

He smirked, deriving pleasure from my frustrations.

Forget all that I thought about him in the last few hours. He is absolutely infuriating. And childish.

Turning around, I stormed out of the room, drowning out the sound of his cocky laugh. His mom was in the kitchen, preparing something. I entered, catching her attention with a smile, and almost faltered in my footsteps. The drastic change she has had since last night was a hard pill to swallow. I managed a weak smile back and asked if I could take the wooden stool to my room. She nodded in response.

The thing was so heavy I had to stop and take a breath on my way back to the room. And I had the audacity to comment on his stamina. Mine is not great either. But at least I have the excuse of age.

Tucking the end of my pallu at the waist, I picked up the stool and resumed walking. I absolutely hate wearing sarees. It's a tough job to handle the long fabric. I'm as clumsy as it is, and on top of it, the saree manages to make me stumble and trip at least twenty-five times in twenty-four hours.

I wore a saree for him and he couldn't even help me with the bags.

I'll never wear a saree again.

Determined with my decision, I entered the room, ignoring him, and directly stood in front of the cupboard. He got up to help me.

I placed my right foot on the bridge between the two legs and hoisted myself on the stool. Aditya was quick to hold the stool when it wobbled. I gasped, clutching the edge of the cupboard to keep me upright.

"Are you okay?"

"Dandy!" I scowled sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. Height unnerves me. I can't balance myself for the life of me." He justified.

"Just hand me the bags." I deadpanned.

"Don't move a lot." He advised before moving towards the bags. He picked one and held it up towards me. I took it, slid it on top of the cupboard, and fixed it properly so it wouldn't fall. He handed me the second which I placed on top of the previous one before doing the same with the third one. "Done!" I dusted my hands, heaving a sigh of relief.

"I'm holding it tightly. Just crouch and then you can come down." He murmured.

I nodded, slowly turning around so I can take help from the same bridge I had helped to climb the stool. Just as I began to lower myself, the stool trembled, startling me and I clutched Aditya's shoulders for support. "It's okay," he whispered. I breathed out, crouching with my knees bent. My eyes accidentally chased his, realising he had his gaze locked on my cleavage.

Men.

"Aditya," I gritted out, catching his attention back to my face. "Help me get down. I don't think I can use the same method again."

He hummed, and with one deft move, his arm went around my waist while mine locked around his neck before he eased me off the stool, my feet hastily seeking the floor for some solid support.

His proximity was my undoing, and at that moment, it was the most intense and strong connection holding us close.

I attempted to peel myself off his arms but he had some other plans. His hands encompassed my waist, raising me to my tip toes that had our chests brushing. I gripped his shirt tighter, clenching my jaw to stop all sorts of sounds that threatened to escape my mouth. I looked up at him, and the raw desire on his face had me shrinking nervously. He didn't let me go, instead pulling me so close I almost climbed his feet. His one hand rested on my waist, the other settling so low I had to swallow to hold back the rush of panic I felt. My breath went shallow, coming out in harsh pants.

"Aditya," I shuddered, my voice almost a whine.

"Yes, Priya," he whispered, leaning in so close I felt his breath fan my ear. I could feel his lips hovering over my skin, almost touching yet not.

My hands traced his shoulders, the ones I'm so infatuated with. His hands got busy kneading the skin on my waist. We were getting far too bold with the physical touch but I failed to stop or chalk a line between us.

I inhaled a sharp breath when his cheek brushed over mine, the little prickly sensation made my toes curl. My hands lowered to his chest, gently pushing him away. It was too much. I could barely breathe now.

Getting the signal, he pulled away softly, releasing me from his enrapturing hold.

He stepped back closer, and I held my breath, before realising he was fixing the fallen pallu on my shoulder. I quickly held it, rushing inside the bathroom to hide from his sight.

There was an unusual, strange need between my legs that compelled me to rub my thighs together. I couldn't understand whether it was relieving or more frustrating. This was the first time I was feeling these weird things rather than hearing or watching about them. And it was nothing like I had expected.

I leaned against the closed door, panting harshly with my eyes closed, wishing for the craving between my legs to go away.

I decided to use the washroom to wash off the discomfort.

It helped in ways more than once when I realised I was beginning to bleed. I dragged myself to the washbasin and opened the top shelves, grabbing the packet of sanitary pads. Tearing it open, I picked one and went on to complete my unfinished business. Once I was done, I washed my hands, splashed the cold water on my face, and wiped it dry with a towel.

I sighed in pity at my reflection. I didn't even have a friend to talk to about these kinds of things.

