╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮
"You can take me to the paradise
And then again you can be cold as ice
I'm over my head (Over my head)
Oh, but it sure feels nice"
•Over My Head; Fleetwood Mac•
╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

Later, on their first night there, Daryl eventually followed Jolene into her room and slept in the chair, his feet propped up against the edge of the bed. Completely clothed, boots still on and laced up tight- he knew to never let his guard down again. Things were too risky to do that. One hand keeping his head propped up, the other on the gun he had been able to grab on their escape route, Daryl promised himself that he would keep Jolene safe as she slept. If you could even call it that. She basically cried the entire night, and every night that followed for just about a week straight. Daryl came to the conclusion that she had slept no more than two hours each night. It was written all over her face. Her hair was beginning to mat and turn into giant knots as she barely left the bed, and when she did she wasn't taking proper care of herself. She got away with it for the first day or two but they needed to start planning their next move, because they sure as shit couldn't stay here at her childhood home forever, so Daryl had to manually manipulate her body to get her up and out of the door just about. The hilltop would be safe for them by now.

He couldn't remember how he felt after he took his first life. The walkers didn't count, he didn't even bat an eye for those - but a living, breathing human being. Not infected, they didn't count - instead a fully alive human being. Jolene had taken her first life to help them break out of the sanctuary and she wasn't taking it as nonchalant as Daryl had with his own first kill. A part of Daryl felt slightly at fault that she was going through it like this, that she had taken the life of a man half her size with one swift swing of her knife. From the moment they were out of those gates, he had never left her side. Not like their situation would have given him any other option anyway.

It had been four days now, and on the fourth night Daryl finally made an attempt to speak to Jolene. They hadn't really spoken much since that first night after getting out of the sanctuary, not since she touched him, inching too close to the intimate place on his body that he wanted to remain hidden. Jolene had been looking for a way out of the drowning guilt and fear, and as her fingertips danced across Daryl's abdomen she begged him to help her feel something else. He denied her, of course, and she immediately scurried to the other room and seemingly took a vow of silence. Now, once he entered the room and locked the door behind him, he sat on the edge of the bed. Jolene had her back to him but she could feel the mattress dip beneath his added weight beside her. "Ya need ta eat somethin'. And I found ya this."

Jolene sniffled and craned her neck to the side in order to get a look at what Daryl was holding. It was a hairbrush and Jolene immediately felt exhausted just by looking at it. She had no strength or even any willpower to brush her hair. "I'll do it for ya, but this ain't ever leavin' the room. Ya hear?"

Jolene nodded in silence. She pushed up slowly and remained facing away from him, her knees pressed in close to her chest as her arms wrapped around to keep them in place. Her cheeks were constantly wet from her snot and tears. She had such a tremendous weight of guilt on top of her, she could barely function. Maybe if things had been different she could have saved Glenn. And Abraham... Maybe her soul would still but untainted from the sin of cold-blooded murder.

And then came the thoughts about Jiro. While he was not a good man - not like Daryl was - she found herself mourning the loss of him, too. During her first round with the saviors he had brought her so much comfort and companionship. He protected her and took care of her in many ways. But once she had seen his true colors, she couldn't look at him the same way. Now that didn't mean she wished him any harm, because she didn't. So when Simon let her know that her new friends had butchered him, left him to die slow and painfully in the middle of the road, the guilt crept in and she cried for Jiro, the man who was one of her lost loves, her lost friend.

Daryl stared at the back of her head for a moment. He was contemplating where to even begin. It wasn't like he had ever brushed someone else's hair before, let alone a weeping woman. Hell, he barely even brushed his own hair. But he was lucky since it was not as thick nor as long as Jolene's he never really had the need to. He tentatively reached forward and unwrapped the tie holding her hair in place, letting it hang around his wrist. He had never been so delicate with another person aside from Judith. Daryl wasn't this type of person, he wasn't the handholding, nurturing man that Glenn had been. He had never found someone to make him see the positives in life, someone that he could see living out his life with.

"Jus' tell me if I hurt ya." Daryl told her, his voice coming out low and hoarse from the chain smoking he had been participating in as of late. She whispered a soft response, giving him the go ahead to start to atleast try and detangle her hair. Daryl was slow, working the brush through the ends of her hair before making his way higher and higher to get the knots out.

