XXXVI. feels like my life is out of control

      Neither Marlowe or Nini had the greatest nights on their lives. While Nini was comforting her because of her fight with EJ, Marlowe comforted her because of her break up with Ricky, which shocked her. All her life, it had been Nini and Ricky. They were the light in each other's lives, everybody knew it was supposed to be them. But things were changing. They were getting older, and nothing ever stays the same. Nini wanted to be her own person. She'd always been so independent, it's what Marlowe admired the most about her.

If their love was destined to end, what did that mean for Marlowe?

It was Spring Break and Marlowe and Luca were at home with their parents. Their days were completely different, and Luca was thriving. His dinner with Knox went exactly as planned. He was so happy that Marlowe didn't have the heart to tell him what happened between her and EJ. Mostly because she didn't understand what was happening between them. They hadn't talked since she left his house. A part of her was thinking space would be good, and then they could think about the fight and what it meant. The other part of her was terrified that their relationship was over, and she didn't want that.

Marlowe sat on her bed with her legs pulled to her chest. Her computer was in front of her, waiting for Miss Jenn to start the Zoom she'd set up for the drama kids. Luca came running into her room. "Has it started yet?" He asked in a hurry and ran to the bed.

"No, uh," she said and he flopped on the bed. "Should be ready in a few minutes."

"Hey, what's up with you? You look like your dog just died."

"We don't have a dog."

"But if we did and he died, that's what you would look like." Luca said and pointed to her face. He laid on his side. "So, what's up? You haven't even talked about your dinner with EJ."

Marlowe frowned but she quickly bit her lip. "I don't want to talk about it, Luke."

He immediately sat up. "What did he do?"

"Luca—"

"Did he break up with you? Did you guys fight? Were his parents assholes? Talk!"

"We got into a fight!" She yelled with a crack in her voice. Luca frowned. "He told me got into Duke but his dad's the one who got him in. Okay, he lied to me."

The twin blinked and moved closer to her. "So he didn't call Duke and ask them to accept him?" He asked for clarification.

Marlowe shook her head. "No. His dad made some calls and Duke accepted him because his dad's Cash Caswell." She crossed her legs and put her head in her hands. "And we got into a fight, and now I don't know what to do. I'm scared."

"Okay, okay, uh. . ." Luca stammered. He was both angry and concerned at once, because Marlowe had never dated someone before but she was his sister, so his anger was automatic directed to EJ. "Want me to hit him?"

She lifted her head and narrowed her eyes. "What? No!"

"C'mon, I can hit him! He may be taller than me but I can get scrappy."

"Luca, no hitting. Remember what you did to Ricky in fifth grade?"

He pointed at her. "Hey, he's the one who broke my favorite action figure! Even if he did accidentally sit on it."

Marlowe rolled her eyes and put her head into her hands again.

Luca quickly went back to brother mode. "I'm guessing you guys haven't talked?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I don't even know what to say. Should I apologize or yell at him more?" Marlowe groaned. "I've never done this before."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. This is all brand new to you. And EJ knows that. He should be the one apologizing. Not you."

Marlowe looked up again, her eyes sad. "But I am sorry." She said in a quiet voice. "I don't want us to break up."

Luca leaned closer to her. "Then just talk to him."

She didn't say anything else after that. Miss Jenn appeared on her screen. "Oh, hi twins!" Her cheery voice broke through the speakers.

Marlowe quickly put on her happy face. "Hi, Miss Jenn."

Luca leaned into frame. "Hi, Miss Jenn!"

"Can you both hear me?" Miss Jenn asked very loudly, starting them.

"Uhh, yes ma'am. Loud and clear." He answered normally and gave her a thumbs up.

She smiled. "Wonderful!"

Nini came on the screen shortly after. "Nini, hello!" Miss Jenn greeted her.

"Hey, Nini!" Luca waved.

"Hey guys," she waved back. The girls looked at each other and smiled.

"So glad for technology in these dark times."

"You mean Spring Break?"

"Yes, of course I do." Miss Jenn answered. She brushed her hair in front of her shoulders. "The Menkies are right around the corner, and now we have split up the troop for a whole week. It is tragic."

