28 ☆ ( "PLEASE..." )

December 9th, 2019.

Things have remained the same like a song on repeat–the same rhythm, same drop, and same outro, even if you listen to it a hundred times over. There's nothing new.

If there's any change to count, though, I've started going back to class. I still haven't gone home yet, and Mother still hasn't contacted me yet. I plan on going home for the holidays, but we'll see how far I get. Ever since we went camping, I've gotten stronger–maybe it was thanks to Hanae's criticism or Sunoo's sympathy, but I've been working toward distancing myself for the better. Riki has yet to notice, so I can't tell if that's good or not.

But, today was his birthday. It was the one day that I had to act genuine.

I decided to hold him a surprise birthday party, although it was a random Monday and we'd probably be having our final exams sometime this week. It was the least I could do for him. I decorated the walls of the restaurant with blue and black lanterns, and Hanae hanging up lines of shimmering decorations. I forgot what they were called–I just bought them because they looked nice.

Riki put down the tape as I held the lanterns in place. "Isn't your birthday coming up too, Rie?" I looked down at him from the chair. He chuckled and ripped the piece from the rest of its body, reached up, and slid it across the ceiling with his fingers. "In January. January 2nd, no?"

"How do you know so much about me? I hate talking about my birthday," It wasn't because I had a birthday or I was born. It was because without fail, every year, my parents were unable to put away their prejudice for one another, arguing pretty much the whole time. They both hate it when I celebrate with friends, but I can never enjoy it as much as I should. Maybe this year, I'll celebrate it with the group.

"You vaguely talked about it with Hanae when we went camping. She asked you what your plans were now that you were turning nineteen," Right. Nineteen. Riki was a late senior, so he was turning 18. I don't know how I feel about the almost-a-year age gap. I hated thinking about it.

Damn. I find that I hate a lot of things lately.

"And then, I asked her what the exact date of your birthday was–and although she didn't want to tell me at first, she eventually gave in," Sunoo chuckled as he stuck a hand out, helping me step down from the chair. I grabbed the tape from his hands and placed it on the chair, replacing my body with an object to fill the space. "But really, what are you planning to do, Rie? Don't you want to have a party?"

"Not really–oh, and don't go telling Riki. I don't want to make it a big deal."

"Well, why are you doing this for him, then? Moral compensation?" That's a perfect way to put it, but I also know Riki well enough to confidently say that he'd prefer some party as opposed to hanging out. Being extroverted, his battery is charged by being the spotlight. "Come on, Rie. You don't want to celebrate your last birthday?"

"That ended when I turned eighteen, and I didn't enjoy it," I rolled my eyes. "I'm no longer a teenager like the rest of you guys. I'm pretty much an adult."

"You've still got the word 'teen' in your age, so I'm ninety-nine percent sure that means you're a teenager."

"Taking it literally, huh? I guess you're really just like me," We shared a laugh before Hanae intruded, holding the chocolate cake in her hands. Jungwon seemed to hang party streamers over her head–because she looked like a mess as she stood in front of me.

"You guys look close. Rather close," Hanae corrected herself, causing the both of us to roll our eyes. "I hope you won't go as far as having an affair, Rie–and especially not with this bookworm to your right. I'd prefer Riki over him."

"I have no desire to get with your best friend, Hanae."

"That's what all men say, and then, suddenly, the ball rolls right into their court! You can fool Rie, but you can't fool me," Hanae narrowed her eyes. "But, whatever. Where should I put the cake, Rie?"

"Over on this table–"

"Is that her?" I looked over Hanae's shoulder and saw a family at the door talking to Jungwon. There were two girls, a mom, and a dad, and they were already staring at me. Hanae perked up and turned around, smiling softly. "Oh, Aoki!"

"Mrs. Nishimura!" Shit. I'm done for. I had no intention of meeting his family yet. Hanae quickly put down the cake and hugged his mother, both of them looking toward me. I fluttered my eyes softly as Hanae beckoned me forward, my feet following her call. "Mrs. Nishimura, this is Riki's... girlfriend, Sato Rie."

"Sato Rie..." I see that Riki inherited that trait from her. Both of them liked to see how a name sounded. She nodded slowly and gave me a small smile, engulfing me in her arms. However, I was starting to get overwhelmed–a kind mother when I was not used to having one present. "It's nice to meet you, Sato. I'm his mother. He talks about you a lot."

The uncertainty in her voice made me think she had quite a mixed view of me. Even her gaze fell. She then moved around and showed me to the rest of them, introducing me to the younger sister and the oldest, then, to his father. He shook my hand instead of being as kind as his wife, a grin on his face. "It's nice to meet who my son has been so smitten with. Thank you for continuing to push our son to try so hard."

"No no, I should be thanking you," I responded awkwardly, bowing my head. "Your son continues to motivate me. Thank you for always taking good care of him."

"You're so sweet," His mother intruded, putting a hand on my back. Her long nails drew coldness up my spine, to the point I was so sure my stomach flipped. "Are your parents here? I've been wanting to meet them."