"Don't worry about hurting me, Daryl. If you have to tug harder, you can." She glanced back over her shoulder to meet his gaze for a moment before turning back around. His stare made heat become unearthed deep in her belly while his gentle and caring nature made her want to weep. She knew he had the ability to be like this but she had never been at the receiving end of it. Daryl quickened the pace of brushing her hair, tugging as gentle as he could at the knots.

"Ya need to get cleaned up."

"Are you telling me I smell, Daryl?"

Jolene sniffed deeply, craning her neck once more to look back at him. She was certainly glad she did, meeting his gaze and seeing the small smirk forming on his lips sent laughter bubbling up and out of her mouth. It had been the first time in a while that she had laughed. The crinkle of skin around Daryl's eyes as he followed suit sent her spiraling. She turned slowly, ignoring the tug at the last knot in her hair from Daryl that was most definitely rougher on purpose.

"Miracle that tha' well by the barn is untouched. Been grabbin' more water from it and brought up some buckets. Put 'em in the bathroom." Daryl told her, rubbing at the back of his neck with one hand as he let go of the brush.

Now they were face to face. Her legs fell open so she could cross them now instead of going back to hugging her knees to her chest. The silence returned but it was comfortable. Daryl studied her while Jolene studied him. She focused on the way his eyes were dark but beautiful, there had always been something about them, since the moment she first met his gaze and even to this day, she could never really put a finger on it. They were so full of anger and distrust but behind the dark was bursts of light fighting it's way out. Daryl opened his mind and heart to others more in the past few years then he had ever done his whole entire life. He had no problems being a loner, lacking connection with the world outside of the odd jobs he took with his older brother Merle once he was old enough to join him.

"Will you be here when I come back?" Jolene began to play with the frayed hem of her pant leg, glancing down to focus on that for a moment before she brought her attention back to the man sitting before her. It was getting dark, and after the fifth day she had silently agreed to remove the dark curtains from the window in her childhood bedroom to let natural light in. For the last five days Jolene received respite from his presence while barely speaking a word to each other - she still felt safe.

"Yeah." Daryl gave her a nod and shifted his body to follow her with his gaze as she walked out of her bedroom and to the bathroom. He sat there for a moment, watching the empty hallway and only relaxing back into the mattress when he heard the water sloshing around in the buckets two rooms over.

Jolene took her time, standing in front of the dirty mirror and letting the tears fall down her cheeks. She hugged herself, hands craning up to grab her own shoulders and as her sobs started to stop she slowly began unraveling from herself. She wet and quickly washed her hair, dunking her head into the cleanest bucket of water Daryl had left for her. She lathered her rag up with some soap and washed herself. She scrubbed her body raw that when she finally took a look at her naked form she realized that her skin was tinged pink, and slightly irritated. She dried her body, squeezed out any excess water from her hair before wrapping her body in the towel. Her body was still so thin and frail, her hair had also lost its shine and her nails were brittle.

When she entered the bedroom she noticed Daryl had his eyes closed, assuming he had fallen asleep she closed the door gently and placed the lock in place like she had been doing every day that they've been there. Unraveling the towel from her body, Jolene pulled on the cleanest pair of underwear she could find and a pair of shorts and a random shirt. She kept her back to the bed as she changed, unaware that Daryl's eyes fluttered open and caught a quick glance at her naked backside before squeezing his eyes shut again. The man felt shame at the way his stomach tightened at the sight of her before him. It had been a long time since he had felt like that.

Jolene hung the towel on the back of the door and moved to sit on the end of the bed before grabbing the brush so she could brush it through once more now that it was clean. Daryl shifted himself onto his side, allowing his eyes to open slowly as he watched her. "Ya feelin' any better?"

"Yes." She replied as she quickly pulled her hair back into a braid. She glanced at the clock, purely out of habit since she knew the hands stopped moving years ago, and took in a deep breath. She knew she had to force herself to sleep so she could have a semi-productive day tomorrow. She turned and crawled over Daryl's legs, shimmying herself back down beneath the comforter. The man began to move, sitting up to leave the bed before Jolene reached her hand out and grabbed a hold of his arm. "Don't." She whispered, shaking her head as he turned to look at her. "Stay. You deserve to sleep in a bed, too. There's enough space for both of us."