"Don't worry, Miss J, I've been practicing my French accent in my free time." Luca told her in a really bad French accent.

Marlowe snorted a laugh, as did Nini. "And it sounds amazing, Luke." The teacher replied with a smile, obviously lying.

Carlos appeared on the screen at the beach. "Hola, madrina, hola Nini, hola twins!" He greeted them with a finger wave.

"Carlos, te echo de menos!" Marlowe expressed. I miss you!

Then Seb appeared. "Sebbie!" Yelled Luca when he saw his best friend.

"Oh, hi kids." Miss Jenn greeted the couple. "So, are you spending the break apart?"

"I did invite him to a four star resort with my family in Los Cabos."

"And you didn't invite me?" Luca questioned with his jaw dropped.

"And I told him Milky White was nearing labor. Cows don't stop having babies because school let out." Seb explained.

When Miss Jenn went to speak, Carlos interrupted her. "Yet somehow you're having a cow about me not staying in Salt Lake, so. . ."

The twins looked at each other.

"WHATS UP?" Ashlyn and EJ exclaimed in the same voice when they showed up on the Zoom.

Immediately, Marlowe's stomach dropped and she looked down at the keyboard.

"Sorry, our parents all went to Park City together and left us to watch the house." Ashlyn explained while laughing.

EJ went to his own computer and appeared on his own square. His eyes drifted to Marlowe and Luca, seeing her trying to avoid his eye, and he frowned. He'd been up all night kicking himself over their fight, and he felt like a jerk for not talking to her. But he asked himself if she even wanted to talk and if he would look like an idiot for trying to fix what happened between them.

It was a nerve racking feeling to not know what was happening, but EJ was scared to figure it out.

"Aye yo, what up my peeps?" Knox's obnoxious loud voice cheered and he held up two peace signs. He was on his own bedroom.

"Hey, Knox." They all said back. "Hey, babe." Luca waved at him, his smile instantly growing.

Kourtney then appeared in the dinning room at Salt Lake Slices. "Sorry we're late, emergency in the kitchen." She explained as Big Red joined the chat. "What's upppp?" He greeted in the same voice that the Caswell cousins had done.

"This is why we're soulmates." Ashlyn gushed.

Marlowe felt extremely uncomfortable in that moment, but she held it together. She pulled her legs to her chest against and messed with her ear lobe.

"Okay, folks!" Miss Jenn clapped. "Let's focus. Now that we're all here. . ." She stopped herself when she noticed someone missing. "Wait, no, where's—"

Gina joined the Zoom and backed away from her camera. Marlowe saw that she was in the airport. "Hey, everyone. I'm here. I'm here. Sorry, um—" she stammered. "—I couldn't find an outlet and my flight's delayed. Apparently my plane has a mechanical issue. . .so?"

"Oh dear, are you safe?" Miss Jenn asked with concern.

"I spent my childhood in airports. I am no damsel in distress."

"Okay, looks like we're only missing Ricky. Nini, have heard from him?" The teacher asked, completely unaware of the situation.

Marlowe winced. She glanced at Luca, both of them feeling bad for the girl.

"Uh, I think Ricky's taking some alone time, or mom time, or both. He's in Chicago." Big Red explained.

"Let's hope that goes well." Luca muttered, his sister humming.

"Okay, I'm sure you're wondering why I gathered you all here," Miss Jenn lead. "Opening night is only three weeks away, folks. That means we need to stay focused. And I know I can't—won't, make you work over the break," she corrected herself and laughed. "But I needed to remind you, face-to-face, stakes. are. high."

As if Marlowe wasn't nervous enough.

"Please, for the love of theater, do not take the word "break" literally. Be safe." When she was finished, Miss Jenn laughed again. "Okay, well, have fun. Stay in touch. And now you have this link, so hop on anytime. I'm basically the queen of modern technology, so. . ."

"BYE!" The twins shouted and immediately clicked off, along with everybody else. Marlowe closed her computer. "I'm gonna lose my mind."

