╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

It's not like my brain's not rushing
Every time you get too close
It's not like I can't imagine
Losing myself in your arms
It's not like my skin isn't longing
After the weight of your touch
It's what if I mess this up?

•Slow; Shy Martin•
╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

The night they buried Denise, the heavens opened up and poured down like it truly was the end of the world. She had seen bad storms in her life before but tonight just seemed different. Jolene stood in the infirmary, staring out the same window Daryl had been peering out of when she was stitching up Eugene. With her arms crossed taut over her chest, she let her forehead rest against the windowpane and just watched the rain pelt against the glass.

Eugene stirred behind her from his position in the bed and the noise broke her concentration on the storm clouds above. Jolene turned and walked over with a pitcher of water, filling the glass beside Eugene's bed. "How are you feeling?" She questioned him, though her already gloved hands did not wait for him to respond as she began delicately lifting the gauze to check on his stitches.

"I'm doin' alright, Nurse Jo." Eugene cooed, his eyes twinkled with mischief but his entire face crinkled in discomfort as she gently prodded the sensitive skin around his wound.

"No sign of infection yet. I'm going to give you another dose of the antibiotic. Think you need some pain medicine?" Jolene replaced the gauze with a fresh pad, set it back in place over the stitches and kept in place with tape before she took the gloves off and went for the medication on the nearby table.

"Perhaps." Eugene nodded with a soft sigh.

"It'll help you sleep through the night."

"Which would be good for the both of us, I'm sure." Eugene could not help but laugh as he caught the look on Jolene's face. But soon after she joined in on the laughter.

"Exactly." She admitted, handing him a handful of capsules before handing him the glass of water. She took the glass back once he was finished and absentmindedly tucked him in, "Get some rest." She turned and headed up the stairs but not before dimming the lights.

Even with Eugene completely knocked out and down for the night, Jolene could not find sleep herself. She got ready for bed and laid beneath the covers for a few hours before she eventually crept downstairs to grab herself a glass of something that would hopefully help her fall asleep.

The rain had stopped and Jolene found herself wishing it didn't  - the noise from the storm would have most likely sang her to sleep eventually. After downing the small tumbler of the strongest liquor she found in the cabinet, she made her way back towards the steps. Before she turned around completely, a shadow had passed by the front window and stopped her in her tracks.

"What the..." her voice trailed off, soft and barely audible in hopes that she wouldn't wake Eugene up. She quickly shuffled towards the front door and twist the knob so she could open it slowly. She knew she was safe here, atleast she constantly prayed she was, so she didn't have to feel this anxious about checking out a shadow. Once she slipped through the door, a soft gasp escaped her lips as she came face to face with the permanently disgruntled southern redneck man her daddy always warned her about.

"Daryl? What are you doing here?" She kept the door open behind her, her arms crossing over her chest to provide herself with some extra body heat. "Is everything okay?" While she suddenly felt worried that something happened to him or someone else that required her assistance, she stayed just a step away from the door, still seeking the heat coming from inside.

Daryl stayed silent. He was chewing at the already torn skin around his thumb, dark eyes staring back at her with so much hidden emotion Jolene felt like she was going to melt into a puddle of liquid hot magma. The air was crisp and cold and her arms were bare, not having to worry about any of the cold air seeping into the house, but now that she was outside it was almost hard to ignore. A shiver ran quickly down her spine but she stepped closer to him in hopes that it would get him to open up.

"It's almost two in the morning, Daryl. What's going on?" She pushed him for answers again, her voice was soft and full of worry. Her hands uncurled from her biceps and reached forward to grab a hold of his wrist. She gently pried his hand away from his mouth, sighing as she spotted the red skin and open wound beside his thumbnail. Her grip loosened on his wrist but she didn't let go completely. The feeling of him beneath her, while limited, was nice. The blood in her veins pumped just a bit faster, circulating through her entire body as the space between them closed even more.

Daryl eventually pulled his wrist from Jolene's grasp and shifted his weight back which brought him further away from her. The small amount of warmth that she felt from that closeness was suddenly ripped away from her, the chill in the nights air wrapping itself around her again. Daryl reached back behind himself and unclipped the gun from the additional holster he was wearing.

"This is yours now." He told her, turning the gun towards her so she could take it from him. Jolene did, wrapping her fingers around the grip of the handgun as she stared up at him. Her eyes were wide, a look of confusion spread across her face as she turned her attention down to the gun. She heard him remove the holster next, blinking as his arms came around her waist to fasten the leather material around her hips. Her breath hitched, eyes falling onto the side of Daryl's face as he leaned in close to her. His hair covered most of his face, but she still couldn't help but stare down at him.

"Why?" She questioned, voice soft and unsure. She allowed him to take the gun back again, watching him place it in the holster and finally step back once more. "What's going on in that head of yours, Dixon?"

