Credit: StockSnap / Pixabay.com

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Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain,

Cherish the moment, ignore the pain.

Live, laugh, love, forgive and forget,

Life is too short to live with regret.

~ Unknown ~

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Swara walked out of the kitchen, onto the verandah and into Sanskaar's arms. As he held her, she broke down; she just could not stop her tears and neither did Sanskaar stop her. He just held her, a firm support and whispered to her to cry it all out, which she did. After some time, she finally stopped, pulled herself free from his arms and stood at a distance, staring at the skies above. Unable to watch her standing silent, Sanskaar walked over and said, "Swara, I am sorry. I never knew, never had a doubt that it was Laksh. If I did..." he stopped as Swara abruptly turned to him and placed a palm over his lips. "Enough, Sanskaar, you are not going to take blame for what happened to me, even if Laksh is your brother and you somehow think that as a big brother you are responsible."

She removed her palm and continued in a firm tone, "I had an equal role in that folly as Laksh and you do not allow me to blame myself. And how can you now go around feeling guilty for something you had no role in nor had any knowledge of? All these days you have been telling me that my foolish actions do not deserve the guilt I carried and the moment you come to know of his identity you start feeling guilty? Please, Sanskaar, as you said what is done is over and there is no point dwelling in the past..."

Sanskaar heard her for some more time till he decided that he had heard enough. He swiftly pulled her into his arms, broke into a slow grin and drawled, "Wow, what a transformation, my wet bedraggled kitten seems to have metamorphosed into the Bengal tigress that she should be." Swara held out her hands against him to stop herself from falling into him, narrowed her eyes and she glared at him as her speech had been cut short by Sanskaar's actions, which she soon realized was a mistake. There was no way she could pull herself away from his gaze; no way she could stop herself from giving in. Her mind hazily tried to remind her that she had requested him not to kiss her but her pounding heart simply drowned her thoughts as she slowly starting sinking into his arms.

Sanskaar tried to hold back, he remembered that he had given her a promise of sorts; that he would not kiss her, a promise which his heart was now lustily protesting; the fact that Swara was willingly melting in his arms gave him all the impetus he needed. He raised a hand to her neck, his fingers tangling in her silky hair as he gently held her head and her expectant gaze destroyed all his resolve. He leaned down and covered her mouth with his.

Sanskaar kissed her gently at first, then with greater pressure. Swara sank into him and wrapped her arms around his neck, curling her fingers through the thick strands that rested against his neck. With a rough gasp, his hand went around the small of her back, pulling her tightly against him. Swara could feel his heart racing, flush against her own and gave a small cry of surprise against his mouth as he brushed his hand across her cheek, running his finger softly along her jawline to her ear. As Sanskaar deepened the kiss, she gave up her feeble attempts at resistance and completely submitted to him.

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Ragini stayed in the corner of the kitchen still upset with the revelations. She knew could see that Laksh was bewildered and would soon try to speak to her, though she dreaded hearing him, she also knew that she had to talk to him, there were a lot of things left unsaid, which she had to tell him and she took a step towards him.

At the sound of her footstep, Lakshya looked up, he had almost forgotten that she was there, it was unusual of her to be silent, and he started, "Ragini..."

He got no further as she raised a hand to stall him. "No, Laksh, not another word from you. Today I will say everything that has to be said and you will simply listen, and I hope that that is not asking for too much."

"All my life I had hated the life we lived in the Baadi – it is not that my parents or my grandparents did not love us, they just believed that one had to be strict in your upbringing, more so when you were bringing up girls. What was considered normal, playing with the kids after school, taking up sports, even in an all-girls team, giving and attending birthday parties, eating cake; everything was frowned upon as not being part of our Indian culture, the decadent influence of western culture. Everything we did, said, wore, even the songs we could listen and the movies we could watch, which was a rarity in itself, had to be approved by Dadi. I now know that she did love us both, in her own way; but when I was growing up, I hated her and in some part, hated my parents too."

"Swara also had the same restrictions as I did but somehow she could always find joy in little things and she would keep telling me, 'it is okay Ragini, so what if we do not have a life like our friends, we have a family, a weird one agreed, but a family all the same.' I, however, found it stifling and would rebel in silent ways."

"And then Swara met you; I knew it right away, her face would glow those days, it was the light of a thousand hopes, the glow of a million dreams, the promise of a.... I think I was a little jealous of her, Laksh, I too wanted that." Ragini paused, wiped the tears which were streaming down her face and continued, "Maybe it was my jealousy that spoilt her hopes, I will never know. But I do know that I had my own small part to play for what happened to us."

"I knew something was amiss when Swara behaved the way she did that day, she appeared torn, shifting between barely suppressed joy and guilt. She said she had to leave early for the library as she needed a specific book and that is when I got a little suspicious; I knew that the college library did not open before nine. I went to our room to get ready to follow her and there it was, a letter addressed to our parents and grandparents. I could hold back no longer, I read through it – 'she was apologetic and sorry but had no other way...and so on' she wrote. I was furious, not because she was running away with you but because she was running away from us, away from that prison towards freedom, running away alone, leaving me behind. I hated her at that moment and then decided that she had to be stopped. I started off for the station at once."

"The traffic was agonizing slow that day, which simply angered me more. When I finally reached the station after nine, I was sure I was too late; I knew Swara was planning on catching the 8:30 Howrah Mumbai express; but I felt something was going to be wrong and I took the chance of going inside the station."