"You and EJ will—"

"It's not just about EJ." She interrupted her brother and looked at him, completely stressed out. "I'm the lead in the school musical with a partner who's in the worst head space possible, and I don't even know if I'm ready to be Belle."

"Hey, don't go there." Luca immediately said and put his hand on her shoulder again. "You've been rehearsing like hell, you put that North High bitch in her place, and just because Ricky's slowly losing his mind doesn't mean you have to." He leaned into her. "You need to talk to EJ. Figure things out. You'll never understand how relationships work unless you communicate."

Marlowe watched him get off her bed. "When did you become the relationship master?"

He looked at her and smiled. "When I found the right one." He answered and headed to the door.

She grew wide smile. "So, does that mean—"

"Yes." He answered and walked out of her room.

Marlowe squealed and covered her mouth.

EJ had seen this film before, and he didn't like the ending. He went through it with Nini, and he remembered how hurt he felt when she ended things just to go back to Ricky. Of course he'll admit it was his fault, because if there was one thing EJ had issues with, it was trust. He was a jealous person, which he hated. He always expected the worst and somehow always received the worst. But he tried to act like he didn't care because acting like he didn't care was better than admitting to himself and others how much he was hurting.

Everybody thought of him as EJ Caswell, the son of Cash and Ashley Caswell, so he didn't have to work for anything. That's what Marlowe thought about him, but she didn't anymore. She saw him for more than that, and she accepted him for who he was. And he let his own fear of showing his feelings ruin what they had.

Ashlyn paid attention to his somber attitude as she painted his nails. "Okay, you were zoned out completely during our movie marathon, and you actually said yes when I asked to paint your nails. And you've had the same sad puppy look on your face all day." She screwed the top of the pink nail polish back on and put it on the table. "What's up?"

EJ sighed. "It's nothing, Ash."

She gave him a look. "Look, we're not just family, EJ. We're also friends. You can tell me anything, no matter how bad."

It was tough for him because Ashlyn loved Marlowe. They are really close friends, and EJ was worried about his own cousin being mad at him if he told her the truth. "Remember when I told you Duke rejected me?" Ashlyn nodded. "Well, my dad called me and convinced them to accept me without me knowing. And I lied to Marlowe about it and told her I was the one who made the calls."

Her face fell. "Oh, EJ."

"I know, I know, it's so bad." He groaned and put his face into his hands, careful not to get pink nail polish everywhere. "I'm the dumbest person ever."

"Why would you lie?" Ashlyn asked him but kept her voice quiet.

"Because I have issues, Ash!" He expressed somberly. "Dad's always looking at me to be this perfect son who does everything right, and he calls my dream school to ensure that I'll get in, and he wants me to be apart of everything, and I feel like I can't breathe sometimes." EJ's breathing hitched as he talked.

"Eej?" She said his name when his expression twisted into pain. He put his hand over his chest. "EJ, what's wrong?"

EJ felt a sudden attack come over him, it was all of the fear and panic he'd been feeling coming over him all at one time. He grew hot and cold at the same time, the back of his neck sweaty while his hands felt clammy. His mouth went dry. His clothes suddenly felt like they were being suctioned to his body, and EJ grabbed the collar of his shirt and tugged on it.

Ashlyn started to panic. "Hey, EJ. EJ!" She called out and snapped her fingers in front of his face. When that didn't work, and his breathing continued to became shallow, she took ahold of his shoulders. "EJ, I need you to breathe. Try to breathe for me."

EJ was trying. The pressure he felt from everything around him weighed on his shoulders. He always felt like he was losing control of his own life. He couldn't distract himself from the fact that he needed to please everybody because if he didn't, that would end up being angry at him, and EJ didn't want anybody to be mad at him. So he bottled everything up until he finally broke.

This, this was his breaking point.

Finally, EJ was able to catch his breath and he started to cry. "I'm sorry." He let out and a tear fell down his face.

Ashlyn stared at him worriedly, not knowing what to do but she knew she needed to be there for him. He was her family. She got out of the chair she was sitting on and sat beside him on the couch. Hesitantly, she wrapped her arm around his shoulder and let EJ put his head against hers. She didn't say anything else, and she just let him cry. It was just between them.