XXIII.   when I get in my own head

Marlowe spent all of her time after Christmas Break thinking about what to sing for the Beauty and the Beast audition. She debated on singing an original song that she wrote, but she also knew that singing a song from the movie would give her a better chance at getting the role of Belle. Now that she knew what was at stake, Marlowe didn't only want the lead, but she wanted to win. She wanted it all. And she was stressing out about it.

The theater kids gathered in the cafeteria, and Marlowe was busy looking through her songbook. She kept it close to her so that nobody around could see.

Luca, sitting in the seat beside her, noticed her stressing. "What are you thinking?" He vocalized.

"I really want to sing one of my songs, but, what if Miss Jenn thinks that's not good enough?"

"Go for it. Stand out, y'know? You're pretty much already a shoe in." He told her.

She shook her head slightly. "I'm not so sure." She doubted.

He furrowed his brows. "Why?"

"Creo que todo el mundo quiere que Nini audicione para Belle." She whispered to him in Spanish so that their conversation was private. I think everyone wants Nini to audition for Belle.

Luca scoffed. "Mars, casi arruina nuestro último musical. Confía en mí, lo tienes." He whispered back. Mars, she almost ruined our last musical. Trust me, you got this.

Marlowe gave him a warning stare. "No seas malo." Don't be mean.

He held up his pointed finger. "No es malo, honesto."
Not mean, honest.

She rolled her eyes and looked away from him. She closed her songbook and tucked it away back in her book bag. Marlowe looked over her shoulder and saw EJ and Knox sitting with the water polo team. He was wearing his Duke hat. "Look how cute they look over there." She spoke with an adoring smile.

Luca looked at their table and awed. "Our little seniors. My heart hurts."

"Attention, thespians! I have a brief announcement!" Carlos announced and stood up from the table, catching everyone's attention.

Seb cupped his hands together. "Speech! Speech!"

"After spending the last couple of weeks google stalking the Menkie Awards, I've discovered there is no category for best choreography."

"That's rigged." Marlowe scoffed.

"And since the menkies is step one to be becoming the first ever winner of a MEGOT. . ."

"MEGOT?" Big Red whispered to Ashlyn.

She leaned close to him. "Menkie, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony."

Luca nodded. "Get in line."

". . . I've decided that I will be auditioning to be on stage this year. Thank you all!" Carlos finished

Marlowe gasped. "Omg, no way!" She squealed.

"Yay!"

Ashlyn raised Big Red's hand and waved it around. "Big Red's trying out too!"

The twins gasped. "No, you're not!" She expressed.

"He is!" Ricky said back.

"Bigs up, Big Red. You gonna teach me some of those allegedly great tap moves?" Gina asked him.

He gave a weak chuckle. "I'm so scared."

Marlowe squealed and put one of her hands on the table. "Is this the year BRLM is going to all be trying out together?"

"BRLM?" Kourney raised an eyebrow.

"BRLM: Big Red, Ricky, Luca, and Marlowe. It's our group name." Luca explained. "Y'know, like—" he pretended to shiver. "Brrrlm."

"We came up with it when we were little." Said Marlowe. She squealed again. "Yay,  we're all theater geeks now!"

A pair of lips pressed against the top of her head and a glowing smile appeared on her face. She titled her head back to see EJ standing over her. "Hey, you."

Knox sat on the other side of Luca and kissed his cheek.

"Hey back." EJ replied and took the empty seat beside her. His long arm slung around her shoulder. "You're welcome." He said to Ricky.

The junior raised his brows. "Huh?"

"Uh, I've decided to take myself out of the running for the Beast." He announced to them all.

Marlowe immediately looked at him and frowned.  "What? But I thought we were going to do it together?" 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I'm just. . . I've got a lot on my plate." EJ took out his phone. "Which reminds me,  I should probably pick a meal plan for Duke."

"Wait, you officially got in?" Ashlyn asked.

Marlowe's eyes widened again. "You got in?"