For the first time, my body felt beautiful to me. I traced a hand down my neck, gently passing the swell of my breasts, wishing it were the long, manly fingers of my husband. The realisation of what I was doing dawned on me and I stopped abruptly, shoving my hand to the side.

I shook my head, cupping my face in shame.

Probably it was because of the periods? Are the hormones playing their trick?

I did read women's estrogen and testosterone levels increase during ovulation, potentially triggering a rise in libido. Maybe that was what it was about.

With a justification that helped me feel less embarrassed about myself, I decided to finally leave the bathroom.

Aditya was on the bed, typing something on his laptop. He realised my presence and looked up. I hovered at the threshold of the bathroom, gripping the end of my saree in a tight fist.

"Come here," he instructed, making me swallow the bubbling no.

I obeyed wordlessly, sitting at the corner of the bed, a huge distance between us.

"Did- Did you not-" he blew out a breath. "I'm sorry if I crossed a line. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

I looked up at him in disbelief.

I was anything but uncomfortable.

"N-No," I shook my head softly. "You didn't make me uncomfortable." It was overwhelming. I couldn't even breathe properly. I had to resort to manual instructions to keep my lungs working.

"Oh," he whispered. "Wh-Why did you?" He left the question unfinished.

I swallowed.

How do I tell him it was too much? And that I needed to get away unless he was ready to perform CPR on me.

"It was.... kinda overwhelming."

"Oh," he murmured. "Sorry about that."

I pressed my lips together, annoyed at his apology.

"We should take it slow."

I wanted to shake my head but I nodded.

"If I come off too strong, you have the liberty to stop me, okay?"

Doesn't that mean I'll be indirectly rejecting him or his advances? What if he feels hurt? After last night, I know I don't like seeing him hurt.

"Okay," I agreed meekly.

He nodded in return, going back to his laptop.

We didn't talk for the rest of the evening. When it was time to sleep, I wanted to have his arms around me but I was nervous about giving him the wrong signal. And not just him, my body takes the wrong signal as well. I didn't want to feel the weird sensation between my legs again so soon, especially when I'm on my period. So I turned and forced myself to fall asleep.

In the middle of the night, I was woken up by the sound of a shuffle. For a moment I was worried when I saw Aditya entering the bathroom but then my worry transformed into confusion when I heard the sound of a running shower. I looked at the nightstand, my frown deepening reading the time. It was 12:05 am.

A few minutes later, the door to the bathroom opened and I hastily closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. Aditya laid on the bed with a gentle thump, breathing harshly in absolute silence. I clenched the pillow in my fist.

I was able to fall back asleep when I heard his soft snores.

The next morning, I was woken up because of the cramps. Taking a quick shower and changing into a new pad, I got ready in casual clothes to help Aditya's mother with breakfast. She was already in the kitchen when I made my appearance.

"Good morning," she greeted me with a smile.

I returned the gesture, albeit less awkwardly than before. "Good morning."

"I've put up the tea and coffee for the morning. And for breakfast I'm thinking of Poha," she informed.

"Sounds great," I nodded. "What about lunch?" I walked to the refrigerator.

"What's fresh in there?"

"Bhindi?" I asked.

She thought for a second before giving me a nod to go. I decided to start immediately to have the tiffins ready for the day. We worked in silence, well I did most of the time, she attempted to initiate conversations and I did my best to hold them. By seven-thirty, we were done. She told me to arrange the dining table while she winds up with the remaining rotis and fixes tiffins for everyone. I obliged with a hum.

"Go now, you should get ready. You've office too."

I returned to the bedroom and changed into formal grey slacks and a light blue cotton shirt.

Aditya woke up while I was busy tying my hair in a ponytail.

"I thought you'll be working from home for a while?" He questioned with a yawn.

I pursed my lips together. "Your mom's being too polite and nice now. I'm scared."

He laughed.

I looked at him in disappointment. I don't think my reason was invalid or funny.

"Don't laugh!"

He sobered up eventually. "So what now? No more trying to impress mother-in-law mission?" He teased.

I rolled my eyes. "No, I just don't want to disturb the calm surface now. It's better if I continue with my regular routine than try too hard and embarrass myself in front of her."

He nodded in understanding. "I'll get ready as well." He left the bed to head to the bathroom.

I was packing my tote bag for the day when Aditya emerged from the bathroom wearing a black shirt and black trousers. I swallowed. He makes black look like it's not a color but a style. Tearing my gaze off him, I decided to focus on the work at hand.

"Aditya,"

He hummed, busy combing his hair.

"Can I come along with you today?"

