This is the fifth in this series, even though it is not from Swara to Sanskaar. 

I was so tired of the Kavita track that I had stopped watching the show. I cannot overlook the 'resurrection' as my earlier letters included Kavita and I do feel bad for the way her character is poised to play out, so in a way this is quite removed from the serial canon

This is my attempt to ensure that Sanskaar's memories of Kavita remain beautiful and untarnished. (I have taken a poetic license and am glossing over the illogical sequence of events leading to her 'coming back from the dead'). This letter is written by Kavita to both Swara and Sanskaar, before she decides to walk out from their lives.

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Swara and Sanskaar,

I am writing this in an attempt to marshal my thoughts, hoping that I can better convey what I want to say. I am trying to write what I am unable to say. 

Sanskaar,  I am so lost. It takes an instant to change your life and it has been five years. Time had stopped for me, but life did not wait for me. It moved on, taking you away from me.

Badi Ma told me all that happened, and I am sorry. Sorry that your love for me had turned you into such an embittered and shattered soul. Maybe our love was not strong enough, right enough? How else do we explain the events that left me, bruised in body and you, broken in spirit? Was there something lacking in our love, that I spent five years in a darkness of oblivion while you created a darkness of despair and bitter vengeance? Was our love so frail that my 'death' caused you to set in motion a course of events that culminated in broken hopes, destroyed dreams and lives torn apart? And somewhere, deep down, a part of me hates myself for this.

But then again, something beautiful does come out of something broken, after all, the most beautiful stars are seen only in the darkest of the nights. I woke to find my world shattered into a million pieces, with you in the centre..., and each piece incandescent with your love for Swara. I am not blind; I can see it, your love for her blazes like a million suns; anyone should be able to feel it, it is the wind of countless zephyrs. There is no hiding from that luminous truth, and I know I have lost you forever.

Swara, please do not feel sorry for me, I think this was preordained. Destiny knew the hand it would play, which is why we were named as we are. I am Kavita – a poem, a vivid imagination of a poet – to be expressed but never attained. A poem stirs the heart and tugs at its strings but in the end does leave you feeling a little lost. It awakens a yearning, nostalgia, leaving you incomplete. And you have to admit it – all great poems are tragic. As Carl Sandberg said – 'Poetry is an echo asking shadows to dance' – and shadows do not belong to your world.

But you, Swara, are music – music that tunes the entire universe, which makes the world sing. Music that touches the soul, encompasses it and completes it. Music is life, which is why all hearts have beats. And Sanskaar's heart beats to your music, as your soul sings to his.

Sanskaar – I am leaving now and I pray that our paths never cross again. I am sorry I did not say goodbye to you, I would not be able to leave if I saw you again, which is why I will give this letter to Swara. But do know, even after everything I will still love you. I will continue to do so and will miss you beyond words. I will miss your smile and your arms around me. I will miss looking at you and saying I love you. But, I will get over you. I will move on and I will fall in love again, with myself. I will love life even though it will be without you. I will find happiness and a life without regret.

Wishing you enough,

Kavita

PS: Swara: I am giving you the earrings that Sanskaar once gifted to me – I kept waiting for a very special occasion to wear them, now it is only befitting that you have them. Please do accept them.

PPS: Could you guys please get your act together? Even a blind person can see that the two of you are hopelessly in love with each other, so please stop this silent moping around and start talking to each other. Do acknowledge and accept your love for each other. Truly, if I were stronger and if Sanskaar was not so stubborn (please, Sanskaar, we both know you can be a real stubborn mule) I would have whacked your heads together in the hope of knocking some sense into you.

PPS: Swara, remember that photograph of the two of you in your room – I have taken it, while waiting for you. I know I could have asked it of you and you would not have refused, but I was not sure I would be able to say a single word without breaking down. Please do not grudge me – that is the only memory I carry with me to treasure forever.

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Note: Wishing you enough is the start line of a beautiful wish, a forever goodbye- which wants the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them. The complete wish is:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get through the final goodbye.

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A/N - quite a wild imagination right - especially the earrings part and the "stealing" of the photograph. You, dear reader, must imagine that Kavita came to Baari to meet Swara, was made to wait for her in her room, where as her courage failed, she swiped the photograph, scribbled the last PPS and ran out without meeting Swara. 

Guess, it makes better reading now. If it does not, please put it down to my overactive imagination - remember, it is the Libran me.

Anyway, thanks for reading and as always, all feedback, good or bad, is welcome.

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