He shook his head, lifting one hand to nudge some of the hair that fell into his eyes. "Ya need a gun. Ya know how to protect yourself, how to protect others, but ya didn't have nothin' to do it with." He told her, his shoulders lifting and falling in a quick shrug. He dug into the back pocket of his jeans and opened up the smushed and crinkled pack of cigarettes he had been carrying around for the last week.

Jolene was silent as she observed him. The extra weight around her hips wasn't too much for her to handle, and subconsciously one hand went to the gun, tapping her fingertips against the leather of the holster before she shifted the other hand out, requesting a cigarette. Daryl rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he lit the cigarette and breathed in deep, the smoke escaping from both his nostrils and from between his pursed lips.

Her eyes narrowed slightly but she quickly dropped her hands and faced away from him. She leaned against the pillar and took in a deep breath. "Can I ask you something?" She broke the silence and glanced over at him now that he was leaning against the pillar opposite of her. The lit end of the cigarette illuminated his face momentarily before he pulled it from between his lips and a cloud of smoke billowed out.

"What?" He replied. His voice was normally hoarse but the constant cigarette smoking made it worse.

"Are you leaving? Or planning to leave in the future or something?"

"Wha' makes you ask that?" Another deep inhale if nicotine rushed through him before he finally held his hand over to her, the filter end of the cigarette held between his fingers as he offered it up to her.

Jolene took it slowly, ignoring the spark she felt when her fingertips brushed against his and placed the cigarette between her lips. She continued to watch him as she inhaled the smoke, holding it there and letting it burn her lungs just enough before she let it go. "You're giving me your gun. I mean, you show up at my door step at two in the morning. What else am I supposed to think?"

Daryl shrugged again. He looked down at his feet, the long strands of his dark hair hiding his face which had been good for him because the last thing he wanted was for Jolene to see that he had been blushing. "I'll take the gun back then if ya got a problem..." he became defensive, it was all he knew really. But Jolene saw right past that. She took another inhale, before passing the tiny bit of what was left of the cigarette back to him. She turned her attention up to the dark night sky, the corners of her lips twitching as she began to smile.

"It's mine now, Dixon. Ain't that what you said?" She glanced over at him quickly, daring him to fight back again. He didn't, though. He just let out a scoff in typical Daryl Dixon fashion and finished off the cigarette before putting out the hot ash on the bottom of his boot. "You wanna come in for a drink?" The words tumbled out of her mouth before her brain really registered what she was doing. She was offering him more than a drink, in a way, because she assumed he might have shown up on her doorstep in the middle of the night for something else.

Daryl froze, his eyes remaining lowered as he focused on the ground that separated them. He hadn't noticed she was bare foot and felt an odd sensation rush through him at the red polish she had painted her toes with. Quickly shaking his head to ignore the blood that began pumping through one particular organ, Daryl turned around completely so his back was facing her. "Nah, gotta go." And with that, he walked off and out of sight.

Jolene stood dumbfounded as she focused on the faded wings on the back of his vest. At first she thought maybe she did something wrong, was he repulsed at the fact that she wanted to spend time with him? The fact that it could be a possibility brought tears to her eyes but she quickly shook her head and willed the sadness away. She stayed outside a few more moments and listened to the soft chirping of crickets hidden in the grass off to her left and once the wind started picking up she headed back inside in hopes to finally find some sleep.

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

Jolene was up early and barely functioning with less than five hours of sleep. She showered, quickly, tied her hair back in a bun before dressing in a faded pair of jeans and a plain maroon colored shirt. She stood before the mirror, connecting the holster Daryl gave her last night around her waist. Giving herself a once over, Jolene let out a sigh. The dark circles under her eyes were getting out of control and as she slowly leaned forward and pulled at the skin of her face, Jolene finally realized how different this new world made her not only look but feel, too.

She was tired all the time, panic stricken with one eye always open. The news of Negan's death helped alleviate some of her worry, but now with Dwight recalibrating the saviors for his own control, she felt useless all over again. After she got tired of looking at herself, Jolene stepped back to walk away and check on Eugene. On her way out of her bedroom she began tugging on a plaid button up she had snagged from her fathers closet, leaving the top half unbuttoned for the time being.

Eugene was awake, just having come back from the bathroom. Jolene offered him a smile and a nod, gesturing silently for him to lay back down so she could check his wound. She grabbed some gloves, tugged them on and walked over to the bed. "Looking good." She told him, replacing the gauze to cover the wound before she removed her gloves and handed him another set of antibiotic capsules.

"Good to go, Nurse Jo?" Eugene questioned, tugging his shirt back down as he started sitting up.