"I found her seated at the platform, the train had long left and she was still waiting, looking a little lost. When she looked up to see me, she seemed surprised but did not say a word. Seeing her that way; my bubbly sister so subdued and distracted, I lost my temper and just blurted out whatever came to my mind. A lot of the passersby stopped and were staring at us, but even then she did not say a word. Finally I gave up and sat down beside her and we waited, waited for you to turn up. Every ten minutes she tried calling you but you never answered, did you? There were calls from my Maa which neither of us answered, what were we going to tell her? Finally, at around six in the evening, you picked up the call, it was a very short one – Swara simply lit up and exclaimed 'Bipul! Thank....' I do not know what you answered but that was the minute something died in her. She flung the mobile onto the tracks, followed by the cover that I had embroidered for her with our names, that one act let me know how broken she was, she always carried that cover with her."

"She just sat there, Laksh, still and silent, she was no longer the Swara I knew; the light inside her had simply extinguished itself. Nothing I said got to her and each passing minute made it difficult for us to return – she refused to move and there was no way I would leave her."

Ragini stopped as though the emotions she felt were overwhelming and then confessed, "I was not being brave, I was terrified of facing our family's wrath alone - so I decided that I would stick to Swara and go where she went. There was no way our family knew about us, I had carried that note with me."

"I think our guardian angels were extra vigilant that day – I really do not know what we were thinking of ourselves, we hardly had any money, I had forgotten to carry my mobile, Swara had thrown away the mobile we had and she carried only one set of extra clothing. It was sometime later that we ran into the Dragon or rather she found us, Swara dazed and lost in her thoughts, me asleep with my head in her lap. She asked about us and Swara kept answering, 'I cannot go back home, I cannot go back.' So when she told us to follow her, we did, I do not know why – maybe it was her commanding voice or the presence of the kindly looking gentleman with her – we just did. And that is how we came here. There are times when I shudder to think how stupid we were and as to what could have happened to us and how blessed we were to be where we are today."

Ragini halted as she relived that day, then she got up, filled a glass of water and drank in big gulps. She looked at Laksh with an anguished expression, "You have no idea how tough it was on Swara – she would cry silently in the nights, thinking that I was fast asleep, but how could I sleep, I was partly responsible for the state we found ourselves in. I kept thinking that if only I had told our parents, at least my mother before I left, then maybe things would not be so bad. Maybe, I should have answered those calls from Maa. Maybe, I should have just searched for a public booth and called home. But I did nothing and that guilt ate into me. Each morning when we woke up, we made a silent resolve to call home but as the day progressed we lost our strength to do so and soon it became a little too late."

"I tried to talk to Swara but she would not speak much, Mrs. Das gave us a couple of weeks and then decided that things could not continue in the same fashion. She put us to work in the bakery, Swara threw herself into the same, she had always loved to cook but my heart was not into it. I wanted to study and I told her so. Surprisingly, the Dragon agreed to it. I busied myself in my studies and for once was truly happy. It was hard, Laksh, so hard, to start all over again, we had no certificates, no papers, I have never actually tried to know how Mrs. Das managed to get them in place. She even sponsored my guitar classes and I repaid the entire amount once I started earning."

Ragini gave a wan smile and the remorse was evident in her voice, "You know, Laksh, all my life I have been pretty selfish and have always taken Swara and her support for granted. I have never apologized to her; for not standing up for her, for not convincing her that we should have gone home that day, for not taking initiative in telling the truth to our parents, for leaving her to slog in this bakery as I went about creating the life I wanted....the list is endless and I know that even if I spend the rest of my life trying to make up to her, it is would not be enough. But today when I realized that I am responsible for you stepping back into her life, I hate myself. I hate myself for having loved you. I am not angry or upset with you, Laksh, I. just. hate. myself."

She wiped off the tears and in a tight voice said, "So please, Laksh, just leave, it should not be difficult for you, you have already done it once, it is definitely easier the second time. Please, just go and leave me and my sister alone."

Ragini, with an air of resoluteness, absolutely unwilling to give Laksh even a tiny chance to utter a word, walked out of the kitchen and his life.

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Swara stayed in Sanskaar's arms, allowing his strength and comforting calm to soak into her as she tried to set her thoughts into order. She really must find a way to stick to her stand, just a couple of hours ago she had confessed that she could be falling in love with him and had asked him not to kiss her anymore till she was sure of her feelings and here she was, nestled in his arms after being thoroughly kissed by him, though to be fair, she had literally begged for it. Her body and heart were still giddy with the after effects and just thinking about it sent heated tingles through her, which considering the fact that she was still ensconced in Sanskaar' s embrace, were not very advisable thoughts to have. And Sanskaar could read her very well indeed; he gave a tiny knowing smile, tightened his hold around her a little more, and buried his head in her hair, while she all but disappeared into his arms.

Finally, Swara pulled herself back and muttered, "We have to talk." 

Sanskaar groaned, he did not like relinquishing her and was certainly not in a mood to talk, at least one that involved words. But he knew what Swara would try to say so he stopped her "And what do we have to talk about? Definitely not about Laksh and you or about you and me. There are only two things we would have to address – first, what do we do about Ragini and Laksh and the second, the most important one, do you not think that finally, it is time for you to go back to your family?"

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A/N  - And here ends this chapter with the next update letting you know what the girls decided and Mrs Das's story and a few other reactions.

Happy reading and yes, do let me know how you found this chapter - all feedback - good or bad is welcome.

love,

Nyna