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chapter four
" I'm a racing car,
passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go, go, go,
there's no stopping me. "
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NOW PLAYING: "DON'T STOP ME NOW" by QUEEN (1978)

________

EDDIE: Once we had Camila and Rory together... [Sighs] Oh, man. I don't think any of us knew what we had gotten ourselves into.

GRAHAM: There's this misconception that if you put two girls in a room together, they'll hate each other. But Rory and Camila? [Laughs] They teamed up against us.

EDDIE: Nobody was safe. They were always giggling and talking to each other in Spanish while staring right at us, and we knew that they were making fun of us. And we kept asking Warren what they were saying but he wouldn't translate.

WARREN ROJAS, drummer, The Six: Mostly they were pretending. "Look at Eddie, he's going to think we are talking about him." "How long do you think it will take for them to notice?" Stuff like that. But they also did make a lot of jokes about Graham's hair.

I would say, once Camila started coming around, Rory just... [Smiles] blossomed.

BILLY: The word I would use for them was 'inseparable.'

∴━━━ ✿ ━━━∴

ONE OF THE very best things to ever happen to Rory is meeting Camila Alvarez.

Having guy friends is one thing. Rory thought she'd learned all aspects of friendship— the lines between their genders had blurred enough for the boys to be gross in front of her without much thought, but once she makes her first girl friend, a whole new world is opened up to her.

Finally, she has someone to talk to about things she could never bring up in front of the band: her bodily insecurities (why does she still have the same shape that she did at twelve instead of filling out like the other girls in her grade have?), her nonexistent love life, what the hell having a boyfriend is even like.

And, of course, the fact that Camila is the daughter of Latin immigrants makes their bond even stronger. She understands what it is like to have certain standards pushed on her. Luckily, Camila is allowed to attend college, which Rory cannot say for herself. The expectation is that she will stay home to take care of her parents while Mateo finishes his degree and becomes successful.

"That's why they moved, right?" Camila asks, twisting Rory's hair into a braid down her back. "To give us a better life. They should want what's best for you."

"We moved because Abuelo was dying," Rory says. She stares ahead at the full-length mirror in Camila's bedroom, examining the way her sleeveless top exposes her bony shoulders in comparison to the older girl's soft curves. She crosses her arms over her chest and covers them with her hands. "Coming here only ensured my brother's success."

At least, back in Colombia, her entire family lived together— all her tías, tíos y primos under the same roof along with her grandparents. It meant she would have more to do as she grew up. Originally, the plan had been for her to learn from her aunts while Mateo would work with her uncles. But when university became an option, Rory's fate of being trapped in a dull house with her parents was sealed.

Mateo will get the chance to travel the world if he wants to. Rory's will only be contained to Pittsburgh.

"I think you can do anything you put your mind to," Camila tells her, gently moving Rory's hands away so they can't cover her anymore. She takes Rory's hand in her own and gives it a squeeze. "You're brilliant, Rory, even if your parents can't see it."

Rory blinks, pulling her lips into a line when a bubble of emotion rises within her. She turns so she can throw her arms around Camila. They hold each other close for a few seconds while Rory swallows down the lump in her throat, sniffling.

"Okay, manita," Camila says. "Now you can do my hair."

∴━━━ ✿ ━━━∴

CAMILA ALVAREZ, photographer: "Manita" is a nickname for "sister". In a lot of ways, that's what we are to each other— the sister we never had.

∴━━━ ✿ ━━━∴

Camila's interest in photography makes Rory's albums seem like a child's school project. She records videos of the band's practices and gigs, occasionally helping Rory improve on her shots. It forces Rory to actually be in some photos instead of usually hiding behind the lens.

"She doesn't want to be in a lot of pictures because she hates us," Eddie jokes.

"No!" Rory exclaims, smacking him on the arm. "No, I don't!"

"Oh, yeah?" Graham heaves her into the air by placing his hands under her arms. Warren grabs her leg to hold her horizontally, causing the other boys to swoop in until she's parallel to the ground.

"Cami, quick!" Billy says.

Rory accepts her fate and smiles at the camera, allowing Camila to snap the picture. Then the boys practically dump her onto the floor of the garage (except Chuck, who makes sure her head doesn't smack against the concrete).

"Really feeling the love," Rory deadpans.

"You reap what you sow, Ro-Ro," Warren tells her.

She hates that nickname. That's precisely why he keeps using it.

For the entirety of the next year, all the band does is practice. It gets to the point where Rory starts to consider Chuck's garage her second home. Even through freezing winters where they have to bundle under several layers of clothing, scorching summers that turn the concrete floor into the surface of the sun, and whatever else life throws at them, that structure remains constant. Almost a part of the band as much as the members themselves.

But eventually, as it gets closer to the end of their senior year and graduation lurks around the corner, they can no longer ignore the rest of their obligations.

On the day of her seventeenth birthday in March of 1971, Graham asks Rory to prom. It feels right to attend the dance with him of all the boys. They started this journey as freshmen in the pouring rain, and now they're teetering on the edge of adulthood, but they've still managed to stick together like two peas in a pod.

Rory is completely certain that Graham Dunne is her best friend.