"Yep, you're good." She smiled and went to the front door with him, grabbing her jacket and tugging it on as she followed him out of infirmary. The sky was bright blue, a myriad of fluffy clouds that reminded Jolene of cotton candy scattered across the expanse but leaving just enough room for the sun to shine through and offer some much needed warmth.

She stopped by the sidewalk, tilting her head back slowly to enjoy the warmth before the distant roar of an engine broke her free from the trance. She knew they wouldn't be heading out so soon after what occurred the day before and suddenly the memory of Daryl's behavior last night entered her mind and she broke out into a sprint to beat him to the front gate.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Jolene all but shouted at him. He had just pulled open the gate, the creaking of the metal echoing loudly in her ears as she reached forward and grabbed onto his shoulder. "Daryl!" She pleaded, looking up to him as she tried to read his face. His eyes were dark and narrowed, his brow furrowed deeply as he was set on getting the hell out of Alexandria. "Please tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing."

"Ain't nobody stoppin' me." Daryl bit back, pulling himself back from her touch. He jumped back onto his bike, and burst through the gates.

"Fuckin' hell, Dixon." Jolene groaned, turning to meet Rosita's face. "Let's go." Her feet moving before her mouth as she jumped into the back of the van, nodding at Glenn as he followed her and took the passenger seat.

"I know where he's going."

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

"You knew he was going out?" Glenn glanced behind his shoulder at Jolene.

She had positioned herself behind the drivers side, knees curled up into her chest. She shook her head in response to Glenn's question. "Of course not. I wouldn't have let him get on the bike in the first place if I knew he planned on heading out." She shot back with a pointed glare.

"He's not accusing you of anything, Jo." Michonne offered softly, almost diplomatically as if to try and ease any tension between the two.

"I know, Michonne. I'm sorry for my attitude, Glenn." She rolled her eyes, lips twisting into a smirk as he offered her his own. "But I should've known better. He showed up last night. Gave me this." She shifted her jacket back to show off the handgun holstered on her hip. "Said he wanted me to be able to protect myself and Alexandria. Honestly I was thinking maybe he just felt bad for me after I soaked his shirt with my tears when we buried Denise." She shrugged her shoulders and shifted forward to glance out the window. "Make a right up here, cut to the tracks quicker." She offered, gesturing with her hand to the right before sitting back again.

Once they got to the tracks, Jolene hopped out in a hurry. Her hands were trembling slightly as she looked over and caught a glance at a long brown haired woman - or what used to be a woman - feasting on the flesh of a man she recognized. She sucked in a deep breath, stepping over closer as she got a better look at his face. "Asshole." She muttered beneath her breath, thanking Michonne for putting an end to the gruesome squelching of flesh and organs being torn apart.

Michonne uncovered his bike, Jolene glaring slightly at the branches he used to try and cover up his existence. He knew better, she knew he did. He had to know people came after him. He was not alone in this, even if he may have wanted to be. Jolene wouldn't let that happen. She wanted to gut the bastards just as much as he did.

"We should let him do this."

"What?" Jolene spun around. Her eyes like daggers into Rosita's flesh as she began stomping her way over.

"He doesn't know what he's doing." Glenn sighed. "We don't even know what we're doing. And maybe him trying this makes you, I don't know, feel better about it right now." Glenn continued, hands clutching the gun tightly, suggesting that maybe Daryl would get himself killed.

"Don't say that." Jolene practically whispered, "We won't let that happen, Glenn. Daryl is smart, although his behavior today is not helping his case, but still... we can't let that happen. We can't lose anyone else."

"Which way did Dwight run?" Glenn ignored Jolene's outburst, his eyes honing in on Rosita waiting for her answer.

Jolene remained in the back of the group as they began walking off of the train tracks. She kept her eyes up, focusing on where they were walking. Her hands were still trembling, and she was wondering if it would affect her shot if she had to use the gun today. So as they continued to trudge through the dying foliage, Jolene moved one hand to the gun by her hip, the shaking limb slowly calming to a stop. A soft sigh of relief escaped her lips, her mind shifting back to Daryl.

She wondered if he had made it near one of the old outposts Negan had set up. Jolene knew he had many of those and that Dwight may be holed up at one as he tried to get his bearings. Daryl was an excellent tracker while Jolene could barely follow obvious signs telling her which way to go so she wouldn't be surprised if he had found his way already.

The sound of something hard hitting the tree by Rosita's head made her gasp. Her hand flew to the gun as she all but ripped it out of the holster. Rosita called someone an asshole and as Jolene stepped aside when nobody else reacted like they were in harms way, that was when she spotted the bolt.

"You shouldn't have come." Daryl gruffly spoke as he reached forward and yanked his bolt from Rosita's hands. His eyes met Jolene's and the anger in him rose tenfold. "Especially you. Are ya stupid, Jo?" He snapped at her, not enjoying the way his anger made her cower behind Michonne. The last thing he wanted was for her to be afraid of him but he didn't want her anywhere near this.