"Hold on, back up. You're not doing the musical either?" Ricky back tracked.

"Either?" Luca questioned.

"What do you mean either?" His sister followed.

"Uh. . ." He chuckled nervously. "Uh. . . I'm uh, I'm not sure if I'm auditioning this year."

"What, why? You were so excited,"

"Well, you know, once a skate rat. . . Right?"

Luca blinked and shook his head. "No."

"Wait, for real?"

"Is this about Nini?" Marlowe questioned.

Ricky looked at her for a minute but didn't answer. Knowing she was right,  shelooked at EJ again. "I really wanted you to audition for the Beast. It feels weird if it's not you." She said sadly.

EJ frowned. "I know, I'm sorry. But I'll still be watching you. Cause I know you're going to be Belle."  He pushed her hair behind her ear and she managed to grin at his sweet gesture.

"Okay, um. . . sorry, I've been trying to work up the courage to say this," a blonde girl said when she walked up to their table. "Okay, I came believe in standing in front of both Troy Boltons right now. Both your performances last semester in HSM were incredible," she said to both EJ and Ricky.

Marlowe managed to smile but looked her up and down, feeling slightly weirded out. She slightly leaned closer to EJ.

"Thank you."

"Thanks."

"That means a lot to us," EJ continued. "It honestly takes a village to get a show up on its feet. I've been very blessed."

"No, no, I mean, thank you. Really," the girl continued. "I mean, you both inspired me to wanna the out this semester." Her eyes switched over to the twins. "And you two, I mean, your performances as Sharpay and Ryan was incredible!"

"Why, thank you. It comes natural," Luca replied with a proud smirk.

"And hard work," Marlowe added, giving him a look.  "We try to stay humble."

"Of course! I mean, it's intimidating being basically,  like, brand new to theater. Hey, honestly, you guys are all so talented."

Ashlyn chuckled. "Thank you."

She took out her phone. "Do you mind if we. . .?"

The theater friends gathered together and got in the frame of her phone. Smiling, she took the photo.  "Okay!"

"Hey, you tag me in that. it's just EJWaterPoloTheaterGuy. Theater. . . ER."

The unnamed blonde smiled. "Just did. Bye." She said and walked away with a pep in her step.

Marlowe raised her brows at him. "E, we need to get you a better Instagram name."

Marlowe spent what felt like hours still debating on her sing choice for the audition. She kept switching between her song book or making the choice to sing Beauty and the Beast by Angela Lansbury. But then she started to think about if other people would audition with that song, and Marlowe wanted to stand out like Luca told her to.

It was a frustrating process. During one of her free periods, she asked Ricky if she could borrow his guitar and she stowed herself away in the rehearsal room, singing song after song but none of them felt right.

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell," Marlowe sang and held out the last note. She paced back and forth in the rehearsal room. "And for once it might be grand to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned."

As beautiful as if sounded, it till didn't feel right. Marlowe groaned and sat on the floor, feeling incredibly frustrated. "Why is this so hard? This is never this hard." She spoke to herself because she was alone.

Ashlyn opened the door and stopped when she saw her. "Oh, Marlowe, I'm sorry! I didn't know anyone was in here."

"No, no, no, it's okay. I've been in here too long anyways," Marlowe quickly said and stood from the floor.

"I was just going to work on my audition."

"Yeah, you and me both. I've been trying to figure it out for hours." She replied and brushed her hair out of her face.

Ashlyn titled her head. "What's going wrong?"

"I don't know. I've never been this frustrated when it comes to singing." Marlowe admitted with a grown. "Like, I want to sing one of my songs, but I think I'm afraid to, and I want to audition with a Beauty and the Beast song but I also want to stand out. And it's—" she sucked in a deep breath. "It's just a lot."

Ashlyn smiled and put down her bag. "I think you should absolutely sing one of your own songs." She stated.

Marlowe raised her eyebrows. "Really, you think so?"

She hummed and nodded. "Do you need help deciding?"

