"So-"

Phil's voice absently floats in your direction.

It was a gloomy day, rain harshly splattering against the wood roof.

Both you and Phil were seated on his balcony, staring into the rain, keeping just out of reach of the cold droplets.

It was a day after the Butcher army left, and depending on their pace, who knows how close they were to Techno.

The two of you had nothing to do, grounded on self absorbed words and seated in each other's company.

"Why aren't you leaving?" Phil asks.

His gaze is firmly locked on the rain, and even with such a serious sounding question he had no tenseness. Mere curiosity being the only thing in his tone and body language.

"Leaving?" You question, "As in... you?"

"Yeah. Why aren't you leaving?" He taps the iron ring on his ankle with an absent small metallic tink.

You huff, "Why aren't you?"

"I'm playing a game that requires patience, that's why." He chuffs a small noise at a random thought before continuing, "If I leave now, the next time I come back they'll be aggressive, so why not keep position and possibly get good information?"

You laugh, "What information could you possibly be getting??"

"Nooo idea-" He cackles for a second, "But knowing Techno... it'll be useful to have something cataloged in my brain."

You huff.

Sounds scary.

Phil shifts, wings spreading briefly as he adjusts to cross his legs.

Which makes you notice how disheveled they looked.

Which made sense, you supposed.

Phil had a lot of stuff happening in his mind at the moment, and it's understandable that he'd be too focused on stress to look at much else.

"Preen?" You question, gesturing to his wings with a hopeful look.

He just cackles at the question before nodding, "Eh- sure why not."

With a happy scoot, you pull yourself backwards, letting Phil's one good wing extend out to you.

Preening was always so calming. Gentle hands, doing gentle work, smoothing feathers and letting anything dead ease out naturally.

It was silent for a while, just you and Phil sitting in the calming, bittersweet atmosphere.

Bittersweet in the sense that you both were stuck here. Kind of.

"You could totally leave right now. Don't you want to see Tommy?" Phil's voice is quiet. Still curious, but almost littered with concern.

Like he thought you should leave right now.

You smoothed over a few more feathers before a long arduous sigh came from your mouth.

"Well of course I do. But leaving you here for what I want to do just feels... wrong." You huff a laugh, "Besides- I don't know how to get there."

Philza laughs at your answer but doesn't do more to question you. He takes your answer, glad you answered him to begin with, and tucks it into his mind.

"Classic you." He says.

"Classic me." You reply.

"I don't get why you think so intensly about how people are feeling." His wings shift in your hold as he speaks, shuffling his arms around to get comfortable yet again, "If you stop caring about strangers, you won't feel that bad when bad things happen."

"... that's just how I am..." You say, slowing the hand that was buried in his wing, "And you are not a stranger Phil."

"I know, I know..." He huffs, "But listen up mate- one day, you're going to care too much, and there won't be anything you can do, and all that worry is just gonna get you hurt."

You smooth over the joint near the top of Phil's wings, and by instinct he spreads his wings out farther, black elegant feathers stretching and allowing themselves to be cleaned.

"Shame that Techno doesn't know how to preen wings." Phil murmers.

"He doesn't? I thought you two were like... best buddies or something."

Phil let's out a laugh waving a dismissive hand, "We are, it's just- when I wanted him to try he said he was too scared of breaking my wings."

That's... surprisingly sweet.

A sweet reason at least.

You can already picture his face as he said those words to Phil, the gentle squint of his eyes staring downwards, the pursed lips. Soft.

"Aww...- he can be really sweet sometimes." You say aloud, which makes Phil laugh.

"Sweet? That's a weird word to use."

Just as you reach the edge of Phil's flight feather, you pause.

"Well it was sweet."

"All I heard was him doubting himself. Which I won't stand for." Phil paused, turning his head around to glance at you, "Why? What did you think?"

"Well... the way I see it, he put enough thought into your well-being that he was concerned about doing something that might hurt you." You shoot a soft smile at Phil's wing's before finishing the rest of the preening, "He cares about you. He wouldn't have considered that with anyone else."

As your hand smooths through the long feathers in one last final swoop, you watch one of the dead flight feathers fall gently to the floor, before you hesitantly glance at Phil's other wing... the one that was... mangled.

"Do you want me to do the other one? Or does that one hurt too much?"

Phil just keeps staring at you.

And rather then answer your question, he squints with a grin and says, "Enlighten me- what's your relationship with Techno like?"

With no wing in your hand, you're forced to make eyecontact with Phil head on. Eye to eye, the curiosity from him burning into you.

"My relationship?"

"Yeah." Phil affirms, "How do you guys interact? Are you friends?"

Huh.

That's certainly a question.

"I have no idea."

Genuinely, you had no idea.

You didn't have a clue as to what went on in Techno's head, and you didn't know what you were doing half the time you interacted with him.

You started out on good terms with him? Had some rough patches of mistrust- somehow stayed on good terms with him- and then when you got shot down he ended up taking care of you?

What were his reasons?

Why did he flip sometimes and throw out threats? Threats that always seemed to stem from some... self conscious piece of himself?

"I genuinely have no idea what goes on in his head- he just- he acts so big and tough and then melts whenever someone shows him human decency. But then flips back? And it's confusing??" You run a hand through your hair, "I don't know man- I don't get him."