"Oh? And you do? Do you think we even know men like we think we do? Your father, for example! Do you think he knows anything I like? Do you think he even cares about what I do? I just settled!"

"That doesn't concern me. Your relationship is none of my business," I shook my head. "But he will always be a better parent to me than you ever were."

Mother's breath trembled. "What do you know about love? Are you even capable of loving?" She pointed at me. "Tell me, Rie. Is that little heart of yours, unbeknownst to any human communication because I've traumatized you into being isolated–capable of giving someone else that kind of feeling? Do you think you don't hold that burden? Do you think you can get rid of us? Of me!?"

I wore a suppressed frown, concealing it with a smile. "They're busy at work."

"Oh..." Mrs. Nishimura trailed off, and suddenly, her ears perked up. "I think I hear Riki. We should hide!"

All of us dispersed in separate parts of the small restaurant, hiding behind tables or the counter. The glass door opened and the bell chimed, and within approximately three seconds–

"Happy Birthday, Riki!"

Riki was stunned. Sunoo stood right beside me with his arms in the air, and briefly leaning down, he said, "I guess you do know him best," I raised an eyebrow. Sunoo smirked in response. "By that look on his face, I guess he really did want a party."

"Hah. What did I tell you?"

"Thank you, guys," Riki said softly as his two sisters hugged him, ruffling his hair. "This is the best birthday party I could have. I'm so happy to be eighteen with all of you."

"You've made it so far son," His dad chuckled, pinching his cheek. Riki tried to swat him away along with the embarrassment, but he evidently enjoyed it. When his eyes opened, he searched for me–and once he saw me, he smiled wide. He quickly mouthed 'Did you do this?' and once I nodded, he grinned even bigger, and said once more, 'Thank you.'

And all I could do was nod, because my main focus wasn't him anymore–it was the happiness that shrouded him from his family.

I was frozen, feet rooted into the tile. I stared at his little sister's face, seeing how happy she was to be in his embrace. I looked at his oldest sister who chuckled softly seeing her brother looking my way. His mom was laughing alongside her dad as they held hands, teasing their son.

It was the family I always wanted–the type I always envied. I wanted parents who cared enough to reunite and share a laugh over the successes of their daughter. I wanted to feel loved by the people who were supposed to show me love first–but with the absence of a Mother and a Father unwilling to make amends, I was unaware of what that looked like.

Now, seeing Riki's family, I was filled with something beyond hatred–abhor. I was filled with it. From my head to my toes, all I wanted was to be in his place. Jealousy swallowed me whole to the point my gaze fell, and my head had to turn toward a distant voice. "Don't look if you can't handle it," Hanae muttered, lips barely moving to avoid their happiness ceasing. "Force the vision away."

"I wish it was that easy," I muttered. "Happiness spreads like a disease–and I'm immune to it."

"Okay, let's eat!" His mother announced, gathering us at the counter to grab the food as we pleased. I felt my palms sweating and the turtleneck around the base of my throat tightening, so I had to escape. "Riki, you get to go first. Rie, how about you go after since you planned all of this? Your hard work should be repaid."

"No, I– I need some fresh air first since I'm feeling a little stuffy in here," I made some stupid excuse. "You guys can go ahead. I'll be back in a moment."

"Are you sure?" I nodded. "Okay. Go ahead then."

I dashed out of the restaurant and rounded the corner, pressing my back against the cold brick wall. My breath trembled as it escaped, Mother's yelling starting to corner me into one of the surfaces of my head. My ears were filled with their complaints, and the more I grit my teeth, I could hear my Dad's voice surfacing as well.

My eyes shot open. "Sato."

I looked to my right. It was his younger sister. She held a water bottle close to her chest, and once she saw that I noticed it, she beckoned for me to take it. "I'm Nishimura Konon," She said. I nodded, taking the water bottle from her hands. It was cold. I felt my body cooling down. "Riki talked a lot about you. The good and the bad to me, and only the good to the rest of our family."

Then, she added, "I hope that you don't think Riki falls short of anything. He's been trying very hard for years to get your attention, and now that he has it, he's been praying that he won't lose it."

Thanks, Konon. You're messing up my sense of decision-making even further. "I don't. Sometimes we just fight. I've been working on lessening it."

"Okay," She slowly nodded. "I want you to know something–but maybe you already know it already."

I raised my eyebrows. "What is it?"

"My brother's smitten for you–beyond speech. His life is dedicated to you. All he wants in this lifetime is to be by your side. It's brought him happiness and sorrow, and I've been trying to get him to become less dependent on you so it won't overwhelm you," Konon explained. "All he wants is the best. I think you're the best thing that could ever enter his life."

Then, she added, "But I know that you're not on the same level of loving as him, right?"

"W-What?" Was it that obvious?

"He's blind. He likes being reassured by words that you love him. He continues hanging onto loose threads that there's something there when he also realizes that something's wrong," Konon spoke. "I don't care what decision you make. I have no say in your relationship. Just... promise me something."

She stuck her pinky finger out, and I felt my skin burn with embarrassment. "Okay," I exhaled, sticking mine out as well. "I'll agree to almost anything. What is it?"

"Please..."