"Oh, Ash, you don't have to—"

"I know, I know, we're auditioning for the same role, but, c'mon, I love you Marlowe. And you're dating my cousin. It's kinda in the rule book that we help each other." Ashlyn declared with a kind smile.

Marlowe felt her heart warm and she smiled back. "Okay. Thank you, I really appreciate it. And I'll absolutely help you." She grabbed her song book again. "I have so many, and there's a lot of songs nobody's ever heard before."

"And you're sharing them with me?"

"Well, I trust you."

Ashlyn smiled again and awed. "That's so nice." She held out her hand and Marlowe gave her the book. She started flipping through the pages. It was silent while she read them. Marlowe watched her look surprised. "Wow, Marley, these are beautiful."

"Thank you." She replied with another smile. Feeling slightly sheepish, she stood with her hands behind her back.

"Hey, what's this one about?" Ashlyn asked as she stopped on one of the songs. "No I can't spell it out for you. No, it's never going to be that simple. No, I can't spell it out for you. . .Realize?"

Feeling a spike of embarrassment, Marlowe's mouth opened wide. "Oh, uh. . ." She scratched the back of her neck that started to feel hot. "That's um. . .It's uh, it's about EJ." She admitted and cleared her throat.

Ashlyn's eyes went wide. "Really? You wrote a song for EJ?"

"About EJ. It was when. . .uh, I started writing it when I realized how much I liked him." Marlowe explained. She felt her face heat up. "I don't know, I was in my room and the lyrics just, y'know, came to me."

Smiling wide, Ashlyn awed again. "Marley, that's so sweet. It's beautiful." She gasped. "You have to sing it!"

That time, her eyes went wide. "No! No, no, absolutely not—"

"Why not? It's perfect. Everybody will love it."

"It's not even finished—"

"So finish it."

Marlowe rubbed her face. "Nobody wants to hear a love song, Ashlyn." She stated and tore her hands away. "Okay, they want to hear something loud and clear, something that shows how dedicated I am. I have to be perfect. I need something perfect."

For as long as Ashlyn had known her, Marlowe Aguilar was a complete perfectionist. Even when her talent came naturally, she still wanted everything to be perfect. "Mar," she took a small step in her direction. "Everybody in this school knows how talented you are. There's no doubting it. I've never met anyone more dedicated than you, and you work so hard." Ashlyn pointed to the open page in the song book. "I know something perfect when I see it, and this, this is perfect, Marley. Don't be scared to show it to people."

Her words made the nerves rattling inside of Marlowe to calm, even though she was still freaking out inside her head. "You think?" She asked in a small voice.

Ashlyn smiled at her. "Definitely."

She smiled back, and her hands clasped together in front of her. "Okay, enough about me. Let's work on you, chica." Girl

When it was time for auditions, Madlowe walked into the auditorium to see it was starting to fill up. EJ stopped her and quickly stood from the seat he was in. "Hey, there you are." He said and jogged over. "I haven't see you all day. How are you doing?"

"Yeah, sorry. I've been in the rehearsal room most of the day." She replied. Marlowe nodded. "I'm feeling okay. Slightly nauseous and dizzy, but, I'll push through it."

His smile washed away. "Do you wanna sit down—"

"No, no, I'm okay." She interrupted and waved her hand, smiling. "I'm great now that you're here."

EJ's smile returned. "Likewise." He grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "You're gonna do great, Star. I believe in you. There's nobody more perfect for Belle than you."

It was moments like this that Marlowe wondered how she hated him. Then she also wondered how he was the same guy she met her freshman year. The way she felt for him now compared to then was an astronomical difference. "How did we go from hating each other to, like, feeling like this?"

EJ smiled big at the question. He laughed slightly. "Uhh, probably because you're, like, one of the very few people who actually believe in me."

The way he said it made her slightly sad. "Of course I believe in you, E." Marlow squeezed his hand.

Her soft voice made him feel warm inside.

"Luca's rehearing with Knox right now. Will you do warm ups with me?"