Daryl grunted in response and stared down at his arm where her delicate fingers were still wrapped around him. She had let go and he began taking his boots off, gently placing them by the end of the bed before he unbuttoned his flannel shirt, leaving him in a white undershirt and slung it over the back of the chair that had been his bed for the last five days. Jolene already curled up on her side, her back facing out with the blankets up over her shoulders. Daryl laid himself out ontop of the blankets and crossed his hands over his stomach.

He laid this way until Jolene's breath evened out. He allowed himself to get comfortable as soon as he knew she was asleep. He curled up on his own side with his back to her as his hands shifted beneath his head. For the next two days they slept like this, each night their bodies moving an inch closer than the last.

With Daryl's help, Jolene regained her confidence to strategically plan their next move. The guilt was still there, festering deep inside of her, but there had been something else blooming ontop of it. Something good. Something bright. She tried her best to not have to go outside, though, wanting to maintain her sanity by being behind the safety of her bedroom door with Daryl by her side. With every blink, she saw Negan coming for them behind her eyelids. She saw Daryl with his head smashed in - Negan taking his life in order to teach her a lesson about running away from her duties as a savior.

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

Currently, Jolene was curled up in bed after having washed herself in the last bucket of water they brought into the house. They had made plans to head out tomorrow after they were able to map it out in hopes of lowering the risk of being caught. Daryl hadn't been back yet and she was trying not to panic, he had told her he was going to go out for a hunt and that had been hours ago. The sky was black now and the crickets hiding in the tall grass surrounding the house were chirping louder than ever.

Her teeth nibbled away on the inside of her cheek, eyes focusing on the door as she waited for the knob to turn and the man on her mind to walk in. Everytime he walked out and left her, she worried for his safety. With how close she had gotten to Daryl it came as no surprise that he was at the top of her list of people she cared and worried for.

Her eyes remained locked on the door and another ten minutes had passed before Daryl leisurely shuffled in. Jolene shot up, quickly reaching for him and giving him a once over. Daryl froze, fighting with himself on not pushing her off of him. He hated being fussed over, and would blatantly deny how good her soft hands felt on his face. "It's late and I was worried." She told him, her teeth continued to nibble along her bottom lip as she watched him.

Daryl just shrugged, slowly stepping back and furthering the distance between them. "I'm fine." He finally replied to her worried statement. He had been scavenging the land surrounding the farm, following the map they had of the area in hopes that he would be able to take out any walkers along the path they'd take ahead of time. "Caught a few squirrels. Prepped 'em for us. Meats cooled off by now." He opened up the towel he had brought with him, chunks of burnt meat hidden beneath.

He walked over to the table and chairs in the corner and let out a sigh as he sat down, wrapped the meat back up and opened up his crumbled pack of cigarettes. He took one out and placed it between his lips, leaning towards the window beside him to crack it open. Jolene stayed silent as she watched him light the cigarette and take a deep drag.

Daryl felt her eyes on him and slowly turned to face her, plucking the cigarette from between his lips and handing it over to her. She accepted it silently, taking a long drag and taking a seat across from Daryl at the table. She handed him the cigarette back, only wanting that one long inhale to help quell her nerves. It seemed to do the trick, but she was still craving something else. Something more.

She watched him for another moment before she turned to head back into bed. She crawled under the blankets and chose to keep facing him, she normally would turn her back so he wouldn't see her cry but tonight her eyes were dry. One hand slipped beneath the pillow as she let out a heavy sigh.

"Did they hurt?"

"What?" Daryl continued smoking as his eyes remained on the window.

"The tattoos you have. Did they hurt?" She shifted around to get more comfortable. "I've always wanted to get one. Was too scared to actually do it."

Daryl shook his head. "Nah, they don't hurt." He finished the cigarette and put the but of it out against the windowsill. "Gave myself one when I was sixteen." He gestured to the tattoo on his hand.

"What?" She gasped, leaning up a bit on her elbow to get a better look at his hand. "How?"

"All you need is a needle and ink. Stick and poke." Daryl shrugged, pinching his thumb and forefinger together and began to do a poking motion hovering over his tattoo.

Jolene looked thoughtful as she curled back up into the bed. She wondered what type of childhood Daryl had that had given him the opportunity to give himself tattoos. Her father certainly would have had her head if she did that when she was sixteen. Daryl leaned back to get comfortable in the chair. He allowed his eyes to take in the room that they had called home for the past few days, most of the room had been untouched and stuck in time. Pictures of Jolene and her family and friends still littered the walls. She looked exactly as she did when she was a teenager, Daryl couldn't help but laugh a bit to himself.

