╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

•Hurt; Nine Inch Nails

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

Jolene had gone back in the house to gather a few of her own personal belongings, not knowing when she would be able to get back here again, and she didn't want to risk a few prized possessions being taken by someone else. The ride back to Alexandria was silent, save for the soft snores escaping Daryl's mouth. The man had fallen asleep in the passenger seat, his head tilted back and resting against the window.

Jolene had to force herself to focus on the road and not on him. Not on the way his neck lengthened out as his head tilted back, the curve of his jaw and patches of facial hair around his chin. His facial hair wasn't as dark as the hair on the top of his head and she wondered to herself how old Daryl was.

Jolene rarely thought of her birthday these days. Half the time, while on the run, she could barely keep track of the time. The days blended together and there was no way for her to remember what month they were even in. She was a Christmas baby, and it's not like holidays where even celebrated let alone acknowledged these days so she had lost track.

They made it back to Alexandria just as the sky turned dark. Daryl had eventually woken up with about five miles to go, though continued to maintain the silence between them. Jolene pulled in through the gate as it opened and worked quickly to unpack the car.

Rick and Carol met them, assisting with the review of the things they brought back with them. Carol walked with Jolene, providing condolences about her father. Jolene didn't even have to verbally explain what had occurred. It was written all over her face. The light that had always been in her eyes was dim, and even though they had only known one another for a week it was noticeable. Even with as cold as Carol has been to her, Jolene felt comforted in that moment.

Once the pantry was stocked and clothes divided amongst the group, Jolene made her way up to her room. Tonight she made the unconscious decision to not bar the door shut. She slowly unpacked a few of the personal things she brought back, a small smile appearing on her lips as she looked over the last picture they had taken as a family. She set that on the small bedside table before she put the emptied bag beneath the bed.

The window had remained cracked open and she could smell the familiar scent of cigarette smoke wafting through the air. A sigh escaped her lips as she looked down and noticed Daryl lingering by the sidewalk with a cigarette in hand. She could tell he hadn't showered yet, and she had no place to judge because she hadn't either. Her fathers blood still riddled her clothing and skin, but that was something that could be cleaned off. The vivid memory of plunging a knife deep into his skull was something else - something that would permanently scar her mind.

Without thinking, Jolene opened the door and headed down the stairs and outside. She offered Daryl a small wave before she turned her hand outward, palm up. She watched him, trying not to grin at the look of confusion on his face until he realized what she was doing.

"Ya told me these things'll kill me an' now you want one?" He questioned with that damn deep, raspy southern twang.

"Just one. I need something to take the edge off or I might end up drowning myself in the shower tonight."

Daryl's eyes widened at what she admitted, unsure if he should go get Denise to talk the girl down from harming herself. But after a moment she let out a soft laugh, the sound falling from her lips was airy and light but it also sounded like she may break down at any moment.

"Better not hear nothin' more about these then." Daryl scoffed, opening the pack and holding it out to her. Jolene laughed again, plucking out one of the cigarettes. She placed it between her lips and leaned forward, allowing Daryl to use his lighter to light the end of the cigarette for her. She inhaled deeply, all but too quickly pulling the cigarette from her mouth as she let the air out and coughed from the intrusion of smoke in her lungs.

"Jesus, girl, this your first time?" Daryl rolled his eyes, watching her lean over and cough before she waved her hand at him. "Haven't had one since I was a teenager." She admitted, inhaling again but decided to go slower and not as deep this time. She let her eyes fall shut, the smoke filtering out through her pursed lips and nose before turning to focus her attention back on Daryl again. "Yep, still tastes like ass. I don't know how you do this all the time. How do you stay in such great shape when your lungs are most likely shriveled up and black?"

Daryl raised a brow. He decided against mentioning that she had told him he was in great shape, she didn't seem to realize what she had said anyway. Maybe she didn't mean anything about it.  "Used to it, is all. Been smoking practically my whole life." He shrugged and continued inhaling the smoke and letting it leave his mouth without forcing it out. Jolene hated that he made cigarettes look attractive. Honestly, she shouldn't be surprised at all that he had been smoking most of his life. It was like his body was on autopilot anytime he had a cigarette between his lips.

"You tell Rick about earlier?"

"Yeah."