"You shouldn't have left." Michonne spoke firmly. The whole group froze as Daryl spun around and started snapping at them about Dwight. Jolene felt guilty by association, although she had not been inclined to Dwight's violence and plan to steal Daryl's things and leave him - and her - behind.

"I even tried to help him." Daryl clenched his jaw and turned back around.

"It's not your fault, Daryl!" Jolene pleaded with him for an understanding. She holstered the gun and clipped it in place before stumbling after him. Her hand reached forward and she snagged a hold of his elbow, "You helped me in the same process. You saved me." She whispered, tears filling her eyes as she recognized the ferocious guilt and anger swirling in Daryl's eyes.

"I know it's my fault." He yanked himself from her grasp. His shoulders pulled back as he stood tall, eyes now narrowing in on Glenn as the other male stepped forward, nudging Jolene behind him. "I'm gonna go do what I should've done before."

"What, for her?" Glenn sighed. He began following Daryl again, each step crunching leaves and twigs beneath his heavy boots. The sound echoed in Jolene's ears loudly, mixing with the sound of her own rapid heartbeat. She never did well under stress, this confrontation although among friends, family really, was still sending her in a spiral. "She's gone, man."

Jolene clenched her own fists at the mention of Denise. She stepped beside Glenn and looked up at him with a frown. "You're doing this for you." Glenn suggested, and Jolene cut him off quickly, "Daryl isn't selfish." She muttered, sticking up for the man even though she knew he could handle it himself.

Glenn and Michonne tag teamed to get Daryl to understand where they were coming from. Jolene remained silent. She didn't want to but in - she was still the newcomer. And bringing up her past with the saviors would only hurt the situation more.

"I can't." Daryl said firmly, stepping around Glenn and stomping off.

Jolene let her eyes fall shut for just a moment. The rustling of movement beside her brought her back to the present as she watched Rosita walk off, agreeing with Daryl. Jolene knew if any of the saviors laid eyes on her, she'd be done for. Even with Negan dead, they most likely still remained loyal and if she had screwed Negan over, she screwed them all over.

"I'm sorry." She spoke softly as her hand rested on Glenn's shoulder in passing. She hurried off behind Rosita, chewing away at the inside of her cheek as she finally caught up.

"Go back, Jo. Turn around and go back home." Daryl had spotted her following them in his peripheral vision. His hands clutched tightly to his bow as he continued walking.

"No."

Daryl stopped, bypassing Rosita so he was now face to face with Jolene. His face was contorted with anger, and Jolene for a split second thought she saw sadness and concern. "Do what I tell ya to do, girl." He hissed down at her.

"You're not my father, Daryl. I'm going with you whether you like it or not. I want to help. Denise was my friend, too. I cared for her! I carry some of the same guilt that you do. I lived with these fucking assholes, I know how they operate. I can help!" Jolene fought back, refusing to back down. Tears welled in her round eyes as she let one hand rise up, pushing against his shoulder. While he may not have moved so much as an inch, Jolene still felt victorious in her stand off with him. He grunted, held her gaze for another moment before he turned and began trekking through the trees again.

Jolene let out a slightly too-triumphant huff and removed the gun from her holster as the trio continued on. They were only walking for maybe another hour before Daryl stopped them, one fist raised in the air as he inhaled deeply. Jolene could smell it too. Fire. If she listened closely she could hear the rippling of wood beneath the flames, the crinkle of ash separating and floating up in the air. The sound, once upon a time, could bring back good memories for the girl, having grown up on a farm they had participated in many a campfires. But now, she worried about who was sitting around the fire.

They watched their steps, ensuring they didn't make too much noise as they came upon the group. Jolene frowned when she spotted Glenn and Michonne tied up, her eyes falling onto Daryl as both hands were now on the gun. Abraham had reminded her to always be ready to shoot, and seeing as this was her first time out since coming to Alexandria - other than going to the farm and back then she had no weapon of her own - she knew she needed to maintain focus.

The trio was so focused on both of their people that they did not hear nor see Dwight sneaking up on them. The click of his gun and his sickly sweet voice sent chills down Jolene's spine.

"Hi Daryl."

Jolene turned as she felt a presence lingering over her. "Hiya Jo." The older man said, lips spread wide in a sinister grin. Jolene recognized his face and his voice but she could not remember his name. Her face twisted into a scowl and she shifted her attention to Dwight. The feeling she got at that sight was something she never wanted to feel again. Her stomach felt like someone had their hands wrapped around it, tightly squeezing and twisting sending bile up the path of her esophagus.

She was ripped from that thought by the sound of a gunshot.

"No!"