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RORY: [Laughs] I wore the ugliest dress.

GRAHAM: She wore a beautiful dress. Pale yellow.

RORY: I feel horrible saying that it was ugly because Mamá made it. It had so many ruffles at the top and it was itchy. But the neckline dipped down as much as she would allow it and that gave it some shape. I've never liked the way long dresses fit on me because they make my legs look so short. Which, I mean, they are, but the dresses make them look worse.

Here's a photo we took at my house when Graham picked me up — or, should I say, Billy drove him to my house and then drove us to the dance. We had a blast, really.

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"Deja de moverte," Mamá commands as she wrestles with Rory's hair. The girl winces as a hairpin stabs her in the scalp. Her head will be throbbing all night at this rate, what with her mother scraping the front sections of her hair back until there were absolutely no bumps and the pins ensuring they will stay put no matter how much she moves around.

The doorbell rings, echoing through the house. Mamá mutters a series of Spanish curses that would've made Rory get her mouth washed out with soap if she'd said them, spraying her daughter's entire head with a cloud of hairspray. It makes Rory cough and shield her eyes from the chemicals.

Rory has no idea why it had taken Mamá an hour to do her hair when all she did was twist those front sections away from her face and secure them with clips. Her hair, ironed until it had been pin-straight, is left down otherwise, meticulously positioned behind her shoulders so it cascades down her back.

She hears Papá open the door and welcome Graham inside. She fidgets, anxious to get downstairs before he can scare her friend's pants off.

Mamá applies one last coat of lip gloss on her daughter's mouth before finally setting her free. Rory bounds out of the bathroom and down the steps, grateful that the straps on her heels keep them secured to her feet.

"—still in that band?" Papá questions. It's only because he's her father that Rory detects his judgmental undertone.

"Uh, yes, sir," Graham's voice replies. "The Dunne Brothers."

"They are really good, Papá," Rory interrupts the conversation once she makes it to the first floor. She finds Graham in a black suit with his hands in his pockets, trying to appear nonchalant in her father's intimidating presence. "You should listen to them play sometime."

Papá makes a noncommittal grunt that's a dismissal without him having to say anything. Even after almost three years, he still considers the band to be a trivial, frivolous passtime that will fizzle out once they leave high school.

Graham clears his throat in the awkward silence that follows and gives Rory a smile that suggests he's half-terrified. "You look beautiful, Ror."

"Thanks." She beams at him. Mamá had done her makeup, mainly consisting of (far too much, in her opinion) blush that brings warm color into her face, mascara to elongate her lashes, and gloss on her lips. It's not much, but it's more than she's usually allowed to wear, and it is exciting.

The front door bangs open again as Mateo bursts inside. "Why is Billy Dunne's car in our drivewa— oh." He stops short at the sight of Graham in their foyer. "Hello?"

"It is Aurora's prom night, mijo, remember?" Mamá asks, descending the staircase much more carefully than Rory had a few moments ago.

"Hi," Graham says with a stiff wave. "I'm Graham."

"Oh." Mateo meets Papá's eyes. They share a look that suggests they've discussed their opinions together, and the consensus had not been good. "The one with the... band."

Rory's cheeks start to burn the same color as her blush. Her family can't even pretend to be supportive for a few minutes.

She can feel something horrible brewing, so she quickly motions to the plastic box clutched in Graham's hand. "Is that a corsage?"

∴━━━ ✿ ━━━∴

GRAHAM: I didn't think much of it then, but during one of the slow songs, I realized that Rory was looking over my shoulder. I turned to see what had caught her attention and she was staring at Warren.

RORY: He was slamming back the punch he had spiked with the vodka in his flask like it was water. I was equally horrified and impressed.

WARREN: I don't remember a thing from prom. I kept spiking my punch.

GRAHAM: And she had this look in her eyes like she'd just seen a temptation from the devil and wanted to get a taste. Then she blinked, looked back at me, and it was gone. But just for a split second, it was there, that early, in '71.

∴━━━ ✿ ━━━∴

A few days after graduation, Warren spends all of his money on a beat-up station wagon.

It's a Saturday afternoon when Rory hears a shrill honk coming from the front of her house. She peers through her curtains to see a metal atrocity parked along the curb with Eddie practically hanging out the passenger window, waving enthusiastically, until Billy pushes him into the back so he's no longer sprawled across his lap.

"Aurora!" Papá yells from downstairs. "Your boys are out front in a piece of shit van. Hurry up before they honk again."

Rory grins and shoves her songbook into her bag before racing down the stairs and outside. Graham throws open one of the double doors in the back so she can hop in. Up close, the van looks even worse— its sage green exterior with a thick, wide stripe along it is half-covered in rust. Billy's window squeals loudly as he cranks it down.

"Hey, Ro-Ro!" Warren exclaims from the driver's seat. "What d'you think?"

"It is terrible," Rory replies, still smiling widely. "I love it!"

She allows Graham to haul her inside. There aren't any actual seats in the back, so he and Eddie are sitting on a pile of blankets and pillows. Rory nestles between them as he pulls the creaky door closed and sits back down with a sigh.