"Absolutely." He nodded

They started by making humming sounds. They started low and gradually got louder. "Okay, try this," EJ told her. "Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum."

"Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum," Marlowe followed.

"Okay, go higher."

They continued to do the warm up until Marlowe went into her head voice. "Good!" EJ smiled proudly.

Carlos and Seb watched them from the stage. "I'm literally dying. They're so adorable."

"Who would have thought?" Seb said and shook his head. 

"Ahem, alright!" Miss Jenn announced when they all got on the stage. "As you all know, this year's audition will be a two step process. One, a group vocal warm up to the classic song Belle, and two, song of your choice.  Whatever shows off your best,"

Marlowe smiled joyfully and she found Luca's eyes,  him giving her a thumbs up.

"Okay, circle up. Take your neighbor's hand. For a moment of silent reflection.

She stood between Gina and EJ and grasped their hands. The students closed their eyes.

"Certain as the sun, rising in the east. . ." Miss Jenn started to sing.

Marlowe curled her lips back into a smile. She should've known.

"Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the. . ."

She was cut off by the doors opening and Ricky came running inside.

"Guess he decided to come after all."

"Is this Mamma Mia 2? Cause here we go again!" Carlos hollered.

It was now time for the group vocal warm up and Marlowe sat and watched as everyone performed their parts.

"Good morning, Belle," EJ sang first and winked at his girlfriend.

"Bonjour. Good day. How is your family?" She sang along when it was her turn.

"Bonjour. Good day. How is your wife?" Followed Gina.

"I need six eggs. That's too expensive!" Steph sang dramatically, making some of them laugh.

"There must be more than this provincial life," Big Red intoned, covering his face with the music sheet.

"Look, there she goes. That girl is so peculiar. I wonder if she's feeling well."

"With a dreamy, far off look. And her nose stuck in a book."

"What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle."

"Ohh, isn't this amazing," Marlowe sang and put a hand on her heart. Her voice was like listening to a song bird, it was so clear and precise. "It's my favorite part because you'll see. . ." Her eyes wondered over to EJ and she walked forward. "Here is where she meets Prince Charming,"

He blushed red as she circled around him. The other smiled at the interaction.

"But she won't discover that it's him till chapter three," she continued. She winked at him.

"Right when I met her, saw her, I said she's gorgeous and I fell," Knox sang with a charming smile.

"Here in town there's only she. Who is as beautiful as me," EJ caroled and motioned his hand to Marlowe, who was standing with the other girls.

"So I'm making plans to woo and marry Belle."

"Madame Gaston, can't you just see it?"

"Madame Gaston. His little wife,"

"No sir, not me. I guarantee it," sang Ashlyn.

"I want much much more than this provincial life," Luca belted out while all the boys gathered on one side of the stage and the girls gathered on the other side.

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere," Lily suddenly sang and Marlowe raised her brows. "I want it more than I can tell. And for one it might be grand to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned."

There was a pit of jealousy that boiled in her stomach. The theater kids stared at her in awe.

"Look, there she goes. A girl who's strange but special," they all sang together. "A most peculiar mademoiselle,"

"It's a pity and a sin." Sang the girls.

Then the boys. "She doesn't quite fit in."

"Cause she really is a funny girl. A beauty but a funny girl. She really is a funny girl. That Belle!"

Miss Jenn and everyone who was watching in the audience cheered for them. "All right, all right, I have already learned so much. That's it for the warm up. Please prepare your individual songs." She told them with a large smile.

The students scattered and Marlowe let out a heavy breath, fanning herself.

"Can I just say. . ." EJ started and took one of her hands, spinning her around. "You. Were. Amazing."

She giggled. "And you were amazing as well. It would be more amazing if you auditioned for the Beast." She added and lightly slapped his chest.

"I'm sorry," he said with a frown. "But hey, whoever gets the part will have to deal with me cause that means I have to share you."

Marlowe rolled her eyes and grinned. "No need for that. I just hope it's someone I can trust. Let's hope it's not Ricky."