He frowned, regarding me with a perplexed look.

"Woh, actually, I had a reminder for car servicing last night. So this morning Jatin Kaka took it to the service center." I answered.

He shrugged. "I take the bus though. Will you be fine?"

I looked at him in surprise. "I was not born with a golden spoon in my mouth, Aditya. Trust me when I say I've used public transportation more than you."

He cocked an arrogant brow at me. "You're on your periods though, aren't you?"

I stood gobsmacked. "Ho-How do you know?" Shoot, did I spot accidentally?

"You forgot to keep the pack of unsealed sanitary pads back inside the shelf." He shrugged.

"Oh," I sighed in relief. For a moment there I had a mini heart attack. "Sorry, I'll be careful next time."

He looked at me in confusion. "Okay? I just thought it was unsanitary."

I nodded. "So I can come along?"

"Buses are bat shit crowded in the morning. Are you sure you'll be fine?"

I nodded in a yes though I can't understand why we are not taking a cab. It's just one day.

"I don't understand why you're not taking a cab instead but okay, if you insist." He went around the room to pick up his things before he sat on the couch to put on his socks.

I could ask you the same.

"Let's go," he grabbed his laptop bag and left the room. I followed him immediately.

Fortunately, Meghna was not at the dining table. I feel bad for her, but what she said to my husband was outright rude and hurtful.

Maybe Aditya was in the wrong too, he shouldn't have taken a hasty decision and put Meghna in a tough spot, but there's a certain way you can point out someone's mistakes without being harsh about it. She commented on his personal life, and probably unboxed a bunch of insecurities just to get back at him.

That was petty and immature.

I understand anger is irrational and makes you say things you don't mean, but seeing how hurt Aditya was that night, I was biased and felt wronged too.

We had breakfast in silence, which was butchered by his mom when she announced she wants to come along with us.

"Woh tere office ke paas waala market hai na? Waha par sabjiya bahut taazi milti hai. Aur sasti bhi. (The market near your office? They sell fresh groceries at affordable prices.)" She reasoned, looking at Aditya who nodded in response.

"Be quick because I'm not waiting for you. I'm already late." He warned.

She sighed, quickening her pace of eating. Then she excused herself to get ready. By the time we were done, she was ready in a salwar kameez.

"You're coming along?" She asked me in surprise when I followed them in the direction of the gates instead of heading towards the parking lot.

"Her car has been taken to the servicing." He told her.

"Oh, okay," she smiled. "Why didn't you take the cab? I'm sure it's more comfortable than the bus."

Yeah, I'm sure too. Your son's not listening though and I want to travel with him.

"No, it's fine. I used to take public transport often before I was able to afford myself a car."

She nodded. "That's nice to hear. Meghna and Avinash never use public transport no matter how much we promote it. It helps the environment you know. But they just never had the habit of traveling by bus or train. Adi on other hand, grew up at his grandparents' house so he often used to travel by public transport. He is very accommodating." She rubbed his back fondly.

We stopped at the bus stop and a nostalgic feeling overlapped my current emotions. I remember waiting for the bus for hours and hours on end. Back then it used to frustrate me so much. I never had someone with me. I was always alone, dealing with everything and everyone, shouldering all the responsibilities life shoved in my face without any consideration.

I had decided then that I'll buy myself a car and never take public transport again. In times like these, I'd hire a cab but never looked back at trains and buses. And yet here I am, all because I want to be with him whenever I get the time.

The bus arrived.

"Hold her close, I'll manage on my own. She'll feel overwhelmed because of the crowd." His mom said, surprising me to the core.

Aditya nodded in response.

Just as the bus halted, I felt Aditya hold my hand in his and my eyes followed the action, up his arms and stopping at his face. I smiled, wrapping my free hand around his arm as he guided me through the crowd and into the bus. Even the rough shoves and pushes weren't able to wipe off the smile on my face.

We had to stand since there was no seat available. He made me and his mom stand in front of him, blocking us from any male strangers. Sometime later, a seat nearby emptied and I requested his mother to take the seat. She obliged with a little bit of hesitance. I didn't mind. I got to stand in the protection of Aditya's arms. It was worth the trouble.

The bus halted at a scheduled stop and a few people rushed to get out, causing Aditya to lean into me more.

He looked down at me, meeting my eyes. I gently placed my hands on his stomach, holding his shirt in a feeble clutch. I felt his lips press on the side of my head, causing a smile to bloom on my face.

Is this what falling in love feels like?

The sexual tension, the blossoming love, their all firsts together akagsgaywhajahena I'm having a fucking stroke lmao 😂💀

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