Jolene inhaled deeply again, forcing the smoke out as she stared down at her feet. "He gonna kick me out or something?" She questioned. Her teeth were nervously biting at her bottom lip, bringing the plump flesh into her mouth before releasing it with a deep sigh. She kicked at the dirt beneath her feet, "Just wanna be prepared. If I gotta pack up and be ready to be back on the road at first light." And truly, she was being completely honest with Daryl at this point. She didn't want to be blindsided by Rick. If she had to leave and be on her own again, she knew that maybe if she'd be able to, she'd go back home. Fortify the house, figure out how to get crops to grow again...spend the rest of her days alone. Maybe that was her destiny. Maybe she wasn't meant to find family, love, and whatever else the people of Alexandria were fighting for.

"Nah, nothing like that." Daryl watched her, feeling the smallest song of guilt that she thought she'd be left to her own devices because of her actions. Daryl understood she struggled with her emotions, he had seen it before in others. She seemed open to the criticism though, open to working on not letting that happen ever again. Which was a good thing. Daryl never understood why people let their emotions get the best of them - he had only let himself slip once. And that was when T-Dog had handcuffed Merle to the top of a fuckin' building surrounded by walkers.

While Daryl had endured abuse at the hands of everyone in his life, including his brother, he still loved him. He did what he had to to try and get him back and while he failed miserably, in the end he'd like to think that Merle knew he tried and that he never meant to abandon him. That he didn't choose a group of strangers over his own flesh and blood.

The reality of Daryl's life was simple now. That group of strangers had become his family. Family that he chose. Family that had his back and he had theirs. Rick was his brother now, had been for quite some time really. He still missed Merle, sometimes. He had to laugh at the thought of Merle's reaction to Jolene. He knew he would've sang that goddamn country song. Daryl then wondered if Jolene was named after it. He couldn't remember who sang it or how it went, other than the name Jolene bit - he never really paid attention to that type of shit anyway.

"Oh, okay." Jolene finally looked up and caught Daryl watching her. He averted his gaze quickly and finished the cigarette off before leaning down to crush it against the bottom of his boot. "Wait," she reached over to grab a hold of his arm when she noticed that he started to turn and walk away. "The group I was with before..."she quickly finished the cigarette and stamped it out on the bottom of her shoe, mimicking the action Daryl had just done. "They're not good people. I-I was desperate and dying."

Daryl stared down at her hand on his forearm, ignoring the burning sensation her touch had left on him. "I ain't ask you why you were wit' 'em." He retorted, slowly pulling his arm from her touch. He turned to face her, no longer actively trying to escape being alone with her.

"I'm going to talk to Rick tomorrow. Your people need to know what they could potentially be up against." Jolene told him, her hands now hanging by her sides now that she was no longer holding onto him. "They're dangerous. He is dangerous."

"Who's he?" Daryl asked.

"Negan. They call themselves the saviors."

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

"So this Negan guy-" Rick was trying to wrap his head around everything Jolene had just told them. He was seated at the head of his kitchen table, Daryl standing and lingering off behind him to the right, glancing from
Jolene and then back out the window while Michonne was seated to his left and Glenn and Maggie on his right.

"He thinks he's bringing civilization back to the world. But he's going about it all wrong. It's like 1930's Germany." Jolene scoffed. She was glad she was scooted as far in beneath the table as possible because her leg was bouncing like a goddamn jack rabbit. She brought her hands down to her lap the moment they started trembling too much. Again, the last thing she wanted to do was be perceived as being weak. While she had her weak moments, Jolene also had the tenacity to fight for what she believed in.

"He's a brute." She continued, letting her eyes travel up from the table. She took her time in watching Daryl and the others as she told them everything she could about Negan and the Saviors. She watched Maggie squirm under her husbands protective grasp as she explained the abuse she had to witness, and endure, at the hands of the men Negan had doing his bidding.

"Those men who stopped us?" Daryl spoke up, hands pressing into the table beside Rick as he met Jolene's gaze. He was asking in his own way if they were the men that had abused her.

"It doesn't matter because they're dead." Jolene brushed it off, not wanting to think about it anymore than she had to. Retelling the stories of the horror she had witnessed was already taking its toll on her. "I just need everyone to be prepared out there. Anyone that goes out on runs, even if you leave and are just in the trees right outside our walls."

Rick thanked her for all of the information and the group disbanded. Jolene stayed at the table, chewing at the inside of her cheek before she started preparing herself to get up. She felt weak, exhausted, and overwhelmed about the possibility of running into Negan again. The anxiety of it all was almost too much to bear. Daryl watched her with curiosity behind his eyes, his arms tightly crossed over his chest. "I want you to answer my question, Jolene."