Phil is surprisingly attentive, staring at you with a face that seems to say, 'keep going.'

By now, he had shuffled his body around, facing you head on, one singular preened wing tucked behind his back, while his other mangled one hung loosely near his side.

"I don't have anything else to say." You state, and he squints.

"No, you most certainly do."

You squint back- and the both of you squint at each other for a moment before you crack and immediately say, "I really don't understand him. Hes so cruel sometimes, but then on the other hand he's one of the most considerate person I've ever met. He thinks about other people's needs, sometimes even more then his own."

A small laugh from your throat, "No one thanks him though, which sucks."

Phil finally says something, "Well that's good."

"What, human decency?"

"Yea."

"Anyone is capable of that- it's... not that hard of a thing to do..." You mutter.

"Not a lot of people try to be decent though- and a lot of people in Techno's life have been more then willing to be cruel."

You squint at Phil.

Still in confusion.

Still just...

Why was he even bringing this up? Thinking about Techno made your brain hurt. You had no ill will towards him, but you can't deny that when push came to shove, he abandoned all the people you thought he was friends with.

Somehow not you.

You let out a huff, before throwing your back against the floor.

Not right now.

You glanced at Phil.

Phil and his calm expression-

How could he be calm right now?

People were going to go try and capture or kill his friend- and he was over here asking how well you got along with said friend.

The only time you've seen him shook was when his son died.

He was crying then, he was snotting, and sobbing, and so... scared at a life where his son was dead.

But now? Friend being possibly killed? He's calm.

But then? When your mother finally slipped into her death? He was calm.

"Are you not worried about Techno right now?" You cross your arms, still flat against the floor, "Are you so carefree and detached from life that you can sit here and ask me random questions?"

"...Are you worried about Techno...?"

Unexpectedly..

You flush.

Why was that so embarrassing to have said aloud?

"Yes."

You pause.

"Are you."

Phil's reply is immediate, "No."

You sit up off the floor at the answer, "What???"

He cackles at your shock, giving you this inquisitive look, "What? What's so weird about that?"

"I don't know- it it weird to not care if your friend is dying or not??"

"I have full trust in Techno- he's a tough bugger." Phil says with full confidence, "They can't catch him. They certainly can't kill him."

"Everyone seems to say that about him." You huff.

Phil's response is immediate, "That's cause it's true- Technoblade never dies."

"But he's mortal. He... he can die."

"True. But he wont."

You angrily squint at Phil, "How are you so sure...?"

The only response you get is this... sly smile. A knowing smile that spoke volumes. He trusts Techno to not get killed... or there's something else involved.

You mind thinks back to the red lines on his arm. The three, scratchy red lines, blood soaked and smooth.

Phil breaks you from thought with a laugh.

"You are so worried right now." He pokes the crease between your brows, "It's adorable."

When you squint even angrier, Phil laughs harder.

The shoulder shaking kind that has him hunching over.

"You two get so worried about each other its hilarious."

"Two?"

"Yeah- the both of you-" Phil waves his hand around in the air like it's common knowledge, "You're both little worry warts who scurry around and try to fix problems."

You shoot a blank look at Phil, fed up, but moderately... warmed at the thought?

The thought that Techno did have some sort of care for you? That it wasn't just... a fluke of some sort.

He really is a confusing person.

With a groan, you flop onto your back again.

"Phil- me me tired of people's shit."

A cackle.

And then a reply of, "Same mate, same."

"Phil- me me want hug-"

Another cackle, and with a moderately mocking tone he copies your tone of voice, "Me me thinks you have to sit up for a hug-"

In response, you painstakingly pull yourself off the floor, scooching closer to him on the ground and flinging your arms out-

A big hug- resting your chin on his shoulder, taking a deep, stress filled breath in before exhaling loudly and quickly.

His good wing swoops around you for extra warmth padding, and for a moment you let your mind run empty.

No more shit, just you and Phil, two friends, who need time to just... be free of drama.

Maybe you more. Phil already seems so above being stressed out. He does what he wants when he wants, goes where he wants, worries about only the people he wants to worry for.

Very detached.

Very much a free spirit.

"Remember when me and my siblings would dog pile you everytime we saw you?"

"Oh my gods, yes- it hurt so much- you shits would throw yourselves at me-"

You laugh.

"We loved you Phil- escaping the dog pile was unavoidable."

He chuckled softly in response, going silent and just letting you cling to him.

The aching thought of your mother arose in your mind.

The burning hole she and your family respectfully left behind shouldn't have been feeling this fresh, but something about all the stress of everything made you miss them that much more.

"Phil... do you think my mother would have wanted us to take on her mantle...?" You grab on just a bit tighter to the back of his cloak, careful to not squeeze at his feathers, "Do you think... she wanted my brother to guard it...? And for me to leave him all alone...?"

"I think she wanted all of you guys to be happy." Phil softly spoke.

Your throat closed up.

Something inside of you choking out any other noises that wanted to be heard.

I don't feel happy.

Is what you wanted to say. Wanted to sob out, but you couldn't. So you held tighter to Phil and opened your eyes to stare out the window.

The window inside of L'manberg.

Where people weren't the nicest.

Where people exiled your friend, where people arrested your friend, where people are going to kill your friend.

...

You missed your kin.

And you wanted Techno to be okay more then anything.