They were from two totally different worlds. They would have never met if it weren't for the end of the world. He was roughly ten years her senior anyhow, and the women he typically gravitated towards were not women with standards or any self respect.

"Will you lay with me?"

"What?"

Daryl spat his reply, confused. He was deep in thought and at first hadn't really understood what she had asked of him. He was already pushing his own limits with staying in the same room let alone the same bed as her. He knew what she was asking of him, but he was never one to be good at providing comfort with physical touch. Daryl craned his neck to the side, cracking it loudly before leaning forward with his elbows propped up on his knees.

"I just ... please, Daryl." She whispered, biting back on her bottom lip as she watched him slowly begin to unbutton his long sleeved shirt and hang it on the back of the chair. He removed his boots and kicked them by the side of the bed before he sat down. He was still staring at her with a hint of aggravation behind his eyes but it's like the rest of his body had a mind of its own. He shifted back against the pillows and stared up to the ceiling.

"Should get some sleep. Ya look like shit."

"Thanks." Jolene sighed, dramatically, and rolled over onto her back. Her hands laid out by her sides, dangerously close to Daryl's, and she knew what she was doing. She had already told him, in so many words, that his touch was calming. Her pinky twitched, almost stretching out to the side to brush against his before she thought better. "It's just everytime I close my eyes I see his face. I can't escape it," She paused and let her eyes fall shut, "the guilt is overwhelming."

Daryl sighed, turning his head to glance over at her before looking back up at the ceiling. "It'll get better. Ain't gonna be soon, but it'll happen." He was falling short on finding the right words to say to her. He could hear her sniffle, giving him a soft "yeah" before curling up on her side again with her back facing him. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, Daryl could see the exhaustion written all over her face the moment he stepped in through the door and once she finally allowed her mind to relax, her body followed soon after.

It didn't take him long, after she was out, to fall asleep beside her. They had only been asleep for two hours, give or take, before she shot up with a gasp and tears in her eyes. Her chest was heaving in a quick pattern, lungs screaming for air and her heart begging itself to slow down. Her hand quickly wiped away the beads of sweat pooling at her hairline, eyes still wide as she tried to gather herself.

Daryl was immediately up, his hands grabbing her face as he stared down at her. "In and out. Deep, long breaths, Jo." He told her, his forehead finding hers as he began breathing in deeply, taking his time before holding it and letting it out. Jolene began mimicking his technique, her once rapidly beating heart slowing its pace and bringing her back down from the dark cloud hanging over her head.

Her hands were laying limp in her lap, her fingers trembling as she tried to ground herself. Daryl's hands remained on her face, his calloused thumbs brushing against her skin as he pulled back to get a better view of her. "All I see is his face. I feel the knife in my hand and it's all so real. I feel that vibration from hitting b-bone when I stab him. I k-killed him in cold blood. I've never killed anybody before like that." She sniffled, looking up at him through her tears. "The blood was so hot. Nothing like walker blood. It's...it's hot and still pumping through living tissue and-" she shuddered and allowed for her head to lean over and rest against his chest.

Daryl frowned, stilling for a moment as she pressed against him. Eventually, his arms made their way around her shoulders and he began a slight rock to soothe her. "We got out of there alive because of what you did." Daryl spoke softly, one hand moved to cradle the back of her head against his chest as he shifted to lean back against the headboard of her old bed. "Did what you had to. What I would 'ave done, what anyone would 'ave done."

Jolene nodded in silence. She wiped the back of her hand across her face to rid herself of any tears before allowing her hand to rest against his chest beside her head. "You must think I'm weak." She forced a laugh, knowing it was true.

Daryl shifted away, pulling himself from her grasp. The closeness and softness of her hand against his chest made him feel uneasy. He let his feet touch the floor and stayed seated by the side of the bed for a moment before he shoved his feet back into his boots and glanced over his shoulder at her. The vision of her looking sad and pathetic, curled up around the pillow now that he had pulled away from her made his stomach flip. The last thing Daryl Dixon wanted to do was let some woman have any kind of effect over him.

"Ye need to grow up at some point, Jolene. It's the goddamn apocalypse and ye'll get yerself killed for acting this way." His southern twang laid on thick with each word that tumbled from the tip of his tongue. "Now get some sleep. We're leavin' tomorrow."