Jolene was drained. But she managed to meet his gaze and began shaking her head at him, "You don't need an answer, Dixon." She pushed the chair back in once she was fully standing. She went to walk towards the door off to the side of the room, the one that led into the back yard, but Daryl stopped her. He had stepped in her way, completely blocking her exit. She had practically bounced off of his chest, steadying herself against the back of the chair.  She realized now that he was not going to just let this go.

"Not like I have a problem killin'..." Daryl began, his hands waving around erratically before he rubbed his jaw, "I just wanna know if me takin' them out of this world had greater meaning then just -"

Jolene frowned. She watched him before quickly stepping up to take his hand in hers. She pried it away from his face and held it tightly between them. He tensed beneath her touch, and while she noticed it right away, she held fast in her grasp on him. "You killing them already had meaning before you heard what they were capable of from me. You saved yourself. You saved Sasha and Abraham. You saved me." She told him sternly, "Regardless of what they may have done to me in the past. What they've done to a lot of other people, men...women...children..." Jolene's voice wavered slightly before she inhaled deeply to collect her thoughts.

Daryl watched her start to fall apart. He wanted to rip his hand from her but decided not to. He just stood there, like a big dumb idiot, staring down at her.

"You're a good man, Daryl. Thank you." She let go of him and walked around his body to get to the door. He had stayed put and didn't move to obstruct her exit anymore. He hadn't moved until he heard the door shut behind her. Once he turned and went to exit the front of the house, silently grumbling in his head as he spotted Rick lingering by the staircase.

"You're a good man, Daryl Dixon."

"Shut up." Daryl hissed, flipping the man off with both hands.

Endearingly, of course.

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

"I think we need to have a nice big dinner. You know, for everyone."

Jolene stood across from Carol, her hands kneading at the dough in the large bowl. She had spent the last week shadowing Carol around, working her last nerve surely. But when Carol talked about wanting to make homemade bread, Jolene jumped on the chance to whip up the recipe she memorized from her mothers recipe book.

"We're running low on things. What would we make?" Carol raised a brow, watching the younger woman move around the kitchen with ease.

"You'd be surprised what we can make with just about anything. And," Jolene paused, looking up to meet Carol's gaze. She gave her a wide grin, "Well, I want to do something for the group. You know, Daryl could've left me for dead. Hell, he could have killed me himself. But he didn't. I'd like to think he saw the good in me..."

"Is there?" Carol started, wiping her hands clean on the nearest hand towel. "Good in you, I mean."

To say that Jolene was taken back by Carol's inquiry was an understatement. She stopped what she was doing and stared back at the woman. She opened her mouth to defend herself but quickly shut it again. She wasn't sure what Carol's motive was. Was she trying to get a rise out of her so she would lash out? Jolene then offered her a smile and nodded her head. "Honestly, yes, I think so."

Neither of them said another word on the matter for the rest of the afternoon. Jolene had quickly put the dough into the oven and told Carol to take it out in the appropriate amount of time. She walked out of the front door, not even bothering to say hi to Daryl in passing as he entered the home while she left.

"What was that all 'bout?" Daryl asked Carol, eyeing her up and moving to snag one of the cookies she had just taken out of the oven. Carol playfully swatted at his hand with the spatula. "Ow, woman!" Daryl groaned, though a smirk had quickly found its way on his face as he took a bite from the piece he had been able to break off.

"You'll burn your mouth, I just took those out." Carol sighed, shaking her head before setting each cookie out on the cooling rack. "And it was nothing. I asked your new friend if she believed there was actually any good in her."

Daryl made another face. "She ain't my friend." He denied emphatically with a shake of his head.

"I beg to differ." Carol hummed, glancing at the baby monitor on the counter. Judith was still napping and Carol figured they atleast had another half hour before she'd wake up.

𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸┈┈┈𖥸

The next day, Jolene found herself with Carol again. She decided to sweep her anxiety about the woman under the rug, metaphorically speaking of course. It was still there, lingering in the back of her mind but Jolene just really wanted to fit in. She wanted to belong and she wanted to show that she was actually good. Because regardless of the doubt that Carol had planted in her mind, Jolene knew she was good. Deep down in the darkest caverns of her soul - she was so fucking good.

"I checked the pantry this morning. There's enough pasta and sauce for everyone. Daryl must have packed it from the farm when we went last week." She was scratching at the raw skin beside her thumb nail again, watching the older woman and waiting to be turned down again. Carol watched her without saying a word, it was like she was assessing the situation before responding.