"It smells like something died in here," Rory says.

"Yeah, you get used to it after a while." Warren turns the key, causing the engine to sputter uselessly. He laughs nervously and tries again. It chokes and groans before roaring to life, causing the radio to immediately begin to blare so loud that Rory jolts in surprise and knocks her head into Eddie's shoulder. "Next stop: Chucky's!"

Rory does not get used to the dead organism smell during the several-minute-long drive to Chuck's, made longer because the van appears to need words of encouragement and five prayers to keep going after every stop sign. She doesn't realize she'd been gripping onto Graham's hand until they pull into the Loving driveway and finally, loudly, creak to a stop.

"God," Eddie sighs as he kicks the door open.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" Warren greets Chuck as he kills the engine and climbs out of the driver's seat. "What's up, man?"

Rory clambers out of the van in a tangle of blankets and feels much, much safer with her feet on solid ground. She grins at the boy sitting on the steps that lead to his back porch.

"Why's the garage door closed?" Billy questions.

Rory looks to her left. Instead of being open and waiting for them to head inside, she sees the doors for the first time, painted the same light blue as his house. Her grin starts to falter when she registers the troubled expression on Chuck's face.

"Look, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it." Chuck fiddles with his hands. "I got into college."

Warren, who had been toying with a yo-yo that he'd produced out of thin air, chuckles nervously. "All right?"

"Bro, we didn't even know you applied," Graham says.

"W —Wh — Was this, like, before or after I spent all my money on this van?" Warren stammers, pointing back at the thing.

"I know, I'm sorry," Chuck says with a heavy shrug. "It's just... they have a really good dental program."

Eddie, not seeming to know what to do with himself, gives Rory a disbelieving smile. She doesn't return it. Instead, she grips the strap of her bag with a heavy feeling in her chest.

"So, what?" Billy asks. "You're gonna be a dentist now?"

"I don't know. I guess so."

"Chuck, come on." Billy chuckles and walks toward the boy. "All right, please don't do this. All right? Not now. Right? Not when things are just starting to happen."

"What do you mean, 'just starting to happen'?"

"Dude, we open for the Winters on Thursday, and that's — that's just the beginning."

"This is a real opportunity," Chuck says, and the way he emphasizes 'real' makes Rory's heart drop.

"So is this."

"Billy, I know this is your dream, man, but just because you want something to happen doesn't mean it's going to. Like... Graham brought Rory along to help him write songs and how many of them have we played? Huh? Zero. We're not gonna make it as a... a cover band. Do you really think that there's a future here?"

Billy laughs incredulously. "Well, yeah, Chuck. I do."

"You're out of your fucking mind."

The boy stands and starts walking up the steps. Rory worries her bottom lip between her teeth, feeling totally blindsided that Chuck is giving up on them like this. She'd never thought they would lose a piece of their puzzle so early.

"Chuck," she tries to call, but he keeps heading toward the door.

"Good luck, Rory," he says to her without looking back. "Maybe one day you can find a band that actually plays your stuff."

Whether that was supposed to be a jab at Billy or not, she doesn't know. She just watches him go with a crestfallen expression, feeling like someone has just ripped out one of her organs.

"Great cardigan, Chuck," Warren drawls sarcastically. There's a hint of bitterness in his tone that's unusual for him. "Very dentist-like."

The sound of the back door swinging shut reverberates in Rory's head from eardrum to eardrum.

"We gotta cancel the gig," Eddie says.

"No, man," Billy argues, turning back around to face the rest of the band. "We're not canceling."

"Yeah, what are we gonna do? We don't have our bassist, Billy."

"We're not canceling." He messes with his hair and drags a hand across his lip in thought. For a few moments, there's no sound between them but birds chirping in the distance before he says, "Eddie, you switch over to bass."

Eddie laughs. "No." When the others stare at him, their expressions pleading, the future of the band practically hanging on this moment, he sighs in relent. "For how long?"

"Thanks, man. We owe you." Billy lightly slaps the boy's cheek and his chest as he passes by on the way toward the van. "Let's go."

Rory casts a longing glance at Chuck's closed garage. She remembers all of the photographs in her album of the countless hours they've spent in there over the past two and a half years. They've had fantastic practices and terrible ones, laughter and arguments, all in the name of doing what they loved.

And now Rory will have to figure out how to navigate her life without Chuck, who had always looked out for her when the other guys were being too rough. The boy who researched her medical condition just in case and helped her in her time of need.

Then she climbs into the van and never sees that garage again.

_______

a/n:

pov: you're looking at photos that camila took of rory with one of the boys

<<<3333333

starryeyedturtle made this AMAZINGLY adorable edit for roquez that i am so excited to share with you guys. it will also be in the introductory chapter but i wanted y'all to see it here too !!

also rachel zegler really is out here THRIVING and i love it for her. go check out the trailer for the ballad of songbirds and snakes if you haven't already !!!

— kristyn

TRANSLATIONS:

Tías, tíos y primos: Aunts, uncles, and cousins

Deja de moverte: Stop moving

Mijo: Combination of "mi" and "hijo", a nickname meaning "my son"

( word count: 3.1k )