The stunning rhythms echo deep in my soul; soft melodic humming between headphones and eardrums. Your voice soothes, nourishes and charms; with such effortlessness and grace, that in order to appreciate it I must close my eyes. To feel nothing around me, but the music. Melancholy piano intertwines with velvety vocals, in such a way that I am momentarily frozen in awe. Breathing becomes silent; and nonexistent memories from a decade of nostalgia I never knew materialise vividly in my mind. Oh, to have been there. To have been alive in a time when you dominated and captured so many hearts.

In a dim room, with only light from a bedside lamp, I lay. For hours, I disconnect from the harsh realities that surround me day-to-day; and get lost in a euphoria only possible through your music. With no audible noise around, and the world in a quiet slumber, I am free — you lead me there.

Gentle, drawn-out notes make me tearful. Why are you no longer here with us? Since 2016, nothing has been the same. The world rotates that little bit slower. Life goes on — as does the music — but whenever I think of you being gone, it halts. Freedom and joy become despair and heartbreak. A world without you, is not really a world at all. It is but a floating rock, with the distant remains of such a special being kept alive through song. And aren't the songs just beautiful?

Don't patronise ... me
I can't make you love me, if you don't ...

Even with no real-life experience to draw empathy from, it strikes just where it hurts. To be capable of coercing one into feeling something without living it personally is a skill which very few can be merited for. But, somehow, you achieve this through all that you do.

Missing you hurts incredibly. It is like a wound forced open, before it has been given the chance to heal. Deep within me, I see you. Your wit; your kindness; your spirit. It's contagious. It influences me every day. Of course, one should not try to be somebody else. However, to take inspiration from someone who only emanates authenticity, is something I encourage myself to do. To be half of what you were, would be worth more than all the wealth in the world.

As I open my eyes once again, a few tears spill over my lashes. As they fall, they land upon my lit phone screen. The void in my chest is one that can never again be filled. The loss of somebody so impactful is something that one will always struggle to recover from. To lose myself in the words once more, my eyes close again.

But this time, you are there. You are standing right before me. With the signature cheeky grin and sweet doe eyes, you outstretch your hand.

"Come on," you invite.

With no hesitation, I place my hand in yours; and you pull me from my bed. Together, we move across my floor to the soft instrumental of I Can't Make You Love Me. You hold me, patiently teaching me the steps to an aimless dance, chuckling at my clumsiness.

"You saved me," I whisper, pulling you to me for a hug. The heat of your body radiates against mine; but all the while I'm trying to savour the sensation of you being so close. So that I can remember it forever.

"I'll always be here." You part from me, pressing your hand to my heart, to let me know what I already suspected.

"Why do you have to go?" My brows furrow in sorrow, as I take your hand once more. "Why can't you stay?"

"I've done my work for this lifetime," you explain to me. "And I'll never really go, so long as the love is there."

"And I do love you," I reassure you, my wet lashes pressing to your white shirt. "So, so much."

"Then that's all you need." You withdraw from me, resting a hand on my cheek. With a smile and a kiss to my forehead, you fade away. Particles that once made up your presence have now vanished.

"Wait," I plead desperately, but you have already gone. As if you were never there to begin with.

When I turn my head around, all that's left is my phone, sitting on my bed. The heart-wrenching conclusion to the song is just audible through the room, from how loud the volume is on my still plugged-in headphones.

Someone's gonna love me ...

Knowing you are gone, my eyes well up with tears once more. For such a sweet moment of bliss to end so abruptly is enough to shatter anybody. With a pang of sadness, I trudge back to my bed, to carry on with my nightly routine. With headphones back in my ears, I skip to the next song — Freedom '90.

I won't let you down ... I will not give you up,
Gotta have some faith in the sound,
It's the one good thing that I've got ...

As the song continues on, I slide my back down my headboard, in attempt to find a comfortable position to sit in. My eyes close to absorb the artistry once more. You know this song brightens my mood; it's catchy and fun, yet lyrically just as moving as your other works. Did you choose for this song to play next, for this reason?

Heaven knows we sure had some fun, boy,
What a kick, just a buddy and me ...

When my eyes open again, you're back. This time, you flash your signature smile, before saluting playfully. You give me a wave to bid me farewell; this time, I can't help but chuckle at you as you dissolve into the yellow glow of my bedside lamp.

"I'll always have faith in the sound," I tell you.

And I hope, more than anything, that you can hear me.

• • •

I wrote this one back in around November/December time last year (2021) — it's been sitting in my Works, but I finally decided to post it. xx