"Alright. I'll go get things from the pantry so we can measure everything out and not over use anything. We can't risk letting anything go to waste." Carol told her. She then went to grab a bag to take to the pantry with her, holding it in her grasp as she walked to Jolene. "You must understand my feelings of apprehension, Jolene. Yes?"

Jolene had been chewing away at her bottom lip. Carol spoke in such a way that made her incredibly nervous. It was almost like she was being condescending, but Jolene was old enough to understand why the woman was like this. But that didn't mean she had to endure it. Jolene wasn't a child, she could give it back just as much as Carol would give it. She decided not to. "I understand, Carol. Which is why I'm trying to show you that I am one of you. That I can be one of you."

Carol hummed, "We'll see." She then left the home, heading to the pantry to gather everything they would need.

When dinner was finished and everyone had had their fill of the wine Daryl had shucked from the McArthur farm, Carol admitted to Jolene that her idea was a good idea. Everyone was in good spirits, there was laughter and camaraderie and all Jolene could do was sit back and smile. Her hand held the cup of wine, her third of the night already, when Glenn walked back into the yard with a guitar in hand.

"Wha' ya wanna do, Glenn, form a circle and have us all sing kumbaya?" Daryl rolled his eyes as Glenn waived the guitar around. The father to be was certainly in high spirits and his cheeks were red from having had his own fill of wine. All Maggie could do was laugh at her husband, shaking her head and looking over at Jolene. "If he asks if you can play, just say no."

"How do you know whether I really know how to play or not?" Jolene gave her own laugh, her hand pressing against her lips to hold it all in but the laughter continued to bubble up and out of her mouth.

"Small town girl, lived on a farm. I'd say you learned how to play guitar when you were real young." Maggie teased. The corners of her mouth turned up and the two shared an understanding smile. They may have not been so different from one another.

"Jo?" Glenn finally got to Jolene and his wife, having asked everyone else who had already said no.

Jolene caved almost immediately. She held her hand out and let Glenn gently set the neck of the guitar in the palm of her hand.

"Traitor!" Maggie laughed, kissing Glenn quickly as he took a seat beside her.

Jolene could only laugh. "I'm sorry. I just can't say no. Now my voice isn't the best, so I don't want to make your ears start bleedin'." She fiddled with the strings, strumming her fingernails slowly to gauge how much she had to tune it. She wasn't sure how long this guitar had been sitting around and when the last time it had been tuned or even played.

Since she was in a playful mood she began to play a song she knew she wouldn't be able to get through without someone - probably Glenn - saying they weren't surprised she picked it.

"Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,"she tried not to laugh as she spotted Glenn pointing at her in a "ah-hah" fashion. "I'm begging of you please don't take my man."

Jolene always had enjoyed performing for others. Since she had learned to play the guitar she would always put on a concert for her parents. Atleast once a week Jolene put together a group of songs she knew how to play - not well, mind you - and her daddy would pick flowers from the garden to give to her as if she had just finished performing on a big city stage.

"He talks about you in his sleep, and there's nothing I can do to keep, from crying when he calls your name, Jolene..."

Jolene stopped there and let out a laugh, "I'm not going to play the whole thing. Just thought it would be a funny intro." She teased the group as the butterflies in her stomach fluttered about. Daryl was watching her, brooding in silence on the opposite side of the fire pit. Some of the others had joined in to sing, the song being a classic and well known, especially with some of the older folk.

"Safe to say you were named after that song?" Rick questioned, his own body relaxed into the seat as Michonne chuckled from beside him. Daryl shifted in his seat, thinking back to the day before when he thought about this song. He couldn't help but scoff and think to himself, of course she's named after a goddamn country song.

"Sadly. I mean, not sure what my momma was thinking when she named me after a hussy who stole another woman's man." Jolene scrunched her nose in a playful manner before she turned to look at someone else - anyone else would do just as long as her eyes were no longer staring into Daryl's from across the flames. "Any requests?"

Jolene played through a few of the requests to the best of her ability. Some were awful and she had to rely on the instruction from others on how the song sounded. By the time the group had dwindled down to only a handful of people left, Jolene had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. She told Rick she would learn a few children songs so she could play for Judith. A warmth blossomed in her chest as Rick smiled and thanked her. She had finished up the wine, shaking her head at Glenn who had tried to give her more. While she knew they were safe behind the walls, she was still scared of getting too shit faced incase something happened and she needed to fight.

She leaned back in the seat, taking in a deep breath as she started to feel the cool air nip at her skin. The fire was slowly starting to die down, Rick having stopped feeding it so the flames would extinguish on their own eventually. Jolene met Daryl's gaze again, a small smile forming on her lips as she gave him a little wave. "Any requests for last call, Dixon?"

Daryl looked up to Jolene as she directly asked him for a song request, ignoring the warmth blossoming in his chest as she smiled and asked him if there was a song she could play for him as a last call for the night. The truth was, Daryl had no idea. He could not, for the life of him, think of a song that he wanted to hear. Or even a song that he knew and enjoyed. He had listened to whatever Merle listened to growing up, constantly following in his older brothers shadow in hopes of being included.

"I dunno." Daryl shrugged his shoulders, finishing off the wine and wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

Jolene eyed him up, leaning forward as she perched the guitar on her knee. "Hmm, well to be honest you're a tough one to read, Daryl. I've got not a clue what you would like so I think I'll just end the night on a sad and somber note. Ya know, hope for the best."

"The alcohol is starting to wear off. I think that's a good idea, Jo." Maggie nodded to her husband who was sitting there, one hand on Maggie's belly in a protective and loving manner while the other kept his head propped up.

Jolene smiled at the sight. It was something she had always longed for. Something she hadn't thought of since the world ended, though. She found herself blinking hard to rid herself of those thoughts and the possible tears that they would bring before facing the fire once more. That was something Daryl didn't miss.

"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I'm still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"

By the time the last chord was struck, Jolene cleared her throat. It had become a nervous tick but it was something she had hoped nobody would recognize as such. She sat the guitar down and tucked the stray strands of hair back behind her ears before getting up from the chair, "That ended up being a bit more somber than I thought. Sorry ya'll." She let out a laugh, one hand going to rub the back of her neck before the remaining members of the group told her not to be sorry.

She waved goodbye to Maggie and Glenn as he took the guitar and mentioned that they should start doing this every week. "I've sung and played everything I know. You'll have to give me more time to learn new material." She called out after him before she turned to look at the others. "See everyone in the morning. Rick, remind Carl I want to check him out." She gestured to her eye, giving the man a nod before she headed out of the yard along the side of the house.

She had only gotten to the house next to the one Carol and Daryl were living in when she realized she was not alone. Wrapping her arms around herself as she walked, Jolene smiled. While they were a gated community, and nobody inside wanted to harm her (atleast she didn't think there was anyone in the group that wanted to harm her), it felt nice that Daryl still felt the need to keep an eye on her and make sure she got back home safely. She didn't have to look over her shoulder to know that it was him. She could hear the heavy, yet quiet at the same time, pound of his boots on the asphalt. How did he do that? How could he be so loud yet as quiet as a mouse at the same time? Maybe it was the wine. She was probably just overly sensitive to sound right now from playing the guitar for a few hours after not having played one in years.

Once she got to the infirmary door, her hand gently twisting the knob in hopes that she wouldn't make too much noise. Tara and Denise had left the get together earlier and Jolene didn't want to wake them and give them a fright. "Thanks for walkin' me home, Dixon." She finally glanced over her shoulder, a small smile forming on her lips as she spotted the man standing by the lamp post, hands dug deep in his pockets. He was almost scowling, probably annoyed that he was caught and receiving some sort of praise.

Daryl never did well with that kind of thing. And Jolene knew it, she had heard the stories of when Carol's daughter Sophia went missing. How Daryl took control of the search, how he wounded himself and got accidentally shot - just grazed by the bullet, thank you lord - in the process. Jolene knew he wanted to have this tough exterior but inside ... inside she knew he was something else. After all, he had taken a chance on her.

He grunted to her in response and turned to stalk away the moment she had opened the door and started through the threshold. He didn't need or want any thanks. He wasn't even sure why he followed her. Maybe it was the emotion in her voice when she sung that last fucking song. It gave him goosebumps and nothing ever gave him goosebumps. He had silently prayed, which again is something he never does, in hopes that nobody would see the reaction her voice got out of him.

Daryl had come a long way in the last few years. Maybe if the world hadn't turned to shit he would have still been the same Daryl Dixon that he had been his whole life. He would still be following the shadow of his brother, living a life that was no good for him.  As Daryl laid his head down, already knowing it would take him a while to actually fall asleep, he thought of Beth. She had a beautiful voice and used to sing for them during their time at the prison. She had been a light in his life after the Governor ruined everything that they had all fought so hard for. They were out there surviving together and it may be like pulling teeth, but Daryl would eventually admit she had changed him for the better. He saw the good in people now. He lost her. And that had been so painful. He was riddled with guilt until she was right there just within his reach again. But then she was gone again. The only difference was, she wasn't coming back again.